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Drifa -> RE: Community (11/28/2009 5:38:58 PM)
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Obviously someone told you something about these untruths. When Person A says such a thing in your hearing, turn to them immediately and ask them where exactly they got this information. Press firmly until they name name Person B as the originator.
The key on your end is to stay absolutely calm and unemotional about it, very businesslike. You know how it is when your boss calls you into their office to discuss work performance with you? You are playing the "boss" role here and you want the same professionalism. If you allow yourself to become emotional, cry, or be shrill, it becomes very easy to dismiss what you are saying. If you are calm and professional, then you have put them on the spot.
Next, go to Person B. Explain to them that Person A mentioned that Person B had said X, Y, and Z about you. Then say, "I wanted to come to you directly to see if that is, in fact, what you said, or if there has been a misunderstanding." And see what they say. If Person B says the rumor or lies started with Person C, repeat the process and talk directly to Person C about it.
Most people, dominant or sub, would generally rather have their toenails pulled out with white hot pliers than be confronted verbally this way. They may lie and deny, but if EVERY TIME these issues come up you have these talks, it provides an incredibly powerful incentive to stop the 5th grade gosspiy bullshit. Don't let a single mention pass, stay firm, polite, and calm during the talks.
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