Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Marriage and BDSM


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Marriage and BDSM Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 8:15:21 PM   
JazzDaddy


Posts: 114
Joined: 12/8/2005
Status: offline 		As a person who is on this site seeking a long-term BDSM relationship, I would love to hear from those of you who are married but also share the 24/7 D/s power exchange dynamic.

Thoughts, experiences, etc, are most appreciated!
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 8:21:59 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		Could you be more specific on what sort of thoughts, experiences you'd want to know about?

I'm married to my Master. We have good days and less-than-spectacular days--just like everyone else.

You'll need to narrow it down.

_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to JazzDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 8:42:06 PM   
JazzDaddy


Posts: 114
Joined: 12/8/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the reply!

A married Master/slave relationship seems pretty rare out there, so that's one reason I posted to this board in hopes others would see this and reply.

I would love to hear anything anyone wished to share about their experience with marriage and BDSM--pros, cons, balancing with a 'nilla life, etc.

Perhaps something you learned along the way that you would do differently if given a second chance?

(in reply to valeca)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 8:51:59 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Master and I are married. I was his slave before I was his wife. I'd like more information in regards to what aspects you'd like to know more about as well.

Well I can get those few questions out of the way fairly quickly.

Cons:

There are none.

Pros:

I get to be recognised as his by everyday people. Like i doubt if i ever went to the pharmacy as just his slave they would call out "slavejali owned by MasterEric"..but they do call out "Mrs "Insert our surname here". Everyday people can look at my ring finger and know Ive been captured by Him in such a way that doesnt offend their sensibilities. If i walked around in a collar advertsing our Master/slave relationship, I would probably just attract weird looks and not be taken seriously by the general public. I like the common recognition of our relationship marriage brings. There are so many aspects I like about being married to Master.

Balancing a Nilla Life:

I dont really understand this part of your query,,,so more information required please.




(in reply to JazzDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 9:18:17 PM   
JazzDaddy


Posts: 114
Joined: 12/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

Master and I are married. I was his slave before I was his wife. I'd like more information in regards to what aspects you'd like to know more about as well.

Balancing a Nilla Life:

I dont really understand this part of your query,,,so more information required please.



Thank you, too, for taking the time to respond!

I loved the way you described your marriage. Sounds very much like what I am looking for.

One thing I am curious about is how one keeps the relationship fresh. Over time, do you ever grow tired of your role of slave to your Master? Or do you find that over time that your love for the role deepens just as your love for him would too?

As far as the balancing of vanilla life with a Master/slave marriage question, you actually answered it in your description of the marriage. One question along those lines-- is it hard for you to hide the true nature of your relationship from close friends or family?

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 9:42:40 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

One thing I am curious about is how one keeps the relationship fresh. Over time, do you ever grow tired of your role of slave to your Master? Or do you find that over time that your love for the role deepens just as your love for him would too?


I think the only time you would get tired of being Master and slave is if it was roleplay and it wasnt really a foundational aspect of your relationship with both partners really realising what it is within themselves. The Master slave relationship just is *as it is*...it doesnt really take work to be a slave...and Master doesnt have to work to be a Master...its just how it is...kinda like...an old shoe...it just fits. (Heard someone say that expression once and really loved it..glad i could use it here lol).

As far as keeping things fresh, its the same for any relationship, its all in your attitude towards the relationship, keep your mind fresh, point it towards the relationship and Voila!

quote:

is it hard for you to hide the true nature of your relationship from close friends or family?


I dont know whether its a matter of *hiding* it, its just none of anyones business what the workings of Master and my relationship is. Saying that some of the dynamics are noticed, for example people asking me "Why do you jump and do anything he says?" to which i say "Cuz i like to". What can anyone say to that? "Why are you so submissive to your parnters?" "Cuz i love dominant men"..What can they say to that? I dont have to go into a big speal about bdsm, just talk in common language everyone understands.

Master will whack me in public to which I giggle. Whats anyone gonna say? We are just two people having fun...its not strange, it doesnt need to be strange in the eyes of anyone else.

I even get to call him master in public without it being viewed as odd as he is a martial arts master *grin*

Now if anyone asked why the chain is hanging from the exposed beam in the lounge....i would just say "Oh its for a pot plant ive never put up"...if someone got into our bedroom...we would be in trouble trying to explain that away lol.

(in reply to JazzDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 9:58:36 PM   
valeca


Posts: 403
Joined: 1/9/2006
Status: offline 		Hide specific kinks--yes, but not too hard.

Hide the nature of the relationship--no.

