Termyn8or
Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
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[this is a rant, please disrespect this rant as you would any other, and respond accordingly]
OK, just for fun let's start with CM. They are so hypersensitive about some issues that it boggles the mind. One poster said "Mod 11 has me on speed spank". Shit, I think she has a button on her coffeemaker that says "check Termy's posts". I am not bitching, this is their forum. There are alot bigger fish to fry in my world. The constraints here can be aggravating, but not impossible.
Next comes work. Sumbitches do not understand about three things or so. Number one, When I say I need something, that means I need it because every minute that I do not have it is costing you money. Goddammit, it does not mean oh gee gooly whiz I think those things are really cool. What do they take me for a fucking teenager ? I had to teach my former employer, but that entailed quitting about eight times. I can't do that in these economics and other circumstances. I guess it's welcome to slavery. And it is almost really.
What's more the job has become near impossible to perform. I am on a very restricted website, credentials required as well as some essay form entry requirements. There are no novices, experimenters or backyard mechanics there. I have requested files, actually schematics, from others and got them. Burnt them to disk and taken them in, which made several impossible jobs possible. I have done things for them nobody else would, or maybe even possibly could, do. Yet I don't get a parking spot. And of late new rules have been layed down. In the old day I tell ya, I would say fuck them.
Then we have the case of friends who want to help me. I am considereing never ever talking business with anyone I know. People who know so much more than me that I know right ? Why the fuck are they indebted to me ? They are and want to do me favors. But a few of them are always trying to sell themselves and sometimes get pushy. One of them wrecked my Friday night with this shit. Not a single tune was played. And the argument was over the writing of a legal document, a subject which I had to school my adversary on in the past ! This is fucking bullshit and I will not put up with it.
And now I find I have to protect and serve the fucking cops as well ! To explain I'll start at the beginning of that. A few years ago I almost hit a cop car. They pulled out from a sidestreet without lights or siren and were right in front of me. I had to slam on my brakes, and I mean hard. I did not make any gestures as that would be stupid, I simply drove around them and went on my way.
So last week it's night, and I almost hit another one under almost the same circumstances. This time it was the advanced test, not only weren't they running lights and sirens, they didn't even have any headlights or anything on. They were silent running. By they I mean there was one behind me as well. Also with no lights. I came to a stop, barely avoiding hitting the cruiser that pulled out in front of me and then I wasn't quite sure what to do. So I sat there for what seemed like an eternity, but was only about ten seconds and the one behind me passed and they went on their merry chase. As one turned and the other turned on the next street I knew they were looking for someone on foot. That's how they do it. But I can see that if I weren't there at the time, if the cop in the car behind me was just a bit distracted he might've hit the cop car I almost hit. I got a witness BTW.
And then me. There was a time I was crying for work, there was a time I was swimming in work, and right now I have alot of work but due to age and a few other factors I can only do so much of it. Part of it is my own laziness. I used to be the strapping young Man in my photo, and it wasn't all that long ago that I could do some pretty drastic attitude adjustments. I could lift like you wouldn't believe. But I did eventually get hit with the back problems and decided to quit beating on it. In reflective hindsight, my own laziness caused my problems today.
Perhaps it is my own disdain for my own actions that peeves me the worst. I caused and/or let this happen. I used to attack work with the attitude of a soldier, now it is 'ho hum, what was it I was doing ?'. Yes I will get on with the job, but I don't have the vigor.
Maybe I should've stayed like I was. Greedy and ruthless, able to sleep through a gunfight. At least I was young then.
Not long ago, during my recent move, Mom found a pay slip from an old job I used to have. I looked at it cursively at first but then did the math. I think I know where it's from, but I would have to show them to ask, and they have changed. But this is from the eighties or very early nineties showing that I made $371 in two days, which together added up to twelve hours. I did the math and it comes to $30.52 per hour. I already knew I was making less now, but I didn't realize just how much. Now how much of that is the market and how much is me ?
I will freely admit that 90% of my problems are of my own making. But it seems to be that other 10% is a real bitch.
I will freely admit that I have gotten off easy alot of times. I am the only MF in Ohio with four first offense DUIs in the same year. My lawyer was almost on retainer. Eventually he got disbarred, but those were the days. I know now they are over, but they hang over my head.
But the thing is alot of people get off easy alot more times. And for much worse I might add. The "I Am Not Fucking Happy" thread is something to which I don't really need to respond. I agree 10000000000000000000000%.
But I can only make a difference in my little corner of the world so I must concentrate on that. The only way I can do this is by changing. Why doesn't the world change just a little bit for me ?
It's not fair.
T
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