RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (Full Version)

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sexyred1 -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/17/2009 8:54:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

[empathy. I had the first one; "the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another" in mind.

[


This statement would apply to any successful relationship, D/s or otherwise, even in business relationships.




KnightofMists -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/17/2009 9:56:09 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Should you be a dominant without empathy for your partner?




I think Merc makes a some good points of why Empathy is an important quality in an Ethical Dominant or Master... However... not having such a quality may not exclude a person from being a Dominant or Master... but it might exclude them from being Identified as a Ehtical or Admirable Dominant or Master.

In the end for me......

"If you desire an admirable Master or slave... first look to the admirable qualities of the person... if you find none... you will not find an admirable Master or slave"

So the question to me is... What admirable qualities do you desire in your intimate partners. Qualities that are seperate and distinct from them being a Dominant or submissive in nature. It is my view that character of a person... like Empathy, Integrity, Wisdom and many others are the prism that will influence the manner that one's Dominant or submissive personality will manifest itself into actions.




persephonee -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/17/2009 10:06:08 AM)

And *that* is why we adore you....right there![:D]




KnightofMists -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/18/2009 7:09:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

And *that* is why we adore you....right there![:D]



mmmmmmmmm "We" is abit strong don't you think?.... and I am sure some would be choosing a different term than "Adore"......

But... thank you for the thoughts!




Andalusite -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/18/2009 7:32:34 AM)

Well, I'm a switch, so I *do* have a pretty good idea of what my masochistic submissive playpartner is experiencing. Everyone experiences these things differently though, through the veil of our own reactions, both emotionally and physically. I do think that caring and being considerate is very important. I tend to outright pick up on others' moods and emotions, even when there isn't any D/s involved. It can be very yummy in BDSM and sexual situations, but I don't *think* that's what you're referring to.




LadyAngelika -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/18/2009 2:36:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
I'm the first to say that no sadist knows or can process the physical, emotional pain and mentally feel what a masochist feels during play. But you should, in my opinion, at least be able to understand the 'humanity' of your partner and not put them in a position to 'break'; emotionally, mentally, or physically.


Unless said sadist has been on the other end of the whip. Then again, we all experience things in different ways, especially the emotional stuff.

quote:

Should you be a dominant without empathy for your partner?

Yes, otherwise you are a sociopath.

quote:

Should a submissive be worried if their dominant partner seems not to have any empathy for them?

Yes. Because that would indicate they are with a sociopath.

quote:

Not love, not like, not experiencing the same sensations; but is empathy, reciprocal empathy at that, the one absolute for a good relationship dynamic?

Absolutely! In any relationship, not just sadist/masochist, not just dominant/submissive. I know a few vanilla relationships where one doesn't have empathy for another. Very, very dysfunctional.

- LA






GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/18/2009 6:02:10 PM)

M'n'b..
 
A sadist is an empath...that is how it works for them/us..
WE derive pleasure from comprehending the psychological state of another and gratification through feeling their suffering.
WE  then also have empahty for other areas of their life and make decisions accordingly,...with all the integrity..love and respect we can.
GM




lally2 -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/18/2009 7:22:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

Love - Like - Lust

This is a season for conflict. Family, friends, children, split family obligations; and only one day to spread yourself among those. Of course a 'Master' should have the ability to dictate where his 'slave' goes on any given day. However will a few hours, or a full day, of empathetic consideration, sacrificing a bit a selfishness, serve more than any other possible action to establish trust?

i happen to think so yes. when a slave gives up on all decisions for herself and relies completely on the empathy of her Master she is also extending the trust that he will consider not just her needs but the needs of others who might need her and who havent submitted their freedom to share her over christmas. i know that if i were separated from my son and my Master prevented me from seeing him over christmas the feeling of hurt that my son would feel would hurt me deeply and would have a detrimental effect upon our dynamic. i would feel that he had abused his position as my Master.

