so tell me everything (Full Version)

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lermontov -> so tell me everything (12/1/2009 5:01:56 PM)



Fprum I throw myself open to your wisdom. I want a submissive woman in my life and I want to know everything about getting one.

So? Where do I go? What should I expect from her or the 'scene'? What three things would you tell a new dom man?

Please educate a young man with any advice, musings or 'I wish someone had told me's' you might have.






DarkSteven -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 5:19:36 PM)

I was about to suggest that you do the obvious, like attending local meets and filling out your profile... but I don't know if you're there yet.The first step is to look inside and ask yourself the basics like what it is that makes you Dominant, and why you want a submissive woman - what do you wish to do with her?

Once you've answered those questions, you'll be a lot better suited for the hunt.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 5:31:50 PM)

1. Safety first, always.

2. Laugh with her and have FUN! Don't take yourself too seriously. Expect both of you to make mistakes, so be ready to quickly apologize, forgive, learn, and move forward.

3. Find a partner with whom you are compatible in and out of bed.
 
4. Don't be a cardboard dom,and don't seek or expect a cardboard slave. Be yourself, and enjoy her.



peachgirl -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 5:33:30 PM)

check out "The Loving Dominant", or check around and see if there are other bdsm titles that appeal to you.  there are a number of good books out there.  



Valyraen -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 6:10:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

1. Safety first, always.

2. Laugh with her and have FUN! Don't take yourself too seriously. Expect both of you to make mistakes, so be ready to quickly apologize, forgive, learn, and move forward.

3. Find a partner with whom you are compatible in and out of bed.
 
4. Don't be a cardboard dom,and don't seek or expect a cardboard slave. Be yourself, and enjoy her.


*Emphasis added*

I can't stress that one strongly enough. It's very easy to fall into the head-trap of "My word is LAW" and get yourself seriously screwed around in the head. Or, as I like to say, you may be a dominant, but you're only a master (or whatever term you prefer to stick in there) if your *insert title here* agrees with you.



Lucienne -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 6:19:49 PM)

Change your name to Pushkin.



WestBaySlave -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 6:26:35 PM)

 "What three things would you tell a new dom man?"

1. Have patience, this search may take a while - maybe months, maybe years, maybe decades, maybe tomorrow. Try not to get discouraged, frustrated, or worn out.

2. In everything, remember that she is a person first, and you'll likely need to appeal to more than just her submissive tendencies for you two to have a successful life together.

3. Try to make friends in the BDSM community, online and in person, but take everyone's advice with a grain of salt. There is no "one" way of going about this, only the way that works best for you.





thaprincess -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 6:30:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Valyraen

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

1. Safety first, always.

2. Laugh with her and have FUN! Don't take yourself too seriously. Expect both of you to make mistakes, so be ready to quickly apologize, forgive, learn, and move forward.

3. Find a partner with whom you are compatible in and out of bed.
 
4. Don't be a cardboard dom,and don't seek or expect a cardboard slave. Be yourself, and enjoy her.


*Emphasis added*

I can't stress that one strongly enough. It's very easy to fall into the head-trap of "My word is LAW" and get yourself seriously screwed around in the head. Or, as I like to say, you may be a dominant, but you're only a master (or whatever term you prefer to stick in there) if your *insert title here* agrees with you.



I think I read the same advice in this book called Fetish that I bought a few months back. It said that a good Dominant knows how to laugh at themselves because everyone makes mistakes. Granted, I told my sub that my word is law but I also told him that I'm open to suggestions if he has any. [;)]



shenshinoman -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 6:44:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: peachgirl

check out "The Loving Dominant", or check around and see if there are other bdsm titles that appeal to you.  there are a number of good books out there.  


agreed, that's where I started aswell. (and I can say i've head the good pleasure to meet the writer of The Loving Dominant in person, if in the southern florida area, I can suggest you talk to the genius behind the writing.)



DesFIP -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 6:47:35 PM)

Become a good dominant. Be more focused on the responsibilities than on the rights. Be a man of your word.

Don't say that you'll be there at 7:00 and not show for 40 minutes because you weren't paying attention to the time. If you say you'll be there at 7:00 then be there or in a hospital.

How do you treat those who aren't in a position to do you any favors? If you stiff waitresses, she'll know that you aren't trustworthy. If you kick dogs, ditto. Expect women to observe and judge you, and if you aren't someone worth submitting to, then no one will.

