Motivations (Full Version)

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CERCKL -> Motivations (3/12/2006 12:38:47 PM)

I am curious as to what your internal motivation is for being submissive. I am not asking about the different 'types' or any particular style you are interested in, and not interested in just the sexual aspect by any means...but rather what element of your self you fulfill, that makes you feel complete in a relationship in which you have chosen to give complete control. Also, if this part of your psyche was easy for you to embrace and cultivate or if this was something you struggled with reconciling with in your self. Is this self-awareness important to you or is it just something you accept with out examining much?
Thank you for your honesty in responding.
C



IrishMist -> RE: Motivations (3/12/2006 12:52:04 PM)

quote:

I am curious as to what your internal motivation is for being submissive


I am just me. There is no hidden agenda or 'internal motivation' that guides me. I am just me because this is the way I like being me [:)]

quote:

Also, if this part of your psyche was easy for you to embrace and cultivate or if this was something you struggled with reconciling with in your self.


I struggled for alot of years early on, mostly with the concept of 'how could I like this about myself, and how could I enjoy having some of these things done to me". It took me along time to come to the realization that there was absolutly nothing wrong with me.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Motivations (3/12/2006 12:52:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL
I am curious as to what your internal motivation is for being submissive. I am not asking about the different 'types' or any particular style you are interested in, and not interested in just the sexual aspect by any means...but rather what element of your self you fulfill, that makes you feel complete in a relationship in which you have chosen to give complete control.

I have no idea. WHy is a vanilla person fulfilled by being in a vanilla relationship? Why is a gay man fulfilled in a gay relationship? I have no idea, I just know it fits me.

quote:

Also, if this part of your psyche was easy for you to embrace and cultivate or if this was something you struggled with reconciling with in your self.

Yes. Different parts at different times are hard, different parts at different times are easy. Not different from anyone else's life.

quote:

Is this self-awareness important to you or is it just something you accept with out examining much?
Thank you for your honesty in responding.
C

Yes to both. I accept it, AND I examine it. Self-examination is very important for me and part of the process, but it doesn't prevent me from knowing it is who I am and what does work.



DragonNphoenix -> RE: Motivations (3/12/2006 2:37:15 PM)

I am fullfilled because I have finally found my true self and am living that true self. I find peace and joy in my submission to my Master.

Being submissive was a easy thing to accept... it was being a slave and a pain slut that I had problems with. It took a while to accept those. This self-awareness was extremely important to me. It was what aloud me to become me and be able to be the slave that I am today.

1st Girl Phoenix



angelic -> RE: Motivations (3/12/2006 3:24:37 PM)

For me, all my life i've strived to please Oothers... i was always the 'odd' one.

It wasn't until i realized that there were others just like me, did i come to understand me. i wasn't so 'odd' afterall! [:D]




slavejali -> RE: Motivations (3/12/2006 4:00:07 PM)

I find there are different levels, or layers of my feminine nature.

On the surface, I have a female body. I can relate to it being a compliment for the male species.

Underneath that there is this fierce femininity, it can control and manipulate and is highly intelligent, that part of me wants to be proven to. I can relate to that as a challenge to the male species, almost a taunt to prove themselves worthy of it. (Damn writing that I scared myself). Its not really a taunt though, more of a "Can you recognise my role in regards to your own masculinity", its that kinda challenge.

Underneath that there is a soft surrendering femininity, it longs to submit to its male counterpart and *taken* control of. Its the part that is the deepest and gives me the most fulfillment.

Submitting to my partner and Master has a deep spiritual significance to me. It plays out on levels that I know myself.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Motivations (3/12/2006 11:03:13 PM)

It's like an undertow...

others may not see it, but it's an undeniable pull...



BitaTruble -> RE: Motivations (3/13/2006 1:11:39 AM)

I am what I am because I can't be anything else. It's like the difference between an Apple notebook and a desktop IBM PC. They can do a lot of the same things, but they are very different. It's all about their internal hard-wiring. So, my CPU is the nature of a submissive woman and my motherboard is a slave because that's how I was built. Once in a while I crash and I have a Master system's admin to come fix me up. ;)

As for self-examination, I think that goes hand in hand with being human and asking.. "why". Sometimes we get the answer, sometimes we don't.. but we still ask the question.

