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RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 6:17:48 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

We'd like to find a dominant woman locally (or at least in the Willamette Valley) willing to coach her and advise us.


I think this is a great idea. I found that having a mentor helped me out a great deal in the begining. I write about it here (link to post). Though the mentorship that I lived was very different than the type you are looking for, the idea in principle is the same.

I work with executive development and one of the ways we do intensive leadership training is have someone shadow someone with great leadership qualities, preferably in the same domain. This involves knowledge transfer, know-how transfer and coaching.

I think the advice to go to a munch is good, though if you are very private like me, it won't work for you. I found my mentor on bondage.com in 2002. The mentorship wasn't virtual though, it was often in person supplemented with phone discussions.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 12/12/2009 6:18:19 AM >

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 6:34:42 AM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi



I know I haven't been to a party in a while, but I really don't remember things being as bad as described in this thread. I also can't figure out who saint is, but I am guessing I probably do.




Do not get me wrong here, if you go to any of the events then on the surface it appears people are having a good time and enjoying the evening. It is when you scratch that surface that you start seeing the petty dramas, the resentments, the gossiping, the hen pecking, etc. that is when it all starts to come out. You can notice this quite readily by sitting back and watching the cliques and how they interact between each other. You get to see the subtle glances of scorn, the whispers, or the outright rudeness on rare occasions. Then if you follow that up by monitoring the various yahoo groups and talking with the various segment leaders, you get a much wider perspective on things.

< Message edited by Saint -- 12/12/2009 6:35:12 AM >

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 6:42:51 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi



I know I haven't been to a party in a while, but I really don't remember things being as bad as described in this thread. I also can't figure out who saint is, but I am guessing I probably do.




Do not get me wrong here, if you go to any of the events then on the surface it appears people are having a good time and enjoying the evening. It is when you scratch that surface that you start seeing the petty dramas, the resentments, the gossiping, the hen pecking, etc. that is when it all starts to come out. You can notice this quite readily by sitting back and watching the cliques and how they interact between each other. You get to see the subtle glances of scorn, the whispers, or the outright rudeness on rare occasions. Then if you follow that up by monitoring the various yahoo groups and talking with the various segment leaders, you get a much wider perspective on things.


You've just summed up the reasons why belonging to a BSDM community gives me the heebies. I have a select amount of friends who I share personal stuff with and that's it, that's all!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Saint)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 6:50:28 AM   
Saint


Posts: 279
Status: offline 		Trust me Lady Angelika, I fully understand. All of my greatest friends have come from within this lifestyle, but they all have also really stepped down their involvement as well over the last few years. Now if they go to events on the rare occasion, they really do not socialize or get involved with any of the drama. But even then just showing yourself at an event when you have not went for a while is cause for rumor and speculation anymore, especially if the person is a well known Domme.

_____________________________

"Anonymity is synonymous with longevity."
Faethor Ferenczy

"I wish I had an angel
For one moment of love
I wish I had your angel tonight"
Nightwish - Wish I had an Angel Tonight

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 10:03:17 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Trust me Lady Angelika, I fully understand. All of my greatest friends have come from within this lifestyle, but they all have also really stepped down their involvement as well over the last few years. Now if they go to events on the rare occasion, they really do not socialize or get involved with any of the drama. But even then just showing yourself at an event when you have not went for a while is cause for rumor and speculation anymore, especially if the person is a well known Domme.

I find this last bit not to be My personal experience.  It honestly is possible to attend events regularly and not have drama at the same time.  Also, I never had problems with speculation if I didn't make events for a while.  Many of the groups that I was associated with in surrounding areas didn't see Me on a regular basis and people knew it was because of the distance that I was driving or due to a rather insane work schedule. 

It seems like when folks do have negative things to say about organized groups, the word 'clique' tends to come up a lot.  I haven't had this experience, either.  In My opinion, it only seems to make sense that you are going to have people that have better connections or friendships than others, but if they spend more time socializing together, it's automatically a *clique*.  At any event, I'm going to spend My time talking with the people I enjoy talking to.  Wouldn't you?

I'm sorry to hear that the state of affairs is so poor in your location.  It just hasn't been My experience in a number of places across the country.


