Scared a bit

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Flo20 -> Scared a bit (12/9/2009 2:58:34 PM)
Hello to all:) I would be very grateful if anyone could help me with my problem, I see many wise people on this wonderful forum. I tried searching, but never found a topic regarding something close to my situation, so I'm sorry if there are such topics. I have always been dominant in my relationships with other people, but even when I was very young I had dreams of being dominated by men. At that time I thought I was the only soul in the world with such desires, and of course I was very ashamed. Later I found what BDSM meant, and I felt relieved. I have never questioned myself if I want to submit to my partner, even though to friends/family/etc. I act very dominant. But some time ago I met a wonderful boy, younger than me, with a beautiful angel face and even more beautiful angel soul. I feel he is strongly submissive and that provoked some dominant fantasies on my part. I started bossing him around a bit to see how he reacts(I don't want to ask him straight ahead about BDSM, since I am absolutely sure he has never heard of it and I don't want him getting the wrong impression) - giving him tasks, telling him he's a good boy when he completes them(awww, I can never get enough of his smile after he hears that), punishing him when he doesn't. And it feels so natural to me - I have never even thought I could act like that in a sexual context. So right now I am asking myself - am I a switch? I read a lot of topics on this question here, but still have no idea.. I want to try to experiment, but I am too scared it might not work out. I need to find something to make me believe I can do this, since I see it as a great responsibility to take over another human being in that way. I have never had such thoughts about any other guy, never watched femdom porn or anything (meh, i don't like submissive girls porn too - rarely I find what turns me on) but when I see that angel face and see that submissive spark in his eyes, sincerely wanting to make me happy, I get a fuzzy feeling deep inside of me, a strong desire to help him push his limits, develop into a better person under my control and use him as a sex toy every now and then. I am sorry if I sound a bit irrational, after all that's weeks of thinking wrapped up in a few words(not even my native language). Any advice and help is truly appreciated.[:D] P.S. Edit: Decided to add another question (didn't think I need a new topic for that, I don't wanna spam:) ) - that boy I am talking about, shared with me that when he was little he was molested for a few years by a child his age (who told him that if he didn't do it that would make him bad), including receiving anal sex (painfully) and blowing him. That makes me scared to even mention that before he told me, I had fantasies about anal sex with him on the receiving end (fingers, butt plugs, etc). Do you think I should at all bring this topic to him if we establish a strong trust for each other or that would only do him harm, since he hasn't come through the painful memories?

CarrieO -> RE: Scared a bit (12/9/2009 3:34:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Flo20 Hello to all:) I would be very grateful if anyone could help me with my problem, I see many wise people on this wonderful forum. I tried searching, but never found a topic regarding something close to my situation, so I'm sorry if there are such topics. First off, it's hard to get a feel for you given that you have an inactive profile but...here goes. I have always been dominant in my relationships with other people, but even when I was very young I had dreams of being dominated by men. At that time I thought I was the only soul in the world with such desires, and of course I was very ashamed. Later I found what BDSM meant, and I felt relieved. I have never questioned myself if I want to submit to my partner, even though to friends/family/etc. I act very dominant. Makes sense. But some time ago I met a wonderful boy, younger than me, with a beautiful angel face and even more beautiful angel soul. I feel he is strongly submissive and that provoked some dominant fantasies on my part. I started bossing him around a bit to see how he reacts(I don't want to ask him straight ahead about BDSM, since I am absolutely sure he has never heard of it and I don't want him getting the wrong impression) - giving him tasks, telling him he's a good boy when he completes them(awww, I can never get enough of his smile after he hears that), punishing him when he doesn't. And it feels so natural to me - I have never even thought I could act like that in a sexual context. Oh, angel boys are so sweet! I'm curious, though, why you're worried about discussing bdsm with him but seem to be heading in that direction. How does he feel about you "bossing" him around? I also wonder if it's bdsm or D/s that pleases you more. Is it the kink or the control...and why not discuss the difference with him? So right now I am asking myself - am I a switch? I read a lot of topics on this question here, but still have no idea.. I want to try to experiment, but I am too scared it might not work out. I need to find something to make me believe I can do this, since I see it as a great responsibility to take over another human being in that way. I understand being nervous about trying something new, but scared? Scared it might not work out...how will you know unless you try? Being too scared to experiment is no different than saying "I know how to drive" but never having been behind the wheel of a car. How will you know unless you take the time to practice and learn? Yes, I agree, it is a responsibility to take control of another person...which is why they should understand who and what they're dealing with. I have never had such thoughts about any other guy, never watched femdom porn or anything (meh, i don't like submissive girls porn too - rarely I find what turns me on) but when I see that angel face and see that submissive spark in his eyes, sincerely wanting to make me happy, I get a fuzzy feeling deep inside of me, a strong desire to help him push his limits, develop into a better person under my control and use him as a sex toy every now and then. Sounds like a good plan to me! I am sorry if I sound a bit irrational, after all that's weeks of thinking wrapped up in a few words(not even my native language). Any advice and help is truly appreciated.[:D] Irrational, no...nervous, yes. All the more reason to have a good sit down with your angel boy and see how he feels about becoming your sweet little fallen angel.[;)] Good luck. You may want to use the search feature for things like book lists (there's a great one started by ResidentSadist) and advice for new doms/dommes.

