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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/25/2009 2:21:47 PM

EbonyWood

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quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

Yeah, ....what Merc said....And, Midori has a great book on that subject, but i cant think of the title right off hand.

Wild Side Sex: The Book of Kink Educational, Sensual, And Entertaining Essays

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/25/2009 3:26:05 PM

Elisabella

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-FR-

Don't jump right into it and try to be a master humilator making hardcore humiliation scenes right away.

Start off with the small things, like saying one humiliating thing in a normal scene to make her blush and build up from there.

Oh and don't get your idea of "hot humiliating things to say" from watching porn. If you're doing that I can guarantee that's why she's laughing.

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/25/2009 3:53:10 PM

kanina

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well to most of sub in BDSM thing like slut and so on when said by the Owner are not offensive or humilliating at all...

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/25/2009 3:58:46 PM

Elisabella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: kanina

well to most of sub in BDSM thing like slut and so on when said by the Owner are not offensive or humilliating at all...

Most...but not all

There's nothing wrong with a woman who will refuse to acknowledge a man until he apologizes for calling her that. It's personal taste.

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/25/2009 11:03:25 PM

MasterSlaveLA

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jrdnwill

Let's talk humiliation

Let's not and say we did.

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/26/2009 1:02:03 AM

BitaTruble

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quote:

i can talk about it and tease and devise a scene for the sake of foreplay i.e. texting while she's working or leaving messages laden with sexual humiliation, but when it comes time to swing i feel more like casey at the bat. so my question is two fold: where should i begin as i feel totally unversed in humiliating a person and how do i detach myself from the meaning of what's coming out of my mouth because it is something i am very interested in but just cannot get around?

Still on my first cup of coffee here, so only skimmed the first page briefly, so if this has been brought up, just ignore me. :)

Okay, actually, you've already begun! You're texting, getting her worked up with your messages, etc. That is a start. I would suggest you not try to divorce yourself from the feelings intentionally humiliating someone invokes in you. How do you feel when you send her a message that you know is going to make her blush or experience discomfort on some level? Take that feeling and explore it. Analyze what is it about sending that message that makes you want to continue to send those sorts of messages. What is it about describing a scene to her that keeps bringing you back to other like behaviors? There is something about the idea of humiliating that continues to drive you to text, to message and to tease. Is it the power you have over her emotional responses (I threw that one out first because that's what does it for my own Master). Also, try to put yourself into *her* head. The text, the messages, devising the scenes are doing something for her and she keeps responding to you. A lot of folks need *permission* to act out their fantasy's because society has said "bad, bad.. mustn't do that, because that is just wrong" for a whole long time, so breaking the rules, being naughty and indulging in something that is frowned on by the general public can take some getting used to but once you accept that your kink is actually okay, you'll be able to indulge to your hearts content.

So, don't detach .. embrace. Embrace yourself, your kink, the fact that your partner likes it and just go with the flow. When you are up there with your big, bad self getting ready to swing at the ball, run a mantra through your head. "She likes this .. she likes this .. and, hey, so do I and it's okay." Then just swing away.. go for the homer .. you get up to bat enough times with it, you'll connect so don't give up!

Good luck to you. :)

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/26/2009 4:26:24 AM

lally2

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if you let youre head moralise or question what youre doing its going to get in the way.

ive found that i can do pretty much anything so long as i switch my brain off and just go with the flow. (scat, kids, animals, death aside that is).

i get from youre OP that you really want to do this, so just switch off the little voice in youre head and go with it.

its really moving from the safety of texts and stuff to real life - its easy to fantasize and come up with stuff when youre not face to face its something else to actually get down and do it.

i would imagine that in time itll come naturally enough and youll wonder why you wondered how. but i would start 'small' and build up until it feels comfortable.

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/26/2009 5:39:20 AM

kanina

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

quote:

ORIGINAL: kanina

well to most of sub in BDSM thing like slut and so on when said by the Owner are not offensive or humilliating at all...

Most...but not all

There's nothing wrong with a woman who will refuse to acknowledge a man until he apologizes for calling her that. It's personal taste.

yes of course, the only one who can call me anything is the Owner and only started when the relationship started.

what gets on my nerves is guys who must have very low self-esteem and on the first approach call me names and then they get a very very bad answer

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/26/2009 7:16:56 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jrdnwill

some background
... i haven't had more than my ankles deep in the broad ocean that constitutes the BDSM community and i suddenly find myself in a relationship where the option to express myself in a dominant and powerful manner sexually is available and, on both ends, encouraged. my once-thought wide understanding of the lifestyle has been immediately narrowed to the few kinkster things i've dabbled in. the relationship i am in is tremendously strong and we are consistently pushing the boundaries of trust and the are excited to discuss some very broad concepts and agree to push limits ...
no do not laugh, but of the many paths laid at our feet, the winding road of humiliation keeps coming up and i find my self as a funny dominant, unable to purposely humiliate the person to whom i make love. i can talk about it and tease and devise a scene for the sake of foreplay i.e. texting while she's working or leaving messages laden with sexual humiliation, but when it comes time to swing i feel more like casey at the bat. so my question is two fold: where should i begin as i feel totally unversed in humiliating a person and how do i detach myself from the meaning of what's coming out of my mouth because it is something i am very interested in but just cannot get around?

-jrdn
sigma eta epsilon lambda beta psi

Theres nothing wrong at all with your line of thinking. A "D" type that i have a lot of respect for said to me about this subject, "I could never humiliate someone i actually like." So you are FAR from alone....if it feels wrong to you...don't do it.

