Looking for ideas (Full Version)

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shadowAKA086 -> Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 5:32:34 PM)

Hello everyone. =)

My girlfriend has expressed an interest in trying S&M. I'm not really all that familiar with the practice, so I'm not really sure what I should do to her (she's submissive).

Are there any other submissives/slaves that have any ideas or suggestions? What do you like having done to you? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! =D



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 5:58:53 PM)

There are so many options, it's almost impossible to tell you what you "should" do.  One person's favorite fantasy might bore another to tears or just piss her off.  Your best bet is to talk to her and find out what her fantasies are then act on the ones that interest you.  Pick up a copy of Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns.  It's a very nice book for beginners that gives an overview of lots of different activities.  Read it together and talk about the things that sound fun.



UniqueRaven -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 6:15:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowAKA086
What do you like having done to you?


i like to washed in a long, slow bubblebath, followed by a full body massage and a foot rub, all while my Owner whispers sweet nothings into my ear about what a good girl i am.

What? [:)]  He did ask, hee hee!

Seriously, though, since you guys are both starting out it's best to talk about fantasies and see where you have mutual interests.  She might find it easier to make a list of things that interest her to share with you, and then you can go through that list and decide what to surprise her with.  You can use the lists here on CM as a start if you guys need ideas.

Just remember to go slow, and be kind with each other - unexpected feelings and reactions often happen when entering this sort of play for the first time.  Make it part of the total experience with each other to discuss them.  And enjoy the journey together.

my best and namaste,
julie




OsideGirl -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 6:40:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
  Pick up a copy of Screw The Roses, Send Me The Thorns. 
I would also add "The Loving Dominant.



DesFIP -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 6:45:05 PM)

Find a bdsm checklist, I suggest the ones at bondage.com because they're laid out well. Both of you fill them out. Then start with what both of you rank the highest in interest. And what takes no skill level.

But honestly, pull her down on your lap and spank her for the first time. If you're afraid she is really in pain and you're overdoing it, have her say red if it's too much. The reason you use this, which is referred to as a safeword, is that it is automatic in many of us to struggle, say no or stop, even when we don't want it to. Then have some hot sex and discuss it the next day.

You can always make it harder or more painful the second time, but you want it to end well so that there will be a next time.



blackpearl81 -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 7:09:53 PM)

Just out of curiosity, can this book be found in a "vanilla" place, like Borders or Barnes & Noble?



SylvereApLeanan -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 7:13:56 PM)

You'd probably have to special order them since both were published several years ago.  Most bookstores don't carry books more than a year old unless they're timeless classics like Shakespeare or in high demand because of a popular movie or TV series, such as Harry Potter or True Blood.  You'll have better luck with Amazon.



UniqueRaven -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 7:15:11 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

Just out of curiosity, can this book be found in a "vanilla" place, like Borders or Barnes & Noble?


i know you can order them on Amazon.  Not sure if you can find them in an actual store - you might want to call ahead.  Both of them are quite well known books that are pretty easily found.

Edited to add:  Yep, checked Amazon and both of them are available for shipping now. 



blackpearl81 -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 7:21:42 PM)

Great - thanks :)



HimNbabygirl -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 7:22:14 PM)

i found "screw me the roses, send me the thorns" at out local borders several years ago, but at the time it was found in the psychology section. When you get to your local book store, look it up on their computer or ask a sales person for help, i recomend the computer though to save embarrassment. i would also check out a local group and maybe a munch. Learn as much as you can, find out if you are even interested in BDSM, and if you are, if you are even a top. Good communication is the key as well. Always talk about well maybe not what you are going to do if you want to surprize her with something mild such as a spanking, but definatly anything you do after. Find out if both of you enjoyed it, let her know what you were feeling as well as find out what she was feeling. Do what feel right to both of you and learn as much as you can.

Good luck!


His baby girl



shadowAKA086 -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 7:59:54 PM)

Thanks for the replies everyone. :) I'll talk to her about it. Thanks again! =D



HisSweetElysium -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 8:21:15 PM)

I saw loving dominant at Barnes and Noble the last time I was there. I don't particularly like this book, but it might be helpful for someone more on the very new Dom side of things. Good luck!



WyldHrt -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 8:23:14 PM)

What everyone else has said [:)]
Check out the books and checklists, go to a local munch to meet like minded folks (a munch is a get together for kinky people held in a vanilla setting, usually a local eatery. No kinky stuff, it's just meeting up for food and conversation), and start slow with the play. Honing your ability to read her body language is also a good idea, and will be helped by LOTS of communication while you are starting out.
Good luck and don't forget to have FUN! [:D]



MasterSlaveLA -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 8:30:13 PM)

Hmmm... I suggest a CHAINSAW and a BIG bottle of lube!!! [:D]

Okay, serious reply... Google "BDSM Checklist", find one you like, print/download it, then each of you go through it and rank the activities you THINK you may enjoy, then compare each others' list against your own.  (Note:  I state "think" because often what looks good on paper/in fantasy doesn't play out the same in real life).  Anyway, that'd be a good starting point to see where your interest are.  [:)]




WyldHrt -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/6/2009 8:31:17 PM)

I just checked your profile and see that you are in SoCali, and that you are 19. There are lots of active communities here, and I'm sure there are TNG groups, which are specifically for younger folks. There are also classes and workshops that can help teach you specific skills, once you decide what things you and your girl are interested in. 



LPslittleclip -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/7/2009 8:13:08 AM)

theres several groups in southern california, you might like to see if tyheres a meet and greet social to attend and talk to others. my Mistress LadyPact is in so cal and could give you lots of information if you asked her on the Top/Domme/Mistress side of things. of course always talk with her and discuss what things you have read or seen. welcome to the lifestyle and have lots of fun on your journey.



TimrehIX -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/7/2009 12:47:50 PM)

A good “gate way” BDSM activity is to tie her to the bed blind fold her and find various things around the house to rub on her. Find things with various textures. Anything with a tassel, ice, spoon warmed by your hand or not, feathers, whip cream, wash cloth, hands, tongue, your dick. And where you rub is as interesting as what you rub, you can find her favorite zones.

I once had a guy use washable marked to draw on me that was fun. Then it all washed off in the shower.  

You might want to go shopping together either online or in a physical sex toy store. Or look at porn for ideas.

Just escalate slowly. If you decide you want to try something that seems out of your league see if you can get book or if there is a local BDSM group holding classes.



OsideGirl -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/7/2009 7:55:37 PM)

There's pretty much a social every wednesday in SoCal. There's Threshold SMUs, discussion groups, the Lair has Insight on Saturdays before the club opens. Check out Lady Badger's BDSM calendar. I believe she posts on b.com



Acer49 -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/7/2009 11:00:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: shadowAKA086

Hello everyone. =)

My girlfriend has expressed an interest in trying S&M. I'm not really all that familiar with the practice, so I'm not really sure what I should do to her (she's submissive).

Are there any other submissives/slaves that have any ideas or suggestions? What do you like having done to you? Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thank you! =D

http://www.thebrc.net/check_list/default.htm



lizi -> RE: Looking for ideas (12/8/2009 4:28:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: blackpearl81

Just out of curiosity, can this book be found in a "vanilla" place, like Borders or Barnes & Noble?


Got my copy of "The Loving Dominant" at Borders a couple of months ago.



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