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Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 1:41:51 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		Something new to ponder the weekend away with.
If you were in a LDR and could only be with the person you truly want to be with all of the time, ... let's say twice a year.
How would you feel about her playing with others and would you want to do the same?
I'm am not talking about...sneaking......O.K., I got that memo!

I'm talking about, would you be jealous and want to restrict her play and would you, yourself, be happy playing with someone "off the bench, since your number one draft choice was not within reach?"
Naturally, there is no wrong answer here.

Peace, Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.
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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 1:48:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I'd be jealous AND encourage them to play with others- whether they are local or long distance.

But everyone knows I'm an open poly chick. One of my rules is that everyone involved with me is free to do whatever they want with whoever they want.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to fastlane)
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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 1:59:01 PM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		I'm Poly and I don't do jealousy... not over actions or people... I get pissed if someone is eating into MY time, is that jealousy?

If I can't be there, not time I can spend with her, I may or may not put restrictions on dependent on what the dynamic needs. But more than likely, unless she needs restrictions then I'd encourage her to have fun.... so long as I knew in advance.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to fastlane)
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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 2:09:01 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think I could do an LDR. That just wouldn't work for me. Maybe it's because I spent too much time away from home in the military, but I want my gratification here and now, not somewhere and someday.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to fastlane)
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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 2:47:37 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline 		Master and I were in a LDR for a few months. Before we met face to face we each had a couple of other sexual partners, but we had made no commitment to each other at that stage.

After we met in r/l and decided to move in together we both chose not to have sex with others, there was only 6 weeks to wait before we would have been together anyway. I would not have minded if He had wanted to ease the waiting time with someone else, because I knew that it would have been just a release for Him with no commitment or love involved. However He chose to wait for me

I don't get jealous, because I know that I hold the number one place in His heart and life. Anything else is just play

(in reply to fastlane)
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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 4:32:00 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

\
I'm talking about, would you be jealous and want to restrict her play and would you, yourself, be happy playing with someone "off the bench, since your number one draft choice was not within reach?"
Naturally, there is no wrong answer here.

Peace, Kevin


No . . I would not be jealous

No. . . I would not restrict play . . . (tell me what kind of relationship that you have, please..)

It has nothing to do with my "draft" choice. I would only play with people in my "league".

Best,

LaMalinche

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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 4:34:14 PM   
HentaiGamerKitty


Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		I've been in 2 LDRS and I'm an insanely jealous person. I'd have no desire to be with someone else and if he was withsomeone else, it'd be over. I have way too many self confidence issues to deal with something like that.

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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 5:14:59 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		I would never be in that kind of situation. It's simply not exceptable. I have to see my partner at least once a week perhaps more. However my very first and last dom was 500 miles away and I got to play with others cause he was online and telephone only.

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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 6:49:37 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion

I would never be in that kind of situation. It's simply not exceptable. I have to see my partner at least once a week perhaps more. However my very first and last dom was 500 miles away and I got to play with others cause he was online and telephone only.



WTF?

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Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 8:25:30 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		NO! The boy is 3000 miles away, we have an unusual chemistry that surpasses "play"--the only one I play with is him on the phone in the wee hours of the dawn--we are committed and totally monagamous.

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/10/2006 9:46:37 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

How would you feel about her playing with others and would you want to do the same?

How I personally feel about it is immaterial, except to a lass seeking my collar. The bottom line is this... people will do what they will do according to their own goals. For some the goal is a deeply committed relationship with one person, its about the personal connection; sex and/or play are secondary... for such a person they would not be receptive to playing with others or their partner doing so. For others, the goal is a more open, free form, non restrictive relationship that may actually encourage play with others. And for some is all about them and getting what they want, the consequences be damned. Different goals, different behaviors, different results.

If you don't like the results your getting, take a look at the underlying goals of the people involved. QED

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Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/11/2006 12:18:59 AM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Interesting...

He says I can talk, flirt, chat...(even play if I ask right).

But he knows I don't want him to say that...so...I guess that makes it easier to say...(yes, I was born blonde)

It does make my life a bit confusing though...

Does he WANT me to wait?

Would he be more comfortable if I didn't?

Do I tell anyone approaching me now to go away?

And if I do...and He decides I'm not right for him...will he then say...*I* never told you to do that...*silly girl*

Hmm...I must be like that guy from 'Oklahoma'..."All er nothin'"

Or...at least...

Something I can understand...




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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/11/2006 1:49:06 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		Petal he needs to get his shit together and give you some clarity about just where you stand.

Only IMO but not making the situation clear, leaving the girl confused the way you seem to be (Though you being such a strng little sweetie, you seem to be handling it better than some would) isn't good for either the girl or the 'relationship'.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/11/2006 3:32:24 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline 		I'll very much echo Raven's comments. Leaving you with doubts as to what is expected is not going to help create the kind of structured environment you would thrive in.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/11/2006 5:39:13 AM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

Interesting...

He says I can talk, flirt, chat...(even play if I ask right).

But he knows I don't want him to say that...so...I guess that makes it easier to say...(yes, I was born blonde)

It does make my life a bit confusing though...

Does he WANT me to wait?

Would he be more comfortable if I didn't?

Do I tell anyone approaching me now to go away?

And if I do...and He decides I'm not right for him...will he then say...*I* never told you to do that...*silly girl*

Hmm...I must be like that guy from 'Oklahoma'..."All er nothin'"

Or...at least...

Something I can understand...






xxblush

It sounds to me, like he is being clear to you, but it is you that is confusing the situation?
The real problem sounds like, you don't want to chat, flirt, play with others while you wait patiently for him and as a result you are second guessing yourself.
I can understand completely. I'm going through a very similar situation myself!


_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)
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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/13/2006 1:25:15 AM   
wetsub000


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		I have just this sort of LDR. I do play with others, with his knowledge and in some cases encouragement. I'd be surprised if he wasn't also playing with others, but I haven't asked. Strangely enough the thought doesn't make me jealous, perhaps because I'm confident in what we have?

Those I play with also know about him and I discuss that play with him when it happens, though I refuse to discuss my time with him with others.

Like most have said - it's horses for courses - you have to figure out what works best in your relationship. When we first started out it was monogamous, but when we got to a point where we didn't know if or when we'd next meet (it ended up being 16 months) he decided to encourage me to seek others and so far it seems to be working.

(in reply to fastlane)
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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/13/2006 3:22:50 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		I guess im lucky , as my Master lives 15 ish minutes from me. Although still i feel i don't see him enough at 5 days a week ( greedy lil pet) . I am not sure i could do a LDR unless it was to grow into more.

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RE: Dormant Top ics - 3/13/2006 9:29:37 AM   
cillydom


Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		What’s the basis for the relationship?
How can a subbie serve more than one master?
Until your together I don’t see how it could be called a real d/s relationship, to me the act of submission requires there be someone to submit to, someone there.
You could call it a courtship I guess.
I’ve had extended contact over the phone with subbies in which the conversation heated the wires but I was always careful to make sure that it was not considered a bonafide d/s relationship.
I don’t think that even being together at first constitutes a d/s relationship, you have to grow into that, in my opinion.

(in reply to fastlane)
Profile   Post #: 18
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