RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters

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RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 12:40:32 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi

I think I've failed at coming across with what I mean.

I'm not actually upset at how much sex, how often we have it or anything. I'm more interested in both improving the sex we do have by performing things for him without his prompting as well as pleasing him more even in a non-sexual way.

I do ask what he'd like me to do quite often, but he doesn't actually give me commands very often at all. We've been together for almost 5 years and most of that time was without any real BDSM play so we've explored each other a lot and I know some of the things he likes by now and I do them whenever it seems appropriate. But I want to come up with new things to surprise him and, hopefully, give him the nudge that I'd like him to give me commands more often.

This is about what you'd like from him, at root. I'd probably not *nudge* either , as Aquatic said above.

The thing is, you seem slightly dissatisfied ..not him, and in that case, it might be better to explain what you're feeling rather than go ALL around the houses to get to the same point.

What do you think he'd say if you just spoke to him frankly about it? Why do want to *nudge* rather than just explain in an outright way? What if he doesn't *get* your nudging or misreads it?

agirl

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 21

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 5:35:10 PM

kasumi

Posts: 84
Joined: 9/11/2009
Status: offline

CNJDom - He works nights cooking in a popular restaurant. I know the weekends are especially busy for him. We eat pretty well around here, but I'm certain that lack of sleep can leave him feeling pretty drained sometimes.

He doesn't have to be demanding for me to enjoy his requests. I hadn't really thought about how much he did or did not like actually "commanding" me that way. I'll talk to him about it. Thanks so much!

justagirlinzh and AquaticSub - Along the same lines of CNJ's words. I think telling him how I like it and finding out just how he enjoys stating his desires is a good idea. Thank you. :)

KCpower - that quote is golden - it sounds exactly like the way things are between us usually!
I just showed it to Master and it actually brought tears to his eyes. Thank you. ^.^

agirl - you're right. Master is not a mind reader and I should just be forthright with him.

< Message edited by kasumi -- 11/11/2009 5:40:27 PM >

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 22

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 7:25:10 PM

tekniq

Posts: 5
Joined: 11/8/2009
Status: offline

warning: the first couple of paragraphs are going to sound OT and like a possible hijacking. If you read all the way through, I eventually get to my point and you'll see how this bears on the topic though.

A few months back I read an extremely in depth article (which I can't seem to find anymore) about protocols within the D/S lifestyle and how they paralleled certain customs from the vanilla world. It focused mainly on traditional formal ettiquette from the vanilla world and pointed out the correlations within D/S.

(and so now I paraphrase the living crap out of what was once a well written article)

A lot of people think that ettiquette was developed as a means to teach people to "be civilized" and be polite. In the whole, that is true, but what ettiquette really does is define how people interact with one another in given situations. Making eye contact while speaking to someone, holding a door for a lady, a gentleman finding out what the lady likes and order for her at the restaurant.... All of these things show that you are aware of the other person and interested in them. They are actually a second layer of communication between the individuals.

Before the world of BDSM blew up due to the access of information on the internet, and it's even bigger more recent boom due to social networking sites, the "old school" crowd had much more rigid protocols for master/slave interactions. These protocols gave you that foundation to promote interaction between the parties in the relationship. With the recent lifestyle boom, mentoring and apprenticing of everyone that is entering the lifestyle is impossible and some of these "old school" protocols are getting lost, much in the way that the vanilla world is losing ettiquette. The framework that promotes the interactions within relationships is becoming lost.

Without this framework of interaction, it becomes very easy for us to not show our interest in other people. Sure, we're still interested, we care, we love, but we see each other zone out on the couch in front of the tv seeming to not pay any attention to one another. This makes us feel farther apart emotionally than when there is more interaction. Likewise, the more we interact with each other, the closer we feel.

The author's point was that if we take the time to SHOW our partners that we're interested in them, they will genuinely be more interested in us. He then went on to discuss possible affects on the longevity of relationships and possibly even reduce the amount of depression within the lifestyle.

I am surely not qualified to comment on the depression aspect, but I'm pretty sure that most of us can agree that the more attention/affection that we receive from someone, the closer we feel to them. I think that for the strength of our relationships, we should all define specific protocols (even if they are extremely basic ones) within our relationships that create an interaction that tells the other person that we are interested in them and that we care. I'm not just referring to doms setting protocols for subs. Doms also need to set a protocol for themselves for acknowledgement of a subs deeds and a subs service to them.