The 'true nature' of how we live is in how we interact on a daily basis. What/who we are doesn't come from my kneeling at His feet every second of the day or Him giving orders every other minute. It can be as simple as a knowing look between us when visiting family or friends. It's in the way He puts His arm around me in Ownership when we go shopping, or how He smiles when I pour His coffee before I pour for others. It's found in the times when I wait outside of the shower holding a towel fresh and warm from the drier, just to see that grin He gets at the attention. It's in the way I offer to drive when I see His eyes are tired, and in the way I'll bring Him His shoes when he's getting ready to go out. It's in the way He tweeks my backside, just because He can. It's also in the frustrations we come across, whether with each other or the outside world.

Our life isn't in the *big things* we do to celebrate our BDSM, it's in the little things--everyday things--that makes it what it is.

As for keeping it fresh--I don't know. I haven't had that worry as of yet. And no, I don't tire of being His slave.

slavejali--that was a beautiful way to put it. That recognition-that-doesn't-offend-the-sensibilites, I adore that feeling too.

_____________________________

~valeca, Owned and Operated by Loraith.

(in reply to JazzDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 10:03:43 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

Our life isn't in the *big things* we do to celebrate our BDSM, it's in the little things--everyday things--that makes it what it is.


I really liked that too

(in reply to valeca)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 10:10:01 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

As a person who is on this site seeking a long-term BDSM relationship, I would love to hear from those of you who are married but also share the 24/7 D/s power exchange dynamic.

Thoughts, experiences, etc, are most appreciated!


I have been owned by Himself for almost 10 years. We've been married for almost two of those now. I've actually had a bitatruble embracing the 'wife' that I have become. The slave part, piece of cake. Wife? Hard as hell.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to JazzDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 10:25:25 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		BDSM brings more trust, understanding, and organization to our relationship. The D/s part allows more stabilaty while the S&M makes sex is also much more enjoyable.

_____________________________

I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

(in reply to JazzDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 10:25:31 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		Why is the wife part hard Bita? I dont understand that..why is there a difference between wife and slave to you in your case? I guess its not making sense to me considering you were slave for 8 years to him, what could change so drastically with legal recognition of your partnership? (hope Im not changing this thread too much).

< Message edited by slavejali -- 3/12/2006 10:26:35 PM >

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 10:29:32 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline
quote:

BDSM brings more trust, understanding, and organization to our relationship. The D/s part allows more stabilaty while the S&M makes sex also much more enjoyable.


I really agree with more organisation into the relationship part of your post Sir..and the sex part *grin*


(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 11:10:03 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
My sub has been collared to me for 10 months now and married to me for 9. We met at a dungeon opening and have been together ever since. Our marriage very closely resembles a traditional 1950's one, with hubby in the role of June Cleaver (minus crossdressing.) The only time we practice "high protocol" is at an event. We neither hide nor flaunt the nature of our relationship. Very few people have dared comment on it. When the question has come up, I've told the person that the dynamics of our relationship suit both my husband and myself, and they needn't concern themselves with it.

I do agree that the spark of the lifestyle relationship lives within those daily details. The big things are fun/exciting/scary/important. They are easy to be ready for and to put full effort into making them happen. The little things are where it is hard to keep going.

Do you have any specific questions you'd like to ask?

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to JazzDaddy)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/12/2006 11:59:37 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

Why is the wife part hard Bita? I dont understand that..why is there a difference between wife and slave to you in your case? I guess its not making sense to me considering you were slave for 8 years to him, what could change so drastically with legal recognition of your partnership? (hope Im not changing this thread too much).


Almost all of my private journaling for the past two years has been on this very subject. Jali, I appreciate the question.. but this struggle has been very difficult for me and without going into some pretty intimate details, I don't think I can explain it, nor do I think it would be for the greater good to do so. In fact, it might even be detrimental. I will say this, though, on the thread where we were asked to describe our partners in one word.. I put human to describe Himself. I told Himself how I had described him and when I asked him to describe me in one word.. he said.. alien. ::chuckles::

;)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/13/2006 12:23:05 AM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		No worries Bita - i wish you well

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Marriage and BDSM - 3/13/2006 4:40:01 AM   
LokisBrat


Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline 		Loki and I have been married for five years and together for 8. We had minor explorations into this world for all of that 8, but it wasn't until we started to explore and read in earnest that things developed much more fully. We both feel a new freedom, a new excitement with each other, with our marriage.

We still like one another and love one another as well. Now, we are exploring this new dynamic and finding our strengths in the roles we have both long desired but had not previously given ourselves the opportunity to express.

We balance the vanilla quite easily, because we've done it all along. The kink is a bit newer to us, but one of the things that has been an immeasurable help to us is this place. Here we can see all shades of the spectrum and decide how it does or does not relate to us personally.

We've always had the sort of Dom/sub relationship we do now, only these days, its much more guided, considered, and thoughtful.


My .02!

brat

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 16
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Marriage and BDSM Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078