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Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/1/2009 6:05:04 PM   
MasterUchiha


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/1/2009
Status: offline 		 I'm new to the lifestyle trying to learn all I can & meet a cool people enjoy & submerge  into this lifestyle with.Are there any in's & outs of the lifestyle that I shoud be aware of before trying to find a slave or sub. I know about safe words & all that I mean like codes of conduct any thing that's learned in the lifestyle & is generally known by Master's & Dom's who live it. Such as "never let a slave..." or A master never ..." those types of things so that way I am aware of the rules of this lifestyle & don't make a mistake & what's the best way to find a slave because I am have a diffcult time meeting anyone in my area on here?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/1/2009 6:11:08 PM   
shenshinoman


Posts: 58
Joined: 11/30/2009
Status: offline 		Okay, first and formost, the only "never do" "always do" things to worry about. Never do something that is truly dangerous, not safe, or not consentual. Always follow the SSC. The rest is simply how the dynamic works for you and your chosen partner. If asking how to act around others in the community, simple, ask them. If they cant give you an answer without getting angry, they're not the crowd to be around.

As far as finding a sub, good luck there. Patience, patience, and alot more patience. that's all the advice I have for that. If you're looking for one in real time, not online, you can try a local munch. but dont go in looking for a partner, go in looking for friends. The partner usually come much later.

EDIT: normally if someone says anything along the lines of "a true..." Dom/sub/pyl ".. does XYZ"... ignore them. they have alot left to learn themselves and dont really understand how a D/s dynamic works.

< Message edited by shenshinoman -- 12/1/2009 6:12:57 PM >

(in reply to MasterUchiha)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/1/2009 6:19:24 PM   
Valyraen


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterUchiha

I'm new to the lifestyle trying to learn all I can & meet a cool people enjoy & submerge  into this lifestyle with.Are there any in's & outs of the lifestyle that I shoud be aware of before trying to find a slave or sub. I know about safe words & all that I mean like codes of conduct any thing that's learned in the lifestyle & is generally known by Master's & Dom's who live it. Such as "never let a slave..." or A master never ..." those types of things so that way I am aware of the rules of this lifestyle & don't make a mistake & what's the best way to find a slave because I am have a diffcult time meeting anyone in my area on here?


The best advice I can give you? Stop and breathe.

Seriously. You're in this new world full of great new stuff... and just rushing in is a great way to get yourself a bad reputation with your local community. So don't go rushing in, no matter how eager you are to find someone - as a matter of fact, don't go rushing in BECAUSE you're eager to find someone. Relax about it and let what happens, happen.

The only hard-and-fast rule that I observe, is not to observe any hard-and-fast rules. Leather's what you make of it, and everyone's interpretation is different. For example, I'm very low protocol, definitely not a micro-manager, and encourage general impudence from my Kitten. The rules of the lifestyle are what you make of them.

As for how to meet kinksters in your area? Go to munches and talk to people. Go to play parties - not to play, but just to socialize. Get to know your community, and never be afraid to learn (bah, there I went and did one of those hard-and-fast rules...).


_____________________________

CM's Resident Fuzzy Kitteh

There is no creature more loving than a hungry cat.

Valyraen in ValyraenandAqua

(in reply to MasterUchiha)
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RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/1/2009 7:07:03 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Advice for new dominants:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_2099303/mpage_1/tm.htm


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Valyraen)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/1/2009 7:09:39 PM   
willbeurdaddy


Posts: 11894
Joined: 4/8/2006
Status: offline 		Spend some time with an experienced Dom before you find a slave or sub. Yeah, BDSM is cool and fun and sexy...but it can also be fucking dangerous physcially and mentally. Don't try it at home until you have some clue about what youre doing.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/1/2009 7:48:15 PM   
Miyani


Posts: 248
Joined: 12/4/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~

"A Master never" believes there's one rule that applies to every slave, or every relationship. Life would be a lot easier if there was a handbook, but it would also be a lot less satisfying. The entire point is to do what makes you happy, and to find someone who is made happy by those same things, from the opposite perspective. Read, talk, learn as much as you can, and then (aside from basic safety advice) throw out EVERYTHING that doesn't work for you. Your relationship, just like for the vanilla world, is what you make it, and what you want it to be.

