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Elizabeth666 -> RE: Trust and all that jazz (11/21/2009 3:48:06 AM)
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Unless I read you're profile wrong, I get the impression that you're new to the lifestyle.
The advice above is great, don't rush. When I started out I met a nice couple for coffee. They answered all my questions and the Dom's biggest piece of advice to me was to not rush. He said people new in the lifestyle tend to want things NOW. They want to meet a D, NOW. They want to play NOW. He explained that it's just like dating in a vanilla relationship. Take things slow and get to know the person first. I agree with breathasone - Let him EARN your trust. Because in all honesty, has he really?
There are a lot of people out there who say they are Doms, Masters, whatever title they use, but who are just playing at the role. They aren't what they say, they're just people who want to get laid, or people who could possibly hurt you in a way you're not planning on.
My advice, take it slow. Talk more, ask him questions, don't be afraid to do that, don't think it would be a lack of respect, because in all honesty, has he really earned that yet? If he gets upset with that, there's a red flag.
The first Dom I met seemed great. We met online then went on to coffee after a couple weeks of communicating. He seemed to know EXACTLY what I wanted and was looking for. We went out for lunch, He would give me little tasks. It was awesome. Then one day we were chatting online and he sent me his picture, which was strange because I already met him and didn't need it. Then his next message was a comment that totally blew me away. I asked him if he was talking to someone else and he immediatley went offline. I was confused and about 10 minutes later I got this long email about how he is all messed up, he cheats on his wife and used to have a serious gambling problem. Yes, he had been talking to someone else and he apologized, said he couldn't help it. He talked about how he is always running around and can't stay faithful to his wife (who had no idea about his activities)
I was floored when I read that, I had trusted him (first mistake) and he lied to me. Then I was crushed, all the visions I had in my head about the "Perfect Dom" were destroyed. I emailed him back and thanked him for telling me and said that I was glad he told me the truth before anything really happened. I wished him luck and told him to deal with his issues. A couple of weeks later he wanted to meet for lunch to talk, I agreed. He explained things to me but I told him that he has issues to deal with and that is something I don't want to get involved in.
Moral of the story? TAKE THINGS SLOW (Not yelling, just emphasising)
It takes time to find someone and that person should want to EARN your trust and respect. Since that gentleman, I have found someone and am quite happy, but that Dom could have ruined things for me if I didn't give the lifestyle a second chance.
Good Luck
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