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RE: relocate? - 3/17/2006 10:23:45 PM   
Vancouver_cinful


Posts: 1911
Joined: 2/3/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: IronBear

I guess it depends on distance cin, I'm more used to say a 10 to 20 hour drive to visit especially when I lived in Perth West Aussie, I'd have a vehicle packed by dinner time and drive all night to go fishing at first light on some remote beach and drive home the next night.... If the interest were there, I'd happily drive the 12 to 14 hours down to Sydney to have a coffee meet and then drive home....

I've certianly had dominants guite happily drive 3 hours to just have coffee. I found that very flattering.

But, since I live in a big city, I try to avoid connecting with anyone long distance, at all. I figure I should eventually be able to find someone in my own very active community.

However, that may not happen, and I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I really don't like the feel of LD. 3 hours (and a border), between me and a dom I was dating a few years ago, was enough of a frustration for me to hope never to have to do it again.

Cin

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quote:


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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: relocate? - 3/17/2006 11:19:25 PM   
Takethiswaltz


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		I would never take on the burden of a long distance meet by myself. After all, there is no submission until I decide there is, and would NEVER decide that before I even met someone.

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: relocate? - 3/17/2006 11:49:16 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		i do not know i have always kept my options open for anything how ever before i jump ever again make sure things are stable with the person your trying to be with never rush love can happen any where or anytime desteny is a funny thing if your on the right path

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: relocate? - 3/18/2006 7:19:57 AM   
yourbaby


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		just to make sure... i am referring to when the Dominant contacts a slave in another state and professes interest... that should indicate both that the dominant has room to keep a slave at home (and i have been written by a few Who actually still live with their parents and keep it from me until later) and the means to go investigate whether the slave is a good fit for the Dom(me)s household...

The second or third visits would be up to the slave, it seems, at such a distance. (More than 25 miles).

Locally, i would go to the coffee shop at the drop of a hat for an introductory... and feel it was to my best benefit. In another state, that may not be a first option.

everything is negotitable, ultimately. If the slave and the Master both agree that the slave should travel first, that's their biz...

< Message edited by yourbaby -- 3/18/2006 7:21:19 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: relocate? - 3/18/2006 8:24:12 AM   
MrDiscipline44


Posts: 1776
Joined: 1/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MsSonnetMarwood
If Person A initiates contact with Person B, interested in meeting Person B, then Person A needs to be willing and able to make the journey. IMHO, Person A has no business soliciting Person B if they don't have the means to travel to that person.

Person A also needs to take it graciously if Person B only is interested in locals. Person B probably has assessed their own needs to come up with that requirement.

Note: Nothing about doms, dommes, subs, slaves, switches.

I can definitely agree with Ms. Marwood here. Why contact someone if you don't have the means or simply won't take it upon yourself to go to the person you initiated contact with?

But with that being said, I have offered to pay for the hotel room just so things are on a more even keel for someone that is interested in being part of my family. This way, they invested in our meet and I invested in our meet. With both of us making the investment, we both better be reasonably sure that we are both interested in the same thing.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: relocate? - 3/18/2006 8:43:29 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


quote:

ORIGINAL: yourbaby

relocate? of course i would, for the right Master. But why does the burden of the first visit seemingly fall upon the slave? we haven't always the means or money to be able to travel... anyone with thoughts on this?


When Libby and I decided to move in together, I had by far the higher paying job but she had a nice home and a community she was comfortable in whereas I was in Manhattan.

I moved.

It's a complex decision with many factors and probably whether someone is top, dom, bottom or sub may not be near the top of the list.


Very good point. It isn't always a matter of "come to Me", so to speak.

Level

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: relocate? - 3/18/2006 8:47:26 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Elegant

I moved from Texas to Atlanta when my ex got a job transfer. We were divorced but it's part of our agreement 'cause we are still a family with 50/50 shared custody of the kids. He makes a mint at his job so he paid my moving expenses etc.

Master Archer followed a year later..it was suppose to be six months but his job in Texas kept bribing him to stay longer. It was a looong year. He gave up his job to move to Atlanta.

The kids are our priority!


Good for you all *nods*.........shows a lot of devotion and willingness to put out effort on your part, and I'd be willing to bet that shows in the d/s relationship as well.

Level

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: relocate? - 3/18/2006 9:01:48 AM   
Driver1961


Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		He enters, dips His lid to all,

Well, fair OP that's been explained quite reasonably. Thanks Iron Bear for backing up most of my thoughts and actions.

Yes, commonsense is really that. Who contacts whom first? Who is most available to do the travelling? Are you looking for play, or a long term partner? Obviously if one has no money and is contacting others interstate well........ is that the commonsense that another requires to 'connect' with?