Flo20 -> RE: Scared a bit (12/9/2009 3:56:12 PM)
Thank you for your reply. I am sorry my profile is inactive, I haven't filled it out yet (rushed here as soon as i could [:)]). From what I've seen and what he's told me - he feels... Happy to just make me happy. I feel like this is helping him overcome shyness, and share his fantasies. Of course I often remind him that if I give him a task, that is too hard for him, he can always tell me and he doesn't have to do it (he has never put down a task yet, though needs encouragement on some of them). I headed to that direction, because I wanted to see if he liked it. So if he did, I could just tell him "My sweet little pumpkin, that's what BDSM is for us" and then continue talking about that, and not throwing him information links and articles, because he might get the wrong idea. I think it's the control that pleases me more. Not sure, still a terrible newby here.[:)] Though I feel a strong lean for a tender ageplay dynamic. I didn't know about the book lists, thank you for pointing that out. P.S. My little angel just shocked me. I told him "And next time I want you shaved", so he said he'll get a machine (or something like that) to do it. A few hours later he calls me "I have a surprise for you!!!!" with a voice full of excitement, so we meet and he shows me he had shaved. With scissors. Had lots of cuts. I told him next time I will shave him, if he's gonna hurt himself like that (he was actually very excited to hear that too). It amazed be, because even though he cut himself multiple times on such a fragile part of his body, even though I told him to do it whenever he can (so no rush here), he finished it just to surprise me and please me. Sorry for sharing so much, but I actually don't have anyone to talk to about this.. I have just you guys.[:D]

CarrieO -> RE: Scared a bit (12/9/2009 5:14:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Flo20 Though I feel a strong lean for a tender ageplay dynamic. quote: ... that boy I am talking about, shared with me that when he was little he was molested for a few years by a child his age (who told him that if he didn't do it that would make him bad), including receiving anal sex (painfully) and blowing him. That makes me scared to even mention that before he told me, I had fantasies about anal sex with him on the receiving end (fingers, butt plugs, etc). Do you think I should at all bring this topic to him if we establish a strong trust for each other or that would only do him harm, since he hasn't come through the painful memories? These two quotes really tie into the issue of responsibility. What would you do if he had a flashback of sorts relating to past abuse? Are you able to handle that responsibly? Is he willing to explore these fantasies with you regardless of his past issues? Is he working with a therapist or seeking any help in dealing with this abuse? This topic has been discussed on these boards...you could start with a search on abuse. I don't know what country you're in but I'm sure there are websites that could offer information on how to deal with sexual abuse. Enjoy the control...enjoy the kink, to the point both of you have agreed on...give him the opportunity to know where your interests lie...allow him the opportunity to give informed consent...go slow and enjoy the discovery of each other. This isn't a race and common sense should prevail. Unless you're a trained therapist, forcing him to explore something that may trigger a painful memory or response is a recipe for disaster. Just my take on things, YMMV.

Flo20 -> RE: Scared a bit (12/9/2009 6:22:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarrieO Enjoy the control...enjoy the kink, to the point both of you have agreed on...give him the opportunity to know where your interests lie...allow him the opportunity to give informed consent...go slow and enjoy the discovery of each other. This isn't a race and common sense should prevail. Unless you're a trained therapist, forcing him to explore something that may trigger a painful memory or response is a recipe for disaster. Just my take on things, YMMV. Thank you for the wonderful advice. I truly appreciate it. And I didn't mean forcing, I meant if you think that raising this topic at all (like just asking him if he wants to talk about such an activity) could trigger a painful memory. Anyway, I should really check such topics, it's too delicate to allow myself to not be informed with it. P.S. He is working with a therapist and I am trying to give him my full support to overcome this. Edit: Correcting a spelling mistake.

CarrieO -> RE: Scared a bit (12/9/2009 7:52:02 PM)
You're welcome...please feel free to contact me on the other side if you'd like someone to bounce ideas off of. Sounds like you have a good game plan and you just need to take your time and learn what works for both of you. I'm glad to hear he's getting help in dealing with his past issues and I hope you make a point of doing some research of your own to be able to understand what he's dealing with. Best of luck to both of you!

VirginPotty -> RE: Scared a bit (1/13/2010 12:41:23 PM)
OP....you & your "Angel" sound so cute! I hope that it works out for the both of you!

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