Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (Full Version)

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stella41b -> Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/17/2009 11:58:39 AM)

I'm presenting the first ELVIS Award to BT (British Telecom) for their outstanding conversation with me earlier today.

Here is a transcript of part of the conversation I had with one of their Customer Service Representatives (indicated as BT)

BT: Hello. Is the number you're calling from the same number as the account you wish to speak about?
Me: Yes it is.
BT: And are you the account holder?
Me: Yes I am.
BT: And your name is?
Me: Stella B, the same as on the account.
BT: And am I speaking with the account holder?
Me: Yes you are.
BT: Can I confirm your full name with initials please?
Me: Stella B.
BT: And can I have your account number?
Me: One moment... yes it's XXXXXXXXXX
BT: And the phone number on that account?
Me: It's XXXX XXX XXXX
BT: And is this the number you're calling from?
Me: Yes it is.
BT: And you are the person named on the account?
Me: Yes I am.
BT: I just need to ask you a security question if I may.
Me: Okay.
BT: What is your date of birth?
Me: XX XX XXXX
BT: And what is the telephone number you wish to speak about today?
Me: XXXX XXX XXXX
BT: And is this the same number as the account?
Me: Yes it is.
BT: Thank you. How can I help you today?..

What is an ELVIS Award? Is it anything to do with the late Elvis Presley?

No it isn't. ELVIS stands for the Employment of Local Village Idiot Scheme, and any company which is suspected of employing local village idiots in their customer service or call centres can be presented with an award for similar outstanding customer service.

Please feel free to make your awards.



pahunkboy -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/17/2009 5:40:14 PM)

Some of these places merely want to consume your time.



sunshinemiss -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/17/2009 5:57:28 PM)

Well I have one... The guy who was supposed to process my visa (in 3-5 business days) sent me a $450 bill for all the work he did to NOT process it.  And on top of it (not expensive, but irritating)... all the paper work that they wrote on and sealed transcripts are now useless to me, and I'm going to have to replace them all.  Grrrrrrrrrr.



Daddysredhead -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/17/2009 9:24:42 PM)

OMGary, Stella!!!!!  I have had moments like this, and yours made me roll with laughter!  *hugs*



CalifChick -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/17/2009 10:17:45 PM)

Whoever designed a phone menu that goes like this:

Automated Voice (AV):  press one for yes, two for no.

(I pressed one)

AV:  you pressed one.  if that is correct, press one, otherwise press two.

(I pressed one)

AV:  To go back to the main menu, press 1, otherwise press two.

(I pressed two)

AV:  You pressed two.  If that is correct, press one, otherwise press two.

(I pressed one)

AV:  To hear the options...

(at this point I coughed)

AV:  That is not a valid entry.  Goodbye.

THE FUCKER HUNG UP ON ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Cali



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 5:00:31 AM)

This one is actually funny.  At a local grocery store, they train their clerks to ask "Did you find everything you needed?"  when you arrive at the checkout line, but apparently don't train them what to say if the customer says no, they didn't find everything they needed.  Maybe they assume the clerk will have the common sense to ask what the customer couldn't locate and provide assistance, but that isn't always a valid assumption.

A few weeks ago, the clerk asked me that question, and I replied that there was one item I wasn't able to locate.  The clerk then eyed my basket and said, "Oh, well.  It looks like you found most of the things you needed."  Is that great customer service, or what?



sunshinemiss -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 5:40:35 AM)

That whole yeast thing is overrated anyway Mystic.  Who needs bread when a cracker will do?



sirsholly -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 6:43:42 AM)

i am still pissed about this one...

me: Hello...there was no garbage pick-up on Monday. Is there a problem?

Idiot: Yes...our truck broke down.

me: Ok...will you be here tomorrow?

StupidIdiot: No...the trucks are all busy tomorrow.

me: ok...we pay you 30.00 a month for your service. Will you be issuing a credit?