ETA:  My advice for the OP still stands.  If you want to learn from someone locally, where you will have contact in person, it seems only logical to Me to attend events in your area.  That way, you get to know who you are dealing with, have the opportunity for hands on instruction for topping skills, and have more opportunities for seeing the person more frequently.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 12/12/2009 10:06:27 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Saint)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 11:57:47 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ETA: My advice for the OP still stands. If you want to learn from someone locally, where you will have contact in person, it seems only logical to Me to attend events in your area.


... or alternatively to meet someone in your area or an area that you travel to often/easily via a service such as this one.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 12:39:45 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I like a lot of what Santoro says, but that avatar is not him.  It's Frank Zane.  Is that allowed?

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Santoro)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 12:46:11 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ETA: My advice for the OP still stands. If you want to learn from someone locally, where you will have contact in person, it seems only logical to Me to attend events in your area.


... or alternatively to meet someone in your area or an area that you travel to often/easily via a service such as this one.

- LA


Yes, I'll absolutely agree with that.  If you can find someone who is local to you via a site, it's the same result.  Someone who can work with you in person is far better.  At least it works that way for Me, since I'm a very hands on type.  I prefer actual experience than just written instruction.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 12:55:46 PM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arrogance

quote:

ORIGINAL: Santoro

This thinking of go to a munch or club to refine your living arrangement is utter nonsense. You are a man, submerge yourself in your passions, have the courage of your conviction, approach submission with gusto and revel in the woman you have chosen. Then expect and accept nothing less from the woman you have chosen and be prepared to move on if she doesn’t measure up.


This is just... this is just awful advice for someone living in the real world with actual commitments. 



Agreed, Arrogance.  But then, that might explain why Santoro is still looking and you aren't.

(in reply to Arrogance)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/12/2009 2:55:59 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi



I know I haven't been to a party in a while, but I really don't remember things being as bad as described in this thread. I also can't figure out who saint is, but I am guessing I probably do.




Do not get me wrong here, if you go to any of the events then on the surface it appears people are having a good time and enjoying the evening. It is when you scratch that surface that you start seeing the petty dramas, the resentments, the gossiping, the hen pecking, etc. that is when it all starts to come out. You can notice this quite readily by sitting back and watching the cliques and how they interact between each other. You get to see the subtle glances of scorn, the whispers, or the outright rudeness on rare occasions. Then if you follow that up by monitoring the various yahoo groups and talking with the various segment leaders, you get a much wider perspective on things.


I guess I just haven't scratched deep enough, then again, I have met a lot of really awesome people, so maybe I have.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Saint)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/13/2009 11:19:02 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

quote:

ORIGINAL: thishereboi



I know I haven't been to a party in a while, but I really don't remember things being as bad as described in this thread. I also can't figure out who saint is, but I am guessing I probably do.




Do not get me wrong here, if you go to any of the events then on the surface it appears people are having a good time and enjoying the evening. It is when you scratch that surface that you start seeing the petty dramas, the resentments, the gossiping, the hen pecking, etc. that is when it all starts to come out. You can notice this quite readily by sitting back and watching the cliques and how they interact between each other. You get to see the subtle glances of scorn, the whispers, or the outright rudeness on rare occasions. Then if you follow that up by monitoring the various yahoo groups and talking with the various segment leaders, you get a much wider perspective on things.


I guess I just haven't scratched deep enough, then again, I have met a lot of really awesome people, so maybe I have.




You should come out more, I miss you!

And yanno? I just found out recently that I have HATERS!! Imagine! All these years I figured that I move through the scene without leaving a lot of ripples, but no, people have been TALKING about me!

Funny, it hasn't affected me one bit.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Finding female dominant lifestyle coaching - 12/13/2009 2:32:28 PM   
VeryMercurial


Posts: 620
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		Saint, I appreciate hearing your point of view.
I get tired of always hearing how wonderful everything is when it comes
to BDSM events, groups and functions.
I like to always hear both sides.
Thank you for speaking up.

< Message edited by VeryMercurial -- 12/13/2009 2:34:41 PM >

(in reply to Saint)
Profile   Post #: 32
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