This isn't about blow jobs on demand. It's about a great deal more than that. Think before you speak and act and don't do stupid things that will prove you aren't trustworthy to be in control.



DomMeinCT -> RE: so tell me everything (12/1/2009 7:47:58 PM)

Be open to the idea that you can learn from everyone.



lally2 -> RE: so tell me everything (12/2/2009 12:46:35 AM)

be youreself basically and responsible.

it isnt about strutting about barking orders and standing aloft in some draconian fashion afraid to show youre feelings for fear of looking less dominant.

its a personality trait not an attitude. so go about as you would normally, if youre genuinely seeking a partner you can share this way of life with then you need to be all that you are, with the usual smatterings of fun, humour, warmth and humanity.

adopt whatever standards, expectations, hopes and parameters you believe will ensure a safe, sane and concensual dynamic and hold by them.

then find someone as close to youre ideal as you can.

always be open to communication though you can adopt the codicil that you will listen but youre decision is finite.

be trustworthy, dependable, realistic and genuine.



littleone35 -> RE: so tell me everything (12/2/2009 8:46:38 AM)

You need to fill out your profile. Many subs will not answer mail from someone with no profile.

Matt's littleone



LaTigresse -> RE: so tell me everything (12/2/2009 9:17:57 AM)

The same things I would tell any young adult about relationships and becoming a responsible, productive member of society.

Never forget, there is more you do not know, than you do. Quite often you will meet other people that know a LOT more than you, keep your mouth shut and your ears open. That person may be an s-type person, then you REALLY need to listen!!

Make your journey all about becoming a person you would respect and admire. Do not give your respect and admiration freely.

Learn to laugh at yourself and never forget how. It really makes life an awful lot easier.



LaTigresse -> RE: so tell me everything (12/2/2009 9:20:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DomMeinCT

Be open to the idea that you can learn from everyone.


this



kanina -> RE: so tell me everything (12/2/2009 11:20:38 AM)

i think that a big mistake is to treat a woman  like a slave before anything else



Mercnbeth -> RE: so tell me everything (12/2/2009 12:19:42 PM)

quote:

...What three things would you tell a new dom man?...


1.  Welcome to the jungle!!!
 
2.  submission does not mean the exact same thing to everyone who identifies with the submissive label...it would be smart to find out how it is perceived by the individuals you are in contact with, so you can decide if they, in particular, are suitable for your needs.
 
3.  confidence is dead sexy.[:)]




petcerina -> RE: so tell me everything (12/3/2009 10:40:26 AM)

quote:

So? Where do I go? What should I expect from her or the 'scene'? What three things would you tell a new dom man?


Where do you go? Anywhere. i prefer meeting people online, but that is my way of doing things. Many say that it is best to meet people in person. i find that to be very... tense. Don't get me wrong. i love munches. i love meeting people. But i have a hard time going from, "Hi friend" to "so... yeah.. i want to be with you and not just as friends".

The italicized part was the part that caught my attention. The scene varies from place to place. i know here in Dallas it is pretty lax. i also know in other places it can be very strict. You have to be initiated into the scene and protocols are followed, etc, etc. What should you expect from her? Ask yourself. What is it you want from her? What is it you want from the relationship? It's up to you to decide how the relationship will go.
  1. Research. People don't do enough of it anymore.
  2. Know yourself before you look for another.
  3. Don't move someone in right away. It might be tempting, but give it time.



Mercnbeth -> RE: so tell me everything (12/3/2009 11:02:48 AM)

quote:

I want a submissive woman in my life and I want to know everything about getting one.


You don't need to "know everything" you only need to know two things. Most important - exactly and honestly figure out who you are. After that don't focus so much on what you want, that's likely to change and evolve as you live. Instead of "what" determine WHY you want it.

Once you're armed with that information use it to go out, have FUN; and the opportunities will come.



kiwisub12 -> RE: so tell me everything (12/3/2009 4:10:40 PM)

You need to have some idea what you want from a submissive. Since , as the dominant member of the partnership. you need to be in control. You are the one that decides - not to say you don't take suggestions , but the ultimate course of action is yours to dictate, so you had better have some idea where it is you want to go (metaphorically speaking).




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