How do you define "in the lifestyle"?

How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (Full Version)

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BelleMajia -> How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 12:17:16 PM)
Recently, I've been participating more in various "lifestyle" forums and chatting with potential partners. As a result, I've been wondering how other people define "in the lifestyle"? My question is mainly about those getting to know you conversations where we discuss how long we've "been in the lifestyle". Are there common bench marks or milestones along our journeys where we consider ourselves "in the lifestyle"? Is it when you first fantasized about bdsm? Bought or read your first book? First played with bondage?

Justme696 -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 12:22:08 PM)
in the lifestyle......when bdsm becomes more then just sex and integrates in your daily life. that is it for me

ranja -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 12:31:55 PM)
For me... i have always had a dirty mind and an open to anything attitude... but it was not until i came across this site about two years ago that i actually related my own sex desires to kink and bdsm.... and after a lot of reading and on-line chatting did i manage to muster up the guts to ask my Husband to be my Master and so we changed the dynamic of our relationship... still, i would call it our lifestyle rather than 'the lifestyle'

GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 12:44:33 PM)
great question OP: STYLE: for me IN the LIFE style means my style of life is FEMALE LED relationships..dominating..leading and organzing in all aspects.. and it has been my style a most of my life.. LIFE with the STYLE: to be IN IT.......... LIVING it with others incorperating BDSM and kink has been about 40+ years..since realizing I dominate men and women.. I have lived a polyamorous.BDSM life style for almost 30 years.. GM

kanina -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 12:47:25 PM)
i consider myself in the lifestily when my relantionships became bdsm... i do participate in lots of foruns and have a blog but if my relantionships were not bdsm i would not consider myself in the lifestyle...

DrkJourney -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 1:03:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 in the lifestyle......when bdsm becomes more then just sex and integrates in your daily life. that is it for me What he said I had thoughts of BDSM when I was a kid, but I wasn't "in", the lifestyle. I consider the word "in" as meaning actually practicing it. When it's your life. It turns into just "life". Nothing you can turn on and off, not a weekend warrior type thing, not even considered an incorporation, it's just every day, a part of you.

LaTigresse -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 1:41:49 PM)
I really don't. I just see it as a cute little catch phrase some people like to use to explain how they live. I just concentrate on living and leave defining stuff up to other people.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 3:00:32 PM)
~Fast Reply~ I don't know if I'm "in the lifestyle" or not, but I know that any "relationship" I have will not be with a vanilla man and will be with a Dominant one.

littlewonder -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 3:16:31 PM)
for me personally "in the lifestyle" means that your life revolves around bdsm. You attend all the bdsm functions, visit bdsm clubs/dungeons/munches every weekend and every single event that happens to be going on. You have a subscription to every bdsm site online and your entire house reeks of bdsm furniture, toys, etc..

KateyCaine -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 3:30:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Justme696 in the lifestyle......when bdsm becomes more then just sex and integrates in your daily life. that is it for me Yeah, well put :) k :)

lucylucy -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/13/2009 8:14:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957 ~Fast Reply~ I don't know if I'm "in the lifestyle" or not, but I know that any "relationship" I have will not be with a vanilla man and will be with a Dominant one. I was about to say exactly what sweetsub said. Am I "in the lifestyle"? I don't know and I don't care. I have no idea what that question means, either. I would take it as a small talk kind of question, kind of like you would ask someone you met at work, "How long have you worked here?"

Acer49 -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/14/2009 12:01:40 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BelleMajia Recently, I've been participating more in various "lifestyle" forums and chatting with potential partners. As a result, I've been wondering how other people define "in the lifestyle"? My question is mainly about those getting to know you conversations where we discuss how long we've "been in the lifestyle". Are there common bench marks or milestones along our journeys where we consider ourselves "in the lifestyle"? Is it when you first fantasized about bdsm? Bought or read your first book? First played with bondage? Question: How long have you been in the lifestyle? Answer: 25 years Question: Really? Did your partner live with you? Answer: Well, No Question: Oh, How many relations have you had? Answer: One Question: Wow, How long was it Answer: Well, it was actually only 3 months Question: I am sorry, How long ago was it? Answer: Well it was 24 years ago There are alot of people that talk a good game, but they have little or no actual experiece. Just because one says they have all this "experiece" one needs to inquire as what that experience actually is. Simply giving yourself a title, going to munches or holding up the walls at major events does not give you experience. Although I suppose, you could say you are in the lifestyle As to the OP's qestions The "lifestyle is what ever you choose it to be. It may or may not make little difference in your path of dominance or submission. It offers a wide vary of opinions from a great many people. Some of these people are quite knowledgeable and experience while others are totally clueless. Through the growth of the lifestyle many now have the opportunity to go to clubs and major events in many of the states. It has allowed us to connect with others who share common beliefs and desires, through the internet, web sites, chat rooms etc. While the lifestyle offers a great deal of knowledge, without actual experience, it's value is severly limited. There are many things that you will hear that you should have, but nowhere is it taught. How to act like an adult, things like honesty and integrity, honor and trust. Ethical standards and practices as well as simple common courtesy. These are things you must have to have any chance of having a suceessful relationship within what is commonly called the lifestyle. so if you are looking for benchmarks, I believe these are the things one must excell at, at least for me. How good you may be with a whip a flogger or whatever other activity means nothing if you do have art of being an adult mastered. As far as the first book, bondage experience or fantasy, let us just say it has been more years than I care to admit to.

pompeii -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/14/2009 8:20:17 AM)
I define 'in the lifestyle' as a relationship where the predominant thought to the lovemaking is D/s play.

