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submissive2pleas -> RE: sexual addiction -- need advice (11/28/2009 9:34:43 PM)
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My Dom is sex addict and he has recently fallen off the wagon I think. It's very hard as how can I as a sub place limits. I continue to try to engage and encourage him, but it is hard as he is happy with what he is doing. I have an ex who is an alcoholic and I think the issues are the same--they have to want to change. As a sub/slave we can only point it out, try to work through it and take what we can take. I am on the verge of saying I can't take any more.
One thing is in a 12 step program, they have a sponsor or accountability partner. Encouraging honesty with that person is good. As that person has been through it, knows the BS and will call him on it.
Honesty is so important and I think an important place to start. between sub and dom. I insist on it. If you can get him to talk about his cravings and needs, not judge, but try to understand, it's a good start. But in my case, he wants to pursue another just for a pain slave...something I can't give him entirely. I have to decide if I want to accept him having what he calls a "non-emotional" physical relationship with a slave. He says it's just because he totally craves to own one and doesn't want that to me as he values me too much. I am happy he is honest with me and I think that's good, but I am finding it very painful to accept his desires. It's very hard to recognize his dominant sexual desires and honor them, and ask him to be monogamous. And you are right, vanilla friends, counselors, etc, don't understand.
Only you can decide what you can take an how far you can go. But I agree it is nebulous at best, as we want to be with our dom. All I can say is, don't be an enabler...know your limits, and stick to them,...good advice for you...and me! Write down what you minially need...share it with him. Be willing to be non-judgemental and to let him know when he has crossed a boundary for you. If you can work through it, you will be stronger.
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