RE: Advice needed please

RE: Advice needed please (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master

Message

Missokyst -> RE: Advice needed please (12/15/2009 11:43:51 AM)
I have an easy fix for you Holly.. send them my way! I detest special occasion gifts such as birthdays and xmas. But if someone wants to shower me with stuff any other time, great! As one who has never seen gifts as relationship currency, I welcome a gift as a nice gesture and nothing more. [:D] quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly Having someone buy anything for me, when i am there, causes a great deal of discomfort. I have actually been driven to tears in a jewelry store. Receiving gifts on occasions such as Christmas, birthdays, etc is not something i enjoy. Ok....i hate that too, but there is not a whole lot i can do about it. As to why i am like this? Hell...i don't know. Simply put, i am who i am and i am not going to change. I do not ask that anyone understand a trait i have that i myself do not understand. All i ask is that they respect it.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Advice needed please (12/15/2009 1:29:48 PM)
FR- There are a couple of things going on here as others have mentioned. First of all, society has put this stereotype on women that "all girls" love shopping, "all girls" love having people buy stuff for them. It isn't necessarily true, as some of the posts have shown. I have to wonder is he buying stuff because he wants to spoil her and give her the things that he thinks she wants or does he think he is "buying" her love? That happens a lot too. This is why I have said that she needs to make it very clear that he is enough for her and while she appreciates his generousity, it isn't necessary. Personally, I have had people tell me that I'm not a "normal" girl because I don't enjoy shopping, traipsing through the mall for hours. Being the smart ass that I am, if someone told me that I wasn't a "real" girl, I would respond, "I guess you are right, but then what does that make you if I'm not a real girl?" Essentially I'm not the type where something like that bothers me. The ongoing idea that every statement someone (especially one's "D" type) makes that makes us uncomfortable means we need to look inside ourselves and determine why it bothers us is really not much more than a bunch of bullshit. Sure we should have some introspect into why some things bother us, but the concept that we should work it out so that others (particularly our "D" types) can continue to use the terms they choose is hogwash. If you want to call me something and I tell you I don't like it, it bothers me, have the respect for me to just stop doing it. Not everything is something one must overcome for the pleasure of their partner.

sirsholly -> RE: Advice needed please (12/15/2009 1:40:37 PM)
quote: I have to wonder is he buying stuff because he wants to spoil her and give her the things that he thinks she wants or does he think he is "buying" her love? i don't know about anyone else...but if hubby wants to spoil me..refill my coffee cup, bring me a flower that never saw the inside of a florists shop, leave a note in a secret place, etc. I have enough life experience to know the material stuff means nothing in the long run. I have no desire for a gift from his wallet. I want a gift from his heart. And Lafayette...we need to form our own club (grabs Serensubbie because i suspect she fits right in)...those of us girls that are not girls because we hate the holy hell out of malls and shopping.

littlewonder -> RE: Advice needed please (12/15/2009 3:49:24 PM)
Next time he says that then say "fine" and pick out the most expensive piece of jewelry that you can find. That should shut him up.

LafayetteLady -> RE: Advice needed please (12/15/2009 10:49:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: littlewonder Next time he says that then say "fine" and pick out the most expensive piece of jewelry that you can find. That should shut him up. I think that might be a fun way to go, lol. And Holly, I think you are right. Although I do admit that if I have been known to shop on line on more than one occasion. One of our local supermarkets has now made it possible to do your grocery shopping on line AND have it delivered. If it weren't for the fee, I think I would definately be trying it, lol.

ranja -> RE: Advice needed please (12/16/2009 2:49:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Look him in the eye next time he does it, tell him you are hurt and upset at him doing this again when he knows you find it offensive and not funny and ask to be taken home. Then tell him you need some alone time to think about why someone who claims to care for you prefers to hurt you repeatedly. He may have meant it the first time as a joke but you have explained that it hurts you. So why does he do it? Ask him that. And to make this total drama even better i would suggest you turn on the water works and wail loudly in the middle of the shopping mall because of the hurt feelings... pull at your hair and trash yourself on the floor... before running off in a fit of hysteria screaming why??? oh why??? ETA ... if it is really so important that you have to try to discuss this in your letters... well, try to make it fun somehow... don't moan about your feelings but rather ask him for tips to improve your girlyness to please your really manly man...

ranja -> RE: Advice needed please (12/16/2009 4:22:00 AM)
also even though i agree it is somewhat dubious if you get the feeling that your love is being bought... and i don't like show offs or men that spend beyond their means, but still i prefer a generous man over a tight one anytime, don't knock it

sirsholly -> RE: Advice needed please (12/16/2009 11:02:55 AM)
quote: Although I do admit that if I have been known to shop on line on more than one occasion. shopping on-line doesn't really count as the type of shopping i was speaking of. [:)] <<<<EBay addict

LafayetteLady -> RE: Advice needed please (12/16/2009 11:23:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly quote: Although I do admit that if I have been known to shop on line on more than one occasion. shopping on-line doesn't really count as the type of shopping i was speaking of. [:)] <<<<EBay addict Whew! I was worried that I was getting to be to much of a "girl" by enjoying Newport News' clearance sales!

sirsholly -> RE: Advice needed please (12/16/2009 11:31:46 AM)
<<<<<scampers off to Google Newport News [:)]

LafayetteLady -> RE: Advice needed please (12/16/2009 11:44:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly <<<<<scampers off to Google Newport News [:)] Holly! Newport News and the Spiegel catalog! They are sister companies. Their clearance stuff is great. Their sizes run pretty accurate, the majority of stuff is pretty well made, they have great shoes too! Spiegel also has home goods and other stuff. Maybe they are more popular over here on the east coast, but I used to love shopping with them.

sirsholly -> RE: Advice needed please (12/16/2009 11:47:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: sirsholly <<<<<scampers off to Google Newport News [:)] Holly! Newport News and the Spiegel catalog! They are sister companies. Their clearance stuff is great. Their sizes run pretty accurate, the majority of stuff is pretty well made, they have great shoes too! Spiegel also has home goods and other stuff. Maybe they are more popular over here on the east coast, but I used to love shopping with them. HUFFPUFF out of breath from power shopping Sheeesh...leather pants for 40.00!!!!!! Thanks for the sites LL!!!![:)]

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125