RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happened to you?

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happened to you?

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happened to you?

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happened to you? - 11/29/2009 9:47:43 PM

andru

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/31/2009
Status: offline

This type of situation can only happen if you let it happen. As a Dom, you owe it to your sub or slave or partner-type to stay in control of the situation. I find that spankings are a good way to enforce discipline in a relationship.

(in reply to Kat713)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happened to you? - 11/29/2009 9:58:49 PM

Daddysredhead

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

nm

< Message edited by Daddysredhead -- 11/29/2009 10:01:01 PM >

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to andru)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happened to you? - 11/29/2009 10:16:02 PM

stevexoxo

Posts: 1
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline

I think a good dom will look deep in the heart of a sub/slave and let her go so she can find what she needs.
As a master i believe a good sub/slave match bonds people, and some people you meet are still learning about what they need as a sub/slave. It’s not their fault they progress differently to the way they thought they would like to be. I say let her find what she really needs, life is to short.
Steve xoxo

(in reply to Kat713)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happend to you? - 11/29/2009 10:25:17 PM

KateyCaine

Posts: 274
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenPenelope

Have you ever come across a woman sub who at first seemed she wanted a Dom but then was more looking for a father figure? I have known this Dom for almost 3 years and he has told me that he is having a hard time with his sub, that she acts immature and more like she is looking for a father not a Dom. She cries when he does not pay her any attention and will even break things to get his attention. If he is gone from home and she does not know where he is she will call him hundreds of times screaming and crying and begging for him to come home. He said he wants to end the relationship but is afraid if he does she will possibly harm herself. Has this happened to you and if so what did you do to end the relationship?

Honestly, this doesn't sound like someone who's after a father-figure - this woman sounds pretty unstable, plain and simple, from your account. Especially the fact that he is afraid that she will harm herself..Does she have a history of self-harm or similar behavior? We all have insecurities, need to feel cherished and nurtured, and/or fears of abandonment; however the fact that she is even breaking things to gain his attention indicates a severe underlying problem. There is a line between expected levels of insecurity and need; and unhealthy reactions to situations. She is using tantrums and toddler-like reactions to get her own way, even resorting to emotional blackmail (the phone calls) to get what she wants, via manipulation.

If she chooses to harm herself as a result of this Dom ending the relationship, it will be HER choice - there is nothing he can do. He shouldn't stay with her out of guilt or fear of her self-destructing. That isn't a valid reason for anyone to stay.

He needs to "bite the bullet" and let her know that this is not working for him, and that he is not happy. He also needs to communicate why, so that she won't have any unanswered questions, loose ends or false hope of getting back together, sprouting in her mind. He should let her know that these destructive behaviors are not healthy, and will sabotage any relationship if she doesn't get help for them.

k.

_____________________________

Proud to be owned and cherished by Master Charles (Gauge)

i wear His collar on my heart; and wherever i am, i know He is with me.

His love and my devotion and service to Him are stronger than leather or steel.

(in reply to QueenPenelope)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happend to you? - 11/30/2009 12:51:05 AM

domrader

Posts: 12
Joined: 11/8/2009
Status: offline

I too had a very similar situation. This girl had a long bad history and it resulted in a self loathing, cutting, emotionally unstable person. That had to talk to me 24/7, would not get off the phone, and basically all around tried to top from the bottom. The cutting I eliminated through punishment. The emotion had to be treated pyschologically. We had a lot of talks where I took her through her irrational thinking, broke it down, and reversed it. The thing that made me end it, was how much of my time it all required and a problem with compulsive lying. I could not have a long distance D/s relationship with a sub that lied constantly because their truthful feedback is vital to me. Chances are unfortunately that all these behaviors have returned in my absence, possibly worse.

(in reply to KateyCaine)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happend to you? - 11/30/2009 9:18:59 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE... READ WHAT YOUR WROTE!!!

quote:

ORIGINAL: QueenPenelope

Have you ever come across a woman sub who at first seemed she wanted a Dom but then was more looking for a father figure? I have known this Dom for almost 3 years and he has told me that he is having a hard time with his sub, that she acts immature and more like she is looking for a father not a Dom. She cries when he does not pay her any attention and will even break things to get his attention. If he is gone from home and she does not know where he is she will call him hundreds of times screaming and crying and begging for him to come home.

