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slavejali -> Tired slave (3/14/2006 2:59:55 AM)
Hi all, Ive had a really tiring day mentally and physically. Someone I know who has had mental health issues became quite unwell again today, as I am just about the only person she trusts, it was up to me to take her for assessment. After her first assessment by the local mental health team, they recommended she be admitted to a psychiatric institution...they strongly suggested I needed to take her ( it was a 2.5 hour drive away)....I agreed..I called Master at work and told him what was happening...he called me back a few minutes later and said his work had said that he should leave for the day and come with me as they were concerned for my safety as was Master. I have tried to protect her for so long against having to be institutionlised, knowing her fear of being locked up, I felt for most of the journey like I was abandoning her, or betraying her. She sat quietly in the back of the car all the way. I attended the admission interview and had to describe behaviors etc. She was answering every question they asked, trusting that I had taken her to a place which would help her, yet she was so terrified at the same time. After she was admitted, I walked around the ward with her and then came tme for goodbye, she clung to me..fuck.... I couldnt look back as I left, I couldnt stand to see her watching me leave. I know she needs professional help, I know she needs a proper diagnosis, I know this is the only place she can get that....just cant shake the feeling I have failed her in some way. I'm so glad Master drove us....so so glad. Anyone else have any experience in this area? Addition: Another thing Im feeling in this meld of emotions and thoughts is..I feel guilty..i feel guilty for feeling relieved of the responsbility. Another addition: I would ask this when there is hardly anyone on here hey..well this slave is going to bed..will check back in the morning.

RavenMuse -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 4:23:19 AM)
Stop blaiming yourself. You obviously did everything you could and there are limits to what anyone person CAN do. Past a certain point they need a TEAM of trained professionals and she is now in such a place. Having worked with the psyche department closely when I was dealing with mental handicapt "Challenging behaviour" cases I am better than most at dealing with such things and frankly I'd have 99% likely had to do the same thing at the same time you did. It is simply the reality of what your friend needs by way of support and treatment for her problem. Your reaction is all to common, sweetie. When we care so much we WANT to be enough to pull them through. Sometimes we can be, but there is a limit and this situation looks to have been beyond that limit. You did the right thing. She has a good and dear friend who will no doubt be very helpful when she comes out again by giving her the support she needs in her recovery. But she needs professional help to begin to recover first.

Cloudz -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 4:49:17 AM)
jali love, I hope you slept, I know how difficult it can be. You did the right thing. Unfortunately the right thing doesn't always feel good. Emotions are simply emotions they are not right or wrong. What we do with them, however, matters. When the guilt becomes too much, remember the WHY of what was needed, not the painful feelings. Your friend is where she needs to be. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk about your feelings over doing the right thing. Guilt is a useless, sometimes destructive emotion...but it can be quite pervasive. Be well.

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 8:55:53 AM)
jali, She knew where she was going and sat quietly in the back of the car for a 2 1/2 hour road trip. She was terrified, but answered the questions. She knows she is beyond the beyond, and I am sure she is grateful that you supported her through this trip. She probably would not have done it on her own, and she might have never screwed up the courage to stand up and say, herself, that she needs the professional help she can get at a psychiatric institution. I sounds like she made a decision but she just needed a gentle push in the right direction. You did a good thing. Rest, and be there for her when permitted. All will turn out as it is supposed to. I admire you, jali.

LaMalinche -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 9:05:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Hi all, Ive had a really tiring day mentally and physically. Someone I know who has had mental health issues became quite unwell again today, as I am just about the only person she trusts, it was up to me to take her for assessment. After her first assessment by the local mental health team, they recommended she be admitted to a psychiatric institution...they strongly suggested I needed to take her ( it was a 2.5 hour drive away)....I agreed..I called Master at work and told him what was happening...he called me back a few minutes later and said his work had said that he should leave for the day and come with me as they were concerned for my safety as was Master. I have tried to protect her for so long against having to be institutionlised, knowing her fear of being locked up, I felt for most of the journey like I was abandoning her, or betraying her. She sat quietly in the back of the car all the way. I attended the admission interview and had to describe behaviors etc. She was answering every question they asked, trusting that I had taken her to a place which would help her, yet she was so terrified at the same time. After she was admitted, I walked around the ward with her and then came tme for goodbye, she clung to me..fuck.... I couldnt look back as I left, I couldnt stand to see her watching me leave. I know she needs professional help, I know she needs a proper diagnosis, I know this is the only place she can get that....just cant shake the feeling I have failed her in some way. I'm so glad Master drove us....so so glad. Anyone else have any experience in this area? Addition: Another thing Im feeling in this meld of emotions and thoughts is..I feel guilty..i feel guilty for feeling relieved of the responsbility. Another addition: I would ask this when there is hardly anyone on here hey..well this slave is going to bed..will check back in the morning. Yes, slavejali, it is all YOUR fault! <that was scarcasm> But really, being but into a psych ward can be a good thing. . . You cannot do it all. You did not fail her. You even made sure that she got there safely instead of having to be taken in an ambulance or police patrol car. Your friend was likely quiet because she was thinking of all the things she has seen/heard about. Psych wards are not like "Girl Interupted" anymore or "One Flew Over the Cukoo's Nest". Although they can be scary plaves to be. You do not need to feel guilty. She will get the help she needs. Perhaps not permanatly, but at least for a time. She is likely worried about being stigmatized. If you would like to continue helping. . . Make sure she has things she needs, like, 20 dollars pocket money, cigs (if she smokes), hair care items, clothing, a card once in a while, cookies, a visit if you can manage it (five hour round trip is tough to do, I know), make-up if she wears it, books, a flower (FTD. . . baby), her bathing suit, flip-flops, and to know that you still value her and that she is not diminished in your eyes by this. Do not tell her that you feel guilty, in fact, again I say stop feeling guilty. She does not need that added to whatever she is going through, and you do not need it for being a caring and compassionate individual. At some point she may be angry with you. Let it slide off. It is a process. Nothing more. If I can help further, email me, I have some personal knowledge on this. You did the best that you knew to do. Let that be enough. Best, LaMalinche