LadyPact -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/14/2009 10:03:34 AM)
I want to say something on both of these, so I'm going to separate them. quote: ORIGINAL: BelleMajia Recently, I've been participating more in various "lifestyle" forums and chatting with potential partners. As a result, I've been wondering how other people define "in the lifestyle"? My question is mainly about those getting to know you conversations where we discuss how long we've "been in the lifestyle". Are there common bench marks or milestones along our journeys where we consider ourselves "in the lifestyle"? Is it when you first fantasized about bdsm? Bought or read your first book? First played with bondage? I use the term 'in the lifestyle' to associate those activities and associations that are a part of My life. I don't think one can base it on when they got an interest or even started reading about it. I think acts of participation have more weight in the definition than reading about them. I don't know so much about particular milestones. I tend to think that is more individual definition than a commonly accepted one. If we're talking about just BDSM without any reference to D/s or M/s. In My opinion, if someone is participating in bondage, discipline, sadism, or masochism, it's a far different thing than being involved in a dynamic. quote: ORIGINAL: Acer49 Question: How long have you been in the lifestyle? Answer: 25 years Question: Really? Did your partner live with you? Answer: Well, No Question: Oh, How many relations have you had? Answer: One Question: Wow, How long was it Answer: Well, it was actually only 3 months Question: I am sorry, How long ago was it? Answer: Well it was 24 years ago There are alot of people that talk a good game, but they have little or no actual experiece. Just because one says they have all this "experiece" one needs to inquire as what that experience actually is. Simply giving yourself a title, going to munches or holding up the walls at major events does not give you experience. Although I suppose, you could say you are in the lifestyle This part really interested Me, so it might make for some interesting discussion. I have two different approaches to this that I thought may be looked at in a different way. I'd like to offer a different perspective. I've been married to My other half for approximately eight years and nine months. During that time, he's been deployed or some other such thing for around a total of two years and six months. So, have I really been married for eight years and nine months or really only married for six years and three months? The same can be said of My current M/s dynamic, which has been in existence for coming up on three years and collared for over two. Should I only count the time that he's actually lived with Me? Maybe I should take it from the sum of the total of time he's spent with Me, such as those periods where he lived ten minutes away from Me, but did maintain his own sleeping quarters in another location that wasn't under My roof? How would you suggest I make My calculations regarding the time that he's deployed, but I'm still active within the community, fully participating in S/m with others, attending events and so on?

Underumam -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/14/2009 10:19:33 AM)
Defining "in the lifestyle" is as varied as the people and their reasons for being in the lifestyle..lol.

MTCell -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/14/2009 10:22:33 AM)
For Me, it is living in the lifestyle. I am a D at home and at work. She is My sub and behaves within all the protocols of the lifestyle. I am considering a slave as well, but will see. My sub has an opinion when asked for, but the final decision is always mine. As with others before her, is she forgets her place she will be reminded while packing.

mnottertail -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/14/2009 10:27:15 AM)
I have given this a great deal of thought, and have decided that I am 'in the lifestyle' when not out of it. Ron

RumpusParable -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/14/2009 2:16:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BelleMajia Recently, I've been participating more in various "lifestyle" forums and chatting with potential partners. As a result, I've been wondering how other people define "in the lifestyle"? My question is mainly about those getting to know you conversations where we discuss how long we've "been in the lifestyle". Are there common bench marks or milestones along our journeys where we consider ourselves "in the lifestyle"? Is it when you first fantasized about bdsm? Bought or read your first book? First played with bondage? I consider myself "in the lifestyle" since my first structural, D/s relationship and from the first times I enjoyed kinks. I consider this different from being "in the scene" which has been a short period of time since I didn't go public until recently. Before that it was private groups of friends and such, not an out and meeting new people for the purpose thing. I've only been in the scene for about 3 or 4 years, tops. I've been in the lifestyle since I was an UM.

Rochsub2009 -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/14/2009 3:40:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BelleMajia Are there common bench marks or milestones along our journeys where we consider ourselves "in the lifestyle"? Is it when you first fantasized about bdsm? Bought or read your first book? First played with bondage? As others have already said, you are probably going to get a variety of varying (and sometimes conflicting) answers to this one. To me, I consider myself to have been "in the lifestyle" since BDSM stopped being a fantasy to me and started being something that I practice in real life on a regular basis. Many people read erotic fiction or watch dominatrix porn. To me, that doesn't qualify as being "in the lifestyle". Being in the lifestyle (IMO) requires active participation. Not active contemplation. Active participation! I don't think there is a magical time period that has to elapse in order for one to be tenured as officially "in the lifestye". However, I do believe that if all you do is fantasize, and go to munches and play parties in order to watch others perform who are "in the lifestyle", but never actually do anything yourself, then you are probably NOT "in the lifestyle".

MarcEsadrian -> RE: How do you define "in the lifestyle"? (12/14/2009 4:46:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BelleMajia Recently, I've been participating more in various "lifestyle" forums and chatting with potential partners. As a result, I've been wondering how other people define "in the lifestyle"? My question is mainly about those getting to know you conversations where we discuss how long we've "been in the lifestyle". Are there common bench marks or milestones along our journeys where we consider ourselves "in the lifestyle"? A very insightful subject. Personally, "the lifestyle" has become so diffused across the population that it doesn't mean much to me. "In the lifestyle" means about as much to me as "we like hot sex". Only when someone displays some degree of understanding and seriousness about the psychology of M/s do I consider taking them semi-seriously. That understanding is in short supply from my point of view, but I don't mind.

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