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Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 12:24:15 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hi everybody,
Over the years, I've noticed that a lot of the submissives have "in service to" or "owned by" or whatever in their profiles.  On the other hand, the folks on the other side of the kneel often don't make a point of noting that they are involved with someone - however you define "involved". 

Honestly it irritates me.  I was gonna say something all diplomatic and sweet or something, but I think the bottom line is that it looks like deception.   I think the Domly / M-types who do that are looking for a way to just play the field and they are keeping a sub "for now" until "someone better comes along."   

Am I way off base?  What do you all think?


_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 12:32:19 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline 		The responses will vary according to the people involved and the dynamic.  I don't have a signature line that indicates my relationship status, but I've made references to it in posts where it's pertinent.  I also don't have an active profile, because I'm no longer looking.  My special one doesn't have anything in his signature line about being 'claimed', though his profile indicates that he's no longer looking.  Other people may well have more nefarious intentions, regardless of which side of the slash they're on.  Ultimately, as with any human relationship, it all comes down to earning someone's trust.  Unfortunately, some people are just good at deceiving others.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 12:35:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		He's not on this site. However we met on b.com and after about a year I asked him why the hell he never updated his profile to reflect me.

He didn't bother to because he had never gotten an unsolicited email from a fem sub in the three or four years he had been on the site. It frankly never occurred to him.

Had he gotten mail daily from wimmens begging him to drop me and add them, he probably would have thought of it. Since the only mail he ever got was from me, he never thought about it. However he did once I asked him to.

I think that this is true of most males here, they don't get unsolicited mail so they don't think about it. One of the reasons I changed my profile was hoping it would drive off the guys emailing me. Didn't work totally but I believe it helps some.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 12:39:22 PM   
onlyme32111


Posts: 25
Joined: 5/4/2008
Status: offline 		"I think the Domly / M-types who do that are looking for a way to just play the field and they are keeping a sub "for now" until "someone better comes along."

Why do you concern yourself with other people's business?

Seems you've already decided you know the answer and have judged them accordingly.



(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 12:39:26 PM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline 		I've even gone as far as starting a thread when I met Lockit, as letting the community here at CM know U/us as an exclusive D/s relationship was what W/we both wanted. Public announcements are the prerogative of the people involved.....

(in reply to Venatrix)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 1:05:21 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		My girl's in my profile and my sig, cos I'm proud to have her.

And I even get unsolicited emails, all from people who seem to have the same Nigerian uncle, but still...


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to Underumam)
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RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 1:20:30 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hey thanks folks.  I appreciate the input.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 1:20:49 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I'm honestly trying to remember how long I've had clip's name in My signature line and/or profile.  It hasn't been for the entire time that I've been here.  I know that just from the dates.  I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to pin it down for you.

However, I do know that I have always specifically stated that I currently have males in My life.  Anybody who would have an interest should be coming in with the knowledge that they are 'in addition to' and not instead of.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 1:27:02 PM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline 		Sunshinemiss-

Your comment probably holds true for more than a few D types; Um, deception and cheating are not exactly unheard of online. In fact, some men, even in reallife, have been known to keep several girls juggling in the air, unaware of each other. Shocking, but true.

But you may be using too broad a brush. For some it may be nothing more than the difference between the genders; when a man gives a girl an engagement ring, he doesn't immediately call his friends and squeal with excitement over a lunch.
For many women, especially submissive women, their self-identity is very much defined by their man; This is why even in a post-feminist age, many women still change their surname.
Men don't tend to see their woman as so integral a part of their identity; I prominently and often speak of Kim only because she exemplifies so much that is perfect and right with women.

Oh- and we men tend to be a bit clueless about how things like this affect women's feelings.

Never ascribe to malice, that which can be explained by stupidity.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 1:30:12 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onlyme32111

"I think the Domly / M-types who do that are looking for a way to just play the field and they are keeping a sub "for now" until "someone better comes along."

Why do you concern yourself with other people's business?

Seems you've already decided you know the answer and have judged them accordingly.





Why do you concern *yourself* with what anyone other than *you* have posted?

Your second post ever, is taken in the spirit in which it was delivered.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to onlyme32111)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 1:32:43 PM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		His profile says he's *Happy and not looking, experienced, cynical and usually in control*......Mine says * Owned by someone experienced, cynical and usually in control*....

Neither of us mentions the other as neither of us care that much about a profile here.

agirl

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 1:38:25 PM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		i have the owned by thing on my profile here....because i get all kinds of unsolicited and borderline retarded messages from men who blanket email everyone by the looks of the content. And, ill have to admit...it doesnt even work. im only on CM at all for the boards, i have only met quality people from CM via the discussion side, i am racking my brain to think of someone that i have met in person from the ad side....im fairly slutty, so im sure that i have.....bah!....i need more coffee!

On Fet i have it listed cuz im proud of it. i dont get trolled over there, its more network-y in feel to me.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 1:55:58 PM   
Musicmystery


Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Hi everybody,
Over the years, I've noticed that a lot of the submissives have "in service to" or "owned by" or whatever in their profiles.  On the other hand, the folks on the other side of the kneel often don't make a point of noting that they are involved with someone - however you define "involved". 

Honestly it irritates me.  I was gonna say something all diplomatic and sweet or something, but I think the bottom line is that it looks like deception.   I think the Domly / M-types who do that are looking for a way to just play the field and they are keeping a sub "for now" until "someone better comes along."   

Am I way off base?  What do you all think?



I have twice been in a serious relationship during my sojourn here at CMland.

Both times, it was about as far from secret as it's possible to be, especially among the Goreans.