StupidFuckingIdiot: No...we have no one to handle that amount of paperwork.

me: then we paid you for nothing?

WorldsDumbestStupidFuckingIdiot: Of COURSE not....We will make a double pick-up next Monday!!!

[8|]

the WorldsDumbestStupidFuckingIdiot then made the comment..."Hey...we said we WOULD pick up your garbage...we never said WHEN."







LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 9:13:58 AM)

I was trying to get a quote on Health Insurance looking for alternatives to my COBRA plan.  I went to a website for a popular HMO & found some plans that had rather high deductibles.  I wanted to know how much would be applied to the deductible for office visits so I used the chat with us now feature.  That person said that I had to actually call a person to ask that question.  Here's how that went:

Yvette:  How may I help you?
Me:  I would like to know how much will be applied to the deductible for an office visit.
Yvette:  I'll need your phone number.
Me:  You can't have my phone number.  I don't want anybody calling me back.
Yvette:  I can put into the computer that you don't want any calls back.
Me:  All I want to know is how much is applied to the deductible for each office visit.  Why do you need my phone number to tell me that?
Yvette:  I need to know what area you are going to be using our services in.
Me:  Oh, then my phone number won't help you, as it's an Oregon number & I am in Alexandria, VA.
Yvette:  Then I will need your address.
Me:  Alexandria, VA & give the zip code.
Yvette:  And the street address?
Me:  I'm not giving you the street address.  All I need to know is how much will be applied to the deductible for each office visit.
Yvette:  It's not me.  It's the system.  I have to have your street address in order to access that information.
Me:  This is ridiculous.  You shouldn't require such personal information to tell me how much you charge for an office visit.  I guess I don't need your insurance if that's the case.
Yvette, after several seconds of silence:  Well!  Is there anything else I can help you with?
Me:  Obviously not!



SDFemDom4cuck -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 9:41:56 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MysticFireTopaz

This one is actually funny.  At a local grocery store, they train their clerks to ask "Did you find everything you needed?"  when you arrive at the checkout line, but apparently don't train them what to say if the customer says no, they didn't find everything they needed.  Maybe they assume the clerk will have the common sense to ask what the customer couldn't locate and provide assistance, but that isn't always a valid assumption.

A few weeks ago, the clerk asked me that question, and I replied that there was one item I wasn't able to locate.  The clerk then eyed my basket and said, "Oh, well.  It looks like you found most of the things you needed."  Is that great customer service, or what?


LOL when I said "No" she just looked at me *blink* *blink* (crickets chirping) "Um, okay" and went back to checking my basket.





CalifChick -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 11:01:10 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis

I was trying to get a quote on Health Insurance looking for alternatives to my COBRA plan.  I went to a website for a popular HMO & found some plans that had rather high deductibles.  I wanted to know how much would be applied to the deductible for office visits so I used the chat with us now feature.  That person said that I had to actually call a person to ask that question. 


Linnea, ask them this:  How much is the fee schedule for zip code XXXXX (where you will be obtaining services) for these procedure codes:

99201 - New patient, problem-focused (very rarely used).  Example:  you're from out of town and you need a script refill for an allergy medication and you can't get in touch with your regular doctor.
99202 - New patient, expanded problem focused.  Example:  new patient with acne unresponsive to over-the-counter meds.
99203 - New patient, detailed.  Example:  new patient with cold symptoms, sinus pain that has moved into the jaw.
99204 - New patient, comprehensive.  Example:  new patient, over 50, with chest pain on exertion.
99205 - New patient, comprehensive high complexity.  Example:  new adult patient, one-week after flu vaccine, with weakness in all four extremities and dizzyness.

99211 - Established patient, same detail as above for 99201
99212 - Established patient, same detail as above for 99202
99213 - Established patient, same detail as above for 99203
99214 - Established patient, same detail as above for 99204
99215 - Established patient, same detail as above for 99205

The specific code will depend on the complexity of the problem.  The answer is how much will be applied to the deductible.

