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lovingpet -> RE: Safe? (12/2/2009 3:28:20 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: MasterSlaveLA
Simply ask the question as if it's already agreed upon...
Example: Do you have a preferred "Safe Word" you'd like me to remember?
I agree with this! If he has a safeword he prefers he will tell you at that point. If not, then he will tell you that as well and why or decide on one since he hasn't used one in the past. Either way it is opening up the whole discussion in HIS court.
I also have to agree that a word will not save you if someone has intent to harm or kill you. It is like saying a criminal won't rape or murder because of that pesky waiting period and background check for a gun. It is a tool, but not an infallable one. Further, I don't like how some dominants hand out a safeword and then assume that the submissive will use it when it is needed. Sometimes I can't even remember what order the letters go in the word "red" or even what the word sounds like if I am deep in a session. If they are responsible enough to tie you up, beat your bottom, or whatever, they'd best be responsible enough to be carefully monitoring your condition whether or not you have a safeword. My partner, as many others' partners have, has had to call a session to a close when I was begging for more or even crushed that I thought I hadn't done enough. It is very typical not only for no to mean yes, but for yes to mean no. Only a dominant who is paying careful attention will notice the difference.
My partner gave me a safeword the first time we were together. I didn't use it. By the second time, I had abdicated it altogether. I would much rather just say what is wrong and allow him to adjust accordingly as he sees fit. If I didn't trust him, I wouldn't have been getting by bottom beaten by him or restrained or anything else. I realized pretty quickly that I didn't need it. I also realized that it gave me just that slightest bit of control. I didn't want it. I placed it all in his hands. I will communicate my needs plainly when I am capable and I will trust him to be watching over me when I'm not. This developed quickly for us. Some couples don't ever use them and others use them as standard practice. It is up to the couple, the length of time, level of intimacy, and all kinds of other factors. If it is something that you feel with help you be more confident, then by all means open up that discussion. Be honest and respectful. Have an open mind too. The way a lot of things have been explained to me made both hard and soft limits just fall away. It might be that way for this too for you, who knows? Whatever you do trust your gut, plan ahead, play safe, and have a great time! All my best!
lovingpet
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