RE: my first screw up :(

RE: my first screw up :( (Full Version)

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CaringandReal -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/11/2009 4:33:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly My dear...you are your own worst enemy. Sometimes people who are their own worst enemies are a master's or mistress's best and most prized possessions (not to mention friends).

catize -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/11/2009 9:22:03 PM)
What, they were an heirloom set of clamps, passed down through generations of his family? I once broke something belonging to S. I asked him where he had bought it, then I ordered and paid for a replacement. Why does it have to be any more complicated than that?

breatheasone -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/11/2009 9:33:34 PM)
quote: Sometimes people who are their own worst enemies are a master's or mistress's best and most prized possessions (not to mention friends). WTH??

RapierFugue -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/11/2009 9:33:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize What, they were an heirloom set of clamps, passed down through generations of his family? chortle <Antiques Roadshow Mode> Expert: "Now here's a lovely item ... possibly late 18th century, maybe very early 19th ... note the detail work around the clamp tips here and here ... I'd say they're worth ... hmmmmmm, now let me see ... tree-fiddy." Greedy Old Lady: "Tree-fiddy?" Expert: "Maybe four, it's hard to know as prices vary so, but in the current buyer's market I'd say tree-fiddy". Greedy Old Lady: "But maybe four?" Expert: "Yes. Maybe four". Greedy Old Lady: "Thousand?" Expert "No. Dollars. Four dollars" Greedy Old Lady: "Oh. Fuck". Expert: "Indeed so" Presenter: "And now, over to Peter, who has unearthed a simply charming Victorian spanking bench & chamberpot combo ... Peter, over to you ..."

catize -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/11/2009 9:51:58 PM)
I give you fitty tree rounds of applause for the laugh! T'anks![sm=applause.gif][sm=applause.gif]

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/12/2009 5:20:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 quote: ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch That's a bit harsh isn't it? Not as harsh as being on eggshells for leaving a door open and bending clamps even though trying her best not to. Whether that pressure is coming from inside her, or from her dom, it's not healthy. Since her dom doesn't sound like a control freak, my guess is that it's coming from within her. I agree that your comment was more gently phrased than mine, and I could follow your good example[:)]. However, for her to have that much pressure and need inside of her is not fair to the dom. What happens the time he is tired or pissed because of something at work, and neglects to praise her, or snaps at her unnecessarily? Is she going to turn into a pool of jelly? I've dealt with this personally, and believe me, it's no fun, and there's a reason I'm dating a more emotionally secure woman now. I see your point totally. But from our perspective, we don't know yet if this is a pattern of behavior or a one time occurance (left over skittishness from a past relationship perhaps?) So for me, the first time I give the benefit of the doubt, the second time an eyeroll, and the third time I walk away.

northernsiren -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/12/2009 7:03:19 AM)
[/quote] I see your point totally. But from our perspective, we don't know yet if this is a pattern of behavior or a one time occurance (left over skittishness from a past relationship perhaps?) So for me, the first time I give the benefit of the doubt, the second time an eyeroll, and the third time I walk away. [/quote] duly noted. As I said, I'm very very new to this, and was surprised myself at the vehemence of my reaction. Thanks for the contributions, I'll try to keep myself and my posts a bit more in line.

BossyShoeBitch -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/12/2009 9:37:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: northernsiren quote: I see your point totally. But from our perspective, we don't know yet if this is a pattern of behavior or a one time occurance (left over skittishness from a past relationship perhaps?) So for me, the first time I give the benefit of the doubt, the second time an eyeroll, and the third time I walk away. duly noted. As I said, I'm very very new to this, and was surprised myself at the vehemence of my reaction. Thanks for the contributions, I'll try to keep myself and my posts a bit more in line. That's not the point though. It's not your posts that we were discussing. It's the behavior. I'm betting that you trust in your Dom enough not to beat yourself up anymore. That's His job now. K? :)

HisSweetElysium -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/12/2009 9:44:41 AM)
yes indeed, He's in charge of that, no doubt about it :) As He says, He loves me too much not to do this...

leadership527 -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/12/2009 10:46:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: northernsiren I know screw ups will happen despite my best efforts to be His good girl. I am hoping I can learn how to handle this with more grace than I did though. I am surprised by the intensity of my reaction myself. Do these things happen with your subs, and if so, do you try to encourage them to be less emotional about it? How? How would you handle this? I think everything He did was perfect, indeed, I beat myself up inwardly so much, I could barely stand it... To someextent Carol does this. I put the strong qualifier on it because if she routinely went off the deep end on guilt, she wouldn't be my wife. That sort of behavior is, at best, narcissistic. I try to remind Carol that it serves nobody if I cannot make corrections without it becoming somehow larger than life. You might remember that for yourself... by overblowing your own reactions, you only make your dominant's job that much more difficult. Since people seem to like car analogies.... I prefer Carol to behave like a well tuned sports car... accepting my control inputs and swooping through the hairpin turns with grace and agility. If she instead careened around every corner, crossing from one shoulder of the road to the other at every nudge of the wheel... well.. if I had had a car like that, I'd turn it in for a better one.

HisSweetElysium -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/12/2009 5:39:14 PM)
likewise noted, that is the last thing I want. I am quite happy, and I wish to remain so. Interesting to put it in the perspective of narcissism though, I hadn't thought about it in that way, and it's insightful.

Andalusite -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/12/2009 8:18:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss quote: Awful, terrible, I cried and cried, to the point where He took me to bed and held me, talking to me sweetly and lovingly, right away knowing that any punishment He gave me could never make me feel worse than I already did And this is why punishment is good. One solid whack or ten minutes in a corner and then the episode is over. I was punished twice in my last relationship. One time, I had some lingering fear of him/the toy he had used on me for a few days, the other time I enjoyed it when I wasn't supposed to, and felt guilty over it for about a week. Both really messed with my headspace for playing the next couple of times. My Master has authority to punish me, but feels that non-corporal methods will be more effective for me. Also, some people still keep beating themselves up even after they are punished, even if their partner isn't still anbry with them.

NormalOutside -> RE: my first screw up :( (11/14/2009 12:57:06 PM)
OP: Emotions are unavoidable. Please don't listen to those replies that have suggested you try to feel differently next time. Feel however you feel. Doing any different will be damaging to you! When you do something you think will disappoint your master again, let yourself feel however it is that you feel. Express it to him. Give him the control over everything - let him see exactly how you feel, apologize, accept punishment. When he tells you that it's over, it's over. Don't beat yourself up - he'll do that if it's necessary. :)

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