Should you be a dominant without empathy for your partner?

when there is no empathy there is no room for movement. the slave is very much held fast to her Masters decisions. more so than if there was empathy. with empathy there is a sense of 'reasoning' even if no actual dialogue happens. the empathetic Master will know how best to respond to a situation his slave is in and she will know that her Master will be considering the best direction to take. when that empathy isnt there and there is no room for discussion the sense of isolation from the world would be acute. for some i can imagine that would be ideal

Should a submissive be worried if their dominant partner seems not to have any empathy for them?

depends if that suits her. for me personally, yes. if i have no voice or if my voice is not heard and there is no empathy then the fear of isolation from my emotional well being would become untennable. i am an emotional animal, not at all pragmatic, i personally could not survive in such a sterile, perfunctory atmoshphere

Not love, not like, not experiencing the same sensations; but is empathy, reciprocal empathy at that, the one absolute for a good relationship dynamic?

empathy to me suggests caring - when you care about a person you take care of that persons emotional as well as physical welfare. again for some that isnt a prerequisite, but i would argue for the vast majority, if you wish to have a loving, empathetic exchange going on then yes. if all you want is a reactive response from a slave who has been separated from any emotional connectivity due to an absolute lack of it then no.




LadyAngelika -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/19/2009 2:21:45 PM)

quote:

I'm with GypsyMambo. Sadism doesn't work without empathy.


Sadism in the context of safe, sane and consensual BDSM perhaps. Sadism in general is not about empathy, is about getting off on another's pain. There is a huge difference.

- LA




GYPSYMAMBO -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/19/2009 3:21:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

I'm with GypsyMambo. Sadism doesn't work without empathy.


Sadism in the context of safe, sane and consensual BDSM perhaps. Sadism in general is not about empathy, is about getting off on another's pain. There is a huge difference.

- LA

Sadism is about empathy...it is the same ability as taking pleasure from inflicting pain...(SCHADENFREUDE..from .."suffering" and "joy"..
 
Sadism in "the context of safe sane and consensual BDSM" may mean to one person..
acting as if...SO; in sessions etc..
 FOR one who LIVES a SM life...then this is their personality...not a ROLE
 
 
IN order to TAKE that pleasure  from sadistic practice there is no sympathy or the wanting to END the pain..
The sadist COMPREHENDS at a deep level the emotions..feelings..responses of another entity...and there is deep gratification in FEELING the suffering,
It is not possible to "get off" on another's pain without empathy..sympathy would end it
 
 The BDSM sadist as empath can EMPATHIZE with the FULL SPECTRUM of feelings so that safety is adhered to in a safe envrionment created to live this out with your polar opposite...with compassion and sympathy as well....after.
 
The human without sympathy or compassion in the mix becomes a socio or psycho path
with high radar for feelings and ability to mimic for personal gain.
 
GM




LadyAngelika -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/19/2009 3:52:20 PM)

quote:

quote:

quote:

Sadism in the context of safe, sane and consensual BDSM perhaps. Sadism in general is not about empathy, is about getting off on another's pain. There is a huge difference.


No, sadism in any context involves empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand what another person is going through and to vicariously experience it, and thus empathy is a necessary component in order to get off on another's pain. If one can't experience that pain emphatically, then there is essentially nothing to get off on.


Why rewrite something in my own words what someone on Wikipedia has already explained so well:

quote:

Lack of empathy

Psychopathy
Some psychopaths are able to detect the emotions of others with such a theory of mind and can mimic caring and friendship in a convincing manner, often in an effort to exploit others. While some psychopaths can detect what others are feeling, they do not experience any reciprocal emotion or sympathy. However, some research indicates that components of neural circuits involved in empathy may also be dysfunctional in psychopathy.

