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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 6:46:12 AM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline 		Drama frenzy is not just a female submissive thing, believe me. I am a professional psychic and majority of my clients are vanilla. Talk about the never ending drama of hysteria on a daily bases. With that being said, i can understand the over worrying when you are beginning a new relationship being it vanilla or D/s -M/s. Majority of people still carry baggage from the past, and not knowing the new person, they tend to subconsciously hit  their baggage react button. This in itself has nothing to do with bipolar, and am glad OP deleted that part. It is human nature, when you are not secure in a relationship to sweat the small things, until you know each other better.

Why bring it to the boards? For some it is like therapy..getting it off their chest and hearing responses. It is a lot cheaper then calling me..lol, and hearing me tell them their panic baggage button is on stuck:)

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 8:24:09 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		I see this kind of drama everywhere. Sometimes (I hate to admit) in myself--both in my vanilla relationships and my current D/s one. I don't post about it, but I think it. My vanilla friends are just as bad. I believe ridiculous drama transcends vanilla/BDSM boundaries.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 8:45:35 AM   
CaringandReal


Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

Why are these boards so filled with bloody drama?

[example snipped]

Seriously wtf. I have never, ever heard any of my vanilla friends freak out over a relationship like this. Oh sure they do the "he hasn't called in 2 days is he busy or is he avoiding me" thing but then they laugh and shrug it off, they never finish up with "he's so great I'm so stupid" so is there a reason these bitches have to freaking overthink everything and wonder if their actions make them "unsublike" (WTF is that? if you're a submissive in a relationship you are by default sublike)

In other words why is it all the hyperdramatic chicks are femsubs?



1. Power
A lot of it's the relationship, not the "chick." There's an emotional dependency that develops when the power exchange is real. The panic, the fear of having done something wrong or screwed things up is very real. The less experienced you are with riding these particular emotions, the more overpowering they become. Hence, the seeking of resassurance.

2. Monkey See
This forum has set a precedent as a "Dear Abby" lonely-hearts column sort of place. It is any wonder that this stuff comes up over and over again? Anybody new reading the message boards sees half a dozen threads like this, so of course they assume it's the right thing to post here.

3. Different Strokes
Vanillas drama and blurt too. In certain ways, moreso than submissives. Look at the games they play with their boyfriends, the hoops they make them jump through, the emotional highs and lows they subject them too. And then they go tell their girlfriend about it, laughing their asses off (or garnering sympathy when the game doesn't work they way they'd planned it) and boast about it under an anonymous screen name in their online scene of choice. Drama-queenism is not limited to submissives. The natures of the dramas are just different. You say this doesn't come up amongst your vanilla friends. It's a logical fallacy, you know, to compare your personally selected friends with a bunch of anonymous blurters on a messageboard. It's the old apples and oranges mistake. My personal friends don't act like this either. But plenty of vanilla online social spaces are rife with this sort of...claptrap (my apoligies a certain dancing box on wheels. ;) ).

4. Age of Communication
But why here (as in a public forum)? I think the question is more, "where else?" This the age of video games. It's also the age of online--online everything. Privacy as we used to know it is a dinosaur--extinct or quickly becoming so. We all know the NSA or whatever black ops group is currently on top records everything we say online anyway...and a lot of what we say offline. So if Big Bro is watching, why not include everyone else? Things you used to express only to your closest friends under profound promises of secrecy now get blurted on forums or in chatrooms or on your facebook, twitter, myspace, livejournal, reality tv or podcast, public soapbox of the day. It's just the times. You've got to swing with them if you want to have any hope of understanding... today.



Aside:
All this constant, frenzied communication--to everyone--reminds me a lot of science-fiction plots where a planet is on the threshhold of a group mind. All the little neurons, at present, are still isolated, but they are certainly trying to connect...

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(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 8:54:45 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I think the OP is generalizing, big time. People everywhere, vanilla or not, are dramatic when emotions are involved. Some choose to post about it, some keep it to themselves.

I can tell you first hand that not only are my vanilla friends drama queens, but their men are equally drama kings.

My ex is a total drama king who used to call ME a drama queen whenever I had the nerve to question him and he did not want to answer. So he got completely dramatic, but because he was the guy he was, he was not self aware enough to know that it was the pot calling the kettle black.

Also, if you do a little cruising of the profiles on CM, it is amazing just how many many Dominant men have overly dramatic profiles, complaining and whining about no one being "real" and about how they collared someone two weeks ago and now said slave is gone because she wasn't ready for a real Dom like him.