(in reply to willbeurdaddy)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/1/2009 10:15:07 PM   
Thatbastard


Posts: 25
Joined: 11/26/2009
Status: offline 		Yes. I'll give you one of the first pieces of advice I ever got, and that's never let me down.

Responsibility.

You're in charge of everything. Period. Everything that happens, good or bad, is on your shoulders. There can only be as much discipline and safety as you provide. There will be times you'll be tempted to blame things that go wrong your sub/slave. Don't. It's your job to know how much she's given over.

That said, from my own experience, don't take yourself too seriously. Many a bad session or scene has been saved by a well placed self effacing chuckle. It's not sexy, but then neither is a horribly withdrawn submissive. Last, just relax. Have fun. Don't always try to look like james bond or some anime character or some fantasy book cover. Be cool, communicate, and enjoy it with the partner.



< Message edited by Thatbastard -- 12/1/2009 10:19:36 PM >

(in reply to Miyani)
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RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/1/2009 11:32:29 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm...
Start slow
Get to know your subject/slave/play partner.
Don't be an asshole.
Respect your subject - their submission is a gift to you, and a mighty big one, at that.
As others have said, be sure to follow SSC and RACK.
Be humble enough to accept guidance, not just from fellow Doms, but your sub.
Attend munches, but avoid the Dommier than thou attitude. I get the feeling more girls respond to a natural guy who has an air of being in charge, rather than some asshole who orders them to kiss their feet in the middle of a bar...tho once you're with a good sub, that'd probably be pretty hot.
Self-confidence. You need to have your shit together before you can take on the responsibility for someone else's safety/life.

There's more, of course, but that'll do for starters. Good luck!

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to Thatbastard)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 12:57:18 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterUchiha

I'm new to the lifestyle trying to learn all I can & meet a cool people enjoy & submerge  into this lifestyle with.Are there any in's & outs of the lifestyle that I shoud be aware of before trying to find a slave or sub. I know about safe words & all that I mean like codes of conduct any thing that's learned in the lifestyle & is generally known by Master's & Dom's who live it. Such as "never let a slave..." or A master never ..." those types of things so that way I am aware of the rules of this lifestyle & don't make a mistake & what's the best way to find a slave because I am have a diffcult time meeting anyone in my area on here?


Well the fact that you're strong  enough to ask the question is already a really good sign, man.

To the other posters; shenshinoman,Valyraen, RedMagic1, willbeurdaddy, Myani, Thatbastard, Fitznicely - all your comments rock,.

I can't add much - I think the combined content of the previous posts (and do check out the link RedMagic1 provided) rocks - but here are the things I always say when asked this journey - and I know this repeats stuff but that suggests strong consensus -

1) The only RULE is that it must be Safe, Sane and Consentual
2) If you are in a dominant role you have responsibilities as well as rights
3) Expect it to take a while before you meet someone nice, compatible and genuine - but don't give up
4) Ignore the jackasses that will tell you that they are "True..." anything, it's horseshit. You need to define BDSM according to your needs and wants and then find a compatible partner.




< Message edited by crazyml -- 12/2/2009 12:58:03 AM >

(in reply to MasterUchiha)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 2:43:30 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		Speaking from a sub's point of view, all the above advice is spot on. In my experience it's just as hard to find a Dom, Daddy, Master (insert title here) as it is for one of them to find a sub.

As far as a Dom "never does this" or a slave "never does that" it's different to everyone. It's an individual thing. I'm sure there are things I do that some D types wouldn`t want/let their s types do and vice versa. Think about what you want.