Enjoyment of others' suffering
The same ability may underlie schadenfreude (taking pleasure in the pain of another entity) and sadism (being sexually gratified through the infliction of pain or humiliation on another person). Recently, a functional MRI study conducted by Jean Decety and colleagues at the University of Chicago has demonstrated that youth with aggressive conduct disorder (who have psychopathic tendencies) have a different brain response when confronted with empathy-eliciting stimuli. In the study, researchers compared 16- to 18-year-old boys with aggressive conduct disorder to a control group of adolescent boys with no unusual signs of aggression. The boys with the conduct disorder had exhibited disruptive behavior such as starting a fight, using a weapon and stealing after confronting a victim. The youth were tested with fMRI while looking at video clips in which people endured pain accidentally, such as when a heavy bowl was dropped on their hands, and intentionally, such as when a person stepped on another's foot. Results show that the aggressive youth activated the neural circuits underpinning pain processing to the same extent and, in some cases, even more so than the control participants without conduct disorder. However, aggressive adolescents showed a specific and very strong activation of the amygdala and ventral striatum (an area that responds to feeling rewarded) when watching pain inflicted on others, which suggested that they enjoyed watching pain. Unlike the control group, the youth with conduct disorder did not activate the area of the brain involved in self-regulation and moral reasoning.


In fact, because I'm such a research junky, I searched out the study in question that is discussed in that Wikipedia entry and read through it. Interesting findings that support my argument.
Atypical empathic responses in adolescents with aggressive conduct disorder: A functional MRI investigation

Again, I restate that the self identified sadists that I have interacted with in the real of BDSM have had empathy. But as the research above has shown, that is not the case with all those demonstrating sadistic behaviour.

- LA




LadyAngelika -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/19/2009 4:29:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23

quote:

In fact, because I'm such a research junky, I searched out the study in question that is discussed in that Wikipedia entry and read through it. Interesting findings that support my argument.
Atypical empathic responses in adolescents with aggressive conduct disorder: A functional MRI investigation

Again, I restate that the self identified sadists that I have interacted with in the real of BDSM have had empathy. But as the research above has shown, that is not the case with all those demonstrating sadistic behaviour.


The solution to this disagreement is found in the first word of the study you've linked to:  Atypical.  It's not that sadists lack empathy, it's that sadist are atypically empathic.


The reason why they use atypical in scientific research rather than stating it in an absolute is because they want to protect themselves against "yes it is / no it's not" arguments such as this one. In fact, it is very common in academic research to not overly interpret the data and let it speak for itself, therefore using words like atypical.

If you read the study, in the conclusion, they write "However, when observing pain intentionally caused by another there was no activation in adolescents with CD, in the neural regions that contribute to selfregulation and metacognition (including moral reasoning), such as the DLPFC, PCC, TPJ, dorsal and medial ACC and lateral OFC." Throughout the study, they report lack of normal response.

Now do we want to split hairs over whether or not what the researchers list as atypical empathy is a form of empathy? Sure ok. Then I revise my prior statement and say that:

Sadism in the context of safe, sane and consensual BDSM perhaps. Sadism in general is not about empathy as we have come to typically define it in our society (and by society, I might be limited to a Western society perspective), is about getting off on another's pain. There is a huge difference.


- LA




alittleevil -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/19/2009 5:42:17 PM)

Hello,
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
quote:

quote:

quote:

Sadism in the context of safe, sane and consensual BDSM perhaps. Sadism in general is not about empathy, is about getting off on another's pain. There is a huge difference.


No, sadism in any context involves empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand what another person is going through and to vicariously experience it, and thus empathy is a necessary component in order to get off on another's pain. If one can't experience that pain emphatically, then there is essentially nothing to get off on.


Why rewrite something in my own words what someone on Wikipedia has already explained so well:

quote:

Lack of empathy

Psychopathy
Some psychopaths are able to detect the emotions of others with such a theory of mind and can mimic caring and friendship in a convincing manner, often in an effort to exploit others. While some psychopaths can detect what others are feeling, they do not experience any reciprocal emotion or sympathy. However, some research indicates that components of neural circuits involved in empathy may also be dysfunctional in psychopathy.

