RE: Cheating or not? (Full Version)

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devilishpixie -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/26/2009 11:29:44 AM)

I dont have an issue with cybering itself although I dont understand the draw. I do have an issue with the fact that she seems to be hiding it from her owner. That to me is a much bigger issue in itself.



Reform -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/26/2009 12:17:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
Do you think it is cheating? Why or why not?


It's cheating if she knows he would regard it as such and she's hiding it from him. I have always had cybersex while in monogamous relationships. I don't regard it as cheating any more than reading a story someone else wrote on literotica. I don't think cybering means you aren't his alone. It means you are wanking and someone else happens to be providing the fodder, like buying a romance novel that someone wrote.


I agree here. I think the case the OP talked about is cheating, but that not all cybering is. My boy knows and encourages me to cyber. I like doing it. We've talked about it and neither of us have any problems seperating it from things we do happen to consider cheating. What works for us won't work for everyone.



leadership527 -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/26/2009 2:38:24 PM)

To me, if you are doing something which you know your partner will not like, then it is deceit. Now, it's possible in this girl's head that to her it's one thing and it never occurred to her that it would be different to her partner. In that case, it's just a mistake in communication as happens all the time.

Cybering, in and of itself, is just that... cybering. Just like real sex, it doesn't become "cheating" until there is deceit involved.



antipode -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/26/2009 6:57:20 PM)

quote:

Do you think it is cheating? Why or why not?


Who put you in charge of your friend's morals? Why would my opinion matter to her?



KateyCaine -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/26/2009 8:07:08 PM)


A person with nothing to hide, hides nothing.

The fact that she is keeping this from her Master, with whom she should share EVERYTHING, is a bit of a red flag, and indicates to me that she knows this is hurtful to Him, and is not acceptable.


k.



AquaticSub -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/26/2009 8:15:49 PM)

~Fast Reply~

I'm just curious since I don't see it expressly stated in the thread. Is she actually hiding this or has she just never mentioned it because she doesn't think it's an issue? The difference is significant. I didn't mention my cyber and porn interests at first cause it just... seemed so unimportant. Eventually it came up in conversation but it wasn't an issue of hiding.



AnnaOfAramis -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/26/2009 8:22:46 PM)

Greetings,

To me, "cheating" does not only mean sexually cheating, but cheating on the rules and the relationship dynamic. Cybering or not cybering is not the issue. The issue is that if she is in a Master/slave or Dom/sub dynamic she should not be the one determining her boundaries. If she is unclear, she should ask her Dominant or Master for his permission first. Otherwise, it can be taken as a lie by omission. I know for sure that my Master would not be happy to find me IMing with a dominant male or doing "cyber". Hers may approve wholeheartedly, but he should know and be given that decision. It's not her decision to make.

I agree wholeheartedly with what Master Orion so eloquently said.

Regards,
anna



Drifa -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/26/2009 11:11:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: devilishpixie
I dont have an issue with cybering itself although I dont understand the draw. I do have an issue with the fact that she seems to be hiding it from her owner. That to me is a much bigger issue in itself.


For me, the draw of cybering is that it's an unpredictable, interactive storytelling. You know how having sex with a new person the first time has its own heady exaltation? When you are cyboring, you can enjoy that "shiny new sex partner" feeling. It's best if you have someone doing it with you who is articulate and imaginative. I have collected some of my best cybor sessions, and they stand alone as nice little erotic short stories and vignettes, I think. Some of these go along with a longer roleplay series that has been developing over time, which just makes the shift to erotic roleplay much more natural. I dunno if reading these would help explain the draw or not.

I agree that hiding cybering activity from the partner seems like a bad idea. It's still not the friend's place to be the morality watchdog for her friend, but I would always recommend complete honestly and communication about cyboring BEFORE you do it. If for no other reason than there is a log somewhere on your computer where the partner may eventually stumble across what's been going on and be shocked and angry if blindsided.

My Lady permits my cyboring because I get no physical contact or emotional involvement, i.e., it doesn't risk our real life relationship or health. She enjoys seeing me keyed up by the activity - I have a "no hands rule", which means that while I can cross my legs and kick a foot for self stimulation, I'm not supposed to be stroking myself during cybor, humping the edge of the desk, etc. The result is that I am usually wound tighter than a top, all hot and warmed up, and then my Lady gets the results and can do with me whatever she wants at that point.



roland23 -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/27/2009 8:15:34 PM)

Call me old fashioned, but I don't think this is cheating. When there is physical contact, that's another story. There are far more important things in life to worry about!



