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RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/13/2006 8:15:17 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
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I was born in the hallway of the hospital, I just didn't want to wait for the damn doctor because I knew which way was out.

I am an only child of two dominant people who love each other dearly. My parents were the model of equality between partners and there was rarely any discord in our house. I use the model they set as my own today.

My parents, my Father in particular always guided me to be self confident and self reliant. I remember him telling me as a small child "Baby there isn't anything you cannot do if you set your mind to it and don't let people tell you because your a girl that you cannot do something." I have never forgotten those words of encouragement from him.

I was pretty much a straight A student in school, I learned to defend myself and how to take care of myself. Politics and finances always interested me, as well as more "guy" things like hunting and fishing. My Father owned his own construction company and so on the weekends and during summer vacation I was on the job working side-by-side with his employees. Some didn't mind me being there, a few didn't think a "girl" should be doing drywall or roofing. But as my Father said she knows what she is doing and I don't have to check up on her to make sure of that.

I put myself thru college and worked hard long hours, finally I opened up my own business. I have a daughter of my own now of which I am teaching these same principles too. I have never had the desire to depend on anyone else for anything.

Lashra

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 21

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/13/2006 8:54:58 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Confidence is just as essential in a submissive, and required from a person identifying or desiring to be a slave. You need trust of self identity in both circumstances.

Damn good point and I agree it is one that is often overlooked.

I don't seek a doormat, I'm looking for a girl who knows herself and has a good idea of what her needs are even if she knows she needs someone to help her define the limits of those needs.

If I am the Master she is looking for, she still has to catch my attention and show me that she is the girl that I am seeking too. At some point that also includes taking the risk to step out from behind the computer and begin to move forward in the real world.

All that requires confidence and only a little of it can be helped along by the prospective Dom.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 22

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/13/2006 9:13:48 AM

MrThorns

Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I believe that confidence is developed from personal experience and a rational belief in ones own abilities and potential.

Arrogance or cockiness may be made of the same experience and rational beliefs. The difference, as I see it, depends on how humble a person can be while stilll being confident.

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 23

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/13/2006 4:37:07 PM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I was born in the hallway of the hospital, I just didn't want to wait for the damn doctor because I knew which way was out. I am an only child of two dominant people who love each other dearly. My parents were the model of equality between partners and there was rarely any discord in our house. I use the model they set as my own today.

My parents, my Father in particular always guided me to be self confident and self reliant. I remember him telling me as a small child "Baby there isn't anything you cannot do if you set your mind to it and don't let people tell you because your a girl that you cannot do something." I have never forgotten those words of encouragement from him.

I was pretty much a straight A student in school, I learned to defend myself and how to take care of myself. Politics and finances always interested me, as well as more "guy" things like hunting and fishing. My Father owned his own construction company and so on the weekends and during summer vacation I was on the job working side-by-side with his employees. Some didn't mind me being there, a few didn't think a "girl" should be doing drywall or roofing. But as my Father said she knows what she is doing and I don't have to check up on her to make sure of that.

I put myself thru college and worked hard long hours, finally I opened up my own business. I have a daughter of my own now of which I am teaching these same principles too. I have never had the desire to depend on anyone else for anything.

Lashra

Excellent post.

Level

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 24

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/13/2006 4:43:35 PM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

What is confidence? What's it made up of?

what is confidence... The Belief in self to Be oneself! Whatever that might BE!

what is made up of? Strengths of Character! like Integrity, Bravery, Persistence, Vitality just to name a few.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 25

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/13/2006 6:41:39 PM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Wouldn’t confidence be limited to specialized areas of ability, knowledge and not a universal thing

so confidence can be limited, lets hope the person with this confidence realizes its limitation

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 26

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/13/2006 8:21:58 PM

CERCKL

Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline

Certainty.
I have had others point out my confidence when it was an aspect I was not focused on...I recognize that I don't know in some situations and in the spiritual I have enough wisdom to know I know nothing...in my artwork, even before others validated it for me, I knew I had a lot of talent and enough trust to follow the path that creativity took, even when it was not my first choice.
Takes me back to certainty...I know that I will choose to always learn, I will always improve and that there is an inner actuality connected to All. I also think another part of confidence, is talking responsibility; I realize that everything in my life is caused by my choices, intents and actions and in no way am I a victim of circumstance but rather I create what happens to me. I have no need to seek anyone's approval but I need to live with a sense of honor and self-validation.
Enough; usually quiet about this type of stuff but a wonderful question... as for arrogance, that is usually a bluster to get through situations and I find annoying, as I look back at the pompous reply I wrote...laughing at Myself.
C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 27

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/13/2006 11:42:28 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

It's more frustrating observing the submissive side. I know not everyone appreciates the "marketing" aspect of finding a lifestyle companion but that really is what it is. You're trying to sell yourself to another. At least you are trying to get them to come into your store and "browse". A profile conveying thoughts similiar to ; "i am a worthless slime not deserving of your spit"; doesn't "sell" to a confident dom. Why would anyone want to own something "worthless"? Same with the prevailing tone of some on the message boards. Has anyone, as an adult, gotten any valued result by whining - "I'm not worthy"? Seeing it as a searching Dom, you know what - you convinced me.

You make some good points here. I've noticed those that tend towards the "I'm worthless" attitude tend to either be parroting bad ideas they've read or heard... or, they've got some emotional trauma in their past that has caused them to feel this way about themselves. That can be tough to deal with. I could write, and probably should, an entire essay on dealing with guilt, feelings of worthlessness, shame and other negative self images in a submissive.

quote:

There are common submissive traits differing from dominant traits but one trait is a common denominator - confidence.

This I can't agree with, I've met many submissives who have very low confidence in themselves. It doesn't make them bad submissives and with some patience, training and guidance they can blossom and do very well.