But also patience. Some people are lucky to meet their One right away, most are not. Go to local munches, get yourself into the local community. Meeting people with the same things in mind will help greatly, but most of all, explore and discover yourself.

my

Edited because my stupid keyboard keeps changing to Canadian French

< Message edited by Elizabeth666 -- 12/2/2009 3:01:18 AM >

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 2:58:07 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		See if there are any local bdsm groups and find out if they run classes or demos on practical aspects of bdsm such as  how to wield a flogger, safe areas to hit etc.  Apart from using implements correctly and knowing the no go zones on a person, how to tie safely etc I would say that there aren't any hard and fast 'never do' rules.

and just another comment if I may.... SSC (safe, sane and consensual) is great and a lot of people believe in it, there are just as many who choose to go with RACK (risk aware consensual kink) and just as many others who go with IDNAAD (I don't need an acronym damnit)

I wish you all the best, you are on an exciting journey


_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to Elizabeth666)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 6:16:13 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Don't do anything if its not enjoyable.
Don't try to hide your personality behind a charade of domliness
Don't chase a needy submissive because she will just exhaust you.
Don't read off someone else's book and believe that is how you must do things. Be natural, be yourself.

Good luck

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 11:42:07 AM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline 		SSC? SSC? SSC?
 
Are those fuckers making T-Shirts again?
 
Look SSC isn't a Fucking rule, it just sounds good and makes people think that what they are doing is fine and legal.
 
Lets be honest and clear. No state in all 50 has a mutual battery law, this means that if someone, anyone, witnesses you strike another person and they do not like what they see you have commited a crime depending on where you are it will be a small misdemeanor or what-not. That being said what we do is not sane because we all knowingly break the law to do it. I am not condeming the act I am just saying.
 
Any Doctor worth the paper that says they knows some things will tell you any strike to the body has an effect some are good some are bad, in the contect of striking for pain there are always more possibilities for mistakes. What is Safe about knowing that every strike you do is doing damage in some way and the more you do it the more likely it is you will eventually harm them.
 
Back to legal, and with the all 50 states, you cannot legally consent to being beaten legaly. So basically SSC is just a way to feel better about yourself and trick the person in the receiving position into letting you do it.
 
Risk Aware Consentual Kink (RACK) just as retarded and just as equally chanted. Being aware of the risk does not protect the person in any way and as we just said one cannot legally consent to it so where are we then?
 
I hate both of those mindlessly repeated phrases.
 
The only RULE in BDSM is know you are responsible for yourself. Dom or sub YOU are responsible for YOU.
 
QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to allthatjaz)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 11:50:15 AM   
kanina


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline 		Theres no book, like the bible, were all the rules are written, so its up to comun sense...

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 12:00:49 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

SSC? SSC? SSC?
 
Are those fuckers making T-Shirts again?
 
Look SSC isn't a Fucking rule, it just sounds good and makes people think that what they are doing is fine and legal.


Woah, angry much?

Please point me to somewhere someone said SSC meant "legal"
 
Let's be clear, he's gonna want to hit people. Is it not better to learn where and how to hit to cause the most pleasure/teach the best lesson.

I don't recall legality being mentioned at all. I think the vast majority of us are aware what we do is illegal, but choose to express ourselves in this way, regardless
quote:


I hate both of those mindlessly repeated phrases.
 
The only RULE in BDSM is know you are responsible for yourself. Dom or sub YOU are responsible for YOU.
 
QSM


So I take it you take no responsibility for the safety of your sub? You're dangerous.


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 12:59:00 PM   
AQuietSimpleMan


Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

So I take it you take no responsibility for the safety of your sub? You're dangerous.



Ahh Ahh Ahh. To make it clear, I take responsibility for myself in how I respond to her. She takes responibility for herself because she is an adult. In the end no matter how much responsibility I take for her if she up and kills someone I will not be the one doing the time for her crime.
 
As for Angry? No not really. I get agrivated with the mindless following of a phrase no one really agrees on what means and because of this I choose not to use it. You see there was a time when RACK and SSC were new to the community and when it hit there were a bunch of people looking for something that "Protected" them. What we do by definition is usually not safe, the majority of people on the planet would not say it was sane, and consent is a tricky place to live as many subs are people pleasers and therfore not actually consenting to what is about to happen they are simply trying to please.
 
All the above is of course an opinion you are welcome to your own. As am I.
 