** It turns out that I didn't manage to tie back as much as I wanted to the original post. Although I don't feel that I've really hijacked the thread (this does have bearing on the discussion), I can see how someone could feel slighted here and I'll move this to its own thread if desired.

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 23

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 10:43:08 PM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline

So far, I think the best suggestion that you got was to paint "fuck me" on your ass.
Let me know how that works for you.

(in reply to tekniq)

Post #: 24

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 10:44:08 PM

PainfullyCurious

Posts: 157
Joined: 10/26/2009
Status: offline

Not to say that there isn't wisdom in all the other advice...

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 25

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/11/2009 10:53:33 PM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
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Open, honest communication can't fail you. Talk to him. Let him know what you're thinking. He'll want to know.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to PainfullyCurious)

Post #: 26

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/12/2009 5:24:21 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

if he is perfectly content with the way things are, don't hold your breath waiting for something to change to make things more wonderful for you; fact of life!

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 27

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/12/2009 8:54:08 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

I merely go to school and care for the children, this sort of adds to my feeling useless.

wtf??
i bet my kids are glad i didn't have that attitude when i was raising them. To me it was and IS one of the most important things i've EVER done. BTW...how is going to school "mere"? In my mind education is very important.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 28

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/12/2009 9:06:52 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: kasumi
My question for you: is there something that your subs do for you that drives you wild?

Yes... she submits. Everything else beyond that is simply window dressing.

When Carol wants to "drive me wild", she finds a new way to convince me that she is as serious about the "T" part of TPE as I am. These "ways" are seldom sexual in nature.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 29

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/12/2009 9:52:32 PM

kasumi

Posts: 84
Joined: 9/11/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

I merely go to school and care for the children, this sort of adds to my feeling useless.

wtf??
i bet my kids are glad i didn't have that attitude when i was raising them. To me it was and IS one of the most important things i've EVER done. BTW...how is going to school "mere"? In my mind education is very important.

Raising the kids is important, but it seems like he does just about as much work as I do with them, considering we have no daycare and he watches them when I'm in school. I know that what I do with the kids and school is hard but it doesn't pay the bills so somehow I end up feeling like its not as important. Though, when I look at it written down like that it doesn't make much sense for me to feel that way.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 30

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/13/2009 1:44:54 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Though, when I look at it written down like that it doesn't make much sense for me to feel that way.

YES!....now you are getting it.... If he won't help you feel better about yourself, and tell you what a good job you are doing, or how proud he is of you, ....Allow me, and i'm being DEAD serious...i am PROUD of you for going to school and taking good care of the family!....You ARE very worth while. Now....say this to yourself everyday. He is lucky to have you.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 31

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/13/2009 2:25:11 PM

MasterBrian60173

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/26/2009
Status: offline

I didn't read all the posts, are you both on CM? Maybe he could fill out the BDSM interests profiles when he has a few minutes and give you some suggestions that way. You could take the iniative to set up one of the areas of interest he chooses.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 32

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/13/2009 4:39:13 PM

mc1234

Posts: 683
Joined: 10/4/2008
Status: offline

quote:

He seems to either be too exhausted to come up with special ideas for us at the end of a long day of working - or - just not all that sexually-creative in general.

After reading the thread about your life at the moment - his tough work schedule, how much he helps with the kids, you dealing with the kids and the house and school ... I'm surprised you're having any sex life at all! Real life tends to interfere at various times throughout a relationship suppressing the sexual/sensual side of things, which is a shame, yet thoroughly understandable when all the other stresses of life are understood.

I'd suggest the old 'date night' - get grandma or auntie or someone to watch the kids and you guys enjoy a quiet house on his night off. That may help get the sparks flying between you, even if all you manage to do is snuggle and nap all nakey and wrapped around one another.

_____________________________

** Owned by E **

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 33

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/13/2009 6:05:10 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mc1234

quote:

He seems to either be too exhausted to come up with special ideas for us at the end of a long day of working - or - just not all that sexually-creative in general.

After reading the thread about your life at the moment - his tough work schedule, how much he helps with the kids, you dealing with the kids and the house and school ... I'm surprised you're having any sex life at all! Real life tends to interfere at various times throughout a relationship suppressing the sexual/sensual side of things, which is a shame, yet thoroughly understandable when all the other stresses of life are understood.

