quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

in reply to:
---It may not have been worded prettily but it is good advice. Severe depression can not be cured by "I understand"s and "there there"s
A professional is going to be the best equiped to help the person in question deal with their depression. Not a bunch of strangers on a BDSM forum board.------

Grief is not "severe depression". Yes, sometimes extended grieving can bring on a severe depression, but there's a vast difference between the two. When someone close to you dies, you go into grief, if you're a normal person. Grieving takes a long time. The brother passed in Sept., we're only 3 months into the grief process, with the holidays in our faces. People need time, lots of time, to get over big losses. And you don't "get over" in the sense that it's gone. It fades out, it comes back, it's like waves in the sea. They wash over and then receed.

Finding the right professional while in crisis, is not easy. Going to a much less expensive group session of grief support led by a trained facilliator is a good first step for someone who is feeling very low. It's normal to grieve, it's not a clinical depression. You need support, time, gentle care and small new activities to distract and engage.

In a severe loss, most people grieve for at least a year. Then they begin to get their bearings back after the first anniversary. This tendency to run to a therapist whose "trained" for a normal occurence is not a great idea at all and could actually do more harm than good if you can't really afford it, or dont' find the right person. I would never slam the helping professionals, but they vary so widely, that finding the right person is a task in itself and it's not warranted for someone who is 3 months into normal grief, facing the holidays.

There's some very strong, caring and experienced people on these boards and much of the insight and advice given to the OP has been excellent.

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

LaT I agree with what you are saying about a professional being best equipped to assist someone with depression however given that she only lost her brother about 3 months ago I would be wondering if this is still a part of the natural grief reaction and process. 

The sadness can ebb and flow and often increases during holidays (christmas especially is a buggar of a holiday for me as everyone is so damn happy and jolly but for me the anniversary of my brothers death is christmas day so I often just want to smack out some of those smiling faces even though I know this is irrational and totally my issue ha ha), anniversaries and birthdays.

TTDom, if she is isolating herself from everyone, has had significant changes in her appetite, is not looking after herself (showering, getting dressed each day, going to work or study etc) then I would definitely suggest she speak with someone.

As others have said, the most helpful things you can do are hold her, listen, let her cry, talk about her brother and be there for her.  It is natural that she may still be feeling sadness, I guess what you have to try and figure out is if this is sadness about the death of her brother or if she is slipping into depression.  If she has a history of depression I would definitely recommend she see her doctor or a counsellor.

My thoughts go out to her as I still remember just how difficult all of those 'firsts' were

quote:

That wasn't very fair... There are plenty of people on here (me being one) that have been through this, and can lend at the very least an understanding ear...but hopefully some useful advice

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

And IF the thread was worded........Grieving submissive. And how do I help her cope with the grieving process? I would have replied differently, though probably not at all because I likely wouldn't have read it.

There is only ONE PERSON that has posted on this thread, that knows the submissive person in question, personally. That person said that she was DEPRESSED. Sinking deeper into depression, giving the impression that there was a previous level of such. None of us, unless there is a therapist hiding here somewhere, is qualified to give advice regarding depression. Especially without even meeting the depressed person and knowing her full story. There is a reason you have to actually go and spend time with a therapist rather than have a net chat or a few emails.

My answers were given with the assumption that the person is indeed depressed...........per the OP. If the entire OP was geared towards the grieving process, I would have probably ignored the entire thread.

Now please continue with your pretty little words.

quote:

She recently lost her brother back in September, and now that the holidays are approaching, she is sinking deeper into depression. I am at a loss as to what to actually do for her... does anyone have any advice?

quote:

ORIGINAL: TTDom

Hi, I am looking for some advice. I have a submissive partner that I have been with for the last 3 years. She recently lost her brother back in September, and now that the holidays are approaching, she is sinking deeper into depression. I am at a loss as to what to actually do for her... does anyone have any advice?