As for me being dangerous. You don't even know me. You take one comment I make and decide I am Dangerous. It must be nice living in a world were everyone has to meet your criteria for safe otherwise they are just dangerous.
 
If any of the new young nubile slaves are looking for a "Master" apparently the man above me is an expert on who and what is dangerous. I suggest you all form a line.
 
QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 1:18:02 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

So I take it you take no responsibility for the safety of your sub? You're dangerous.


I get agrivated with the mindless following of a phrase no one really agrees on what means and because of this I choose not to use it. You see there was a time when RACK and SSC were new to the community and when it hit there were a bunch of people looking for something that "Protected" them. What we do by definition is usually not safe, the majority of people on the planet would not say it was sane, and consent is a tricky place to live as many subs are people pleasers and therfore not actually consenting to what is about to happen they are simply trying to please.


A) Not mindless, and who are you to tell anyone they are?
B) I think we ALL get that the majority of the world wouldn't agree with what we do. Most of us have made their peace with that. It's kinda SM 101, y'know? You're still getting angry about it's....misuse after, what 25 years? C'mon, relax dude.
quote:


If any of the new young nubile slaves are looking for a "Master" apparently the man above me is an expert on who and what is dangerous. I suggest you all form a line.


All inquiries carefully considered


_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/2/2009 2:06:22 PM   
Cuffkinks


Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterUchiha

 I'm new to the lifestyle trying to learn all I can & meet a cool people enjoy & submerge  into this lifestyle with.Are there any in's & outs of the lifestyle that I shoud be aware of before trying to find a slave or sub. I know about safe words & all that I mean like codes of conduct any thing that's learned in the lifestyle & is generally known by Master's & Dom's who live it. Such as "never let a slave..." or A master never ..." those types of things so that way I am aware of the rules of this lifestyle & don't make a mistake & what's the best way to find a slave because I am have a diffcult time meeting anyone in my area on here?



Welcome. You're begining an exciting journey. All the best to you.
My advice in a single word...LISTEN
I wouldn't worry too much about finding a sub or slave for now. Educate yourself. Read books, visit websites, go to munches. Get to know people. This is a great place to ask advice. There are many very wise people here, both Dom and sub. Ask questions and listen when people answer.
When you do find the one for you, remember...open, honest communication is paramount between a Dominant and a sub. That goes both ways. You'll both learn about, and from each other. When she talks...Listen. When she feels that you're really listening and absorbing what she says, you'll begin to earn her trust. Prove to her that she'll be safe in your hands and her trust in you will grow. To give herself to you, she'll have to trust you. Once that trust is established, she is going to share her most intimate secrets with you. She'll give you the keys to the kingdom. So listen.
Once you know your way around a bit, you can start to think about what works for you and what doesn't. Your particular style will start to develop. Once you have an idea of what you like and what you don't, then you can start to think about what kind of sub or slave you're looking for. Some find the one for them quickly, some don't. Be patient, regardless of how frustrating it can seem at times. And it will.
This is obviously a short answer. There's much to say and much to be learned. No one knows it all, so don't worry about that. But don't ever stop learning either. Most of all, be safe, have fun, and enjoy the ride!
Well...so much for a single word.

_____________________________

Resident "11"

"I love you, Sir. You make my heart sing and my panties wet. What more could a girl ask for?" - hejira92

"And that's why it's good to be...Me." - Gene $immons

(in reply to MasterUchiha)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/3/2009 4:07:52 AM   
MasterUchiha


Posts: 10
Joined: 12/1/2009
Status: offline 		Thanks 2 every1 4 the advice . I do have another ? how do I find a munchies ?

(in reply to Cuffkinks)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Question For All The Master's & Doms - 12/3/2009 4:14:09 AM   
Elizabeth666


Posts: 288
Joined: 10/14/2009
Status: offline 		Do searches for munches in your area. Maybe join sites that are more area specific, then you can go from there when it comes to munches and clubs

_____________________________

"The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late, is that the more you try to avoid suffering, the more you suffer because smaller and more insignificant things begin to torture you in proportion to your fear of being hurt"

(in reply to MasterUchiha)
Profile   Post #: 20
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