Cali



VampiresLair -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 11:26:48 AM)

I can't say I've had -terrible- customer service in quite some time.  I have, however, had terrible customers.  They come out in droves around the holiday season.  I handle returns mostly, but I do work the register every now and again.  On this particular day, however, I was helping out in Electronics.

While this didn't effect me directly, there was one incident of a customer being stupid that really irked me a few days ago.  Her little son, a toddler, fancied a mickey mouse puzzle.  She wanted to know if we had any more with a different picture in our inventory in the back, because there wasn't any more on the shelf.  So I didn't think so, but I'd check my PDA just to make sure.  I did, and there was indeed no more in the back.

So she says, "Of course there is!"

So, just to make her happy, I had somebody do a visual check.  Nothing.

She was huffing and puffing the entire time to herself, loudly enough so I'd know how unhappy she was.  I apologized for us not having it, but offered to call another Target in the area and see if they could hold it for her...in addition to checking for online availability.  She grumbled that she wanted one now.

So, I offered to do one last thing and walk over with her the shelf again to make sure that there wasn't one sitting behind another puzzle or something.  That happens.  Customers handle items and put them back in the most bizarre places.

So as we're walking, I notice her son is bounding around in the cart and not sitting with his seatbelt on.  I always hate telling parents how to supervise their children, but I mention that she may want to sit him down and fasten him in.  She grunts back, "Just keep looking."

So just as I turn around to look, the little boy tumbles out of the cart and lands face first on the bottom of the shelf.  Naturally, she smacks him on the bottom a few times before she ever checks on him and then yells at him for falling--when he's just a toddler and that -will- happen if you let them do whatever they want.

I was just in awe of her awesome behavior at this point.  I handed her the slip I'd written down for other stores that had the puzzle and told her that I had to help another guest(which was true) and left.

I could tell crazy customer stories all day long, but that's just the one that happened most recently a few days ago.  Another sad thing about this time of year is the shoplifting and corner cutting is absolutely mind boggling--and you'd be surprised by how certain things are perfectly legal.

DV's Fox




sunshinemiss -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 11:43:58 AM)

What's illegal?  Can I come to your Target and shoplift?  Would that be legal?  I could sure use some nice lilac scented lotion.  I could just pour it all over me on the way out the door.  Pay no attention to the slippery slut over there!!!



sunshinemiss -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 12:00:07 PM)

So I applied for a job at a Japanese company.  I had applied previously (bout 2 months ago I think).  I sent them a copy of my resume just in case they "can't find" my former resume.  They send me a link to fill in the blank resume... and I did - took an hour, but I did it. 

They send me an email that says.  We like you.  Please go to this other website and answer a few questions.  I go, I answer the questions.  Another hour.  That's ok.  It's a good position.

I get a third email.  It tells me to look for an email from them in the future.  mm hmmm. [8|]



LinnaeaBorealis -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 1:09:16 PM)

Cali, I did try just giving her the zip code.  She said that wasn't enough.  She needed the exact street address, which seems a little off to me.  So in that case, I don't need their insurance & life goes on.  But thanks for the codes.  [:)]



LadyEllen -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 2:23:19 PM)

I'd like to nominate a leading French transport operator whose personnel this side of the Channel have no idea of what the hell they are doing, (despite having a couple of GCSEs), and several times now have demonstrated this in a range of village idiot style interactions, one of which would be the following geographic confusion, quite typical in general of them;

her "hello, can I get a price for a full load to Germany please?"
me "yes of course, where from please?"
her "Manchester"
me "OK thanks, and where to?"
her "Oslo"

This clearly establishes that even if you only get two GCSEs and then subsequently cant get a training contract to be a hairdresser where your mom works, or find yourself over qualified for a job on the council, there is a fine career awaiting you in international road transport, where you can enjoy winding up people who have spent years gaining a series of qualifications, learning foreign languages and amassing extensive knowledge of the field, with your ridiculous stupidity, lack of interest and (if you had any idea what it meant), disregard for professionalism.