Submotive -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 9:42:28 AM)
i wrap my arms around you. i know how difficult that was to do - i have been there. i believe what you did was loving and loving doesn't always feel good. you are an incredible friend. Stop and think for a moment. What other choice did you really have? She couldn't take care of herself, you couldn't take care of her - she needs professional help, to be somewhere where she can't harm herself. You did what had to be done. So beg your Master for something just as intense as these emotions, that may help. That's what i do. When the day has lashed me with intense emotions, i beg for some physical intensity - it works.

slavejali -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 12:29:17 PM)
Thanks for the kind replies everyone. Master had a little chat with me before bed and I woke up at 4am and read these replies, went back to bed and have woken up feeling better about the whole thing.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 12:35:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali She was answering every question they asked, trusting that I had taken her to a place which would help her, yet she was so terrified at the same time. She trusted you, and you did not let her down. Take your comfort in that. It was a brave and loving action on the part of your and your master. Be very, very, gentle with yourself for the next little while. Pampering is good...in whatever form that takes, chocolate, venting by art, a good flogging...Whatever it takes. Hugs, Cin

RosaB -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 3:01:38 PM)
I think you are one remarkably wonderful friend. I've not been in your exact same shoes, but I've experienced similar emotions of watching the confinement of a loved one. My baby brother, (the last of my siblings,) when I was in my late teens, I visited him in a place called Grassland in NY. After that visit, I could never again step on the grounds of such an institution. I was devistated for him and not strong enough to face the situation again. I wasn't even strong enough to do so for his sake. All I could do was cry and agonize over my own weakness of not being able to be a supportive force for him at that time. It also reminded me of a time I had seen him in a fetal position in place where I'm sure was off limits to me at the time, I was just 10 at that time and don't know how I was able to see him curled up like that in this incabator like contraption. I digress. So I applaud you for being able to get your friend through as much of the process as you were humanly able to. Your friend is truly blessed to have you in her life. You did good by her.. Btw, my brother is doing very well these days, he still suffers with mental illness, but is doing amazily well and functions as well as most people out here in the world. I am glad to hear that you are feeling better. Like I said, you did good by your friend and have no reason to feel any guilt. Hugs, Rosa quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Thanks for the kind replies everyone. Master had a little chat with me before bed and I woke up at 4am and read these replies, went back to bed and have woken up feeling better about the whole thing.

DelightMachine -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 10:59:58 PM)
quote: Anyone else have any experience in this area? Addition: Another thing Im feeling in this meld of emotions and thoughts is..I feel guilty..i feel guilty for feeling relieved of the responsbility. I've had a slightly similar experience (not as intense and not as direct). Yes, that feeling of guilt is easy to get -- and really is false. You're actually entitled to feel relief. I like the idea of sending incidental items like cigarettes. Unless the doctors recommend against it, talking to her on the phone is usually a comfort, as is visiting. Best of luck to all three of you.

slavejali -> RE: Tired slave (3/14/2006 11:58:15 PM)
Thanks so much for the support, i called her twice today to see how she was doing..it was good I called for her and for me, just by hearing her talk it reaffirmed to me she is in the right place. I sent her a package too.