In my case, 350km,800 km, and 3500 km (one way n' Ironbear can pick this distance) are all distances that I was prepared to travel to meet a potential long term Precious.

The 350km came to me by agreement due to her personal circumstances.

I have no problem going the distance or assisting the other (sub) to get to me cos I'm (was) looking seriously and wish to know ASAP if I'm wasting my time chatting n' phoning.

For the record, the 350 and 3500km subs became My Precious W/we of three which recently tipped (commonsense needs) after 6 months. The 3500km Precious is now moving to me (pure commonsense) and joy , oh joy will be with me permanent in three weeks. Have I assisted financially?

If the financial need has/does arise then who are I to stop/stagnate progress of a committed D/s dynamic when the sheer fact of her moving form Perth to Victoria is commonsense fact of her action of submission and connectedness to me?

Her house is packed, her flight booked, her new job here is 99% secured. If she is short of a few bucks why should I not lend or give? The elements of shared 'values' dual respect, empathy, and support are crucial in my requirements of what I seek in my future. Who am I to disregard my own future- in short, I would be weak and unworthy of expecting deep submission to my Dominance.

I trust this helps you YourBaby.......


Warm regards to all,

Paul, Sir to His Wild.




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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: relocate? - 3/18/2006 9:57:09 AM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		G'day Paul,

Just had to comment, when I moved from Perth to Queensland, I sent the ex-wife and kids on the plane and loaded up the car and drove the coast line from Esperence to the Gold Coast, sleeping in the car or making a bush camp and hehhehheh took over 3 weeks to make the trip... Well y'see, I was fishing my around the South Coast of Aussie and up the East Coast. Visited my Brother in your fair City on the way too..

Cheers Mate

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Driver1961)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 9:47:04 AM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:


i wasn't trying to indicate that slaves shouldn't travel to their Masters... merely, that if Someone who lived far away from the slave was (initiated) interested in him/her, that that master/Mistress would travel for the first meeting...

Unless there was an occasion such as a kink convention or business trip nearby I think that most dominants, like myself, wouldn't be too eager. I believe that a sub willing to relocate should see and experience what they're in for should they move. Unless I had some other motivation for being in a certain city I have to admit that I wouldn't be eager to fly out to a strange city for a weekend only to find out at the airport that the sub was not what they'd claimed to be...or worse a no show. Spending $4 for starbucks and being disappointed is no biggie. Spending $400+ for that same cup of coffee in a different city only to be disappointed with 48 hrs to burn before a return flight...not bloody likely.


quote:

but i have run into too many instances of Master's writing me from different states across the US and answering every question with "when you travel to me for your first visit to submit..." etc etc.

i think that is not exactly polite: and takes the whole Master/slave relationship in a direction that is unhealthy: dooming the long distance relationship in totem rather than by the indivdual, as it should be.


Realize that wankers abound. Detailing how you will behave and submit on your trip to play with them is just stretching out the fantasy of something that they haven't told their wife about.

My problem with sending a ticket to somene is that an airline ticket that is not used then becomes like cash, a voucher in the name of the traveler not the credit card holder. As we have all seen from the nigerian save me and just send money posts this doesn't wash very well.

Saying hey come into town for skiing or Thunder and we'll meet for coffee is a little more practical. Both parties have an out if things don't click and still have plans to make the weekend a good time.

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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 3:51:46 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I personally have travelled to two submissives, both of those a great distance with the last trip to My boy going from NC to Seattle---three travelled to Me--one was able to get a business trip---two because they were in driving distance. I actually see it as My responsibility to travel to them first, that way I have "control'--but that is My nature--<smiles>

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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 4:36:03 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I would not relocate for ANYONE unless I had nothing holding Me back home. If I had a good job, a house, whatever, either you come to Me or do not waste My time. I do not think that anyone should just leave everything to be with anyone. You have to be either deranged or desperate to do that in My opinion.

I am not going to earn many friends with that statement, I am sure, but it is true.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 4:50:52 PM   
Rayne58


Posts: 746
Joined: 2/22/2005
From: Sydney Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

I would not relocate for ANYONE unless I had nothing holding Me back home. If I had a good job, a house, whatever, either you come to Me or do not waste My time. I do not think that anyone should just leave everything to be with anyone. You have to be either deranged or desperate to do that in My opinion.

I am not going to earn many friends with that statement, I am sure, but it is true.


Things just seemed to fall into place when I met Master and we decided to make a life together He cannot travel for medical reasons so I flew from New Zealand to meet Him in Sydney.