E



BKSir -> RE: Present your ELVIS Awards for Outstanding Customer Service here please. (11/18/2009 3:13:25 PM)

Comcast, a cable provider here, we had them for internet... operative term, "had".
Internet service goes out.
Day 1:  Oh, there's an outage in your area, we're working on it now.
Day 2:  The area is still out, we're working on it.
Day 3/4: weekend, no one available
Day 5: There's still a feedback issue on some of the lines there, it should be resolved in a couple of days.
Day 7: (gave them a day, they did say "a couple days") We're showing service is back up as usual in your area.  It must be something on your end.  Would you like a technician to come out and investigate the problem? (No, I'd like the fucking problem fixed, but I'll take the technician anyway, one step at a time).  Set up a time between 9am and 6pm for him to come out on day 9.  Because, god knows I don't have anything else to do with my time aside from sit around from 9am and 6pm for a guy who:
Day 9:  No show.  Call in at 630pm, sorry, our technical support offices are closed at this time.  Please call back during normal business hours.
Day 10/11:  Weekend
Day 12: Called, said, "Why did the technician not come out?".  Reply?  "He was overbooked for that day, he can come out tomorrow, between..." you guessed it, "9am and 6pm."  Fine, whatever.  Just make sure he gets his ass out here.
Day 13:  Tech shows up at 5pm.  About damned time.  Looks around, runs some tests, can't figure out why there's no signal getting to the house.  Meanwhile, I'm standing outside and see what appears to be a coax cable dangling from one of the overhead lines.  I point at it and ask if that could be the issue.  He goes up, checks, and sure enough, that's the issue.  Go figure.  The following ensues:
"Oh, that must be the line they cut to get rid of the feedback problem on the line they were having."  Keep in mind now M. is a disabled veteran and is home pretty much 24-7 at that point. 
"Sooooo... they couldn't come to the door and let us know they were doing that?" 
"They should have, they always do." he replies. 
"Well, they didn't.  I know that for a fact because we were both home at the time the service went out.  In fact, I was at my computer at that moment, which is, as you saw inside, a whole 6 feet from the door."
"Oh.  I'm really sorry about that.  I'll write up a ticket and have someone come out in the next couple of days to fix that line for you."
"No.  No you won't.  You have the ladder up already, I SEE the spool of coax and boxes of connectors in your truck there.  I've been waiting for two weeks for this to get fixed and have been lied to constantly, on a nearly daily basis.  You will go up and spend the 5 minutes to fix it now."
"Oh... yeah.  I can do that."
>.<  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!  is all that's going through my mind at this point.
So, he goes up and fixes it.  Thank god.  About time.

Day 15: Receive bill in email from Comcast for $180something.  O.O  Why?  Because of the service call, and the issue was something that WE apparently did.  Call up and, despite my desires to spew forth profanities to a degree of epic and biblical proportions, I did not.  Explained calmly to the nice lady, or at least as calmly as I could all things considered (as it was not her fault obviously, she's just a billing desk monkey) the situation.  FINALLY someone in the company that didn't have cranial-rectal inversion syndrome!  She fixed it immediately and pro-rated the bill for that 2 weeks lost.

Day 16:  Call around and set up internet through another provider.

Day 20.  Pay the bill and let them know that we are canceling our services immediately, explaining why.  After which, I get offered a bundle deal.  WHAT THE FUCK!? [sm=anger.gif]

At this point I ask to speak to her supervisor.  This is where I DO go off on someone, asking what moron would train someone to ask THAT in such a situation, and how "I would like nothing more than to shove our equipment somewhere very unpleasant when we bring it in to return it".

For this, I wish to nominate the entirety of Comcast, except that one nice young lady, whose name I can not remember.  She's probably not there anymore anyway, as it seemed she had an IQ about 200 points higher than the rest of the company combined.  And although nice and helpful and friendly, even she seemed like she was sitting in the high 80s. 



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