I'd suggest the old 'date night' - get grandma or auntie or someone to watch the kids and you guys enjoy a quiet house on his night off. That may help get the sparks flying between you, even if all you manage to do is snuggle and nap all nakey and wrapped around one another.

i 2nd, 3rd, and 4th, the above.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to mc1234)

Post #: 34

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/13/2009 9:23:52 PM

kasumi

Posts: 84
Joined: 9/11/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

Though, when I look at it written down like that it doesn't make much sense for me to feel that way.

YES!....now you are getting it.... If he won't help you feel better about yourself, and tell you what a good job you are doing, or how proud he is of you, ....Allow me, and i'm being DEAD serious...i am PROUD of you for going to school and taking good care of the family!....You ARE very worth while. Now....say this to yourself everyday. He is lucky to have you.

Oh, he does. He's very supportive and encouraging. I guess I sort of do this to myself... -.-

Thank you very much for the encouragement, too.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 35

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/20/2009 4:18:07 AM

Redoubt

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/11/2007
Status: offline

I'll probably echo a number of suggestions, but with the situation you've described, I would opt for something along these lines:

You say he prefers to cook, so try and find out what he is planning to make and do all the prep work for him so the kitchen is clean, all the ingredients are cleaned, prepared and the utensils are out and ready to be used.

When he comes home, be wearing something filmy and sexy with a robe that can be modest if need be, and then with a simple tug revealing what treasures are underneath. (For me, heels, a teddy, and a silk kimono robe works). Let him take 30 mins of relaxation, preferably with his feet up watching a show he enjoys or magazine he reads, with music if preferred. For TV shows - Tivo, Netflix, On Demand etc works to find something that he will enjoy and unwind to.

If he takes a drink, learn to mix it expertly, and have it ready for him as soon as he sits down.

If you have UMs around, be sure to let them know that the man of the house needs 30 mins unwinding time.

As he is watching his show, kneel quietly at his side, and ask if you may lay your head on his thigh.

Be mindful of his drink, and if it needs freshening, ask if you may.

Then after the show/the 30mins quiet time, kneel upright and ask him if there is anything else he requires... I'll leave the rest up to him.

(in reply to kasumi)

Post #: 36

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/20/2009 9:59:43 AM

IdoliNodi

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/10/2009
Status: offline

here is some chicken soup for ya,

Most guys love deep throat. We also like sponteniety. a little teasing is never a bad thing either, Get an animal look in your eyes and let your man know that he is your only focus. If you are flexible enough, try new positions, get innovative with your kitchen furniture, or turn that hammock out in the back yard into your personal sex-swing. Add some spiciness to your lovemaking and things may pick up. Ask him what his fantasy is, and maybe help him act it out. Maybe he wants to be 'teacher' and you the 'student' , or whatever works. If you're really feeling dangerous, invite others to join you. Some people get off on being watched, others by doing the watching.

Not saying all this at one time. Start slow...work your way up to what is comfortable. Sex should be enjoyable for both people, while still pushing limits once in a while. Pinch and squeal, ya know?

Idoli

(in reply to Redoubt)

Post #: 37

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/20/2009 12:37:07 PM

masterfulgent

Posts: 1
Joined: 3/6/2009
Status: offline

I always appreciate a sub/slave as my MUSE! A source of inspiration, especially necessary for hard working man.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 38

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/20/2009 1:14:05 PM

elleX

Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline

Hi ,
well i am sure it was mentioned before but my own experience showed me that a clean house , a good meal and above everyting , a peacefule atmosphere helps a lot to relax ,,, and sometime the rest comes after and sometime its just wont happen ,,,He is the one who decide

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 39

RE: I ask for suggestions from the Masters - 11/21/2009 10:50:20 AM

retox22

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline

Try a couple of these. Go to his work and at lunch give him a blowjob, like you were trying to suck the crome of a trailer hitch. Tell him you got a baby sitter, go out to dinner. In the middle of dinner give him the remote control for a toy. I really like the idea of masterbating in front of him. Try setting all your play gear up and some kinky selfbondage for him to find you. Have him cum on your face and wear it for the rest of the night. All men want there woman to act like porn stars, mabey watch a porn movie and get some ideas.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 40

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