LPslittleclip -> RE: Cheating or not? (11/28/2009 9:38:32 AM)

my 2 cents worth
if it is kept from the knoledge of the other/s in the dynamic then it is cheating since it is not honest and open. how anothers dynamic works does not make it wrong as what works for another dosent mean it will work for anyone else



FetishHound -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/7/2009 4:34:44 PM)

I have to agree cheating in the mind is still cheating in my opinion.I would have no desire to share what is mine.



DesFIP -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/7/2009 4:39:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

~Fast Reply~

I'm just curious since I don't see it expressly stated in the thread. Is she actually hiding this or has she just never mentioned it because she doesn't think it's an issue? The difference is significant. I didn't mention my cyber and porn interests at first cause it just... seemed so unimportant. Eventually it came up in conversation but it wasn't an issue of hiding.


Agreed!

The Man and I have been monogamous for about 8 years. We only had a conversation about cyber with others some months ago. It never occurred to us to discuss it.



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/7/2009 4:45:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35

Do you think it is cheating? Why or why not?



I think it's cheating.  If I did it, it would feel like cheating to me.  If I were in a relationship and my Dom did it, I would feel like He cheated on me.  BUT,  what she and her Master do is none of my business.....or yours for that matter.  Each relationship is different and is governed by the agreements made between the people in said relationship.  It matters not what you or I think of her secret adventures.  However, if she really and truly sees nothing wrong with her cyber-adventures, she should have no reservations about telling her Master of them.  Aaaaah, and therein lies the rub.



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/7/2009 7:01:27 PM)

As a rule of thumb, if you have to ask... it's cheating.




Lockit -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/7/2009 10:38:52 PM)

If it isn't cheating... she ought to be able to share that with her master. Otherwise... I consider it jusfication of deceit, to excuse it as nothing. He doesn't know... I wouldn't consider it a nothing. I would consider that a huge something!



katzpur -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/8/2009 4:09:14 AM)

i am thinking, since she is unwilling to tell Him, she must know instinctively that He will disagree, and if she didnt think it wrong on some level, why  bothere asking? Choosing the roll of a sub/slave i believe implies that she should always differ first to His will, putting His needs and wants first (or have i been wrong all these yrs?)



sweetsub1957 -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/8/2009 8:00:18 AM)

That's what I was thinking, too, katzpur.



NymphetamineGirl -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/8/2009 10:16:08 AM)

I know a man who is recovering from a serious porn and webcam sex addiction. For him ( and I'm only talking about him), it was about acceptance, needing approval due to a deep-seated self esteem problem. Ironically, what he really needed was emotional exposure and warmth, the physical exposure was only symbolic, and the constant rejection afterwards ( cybering left him feeling used) fed the cycle, until he nearly put a .45 in his skull.

Not saying anything about your friend, but this kind of activity can be a sign of a serious issue that requires counseling or a 12-step group. Then again, so can BDSM lol, it all depends on the intentions and what it does for you. If it were my friend, I'd just ask her some pointed questions, but I would accept her choices and answers (since you can't change them anyway), and just be there for her when it all comes crashing down, cause it sounds like it will



ThatDamnedPanda -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/8/2009 12:15:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littleone35
She says it is not physical we are not even touching each other never even met face to face. Since it is not physical it is not cheating.



Of course she thinks it's cheating, or she wouldn't be hiding it from him. That makes at least three people she's lying to - him, you, and herself. Maybe more, depending on  what she's telling these other guys she's doing it with.



dragonseeker -> RE: Cheating or not? (12/8/2009 9:54:32 PM)

Cheating... if it was something that she knew was totally okay with her Master she would have shared it with him.
My Sire EXPECTS me to tell him about things before they occur and i would assume most subs/slaves have the same agreement with their Master/Dom ... if for any reason i got it into my head to not tell him something beforehand i would be severely [sm=crop.gif][sm=sm.gif]and the ignored for a duration of time. However cybersexing with multiple guys online behind my Sire back, *yikes* my Sire would most likely never forgive me. Maybe that is why she don't tell him about it.



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