Level -> RE: Tired slave (3/15/2006 2:49:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Hi all, Ive had a really tiring day mentally and physically. Someone I know who has had mental health issues became quite unwell again today, as I am just about the only person she trusts, it was up to me to take her for assessment. After her first assessment by the local mental health team, they recommended she be admitted to a psychiatric institution...they strongly suggested I needed to take her ( it was a 2.5 hour drive away)....I agreed..I called Master at work and told him what was happening...he called me back a few minutes later and said his work had said that he should leave for the day and come with me as they were concerned for my safety as was Master. I have tried to protect her for so long against having to be institutionlised, knowing her fear of being locked up, I felt for most of the journey like I was abandoning her, or betraying her. She sat quietly in the back of the car all the way. I attended the admission interview and had to describe behaviors etc. She was answering every question they asked, trusting that I had taken her to a place which would help her, yet she was so terrified at the same time. After she was admitted, I walked around the ward with her and then came tme for goodbye, she clung to me..fuck.... I couldnt look back as I left, I couldnt stand to see her watching me leave. I know she needs professional help, I know she needs a proper diagnosis, I know this is the only place she can get that....just cant shake the feeling I have failed her in some way. I'm so glad Master drove us....so so glad. Anyone else have any experience in this area? Addition: Another thing Im feeling in this meld of emotions and thoughts is..I feel guilty..i feel guilty for feeling relieved of the responsbility. Another addition: I would ask this when there is hardly anyone on here hey..well this slave is going to bed..will check back in the morning. jali........my mom had a stroke when I was 19 years old (I'm 41 now)......it didn't affect her body, but it did her mind.....we eventually had to put her in a facility to try to get her help, her behavior was getting out of hand........if I live to be a thousand years old I will never forget her telling me and my brother "I hate you both!!!" when we were leaving.....she's the best friend I've ever had, and that was hard. I took her out of there a few weeks later, and with a great deal of work, she and I got her to a place where she could function well, and to this day she stays with me, we look out for one another smiles......anyway, yeah, it's hard to do what you did. Don't beat yourself up over it, you're trying to do what's right, and that's not always easy, is it. Level

sweetpettjenny -> RE: Tired slave (3/15/2006 3:13:22 AM)
you are a wonderful son... quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: slavejali Hi all, Ive had a really tiring day mentally and physically. Someone I know who has had mental health issues became quite unwell again today, as I am just about the only person she trusts, it was up to me to take her for assessment. After her first assessment by the local mental health team, they recommended she be admitted to a psychiatric institution...they strongly suggested I needed to take her ( it was a 2.5 hour drive away)....I agreed..I called Master at work and told him what was happening...he called me back a few minutes later and said his work had said that he should leave for the day and come with me as they were concerned for my safety as was Master. I have tried to protect her for so long against having to be institutionlised, knowing her fear of being locked up, I felt for most of the journey like I was abandoning her, or betraying her. She sat quietly in the back of the car all the way. I attended the admission interview and had to describe behaviors etc. She was answering every question they asked, trusting that I had taken her to a place which would help her, yet she was so terrified at the same time. After she was admitted, I walked around the ward with her and then came tme for goodbye, she clung to me..fuck.... I couldnt look back as I left, I couldnt stand to see her watching me leave. I know she needs professional help, I know she needs a proper diagnosis, I know this is the only place she can get that....just cant shake the feeling I have failed her in some way. I'm so glad Master drove us....so so glad. Anyone else have any experience in this area? Addition: Another thing Im feeling in this meld of emotions and thoughts is..I feel guilty..i feel guilty for feeling relieved of the responsbility. Another addition: I would ask this when there is hardly anyone on here hey..well this slave is going to bed..will check back in the morning. jali........my mom had a stroke when I was 19 years old (I'm 41 now)......it didn't affect her body, but it did her mind.....we eventually had to put her in a facility to try to get her help, her behavior was getting out of hand........if I live to be a thousand years old I will never forget her telling me and my brother "I hate you both!!!" when we were leaving.....she's the best friend I've ever had, and that was hard. I took her out of there a few weeks later, and with a great deal of work, she and I got her to a place where she could function well, and to this day she stays with me, we look out for one another smiles......anyway, yeah, it's hard to do what you did. Don't beat yourself up over it, you're trying to do what's right, and that's not always easy, is it. Level

Level -> RE: Tired slave (3/15/2006 3:25:17 AM)
jenny, thank you for saying that smiles........I try. Level

slavegarnet -> RE: Tired slave (3/15/2006 4:32:56 AM)
I've had some experience from the other side of this... Last week a Domme friend of mine took me to the hospital for my second assessment this year. I did all the "I don't want to go" crap. In the end I just stared at my hands for the whole journey. There was a teddy bear in the ward, so I was able to hug that all the way through the interview. I answered questions, she had to describe my behaviours, the whole thing... I'm glad she did it. Sometimes reaching out for help is the hardest thing to do. Having someone push you in the right direction when everyone else is just looking away. And it's so normal to feel relieved. I'm sure she felt just as guilty, felt like an inconvenience, a burden, etc. She is probably a little relieved too now, relieved she will finally get some help, and relieved that she doesn't have to impose on her friends anymore. Even if she is scared.

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