I was unemployed, so no job to worry about. My elderly parents had just moved to be near my brother, my son was in his final year at university and living away, my daughter was living with her father (and had been for nearly 2 years at that time) and was almost 16. I worried more about leaving her than anyone else but she was well and happy where she was, and wasn't worried about her mother going to live so far away. We have stayed in regular phone contact (she doesn't have net access) and if she needs me she only needs to send a text message and I will call her. I have kept in touch with everyone and have been back twice in the two years I've been here.

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 5:13:12 PM   
HentaiGamerKitty


Posts: 131
Joined: 8/7/2005
Status: offline 		The last dom/sub relationship I was in, he came to me (from across the country.) It was always understood that I would not relocate, therefore if we decided on something permenant, he would be coming to live with me. It wasn't really a matter of dominance and submission, but more a practical thing....I raise horses and barrel race, so it wasn't feasible for me to move to michigan (too cold, not enough competitions, etc.) Also, he was more willing to move to a warm environment than I was to move to a cold environment. Additionally, I have a closer relationship with my family than he did with his, so over all it was just a better decision for him to come to me. Going out of town, even for a weekend is difficult for me because I don't like leaving the animals for any period of time. I think the decision to relocate should be based on a variety of factors and practicalities. I certainly don't think the burden should fall on the sub to relocate.

< Message edited by HentaiGamerKitty -- 3/19/2006 5:21:18 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 6:09:09 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Rayne58

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirKenin

I would not relocate for ANYONE unless I had nothing holding Me back home. If I had a good job, a house, whatever, either you come to Me or do not waste My time. I do not think that anyone should just leave everything to be with anyone. You have to be either deranged or desperate to do that in My opinion.

I am not going to earn many friends with that statement, I am sure, but it is true.


Things just seemed to fall into place when I met Master and we decided to make a life together He cannot travel for medical reasons so I flew from New Zealand to meet Him in Sydney.

I was unemployed, so no job to worry about. My elderly parents had just moved to be near my brother, my son was in his final year at university and living away, my daughter was living with her father (and had been for nearly 2 years at that time) and was almost 16. I worried more about leaving her than anyone else but she was well and happy where she was, and wasn't worried about her mother going to live so far away. We have stayed in regular phone contact (she doesn't have net access) and if she needs me she only needs to send a text message and I will call her. I have kept in touch with everyone and have been back twice in the two years I've been here.



In your situation relocation would make sense. If you have nothing tying you down it is a good time to consider relocating to be with a partner.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 8:42:49 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		We live 2 hours apart. Our first visit was right in the middle. We have had several visits right in the middle. Sometimes he has to come to my area for a conference or to teach a class, and i will always see him then. Typically now, however, i go to him. Sometime for the weekend, sometimes for a day, sometimes for all of 15 mintues :)

We have talked about my moving closer to him, but my parents are near me and my dad is ill so he wants me to stay here to care for them as i have been. Him moving here is not an option.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 9:40:37 PM   
nslut4whtmaster


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		Currently, i am going through the process of relocating to my Master. Although in the beginning, it was discussed that He could relocate to me, i decided that i would relocate to Him because He is established and well off into His career. i am changing careers, so i am the one who has less to lose in relocating. As for the financial means, He is helping with those but i am doing my part as well with that too. It is a group effort on O/our part of getting me relocated. i think the burden should be mutual. However, if financial assistance is needed from the Dominant to help the submissive/slave relocate, then by all means it should be provided. How can You expect to own and be responsible for Your property at not be able to provide some relocation assistance if it is needed?

peace and respect,
ns

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 9:44:52 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I love this thread!

I contacted a wonderful and funny dom...

We exchanged e-mails...talked on the phone...and the next thing I knew he was telling me I had agreed to visit...(he's a bit of a smooth talker...attorney/salesman...sheesh!)

He told me he would send me a ticket, just tell him when.

I was flattered.

And bought a ticket to visit him.

On the way home, I called him...

...he told me he had just bought the ticket for my next flight to see him.

Financially...of course he's much more successful than a single mom who works part time...but...just the fact that he offered, was enough to make me buy a ticket to see him...

Plus...I thought...if he turns out to be someone I don't like, I can leave...(I bought the ticket! *lol*)

Anyway, when it comes down to it, if there is a connection, ya'll will find a way.


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: relocate? - 3/19/2006 10:45:37 PM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		very well put blushes very well said :) you will find away hence is the right of good things i think your going to see those comming
tweeks your nose
:)

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: relocate? - 3/20/2006 2:32:57 AM   
fldrkhorse


Posts: 158
Joined: 11/5/2005
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		"Everything's negotiable" Donald Trump

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Profile   Post #: 40
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