Celeste



slaveladyj -> RE: Motivations (3/13/2006 4:12:42 AM)

I think there is an internal motivation for my submissive side. I think I'm always so in control, so in charge, that there are times when I want to drop in all in someone else's lap and let them take charge. It adds a little something to my daily chores, house cleaning, cooking, laundry, if I'm doing those under orders while in chains or something. Makes it less boring than normal.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Motivations (3/13/2006 9:06:09 AM)

quote:

what element of your self you fulfill, that makes you feel complete in a relationship in which you have chosen to give complete control.


it isn't just an "element", it's the TOTAL self that is fulfilled in this M/s relationship. this slave has served every relationship she has been in~parent/unmentionable, marriage partner, employee, etc. and when she wasn't in a romantic or love-based relationship, she served the community, friends and total strangers.

quote:

if this part of your psyche was easy for you to embrace and cultivate or if this was something you struggled with reconciling with in your self.


embracing this slave's submissiveness wasn't hard, it was embracing the absence of Dominance within this slave that was hard. the vanilla world, in the society this slave lives in, expects it from everyone at some point...and some folks just aren't, so this slave learned how to "play" or "pretend" to be dominant to please others at certain times in the past. that, thankfully, is in the past.



PenelopePitstop -> RE: Motivations (3/13/2006 9:41:51 AM)

I dunno, I was born like this. I need it as much as I need sleep and food, and if I can't express it I feel depressed and tense. I've thought about it a lot...but it just defies an answer. Which is extremely infuriating for me because I can usually get to the root of most things about myself.



CERCKL -> RE: Motivations (3/16/2006 5:22:23 PM)

I want to thank everyone for their responses...I found it very intriguing to read and was taken by the similarites with in responses.
Again, I thank you,
C



littlesarbonn -> RE: Motivations (3/16/2006 5:33:27 PM)

I was brought up in a family of only women. Over the years, I learned that I like doing things for women, and over even more years, I discovered I enjoyed the pleasure I received when a woman in my life was pleased because I managed to make her smile or gave her pleasure in some way or fashion, even if it was just being there to let her be herself without having to put on any airs.

I'm submissive because I love to serve. It brings me great pleasure. Yeah, I also have a kink-desire, but I believe that has grown because of its proximity to the servitude itself. Quite often, a woman in my life would punish me one way or another over service (whether it be for doing it well or doing it badly, depending upon the relationship), and it just became comfortable along with the servitude relationship itself.

In the end it goes back to the pleasure I receive from making someone satisfied and happy. For me, it doesn't get any better than that. I was once owned by a professional dominant who used to proudly tell her friends and colleagues that I was the one person in her life she controlled to whom she didn't have to dress up or be anything different than she really was. She understood that taking walks with her in the park with us both in regular clothing was as close to the perfect "session" as I could ever achieve, even though she often explored much deeper types of experiences with me as a part of what was in the nature of our relationship. There was a long joke in the community of how I had a fetish for her fuzzy slippers. NO ONE understood what that really meant and thought there was some kind of weird sexual fascination with her fuzzy slippers. Only she and I truly understood that she only wore those when she was out of costume of her daily job as a dominatrix, and this was the only time she was truly comfortable. THAT, to me, was my fetish: My desire to see her at her most happy and comfortable moment.

But I'm strange. I don't expect too many people to really understand how I tick.



Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Motivations (3/16/2006 6:10:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PenelopePitstop

I dunno, I was born like this. I need it as much as I need sleep and food, and if I can't express it I feel depressed and tense.

Yes, what Penelope said...LOL

I do believe it's an inherited trait. I'm my father's daughter in so many ways, and he is submissive to my mother.

I love examining it. I love trying to put all the puzzle pieces together. It's how I continue to grow and learn. I can't imagine not doing that.