Enjoyment of others' suffering
The same ability may underlie schadenfreude (taking pleasure in the pain of another entity) and sadism (being sexually gratified through the infliction of pain or humiliation on another person). Recently, a functional MRI study conducted by Jean Decety and colleagues at the University of Chicago has demonstrated that youth with aggressive conduct disorder (who have psychopathic tendencies) have a different brain response when confronted with empathy-eliciting stimuli. In the study, researchers compared 16- to 18-year-old boys with aggressive conduct disorder to a control group of adolescent boys with no unusual signs of aggression. The boys with the conduct disorder had exhibited disruptive behavior such as starting a fight, using a weapon and stealing after confronting a victim. The youth were tested with fMRI while looking at video clips in which people endured pain accidentally, such as when a heavy bowl was dropped on their hands, and intentionally, such as when a person stepped on another's foot. Results show that the aggressive youth activated the neural circuits underpinning pain processing to the same extent and, in some cases, even more so than the control participants without conduct disorder. However, aggressive adolescents showed a specific and very strong activation of the amygdala and ventral striatum (an area that responds to feeling rewarded) when watching pain inflicted on others, which suggested that they enjoyed watching pain. Unlike the control group, the youth with conduct disorder did not activate the area of the brain involved in self-regulation and moral reasoning.


Again, I restate that the self identified sadists that I have interacted with in the real of BDSM have had empathy. But as the research above has shown, that is not the case with all those demonstrating sadistic behaviour.


But could it not be that self-regulation and moral reasoning  are the difference, not the presence of empathy or lack thereof?  I did not read the full study, so my pardons if i have missed something, but by the abstract referenced above, the CD youths did evidence empathy and sadism, but then, a deficit in the part of the brain that would regulate their behavior or their desire to pursue how they might choose or observe the pain of others.  So, as an adult, a sadist may be quite empathetic yet also moral/ethical in their pursuit of sadism, and thus  more likely to become involved in consensual SM as an outlet.

Peace,
aj






LadyAngelika -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/19/2009 5:59:47 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: alittleevil
But could it not be that self-regulation and moral reasoning  are the difference, not the presence of empathy or lack thereof?  I did not read the full study, so my pardons if i have missed something


And I might have missed something too. This is how I interpreted the study. I would be curious though, if/when you do read this very interesting study, to hear your impressions.

Now since this is a friendly debate, I am totally open to other points of view and even changing mine if someone presents a persuasive argument. Being a researcher myself, I tend to be persuaded more by research findings than impressions.

- LA




cjan -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/19/2009 6:20:02 PM)

Not being a sadist, I can't say , with authenticity, how "they" experience, or don't, " empathy". However, I suggest that true empathy, unlike sympathy, is universal, if experienced at all. That is, it is not specific in it's object to an individual or particular situation. Other than that, I agree with KnightofMists comment entirely. A tip o' me hat, sir.




alittleevil -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/19/2009 9:14:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: alittleevil
But could it not be that self-regulation and moral reasoning  are the difference, not the presence of empathy or lack thereof?  I did not read the full study, so my pardons if i have missed something


And I might have missed something too. This is how I interpreted the study. I would be curious though, if/when you do read this very interesting study, to hear your impressions.

Now since this is a friendly debate, I am totally open to other points of view and even changing mine if someone presents a persuasive argument. Being a researcher myself, I tend to be persuaded more by research findings than impressions.


Having now read the study, my initial thoughts haven't changed a lot. It was an interesting read and thank you for sharing it. As i interpreted it, again, the CD group did show indications of empathy (fairly accurate responsive perception of others' pain), and they showed sadism (pleasure/reward response to said pain, with the caveat that the CD group could have a heightened response to novelty and "salience" which might skew the data--they could have been excited by others' pain, or they could have been excited from the novel, intense experience of being shown the images).  What they lacked was response in the parts of the brain that indicate the ability to regulate affect, emotional response and executive function (impulse control) that perhaps make empathy ineffective as a deterrent to aggressive acts.  I, personally, would not take this study as indicative of the experience of "those who are sadists" WRT to empathy, but "those who have CD/sociopathy" WRT both empathy as a deterrent to antisocial behavior, specifically aggression, and the ability to self-regulate and display moral reasoning. 