Contrary to what you might think... SHE IS A SUB; she's just of the "Little Girl" sort (a bratty one) and wants her Dom to be a.... <drum roll>... "DADDY DOM" to her!!! I mean... DUH?!!

quote:

He said he wants to end the relationship but is afraid if he does she will possibly harm herself.

I don't buy that for a second... this is just HIS EXCUSE for justifying not ending the relationship. It's nonsense... anyone who truly doesn't want to be involved with another ends things. Period. If he's open to her calling him "Daddy" and taking that role, at times, then all will be fine. If this is something he can't stomach (i.e., just not into that dynamic... at all) then the problems (i.e, attention seeking) will continue.

Bottom Line: He's not truly looking to end the relationship, or he would have. Rather, he'd just like some of the attention-seeking bratty behavior to end. And so... given she's looking for a "Daddy" type to DISCIPLINE her, then he can take that role... set the RULES he expects to be followed... and when they're not, CONSISTENTLY PUNISH HER SEVERELY (i.e., should be something she absolutely hates, or it won't work) EACH AND EVERY TIME. The bratty behavoir will soon stop.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to QueenPenelope)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happend to you? - 11/30/2009 11:07:23 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
Bottom Line: He's not truly looking to end the relationship, or he would have. Rather, he'd just like some of the attention-seeking bratty behavior to end. And so... given she's looking for a "Daddy" type to DISCIPLINE her, then he can take that role... set the RULES he expects to be followed... and when they're not, CONSISTENTLY PUNISH HER SEVERELY (i.e., should be something she absolutely hates, or it won't work) EACH AND EVERY TIME. The bratty behavoir will soon stop.

Maybe he just doesn't get off on being manipulated, or he doesn't want to be a service dom?

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happend to you? - 12/2/2009 5:41:45 PM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
Bottom Line: He's not truly looking to end the relationship, or he would have. Rather, he'd just like some of the attention-seeking bratty behavior to end. And so... given she's looking for a "Daddy" type to DISCIPLINE her, then he can take that role... set the RULES he expects to be followed... and when they're not, CONSISTENTLY PUNISH HER SEVERELY (i.e., should be something she absolutely hates, or it won't work) EACH AND EVERY TIME. The bratty behavoir will soon stop.

Maybe he just doesn't get off on being manipulated, or he doesn't want to be a service dom?

By thinking in this way, any Toppy involved in training/discipline would be considered a "service dom" and is "being manipulated". To end undesired behavor, create a consistent scenario where said undesired behavior results in something another truly hates.

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happened to you? - 12/2/2009 10:03:46 PM

Thatbastard

Posts: 25
Joined: 11/26/2009
Status: offline

You know, I don't wanna piss anyone off, but why is everyone so freakin' callous here? Why so quick to line up to kick somebody? Someone has emotional issues and everyone's answer is slap her or something? Aren't we lifestyle folks supposed to be the ones who are about understanding and accepting people's issues? I hate to tell you this but most of the people out there really would say the same stuff about all of us. I thought we were supposed to be different.

And I thought I was supposed to be the bastard. Sheesh!

(By the way, if anyone does get pissed off by this or any other and decides to flame me, first off, sorry, my apologies, I don't mean to offend anyone, and second, based on past experience, once I post I never go back and read the replies, so I'm not going to end up getting offended or arguing with anyone. Jus' sayin'.)

If anyone might become a danger to themselves based on what another does, they need to be taken to get help. They likely won't cooperate. A firm stand and an explanation that refusal will preclude further contact is the best policy for all. Informing friends and loved ones of their state regardless of their protests is also adviseable.

(in reply to Kat713)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happened to you? - 12/3/2009 12:30:35 AM

Thatbastard

Posts: 25
Joined: 11/26/2009
Status: offline

For some reason it won't let me edit my last post. But, I feel badly on how I phrased it, and wanted to clarify. I was careless when I said "Everyone". I suppose I was trying not to single people out. There are quite a few people on here who's thoughts I rather admire, and who I sincerely wouldn't want thinking that I felt that way of them.

Others I don't so much mind offending, but we won't go there.

At any rate, my apologies for my poorly chosen words.

(See? In another thread I mentioned that I screw up all the time!)