Cin



orfunboi -> RE: Motivations (3/16/2006 7:12:28 PM)

i don't feel a motivation to be submissive. Its just who i am. Any more than i feel motivated to be a lesbian. Its who i am.



CERCKL -> RE: Motivations (3/16/2006 7:21:01 PM)

I will agree 'motivation' was a poor choice of term...I think the later part of that sentence was likely closer to what I was attempting to ask...

quote:

but rather what element of your self you fulfill, that makes you feel complete in a relationship in which you have chosen to give complete control.


Sort of in the same way how when I am painting a certain aspect of My Self is fed, fueled, which is not met in any other situation...I recognize that My need to create cannot be seperated from any other aspect of My Self...still the element which is satiated is not in any other manner. Perhaps a bad example but also closer to what I was seeking.
Thank you,
C



IrishMist -> RE: Motivations (3/16/2006 7:22:54 PM)

quote:

Sort of in the same way how when I am painting a certain aspect of My Self is fed, fueled, which is not met in any other situation...I recognize that My need to create cannot be seperated from any other aspect of My Self...still the element which is satiated is not in any other manner. Perhaps a bad example but also closer to what I was seeking.
Thank you,


but Cerckl...when you are not painting...do you still consider yourself an artist?



CERCKL -> RE: Motivations (3/16/2006 7:28:30 PM)

quote:

but Cerckl...when you are not painting...do you still consider yourself an artist?


Laughter, I did not mean to imply that I saw My Self other than an Artist when I was not painting...My painting is very heavily steeped in all aspects of My life...It encircles my spiritual, intellectual and emotional life...which is why I used it as an example...but the process of painting itself fulfills a spiritual aspect which no other activity does...it is the closest I get to meditation and understanding with out thinking of Brahmin, god, big bang...whatever you choose to label the initial point and vibration of creation...
So, though the label is with Me always...it is the process which fills this spiritual element of My life...
I don't know if that clarifies or confuses.
C



classykindasassy -> RE: Motivations (3/16/2006 7:57:11 PM)

This is one I never get tired of answering.

I LOVE what xxblushesxx said. I did not get caught in the undertow until I got far enough out to get grabbed by it.

I have always been a highly sexual and experimentive person. But there is a lot I don't consider "kink" about that. I was just really adventurous.

But to answer the question:

What motivates me? Ever since I had a dom turn me onto a taste of physical sadism and control coupled with sex, I wanted more of that feeling. I am a powerful person, one with a big ego and a lot of pride. That first experience set me on a spiritual road as well as a quest for experience. Everything about submitting and being used for another's pleasure galvanized me. Then I found a use for the psychological aspect as well. It has taught me what it is to allow God to work in my life. In my ability to trust and submit to a man, we both experience growth and pleasure. That transfers to what God can do with me now, as I bend my will to His, submit to being spiritually pruned and made to bloom more copiously and beautifully under His hand in my life. My tolerance of the vicissitudes of life is always growing. What I can handle and do is always expanding. If I were not constantly being challenged this way, I'd be missing out on a key source of growth and delight in life.

It took me about 18 months to get OK with the idea that I wanted to live this way. But that was because I was not involved in any groups - I just had a longterm dom and we did strictly private play. There was no one to talk to about my doubts and fears outside my relationship. After that, I took a break for 6 months to sort it out and debrief myself. Then I found a dom who is more public, we go to play parties and discussion groups. I confirmed for myself that there is nothing wrong with me or the community, and now we are just having fun pursuing our interests.

It is important to me. What I examine is how I am growing and what I am providing for my partner and the world, and this is ever-expanding. I know I want this component in my primary relationship and could not reconcile myself to a vanilla life anymore. The relationship dynamics in the BDSM-Master/slave world feed something deep in me and are a self-expression for me.



edianspet -> RE: Motivations (3/17/2006 7:57:06 AM)

My one large motivation in life in general is love, growth in spirit, enlightenment.
I guess in turn this motivates my submission.



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