So never make sweeping generalizations; we all get dramatic sometimes and on public forums you can say whatever the hell you want; just as you can choose not to read about all the drama.

P.S. look at Twitter; every act of even getting up in the morning is over dramatized; so obviously for everyone who posts drama, there is someone following that drama.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 12/12/2009 8:56:29 AM >

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 9:21:12 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Well, this is a venue where you CAN write something really melodramatic down in a paragraph, and you can get at least 20 replies of "Awwww, you poor thing, I totally sympathize with you, poor subby sister of mine, you hang in there, you deserve better, you are a good subbie and he doesn't appreciate you, hugs hugs hugs", etc.  People who don't get a lot of warm and fuzzy in the real life can at least get what they crave in a forum like this one.  Throw out the right kind of bait and receive the rewards you want. 

I'm not saying that's a bad thing, for either side of the drama.....just that it does tend to be the nature of this type of venue. 

And I agree, I have seen TONS of this type of drama in vanilla-world.  It's not just a fem sub thing by any means.

And, women on their periods DO tend to be a bit melodramatic..... 

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 9:36:04 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		Is murderous melodramatic?

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 9:44:23 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

1. Power
A lot of it's the relationship, not the "chick." There's an emotional dependency that develops when the power exchange is real. The panic, the fear of having done something wrong or screwed things up is very real. The less experienced you are with riding these particular emotions, the more overpowering they become. Hence, the seeking of resassurance.

4. Age of Communication
But why here (as in a public forum)? I think the question is more, "where else?" This the age of video games. It's also the age of online--online everything. Privacy as we used to know it is a dinosaur--extinct or quickly becoming so. We all know the NSA or whatever black ops group is currently on top records everything we say online anyway...and a lot of what we say offline. So if Big Bro is watching, why not include everyone else? Things you used to express only to your closest friends under profound promises of secrecy now get blurted on forums or in chatrooms or on your facebook, twitter, myspace, livejournal, reality tv or podcast, public soapbox of the day. It's just the times. You've got to swing with them if you want to have any hope of understanding... today.



I think your analysis is spot-on, CaringandReal, especially with the two points above. I'm in my first (and I hope, last) D/s relationship and what you said in #1 is very true for me. The emotional dependency is new to me and often, scary. It was definitely scarier a few months ago. As I've learned to trust my boyfriend, the scariness has diminished and so has the drama. I should note that my boyfriend is not at all dramatic--the drama all comes from me.

Regarding your point #4, I have found that the possibility of immediate sympathy is sometimes too attractive to resist.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to CaringandReal)
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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 9:48:16 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctcsYpYfLOY&feature=PlayList&p=E035ABCF7A018AAE&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=8

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 9:56:32 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		I'm going to say the same thing I say when responding to other threads in which the OP bitches about something prevelent online: why care?  Just move on to a thread that interests you, life is too short to get upset about drama.

Personally, depending on the thread, I either have a good laugh or roll my eyes and move on.

Zeph


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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 9:57:04 AM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

and of course my all time favourite the tap tap tap thread..... sighs, I miss those days )



Huh? What was that, and why is it gone?

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 9:59:32 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Is murderous melodramatic?


Nah.  That falls under therapeutic.

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Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 10:05:38 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

and of course my all time favourite the tap tap tap thread..... sighs, I miss those days )



Huh? What was that, and why is it gone?


Some backwater Kentucky sherriffs office siezed it along with a bunch of scantily clad tongueless lesbian dominatrix-slaves for evidence of one of the best CM threads EVER.




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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 10:09:42 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ctcsYpYfLOY&feature=PlayList&p=E035ABCF7A018AAE&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=8


Sheena!!!  Whatever happened to her???  lol

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 10:12:31 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		In a 55 gallon drum in some remote basement, slowly decomposing in acid.

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 10:13:24 AM   
lronitulstahp


Posts: 5392
Joined: 10/17/2007
Status: offline 		mmmmm   kinky.....

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 10:15:38 AM   
MsMillgrove


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/27/2008
Status: offline 		As long we're venting on the topic of females and drama, I'd like to get a 2 cents in. It doesn't relate much to anyone else here unless you dom/me or sub online in virtual worlds. The level of drama that my associate female dommes put out in our virtual world knocks my socks off.

If I want to lose my friends, I could tell them what I think of them.. which is "for god's sake, calm down and stop making a fool out of yourself." The only sunny spot in this maelstrom of unreasonable fussing is that if you're accidentally standing someplace when the storm hits, you can lie low for a day or two, because there's so much drama happening, that you'll be in the clear in just a few days.

