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Marraige vs. Collar - 11/20/2009 9:52:48 PM   
jberd1


Posts: 1
Joined: 11/6/2009
Status: offline 		i met a woman on this site who is a sub, but has some Domme tendencies. we really hit it off well but she and i both know i cant fulfill her need to be dominated. so, in discussing how it could possibly work between us we came to the conclusion that she would need the services of a Dom from time to time. i have no problem with this either, however another question arose....the question of her being collared. How would Him collaring her effect our marraige/relationship? Is it possible to have His collar on her honored only during their sessions together? Or would it probably be best for her to not get that into it and just have a Dom that she plays with when the need arises?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/20/2009 10:06:10 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Yes its possible. i am married and have been for 26 years to the same man. i have a wonderful Master/Daddy. He is very understanding and  i have the relationship i have always dreamed of.

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to jberd1)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/20/2009 11:34:19 PM   
Wantstocontrolu


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline 		If I read your question correctly, you are asking if this person you met and you were married and she was collared to another person, Would it cause issues ?

YES, and it would be better that she remains a submissive to a prospective play partner and not be a slave.
Being a slave is totally different then being a submissive for a specific agreed upon scene.

In my opinion the slave collar is more binding on my slave then the ring on her finger.
The ring she "could" take off, the collar never. To allow a Master type personality to collar another persons wife is a sure reason for the marrage to fail after a time.


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wantstocontrolu

(in reply to jberd1)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/20/2009 11:41:51 PM   
BIGLOVENJ


Posts: 23
Joined: 7/17/2006
Status: offline 		Why would you even consider giving your woman/wife to another man?



"Never give what is holy to dogs"

(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/21/2009 5:17:48 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It would cause issues only if the three of you did not carefully communicate, negotiate and then keep your word.

For example; orgasm control. Him refusing her permission to orgasm until he sees her would mean he would be putting you in chastity without your agreeing to it.

However some dominants would understand and not demand this. You will need to be highly involved in meeting prospectives, in giving permission for her to play with them, and in keeping in touch with them about such conflicts. You would do better meeting someone at a munch than online, because you could establish a friendship and know ahead of any playtime whether he is one of those who is dismissive towards sub males or not.

However, could you not learn to service top her for between times? This would be serving her sensation needs which is different from dominating her.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to BIGLOVENJ)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/21/2009 8:49:28 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wantstocontrolu

If I read your question correctly, you are asking if this person you met and you were married and she was collared to another person, Would it cause issues ?

YES, and it would be better that she remains a submissive to a prospective play partner and not be a slave.
Being a slave is totally different then being a submissive for a specific agreed upon scene.

In my opinion the slave collar is more binding on my slave then the ring on her finger.
The ring she "could" take off, the collar never. To allow a Master type personality to collar another persons wife is a sure reason for the marrage to fail after a time.



In My personal experience, the highlighted above is only opinion that is worth about as much horse hockey.  There are a good number of us out here who have made these types of arrangements work over and above the preconceived notions that other people have on the matter.

Aside from My own, I'd be more willing to put money on My boy's marriage lasting until one of them is no longer in this world than darn near anyone else's out there.  They have been married for over twenty years and I certainly don't see it going south.  In fact, it's become a better marriage for a number of reasons *because* he has been collared to Me. 

Will it work like that for everybody?  No, it won't.  However, when you have mature people who are understanding of everyone's wants being fulfilled, it can work out beautifully.




_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/21/2009 9:31:11 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BIGLOVENJ

Why would you even consider giving your woman/wife to another man?



"Never give what is holy to dogs"

LOVE your attitude!!!!


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to BIGLOVENJ)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/22/2009 3:47:44 PM   
Acer49


Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jberd1

i met a woman on this site who is a sub, but has some Domme tendencies. we really hit it off well but she and i both know i cant fulfill her need to be dominated. so, in discussing how it could possibly work between us we came to the conclusion that she would need the services of a Dom from time to time. i have no problem with this either, however another question arose....the question of her being collared. How would Him collaring her effect our marraige/relationship? Is it possible to have His collar on her honored only during their sessions together? Or would it probably be best for her to not get that into it and just have a Dom that she plays with when the need arises?


Depends on the parameters of the relationship and how you would feel about it

_____________________________

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

(in reply to jberd1)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/22/2009 4:20:43 PM   
stardancer00


Posts: 60
Joined: 7/6/2005
Status: offline 		Maybe you could find a  Domme woman who would own both of you, and then both women  could Domme you from  time to time.

(in reply to Acer49)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/24/2009 6:00:06 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		It has every chance of working if you follow these three simple rules:

1) Communicate
2) Communicate
3) Communicate

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I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to stardancer00)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 11/28/2009 2:33:53 PM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:


In my opinion the slave collar is more binding on my slave then the ring on her finger.


... and you're entitled to that opinion. And if your slave shares that opinion then you're both onto a winner and I wish you both well.