This is fairly consistent with my experiences with sadists, kids with conduct disorder and adults with Cluster B traits. An adult who is not antisocial can be a sadist, empathy intact, yet be able to regulate oneself and one's impulses enough to not engage in antisocial acts. Or to engage in them within the paradox of consensual SM.  A aggressive sociopath  is not necessarily sadistic (gratified by pain), probably merely indifferent. Or, perhaps, as the study seems to indicate, may have a predatory response to "injured prey," but that, though also amusing to certain sadists, is not in and of itself sadistic.

Peace,
aj




KnightofMists -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/20/2009 6:47:05 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: alittleevil

But could it not be that self-regulation and moral reasoning  are the difference, not the presence of empathy or lack thereof?  I did not read the full study, so my pardons if i have missed something, but by the abstract referenced above, the CD youths did evidence empathy and sadism, but then, a deficit in the part of the brain that would regulate their behavior or their desire to pursue how they might choose or observe the pain of others.  So, as an adult, a sadist may be quite empathetic yet also moral/ethical in their pursuit of sadism, and thus  more likely to become involved in consensual SM as an outlet.




As a note.... It seems that many interpet Empathy as implying the person has Compassion for the other individual. In it's narrow's definition "Empathy" is the understanding and appreciation of what another is feeling... but... just because one understands and even appreciates what another feels in the moment doesn't denote they care or are compassionate about those feelings.





KnightofMists -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/20/2009 7:01:20 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Psychonaut23


I know it hurts.  I can see that.  It's quite obvious it hurts.  And I can understand why you're crying, I would cry to in your position.  It's an awful place to be.

Just a few more minutes now.




FUCKING DENTISTS!!!!!!!




LadyAngelika -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/20/2009 8:21:10 AM)

quote:

the CD group did show indications of empathy (fairly accurate responsive perception of others' pain)


I guess this is where I get stuck. I am understanding through the reading of the article and this discussion that my definition of empathy might have been skewed to think to see empathy as something that was positive when in fact, empathy is quite neutral. Then again, the fact that they label the CD group with atipical empathy reinforces this misunderstanding of empathy that myself, and I believe many others, might have.

I really do appreciate your perspective. This is making me understand things at a whole other level. And I'm glad you liked the article.

- LA




alittleevil -> RE: Can we agree on 'empathy'? (12/20/2009 9:29:41 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
quote:

the CD group did show indications of empathy (fairly accurate responsive perception of others' pain)


I guess this is where I get stuck. I am understanding through the reading of the article and this discussion that my definition of empathy might have been skewed to think to see empathy as something that was positive when in fact, empathy is quite neutral. Then again, the fact that they label the CD group with atipical empathy reinforces this misunderstanding of empathy that myself, and I believe many others, might have.

I really do appreciate your perspective. This is making me understand things at a whole other level. And I'm glad you liked the article.


Hello,
Perhaps it is that that study does not really address the question of whether sadists experience empathy, as it is intended to explore whether (and how) individuals with conduct disorder (who did also show some sadistic tendencies in both behavior and brain area response) experience empathy. That they (those with CD) have some blunted (atypical) empathic responses is clear but what is even more clear is that they have deficits in impulse control, emotional regulation and moral reasoning.  A sadist who lacks these things is a scary thing, but it is not the sadism, or even blunted empathy that is the most problematic part, but the lack of ability to self-regulate and defer gratification.  Not all sociopaths are sadists (blunted empathy/indifference does not equal gratification from others' pain) and certainly not all sadists are disregulated sociopaths.

And, yes, there are differing perceptions of empathy. As a deterrent to antisocial behavior (as explored by this study) it is clearly less effective in those with CD than control subjects, but again, is that due to blunted empathy or to diminished capacity for emotional and impulse regulation? (Personally, i feel it is probably a combination.)

Peace,
aj




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