RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement?

RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (Full Version)

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honeygirl -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (11/29/2009 1:31:27 PM)
Ditto. Sorry, OP. I know it must suck. You could wish he'd be a man and just tell you, but that isn't the case a lot of times. quote: ORIGINAL: JustSayin I'm not good for you = i wish you would go away. it's not you, it's me = i'm just not that into you. you are too demanding = i'm just not that into you. i'm not ready for a srs relationship = i'm just not that into you i'm can't give you what you need, i'm bad news, ect = i wish you would go away.

Acer49 -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (11/29/2009 3:52:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: submissive2pleas I have been in D/s relationship for 9 months as a submissive. We were in love and exclusive, but things had been difficult for a few months. He seemed to be pulling back and I was asking constantly for his time, attention, etc. Recently, my Dom decided he needed a slave he could own. Not for anything other than using and more pain play than I can usually handle. I had some problems with this as the relationship was started in secret and I found out. I was open to being part of three, but had some requests. Instead of entertaining these, he just shut me down, said he wasn't sure he was ready for a serious relationship...yadda, yadda. I was devastated. Now we are talking, but he still seems unsure...he sometimes says he doesn't think he is good for me. As a sub, I am just not sure what to make of it. Do I just give him space, or tell him to leave me alone...is this something anyone else has experienced...a Dom wanting a slave on side of primary sub relationship. How can I navigate? Help Dominants with honor do not go behind the submissive's back and enter into relationships Dominants with honor do not shut the submissive's down, they communicate until such time is a decision which is acceptible for both is worked out Dominants of honor would not consider one play activity so important that is it worth tossing the whole relationship. If he is being true and his only desire is to inflict more pain on her than you, there is absolutely no reason you could not be present during these sessions, If he balks at this I may be inclined to think that it is more than just the play activity that is desired.

thishereboi -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (11/29/2009 4:00:48 PM)
Ya know I have to really wonder about this. According to your other post, that you made 1/2 hour after this thread... http://www.collarchat.com/m_2913104/mpage_2/key_/tm.htm#2925262 quote: ORIGINAL: submissive2pleas My Dom is sex addict and he has recently fallen off the wagon I think. It's very hard as how can I as a sub place limits. I continue to try to engage and encourage him, but it is hard as he is happy with what he is doing. I have an ex who is an alcoholic and I think the issues are the same--they have to want to change. As a sub/slave we can only point it out, try to work through it and take what we can take. I am on the verge of saying I can't take any more. One thing is in a 12 step program, they have a sponsor or accountability partner. Encouraging honesty with that person is good. As that person has been through it, knows the BS and will call him on it. Honesty is so important and I think an important place to start. between sub and dom. I insist on it. If you can get him to talk about his cravings and needs, not judge, but try to understand, it's a good start. But in my case, he wants to pursue another just for a pain slave...something I can't give him entirely. I have to decide if I want to accept him having what he calls a "non-emotional" physical relationship with a slave. He says it's just because he totally craves to own one and doesn't want that to me as he values me too much. I am happy he is honest with me and I think that's good, but I am finding it very painful to accept his desires. It's very hard to recognize his dominant sexual desires and honor them, and ask him to be monogamous. And you are right, vanilla friends, counselors, etc, don't understand. Only you can decide what you can take an how far you can go. But I agree it is nebulous at best, as we want to be with our dom. All I can say is, don't be an enabler...know your limits, and stick to them,...good advice for you...and me! Write down what you minially need...share it with him. Be willing to be non-judgemental and to let him know when he has crossed a boundary for you. If you can work through it, you will be stronger. I am also confused as to why your profiles says your actively seeking male dominants?

kiwisub12 -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (11/29/2009 5:35:18 PM)
To the OP - yes, you should be concerned.

WendyMorning -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (12/14/2009 6:36:39 AM)
Hello.....Say "Goodbye"

wisdomtogive -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (12/14/2009 2:40:29 PM)
Thanks thisherboi Be it as it may, from reading this post and the other, OP maybe hun you are addicted to men like this? It happens and it is hard to be honest with ourself. Been there and done that myself. It was when I stop making excuses for the last Dom, that I was able to free myself. I do wonder if that was the same Dom that Renee made mention of. :) Some people are experts in lying, but in reality no one beats the lies we tell ourselves.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (12/14/2009 6:40:24 PM)
These are the kinds of things that always boggle my mind. Should you be concerned? You obviously ARE concerned, so what is the point of asking? Should you accept this kind of behavior? Was it what you signed up for? D/s and M/s relationships are different in many ways not just from vanilla relationships but from person to person, but one thing always remains constant....If your partner is asking you to engage in activities that you find morally reprehensible, do not make you happy, and in fact have you stressing on a regular basis, end the relationship! I don't care how "slavely" one might be, you serve because it makes you HAPPY to do so. If it makes you feel like shit, miserable and insufficient, there is no "rule" that says you have to put up with it because you said you would be "his slave."

antipode -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (12/14/2009 6:46:39 PM)
quote: How can I navigate? Ah, no profile. Bye.

UrMyboi -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (12/14/2009 7:08:29 PM)
He wants out, but will not tell you.

Firebirdseeking -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (12/14/2009 7:42:08 PM)
Its distressing that you are somehow reading this different than you would any other relationship. Just because you have a D/s or M/s relationship doesnt mean that common sense and the usual relationship standards dont apply. Your "master" is lacking in integrity. Is this what you want?

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (12/14/2009 9:22:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WendyMorning Hello.....Say "Goodbye" Hi Wendy!!! [sm=friends.gif]

Surrenderwithin -> RE: Should I be concerned with dom wanting pain slave w/o my involvement? (12/15/2009 6:33:28 AM)
Personally, I would not bother navigating it. I could not and would not stay with someone who did something like that behind my back. Trust is important to me and my self respect. I can only be committed to someone who is above board and honest... especially when I place my life in that ones hands. just sayin'

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