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/26/2009 8:43:23 AM

ranja

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FR
i quite like a bit of embarrassment and humiliation sepecially a bit of interrogation... but the words useless or worthless spoil it for me... i can not relate to these words in any good way at all...
also it does not mean a thing to me if there is no emotion attached to it... if my Husband would just throw a few names at me without feeling any meaning behind it it would fall totally flat... so i do not really understand why the op would like to detach himself from it.

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/26/2009 12:57:29 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: jrdnwill
i find my self as a funny dominant, unable to purposely humiliate the person to whom i make love.

And the bad part about this is?

Seriously, I could not, even in jest or as a part of a scene, mock/humiliate/shame/whatever Carol. It wouldn't matter whether she wanted me to or not. It would be profaning something holy to me. That's just how I'm wired.

I think of it like this. We have some friends. They've been married a LONG time and are clearly pretty happy about it. But they play practical jokes on each other. Neither Carol nor I can fathom doing it with each other. THey're a happily married couple. So are we. But there are still chocolate and vanilla issues.

I might also point out that I do not make a habit of saying things I don't mean. Perhaps you don't either? If that's true, then maybe it's not such a good thing to "detach yourself from the meaning" of your words.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/26/2009 4:06:04 PM

Acer49

Posts: 1434
Joined: 8/7/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jrdnwill

some background
... i haven't had more than my ankles deep in the broad ocean that constitutes the BDSM community and i suddenly find myself in a relationship where the option to express myself in a dominant and powerful manner sexually is available and, on both ends, encouraged. my once-thought wide understanding of the lifestyle has been immediately narrowed to the few kinkster things i've dabbled in. the relationship i am in is tremendously strong and we are consistently pushing the boundaries of trust and the are excited to discuss some very broad concepts and agree to push limits ...
no do not laugh, but of the many paths laid at our feet, the winding road of humiliation keeps coming up and i find my self as a funny dominant, unable to purposely humiliate the person to whom i make love. i can talk about it and tease and devise a scene for the sake of foreplay i.e. texting while she's working or leaving messages laden with sexual humiliation, but when it comes time to swing i feel more like casey at the bat. so my question is two fold: where should i begin as i feel totally unversed in humiliating a person and how do i detach myself from the meaning of what's coming out of my mouth because it is something i am very interested in but just cannot get around?

-jrdn
sigma eta epsilon lambda beta psi

Though I am not a big fan of humiliation, If I were going to do it I would setup some sort of role play senario. and incorporate the humiliation into that

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/27/2009 2:19:28 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: jrdnwill
i find my self as a funny dominant, unable to purposely humiliate the person to whom i make love.
And the bad part about this is?

Last weekend after a bit of a run up to this it was decided that i would dress as Freddie in the video I want to break free (Queen)... including the moustache
It was hilariously humilliating...
even though eventually MH could not cope with the tache so that had to be pulled off which was humiliating too...
we have been in stitches and i can recommend it to anybody...

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/27/2009 11:44:27 AM

breatheasone

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i "acted out" what a discus thrower would look like thanksgiving day for some family members LOL....And make no mistake, they weren't laughing WITH me...they were totally laughing at me! LOL we seriously were almost peeing on ourselves at how fuckin stupid i looked doing it! LMAO! i blushed HARD, and the whole shot! This is a far cry from being humiliated i think.

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/27/2009 2:37:22 PM

Aynne88

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quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: jrdnwill
i find my self as a funny dominant, unable to purposely humiliate the person to whom i make love.
And the bad part about this is?

Seriously, I could not, even in jest or as a part of a scene, mock/humiliate/shame/whatever Carol. It wouldn't matter whether she wanted me to or not. It would be profaning something holy to me. That's just how I'm wired.

I think of it like this. We have some friends. They've been married a LONG time and are clearly pretty happy about it. But they play practical jokes on each other. Neither Carol nor I can fathom doing it with each other. THey're a happily married couple. So are we. But there are still chocolate and vanilla issues.

I might also point out that I do not make a habit of saying things I don't mean. Perhaps you don't either? If that's true, then maybe it's not such a good thing to "detach yourself from the meaning" of your words.

Jeff, I don't usually even respond to these threads, because it is so hard to explain humiliation in words, but what you said kind of touched on something. For me, being his holiest possession makes it so incredibly more emotional and meaningful when he does reach down deep to the burning core of what shames and humiliates me that when he does it I can't even begin to describe how small, owned and taken I feel. Holy? Isn't being completely possessed and owned the holiest feeling of all for so many of us? My daily life is that of a dominant stone cold aggressive business person, so when he chooses to wipe that clean from my psyche by digging his mental fingers into my most dark places, oh jesus, don't I crawl to that place for that man. Just saying.

. I fucking love the way he humiliates me, and the more unholy he gets, the more I fall in love. :)

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/27/2009 2:45:06 PM

breatheasone

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i feel completely owned. i have no authority over my own life, that is not allowed me by my Master. my Master has never humiliated me.

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/27/2009 2:50:55 PM

Aynne88

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Um ok that's great for you..and? I have plenty of authority over my own life, I am an intelligent and strong woman, I choose to be with a dominant man, and he humiliates me at his will. For me, being strong, intellectual, and opinionated, makes his ability to bring me to my knees mentally and physically far more exciting than if I were not anything but a woman that claims to be without any authority or whatever you were saying to me. So I guess I didn't get your point?

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/27/2009 6:12:05 PM

breatheasone

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i thought it best to c-mail you, i hope that was ok.

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/28/2009 9:09:18 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

This is a far cry from being humiliated i think.

why?

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RE: Let's talk humiliation - 11/28/2009 9:15:40 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

This is a far cry from being humiliated i think.

why?

Huh?

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