So yes, I think you're way off base.

Now...are there men who act deceptively? Sure. There are lots of women too--I've learned to ask up front "Are you married?"

When everyone involved is playing more casually, and everyone is honest about what is and what isn't going on, I don't see any problem--nor the need to keep everyone current with a play by play of my sex life--or my partners' lives.




< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 11/27/2009 2:01:35 PM >

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 2:01:52 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Another thing that MIGHT be something worth considering is that women often consider themself 'in' a relationship earlier than men do.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 2:05:38 PM   
EbonyWood


Posts: 2044
Joined: 7/8/2005
Status: offline 		I find profile notes, signatures and tag lines to be very factual.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 2:07:20 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
Hi everybody,
Over the years, I've noticed that a lot of the submissives have "in service to" or "owned by" or whatever in their profiles.  On the other hand, the folks on the other side of the kneel often don't make a point of noting that they are involved with someone - however you define "involved".


I think that it's important to those on both sides but to many submissives it is also important to them to shout it from the rooftops. I just think the dominants are more laid back about it for the most part.

quote:


Honestly it irritates me.  I was gonna say something all diplomatic and sweet or something, but I think the bottom line is that it looks like deception.


I think that anyone can find deception if they look for it hard enough and some can find it without even breaking a sweat.

quote:


Am I way off base?


I'd say so, yes.



_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 2:23:03 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Well, from one of those squealy, excitable girls mentioned earlier, I know it was a lesson in patience before I was even allowed to post anything that pointed to my partnering being a relationship. He takes things at a much slower pace. He steps carefully, as he has had the landmines that are silly little girl emotions blow up on him before. That being said, even after I was permitted to place such out in the open, he does not list me. It is a matter of protection. My stating that I have a dominant partner is protective to me at least to some degree. Showing me as his partner opens up attempts to hurt him through me, poaching efforts, and more. He also draws the occasional controversy, so I would be more or less in the line of fire when that occurs. I am content with where I am. It took me a long time to really understand and this is a very condensed explanation with a lot of intimate details left out, but he has his reasons and I accept them. I can do this because he has earned my trust every step of the way. Fear of deception dissipates over time.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 2:37:02 PM   
devilishpixie


Posts: 1044
Joined: 10/15/2009
Status: offline 		Both nubian muscle's profile and mine state that we are involved with one another. It was only natural for us to do so. My sig line also makes my status very clear. I do like to scream it from the mountains so to speak.

Before I meet NM I was speaking with a dom who wanted me to put him in my profile but refused to put me in his. That made it clear to me that he was still "playing the field".

< Message edited by devilishpixie -- 11/27/2009 2:38:01 PM >

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 2:44:50 PM   
KateyCaine


Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Well, from one of those squealy, excitable girls mentioned earlier, I know it was a lesson in patience before I was even allowed to post anything that pointed to my partnering being a relationship. He takes things at a much slower pace. He steps carefully, as he has had the landmines that are silly little girl emotions blow up on him before. That being said, even after I was permitted to place such out in the open, he does not list me. It is a matter of protection. My stating that I have a dominant partner is protective to me at least to some degree. Showing me as his partner opens up attempts to hurt him through me, poaching efforts, and more. He also draws the occasional controversy, so I would be more or less in the line of fire when that occurs. I am content with where I am. It took me a long time to really understand and this is a very condensed explanation with a lot of intimate details left out, but he has his reasons and I accept them. I can do this because he has earned my trust every step of the way. Fear of deception dissipates over time.

lovingpet


i like the comment about patience and squealy, excitable girls, lovingpet. i too am am a card-carrying member of the "needs to learn patience" club :) *SMILES*

i don't really know why the OP has brought this up, as a Dom/Master not mentioning their sub/slave on their profile or signature does NOT denote not caring. They might just be very reserved, private people who guard their personal life. Master Charles, for example, does not feel the need to advertise His ownership of me, as He tends to guard His personal life and His feelings from the public forum very protectively indeed. OP, this doesn't mean that He values me or cares for me any less; and to tar ALL Doms/Masters who don't publicise their status or Their ownership of their sub/slave, with a player's brush, is insulting to all the genuine D/s or M/s relationships out there/

my two cents,
k.

_____________________________

Proud to be owned and cherished by Master Charles (Gauge)

i wear His collar on my heart; and wherever i am, i know He is with me.

His love and my devotion and service to Him are stronger than leather or steel.

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Announcing relationships - 11/27/2009 2:54:39 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		i think that for some male D types on here the whole 'rolling stone collects no moss' thing coupled with the freedom to be the archetypal alpha male, prowling the corridors for available and unavailable damsels is like a chocoholic being let loose in a chocolate factory. its all about being that successful man about town, cept its here in anonymous land. its behaviour that anywhere else is considered out of order and yet here in cyber land is more than possible with endless rheams of available women that wouldnt otherwise be within their grasp. its all too much temptation for some.

i think its a shame really and has probably ruined many a relationship.

ive also noticed that when a D type realises that he has skills and attributes that are unique to him and hard to find he feels he should share his prowess amongst those less fortunate souls without an M to call their own. equally annoying for the attached slave/sub.

but i also know that many a guy just doesnt think along those lines and it really doesnt occur to them to make that sort of statement, they dont feel its necessary and/or they dont feel such a statement of ownership/attachment needs to be made public, theye often way more private about that sort of stuff.

in many ways thats why we (women) value the statement so highly, for a guy to proudly announce his ownership is going that extra mile that theyre chemical make up really doesnt put as priority on the whole

in the end its a man thing, and really, to be honest, what woman really knows what goes on in their heads half the time

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 20
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