If, however, your slave wakes up one morning and decides that she no longer wants to be your slave (and I sincerely hope this doesn't happen) then please don't go rushing to the sheriff's office to demand they help you recover your property, because whatever your opinion about the extent to which the slave collar is more binding than the ring on her finger, it is not one that is shared by the law.

To answer the OP...

I have to say first that I'm very dubious about the term "collar" - not because I think there's anything wrong with it, but because there is no standard definition of what it means (whatever the pompous "twe-doms" and "lifeeeeestylers" will tell you) - A collar means something very specific to the person giving it and the person receiving it. In some cases, a collar is a permanent token - very akin to marriage - and in others it's merely a symbol...

The key lies in you and your partner figuring out what it means to you... and sod what the rest of us think!

(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 1/19/2010 2:25:59 PM   
Tamoko


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

The ring she "could" take off, the collar never.


I disagree. Both are symbols of commitment. A ring symbolizes a commitment to maintain a relationship between equals, a collar is a commitment between a master and slave. But they are both just symbols, and can both be thrown away at any time.

Its the work put into maintaining that commitment that gives them power.

(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 1/19/2010 2:57:58 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		what if she finds the idea of being dominated by a woman repulsive?

quote:

ORIGINAL: stardancer00

Maybe you could find a  Domme woman who would own both of you, and then both women  could Domme you from  time to time.


(in reply to stardancer00)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 1/19/2010 3:00:58 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline
After she was collared were her arms removed? PLUEEEASE.. a collar is not permanant even if you have it soldered on.
And plenty of people have husbands or wives and also have dominant partners.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wantstocontrolu
In my opinion the slave collar is more binding on my slave then the ring on her finger.
The ring she "could" take off, the collar never. To allow a Master type personality to collar another persons wife is a sure reason for the marrage to fail after a time.



(in reply to Wantstocontrolu)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 1/19/2010 3:01:03 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

Why would you even consider giving your woman/wife to another man?


Because not everyone needs a traditional relationship.  Because some people want to make their partners happy.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to BIGLOVENJ)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 1/19/2010 3:22:48 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		It depends. How it works is what the three of you negotiate. If he wants her on orgasm denial and you want her to cum hard when the two of you have sex, then this needs to be discussed upfront and put as a hard limit. If however he wants her to go to bed earlier and be more rested, then I doubt you would object to that as a rule.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 1/19/2010 3:37:00 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		See, just like when you first emailed me on the other side with this question, you are leaving some things out, that in my opinion make a big difference.  Now you say Domme, but when you emailed me you said switch...but the big point there is that you said it was "your" opinion, not hers, and as I said it's not your decision she has to decide what she is or isn't.

I still have this same advice:  Seems like you are projecting what you want on to her in an effort to hurry and end to your search.  You can make someone a domme because you need them to be, it has to be in them.  They may be able to play at it, but eventually, they will want what they truely want.  She is a sub like you.  You stated yourself that you are not interested in dominating, yet you project in onto her. 

If she did the same to you, would an occassional session with someone be enough for you?

This will only go so far.  Both have to totally get what they need out of a relationship or it will not work.  You will start to resent each other.  Think more long term and not so much in the here and now

I know you got upset over my advice and just went poof, but at this time if you are still asking the same questions, pretty much says your way is not quite happening for one or both of you.

I know searching is frustrating and it takes time, but it's so worth the wait.









_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to jberd1)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 1/19/2010 6:30:49 PM   
oldladyslaveb


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		my MASTER is married vanilla but i am collared and owned by him also he values our life as a marriage as is his marriage to his vanillla wife and if all know whats going on you can live the lifestyle your looking for'

(in reply to DrkJourney)
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RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 1/19/2010 6:33:33 PM   
oldladyslaveb


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline 		if said its just a symbol they are very mistaken need to know and understand what being collared really means to a true MASTER

(in reply to oldladyslaveb)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Marraige vs. Collar - 1/21/2010 2:15:35 PM   
Tamoko


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/17/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oldladyslaveb

if said its just a symbol they are very mistaken need to know and understand what being collared really means to a true MASTER


I think this idea is complete crap. The whole basis on this kind of relationship is CONSENSUAL slavery. If the collar takes away the slaves right to choose to be a slave, then its non-consensual. There are plenty of married people who feel trapped by their commitments and perceive their rings as horrible weights dragging them down. But these are metaphorical weights, psychological traps. Anyone can physically walk away from any relationship, as painful as that act is emotionally. Marriage and collared slave partnerships differ only in the dynamic between the people involved.

And this "True Master" stuff is bull. That's elitist crap to attack someone's credibility. If someone doesn't agree with your ideals, then they aren't a TRUE master?

Line up 100 masters or 100 slaves and list their limits and definitions and ideals, and no 2 will match up 100% REAL and TRUE are subjective.

(in reply to oldladyslaveb)
Profile   Post #: 20
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