breatheasone -> Wondering... (12/9/2009 12:25:55 PM)
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A profile popped up on my screen like they do when we log in here, and for some reason i flipped through the pictures on that profile. One of them was of the woman tied up(boobs bound, legs, arms, etc) her belly hung over the ropes, and her flesh also hung over the hip area slightly as well. i sat there and stared at her...and i knew thats what i must look like tied up. i kept staring.... i am at a loss as to how to proceed. i just don't think i have it in me to look like that in front of someone. The shame i feel is enormous, because it is MY FAULT i look like this....and i can't fathom how ANYONE could possibly get "turned on" by such a horrid looking body. Can't blame it on a horrible accident, nor can i blame an illness. i have lost weight, but not enough, and when i do lose the rest, i will look no LESS hideous then i do now, because i do not have the money to remove the hanging ugly skin. i will just simply weigh less. i don't know how to get out of this hole...i know there must be a way.... perhaps its back to counseling, i'm not sure. Disclaimer: yes i realize there was no question asked, i'm not even sure why i am posting this...i just know i need somebody to hear me....even if its in my mind.
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