(in reply to Thatbastard)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happend to you? - 12/3/2009 4:02:20 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
Bottom Line: He's not truly looking to end the relationship, or he would have. Rather, he'd just like some of the attention-seeking bratty behavior to end. And so... given she's looking for a "Daddy" type to DISCIPLINE her, then he can take that role... set the RULES he expects to be followed... and when they're not, CONSISTENTLY PUNISH HER SEVERELY (i.e., should be something she absolutely hates, or it won't work) EACH AND EVERY TIME. The bratty behavoir will soon stop.

Maybe he just doesn't get off on being manipulated, or he doesn't want to be a service dom?

By thinking in this way, any Toppy involved in training/discipline would be considered a "service dom" and is "being manipulated". To end undesired behavor, create a consistent scenario where said undesired behavior results in something another truly hates.

I've been in the situation, at the very beginning of my life with my girl...wayyy before any thoughts of the M/s lifestyle we now follow. I nipped it in the bud fast. Sure, she's tried since, but I just don't do emotional blackmail, and she knows it.

This Dom certainly needs to grow a pair and either get rid, or tell her to grow up and quit with the emotional blackmail. A healthy dose of cornertime wouldn't hurt, either.

If he gives in and fits into the Daddy role she seems to be wanting, then for sure, he's been manipulated and will be providing a service rather than dealing with the situation on his own terms.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to MasterSlaveLA)

Profile

Post #: 31

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happend to you? - 12/3/2009 9:44:38 AM

MasterSlaveLA

Posts: 3991
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
Bottom Line: He's not truly looking to end the relationship, or he would have. Rather, he'd just like some of the attention-seeking bratty behavior to end. And so... given she's looking for a "Daddy" type to DISCIPLINE her, then he can take that role... set the RULES he expects to be followed... and when they're not, CONSISTENTLY PUNISH HER SEVERELY (i.e., should be something she absolutely hates, or it won't work) EACH AND EVERY TIME. The bratty behavoir will soon stop.

Maybe he just doesn't get off on being manipulated, or he doesn't want to be a service dom?

By thinking in this way, any Toppy involved in training/discipline would be considered a "service dom" and is "being manipulated". To end undesired behavor, create a consistent scenario where said undesired behavior results in something another truly hates.

I've been in the situation, at the very beginning of my life with my girl...wayyy before any thoughts of the M/s lifestyle we now follow. I nipped it in the bud fast. Sure, she's tried since, but I just don't do emotional blackmail, and she knows it.

This Dom certainly needs to grow a pair and either get rid, or tell her to grow up and quit with the emotional blackmail. A healthy dose of cornertime wouldn't hurt, either.

If he gives in and fits into the Daddy role she seems to be wanting, then for sure, he's been manipulated and will be providing a service rather than dealing with the situation on his own terms.

Ah... okay, it's the "Daddy" (and not the punishment) component that was the impetus for your post. Got it. However, consider the following:

1) Given they're in a 24/7 dynamic, chances are the "Daddy" thing is NOT new news to him. Those who have this kink tend to be pretty forthcoming about it; maybe not by acutally using the word "Daddy", but by falling into the "little girl" ROLE pretty early on, as that's just how those who are into this dynamic are wired. Said Dom likely just ignored this and was only thinking of getting laid, but now it's come back to bite him on the ass.

2) Even if the "Daddy" thing is new news... this still doesn't prevent him from severely and consistently punishing her (in whatever manner would work best with her) to discourage any future bratty behavior. She's clearly taken the "daughter/little girl" role, and as such, is acting out because she WANTS the rules, boundaries, and discipline associated with that role. Give them to her... along with the consequences for disobedience. That's not "serving" her... that's "training" her.

< Message edited by MasterSlaveLA -- 12/3/2009 9:47:56 AM >

_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Profile

Post #: 32

RE: Male Doms: Has this ever happened to you? - 12/3/2009 10:17:25 AM

Scheherazade

Posts: 41
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

He sounds like another young one (you are 22) who just isn't dominant. I've had it with the college age and young 'doms.' They are badboy jerks all to often and not really dominant. I looked elsewhere and my daddy is much older and so much better.

Daddy set rules with me before we even met for the first time and from that first date, I got it, I was to obey him...period. I do, I love it and I love him.

(in reply to Kat713)

Profile

Post #: 33