Sometimes I wonder, are they like this real time, do they put their close girlfriends and significant others thru it, too? I dunno if they do or not. One hopes not.
Maybe it's the overheated frustration of spending time online and never venturing out into offscreen kink, that adds to the atmosphere. Puzzling.


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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 10:16:17 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		I got tired of thread drama when I started receiving more slaps on the hand for my responses than not....

I do miss posting and reading at times .. but until I can " bite my tongue" so to speak .. I just ignore all threads or read them and ignore the drama ..

Its not bad people on the threads .. its just my idea of drama and theirs is different !

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 10:20:59 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsMillgrove

As long we're venting on the topic of females and drama, I'd like to get a 2 cents in. It doesn't relate much to anyone else here unless you dom/me or sub online in virtual worlds. The level of drama that my associate female dommes put out in our virtual world knocks my socks off.

If I want to lose my friends, I could tell them what I think of them.. which is "for god's sake, calm down and stop making a fool out of yourself." The only sunny spot in this maelstrom of unreasonable fussing is that if you're accidentally standing someplace when the storm hits, you can lie low for a day or two, because there's so much drama happening, that you'll be in the clear in just a few days.

Sometimes I wonder, are they like this real time, do they put their close girlfriends and significant others thru it, too? I dunno if they do or not. One hopes not.
Maybe it's the overheated frustration of spending time online and never venturing out into offscreen kink, that adds to the atmosphere. Puzzling.




I would say that for the most part, people in real life who participate in that kind of drama on a regular basis are in the minority.  Then they all find each other online and have a grand old time.

But yes, in real life, some of them DO put their girlfriends though the drama.  I had what I thought was a close friend for about 5 years before I finally dropped her as a friend when it began to sink in what an extreme drama whore and emotional vampire she actually was.  The biggest example that comes to mind is remembering how I listened to her weep and wail over the phone about some problems she supposedly was having with her boss in the workplace, and how she moaned about how she couldn't quit or get fired because she "needed her jooooooooooooob!".....and then finding out later on that one, she actually was socializing with the boss AND his boss, and two, her husband, who was a very successful dentist had been encouraging her to just quit the job and do whatever she wanted with his blessing. Oh, and there was the time she showed up at the company picnic in a flesh-colored crocheted bikini, strutted around all day, and then pleaded with me not to show anyone any of the pictures because she was "shyyyyyyyyyy,  REALLY shyyyyyyyyyyy".  Puh-lease.

I guess that was just a vent.  Thanks :)

< Message edited by windchymes -- 12/12/2009 10:31:24 AM >

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 10:23:38 AM   
AnimusRex


Posts: 2165
Joined: 5/13/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella
"OMG I QUESTIONED MY MASTER RIGHT BEFORE HE LEFT AND HE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING BUT NOW HES DRIVING HOME AND I CALLED HIS PHONE 10000 TIMES TO SEE IF HES MAD AT ME BUT HES NOT ANSWERING AND IT MIGHT BE BECAUSE HES DRIVING BUT IM PRETTY SURE ITS BECAUSE HES MAD AT ME AND I FEEL SO UNSUBLIKE FOR QUESTIONING HIM AND NOW MAYBE IM BEING MORE UNSUBLIKE FOR CALLING HIM SO MUCH AND I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO"


I think I dated that girl once....

Seriously, I don't know if all the drama queens are male or female, Dom or sub, but what I have observed in my time in the lifestyle, is that there is a certain percentage of people who approach the BDSM lifestyle from a bad orientation.

Meaning, extreme lifestyles- extreme religious groups, extreme political groups, extreme sexual lifestyles- are very appealing to damaged or broken people.
I have met and known quite a few of those within the lifestyle- its like they are hoping that immersing themselves in an extreme lifestyle will heal their psychic wounds.

No, obviously it isn't a slam against everyone- I don't consider myself one of those, and I have met plenty of well adjusted level headed people here as well.

As I put it to Kim, when we first started looking for someone to join us- it is very much a box of chocolates; you never know which one will be nuts.

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Bloody drama - 12/12/2009 10:33:58 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I blame cell phones.  There was drama before cellphones became common, but it was at a lower notch on the drama-scale.  The chick would have called his answering maching 10,000 times, and the answer would have been... he just left your house, it's an hour drive, chill.


Cali


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Profile   Post #: 40
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