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ORIGINAL: JustSayin

I'm not good for you = i wish you would go away.

it's not you, it's me = i'm just not that into you.

you are too demanding = i'm just not that into you.

i'm not ready for a srs relationship = i'm just not that into you

i'm can't give you what you need, i'm bad news, ect = i wish you would go away.

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ORIGINAL: submissive2pleas

I have been in D/s relationship for 9 months as a submissive.  We were in love and exclusive, but things had been difficult for a few months.  He seemed to be pulling back and I was asking constantly for his time, attention, etc.  Recently, my Dom decided he needed a slave he could own.  Not for anything other than using and more pain play than I can usually handle.  I had some problems with this as the relationship was started in secret and I found out. I was open to being part of three, but had some requests. Instead of entertaining these, he just shut me down, said he wasn't sure he was ready for a serious relationship...yadda, yadda.  I was devastated.  Now we are talking, but he still seems unsure...he sometimes says he doesn't think he is good for me.  As a sub, I am just not sure what to make of it.  Do I just give him space, or tell him to leave me alone...is this something anyone else has experienced...a Dom wanting a slave on side of primary sub relationship.  How can I navigate? Help

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ORIGINAL: submissive2pleas

My Dom is sex addict and he has recently fallen off the wagon I think.  It's very hard as how can I as a sub place limits.  I continue to try to engage and encourage him, but it is hard as he is happy with what he is doing. I have an ex who is an alcoholic and I think the issues are the same--they have to want to change. As a sub/slave we can only point it out, try to work through it and take what we can take. I am on the verge of saying I can't take any more.

One thing is in a 12 step program, they have a sponsor or accountability partner.  Encouraging honesty with that person is good.  As that person has been through it, knows the BS and will call him on it.

Honesty is so important and I think an important place to start. between sub and dom. I insist on it. If you can get him to talk about his cravings and needs, not judge, but try to understand, it's a good start.  But in my case, he wants to pursue another just for a pain slave...something I can't give him entirely. I have to decide if I want to accept him having what he calls a "non-emotional" physical relationship with a slave. He says it's just because he totally craves to own one and doesn't want that to me as he values me too much. I am happy he is honest with me and I think that's good, but I am finding it very painful to accept his desires.  It's very hard to recognize his dominant sexual desires and honor them, and ask him to be monogamous.  And you are right, vanilla friends, counselors, etc, don't understand. 

Only you can decide what you can take an how far you can go.  But I agree it is nebulous at best, as we want to be with our dom.  All I can say is, don't be an enabler...know your limits, and stick to them,...good advice for you...and me! Write down what you minially need...share it with him.  Be willing to be non-judgemental and to let him know when he has crossed a boundary for you.  If you can work through it, you will be stronger.

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How can I navigate?

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ORIGINAL: WendyMorning

Hello.....Say "Goodbye"