I've also observed there tends to be a difference in the kind of confidence possessed by dominants and submissives. Many submissives I've know can be very well in confidence based on self trust (see my previous post about trust and faith for clarification of how I use these terms). But these same submssives tend not to do as well when required to have confidence based on self faith. Its here they falter and seeks guidance and instruction from a dominant.

Example: A submissive, having live with and served the same dominant for some time, confidently goes about her daily routine, taking care of chores and doing things she knows pleases the dominant. Experience has taught her to trust these routines and expectations and her own ability to meet them... she has trust based confidence in herself. However, when faced with a visit by new friends of the dominant, people she does not know well or has not met before she suddenly feels anxious and has doubts about what to do. She seeks out the guidance of her dominant as to what she should do, what will be expected of her, etc. She lacks faith based confidence in herself.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 28

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/13/2006 11:47:36 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: cillydom

Wouldn’t confidence be limited to specialized areas of ability, knowledge and not a universal thing

so confidence can be limited, lets hope the person with this confidence realizes its limitation

Trust based confidence does have such a limitation. That is confidence based on past experience, past successes, known abilities. However, faith based confidence transcends that limitation and allows us to proceed in areas where we are untested and untried, where the full extent of our abilities is not known. In my personal opinion a dominant must have some degree of faith based confidence in themselves in order to be successful as a dominant, in order to lead.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to cillydom)

Post #: 29

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/20/2006 7:52:49 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

i know i trust my friend Padriag.

candystripper

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 30

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/20/2006 10:48:59 AM

Inquisitive

Posts: 1
Joined: 7/15/2005
Status: offline

Confidence comes from the home for those who have it within their character. It is the knowing and understanding that there are things which are within our power and things which are not. When we lack the power to control the things which are we show lack in confidence; When we do control the things we can and take hold it shows not only confidence but ability. What you have observed is correct, there are people who are only confident outside of their domain and some who operate confidently under pressure, but the confidence I think you are speaking of comes from knowing and understanding, having an open mind and not backing down on that which you know to be true and hold as a moral or personal acceptance.

I hope I have not confused you if so please let me know and I will attempt again. lol

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 31

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/20/2006 10:58:06 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Snips and Snails, and Puppy Dog Tails........

In my case at least.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Inquisitive)

Post #: 32

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/20/2006 12:02:44 PM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali

What is confidence? What's it made up of?

A state of or feeling relating to truth, be it universally known or personally self-evident.

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 33

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/20/2006 1:05:40 PM

DeaconAegis

Posts: 5
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline

Confidence to me means having the ability to exercise accountability for one's action and the comfort in the sense of meeting any scrutiny of that accountability with integrity. Confidence, like so many other natures of humanity, can be measured on levels and levels. Know thyself.

(in reply to amayos)

Post #: 34

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/20/2006 8:18:22 PM

Sensualips

Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline

I agree confidence is trust in oneself. Anything in life that has ever poked at my self confidence was not something like gaining weight or doing poorly in a task. It was always a situation where I was forced to question my own judgment and perceptions, my faith in my self was shaken.

When I was little, I was very shy. I tended to pick up things quickly, so when I had to struggle with someone and would quickly become very frustrated. I'd immediately feign disinterest and move on or become really upset and wrapped up in a tearful, "I can't!" My mom taught me a trick...pretend like you can. That sounds weird and gives the impession of faking things in a dishonest way. But that was not the way it was presented -- more like believe that you can, act like you can, and eventually you will. I "pretend I can" and it is very focusing and calming for me, in all kinds of situations. Otherwise I can just spiral off into panic mode.

The one area it really doesn't work for me consistently is physical things. Pretending I can has yet to help me ride a bike faster or complete some physical challenge or stick to a diet plan. Although it did assist considerably with enduring trauma/pain due to injuries and drug-free child birth. (Drug free was an accident -- I had planned for as many drugs as possible.)

My coordinator at work often jokes with me about this. She says I always present myself/us as cool and confident and capable and quietly unconcerned in meetings it took her at least a year to realize I usually have no f-ing idea how I/we are going to handle something. But we always figure it out, and that is WHY I am able to act like we have a plan. Because we will. Eventually.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 35

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/20/2006 8:33:23 PM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

On further reflection I think confidence can be related to the knowledge and/or ability we have in certain areas such as being confident in your work but not confident in unrelated fields in which you have no knowledge. Then there’s the confidence of hope in that “I have confidence/hope we’ll work it out”, it’s this last confidence that can get you in trouble

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 36

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/21/2006 6:25:15 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Confidence:

The quiet subtleness that says " I am what I am, nothing more, nothing less".

The ability to do what one knows how to do, yet the wisdom to learn what one does not know.

The strength to stand aside and let others shine without fear.

The desire to help others grow, and the ability to help others when they fall.

The graceful dignity to simply be and to revel in that "being".

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 37

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/21/2006 6:32:17 AM

fastlane

Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
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Knowing that no matter what happens to me.....I can buy my way out!

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

(in reply to MHOO314)

Post #: 38

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/21/2006 6:37:06 AM

MHOO314

Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

Knowing that no matter what happens to me.....I can buy my way out!

Grabs the whip----Kevin!!!!

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

(in reply to fastlane)

Post #: 39

RE: What is confidence made of? - 3/21/2006 6:59:48 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

hi jale,

For me, confidence is the knowledge to know you will make mistakes, the security to take responsibility, the strength to stand by your true beliefs, the vulnerabllity to know when to ask for help, the determination to concentrate on fixing it, the grace to not play the blame game and the humor to laugh at yourself.

Angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 3/21/2006 7:10:54 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to slavejali)

Post #: 40

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