New to the "Master" Thing

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GhostInTheScene -> New to the "Master" Thing (12/16/2009 9:14:41 PM)
Hello all, I have recently been told that I subconsciously "trained" a submissive person no one I was at all sexual with. Now at the time when it was brought up someone I am currently with was there. She has recently asked me to have a D/S relationship something we already have sexually but she wishes to take it outside of that. I was hoping I could get some information on how to do this. Any and all help is appreciated thank you very much!

WyldHrt -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (12/16/2009 9:47:11 PM)
Welcome to the forums! [:D] There are lots of books to read, including "The Loving Dominant", "Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns", "S&M 101", "When Someone You Love is Kinky" and many more. There is also lots of info right here on the forums, from just about every perspective you can imagine (and a few you might not be able to, lol). My best advice is to say that there is no "right" or "wrong" in BDSM, there is only what works for you and your relationship and what doesn't. Read lots, take what resonates with you, and leave the rest behind. That said, if you are looking to socialize with like minded folks, you might also want to check into munches (get togethers for kinksters, usually held in vanilla settings) and local clubs. There are classes, demonstrations, and events as well. A bit of Googling will help you find things that interest you in your local area. Good luck!

DesFIP -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (12/17/2009 4:15:38 AM)
I don't know how you can subconsciously train someone unawares. Training usually involves giving them directions. So if you never said, " Get me a coffee, two sugars, no milk" you couldn't subconsciously train them to do so. If however they chose to pay attention and bring you coffee the way they like it, then that's something they did and you didn't. Beyond that, talk about what exactly you will or will not control. You interested in her having to ask to go to the bathroom? Is she? What about money, you planning on taking her salary and administering it? If so, you better be a damned good money manager. Anything you want to do, you have to be competent at and she has to feel you are competent at it in order to trust you. Start by being a man of your word. If you say you'll be there at 7 then make sure you are, don't hang out at a friend's and show up an hour late. Don't promise what you can't do and do what you promise.

persephonee -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (12/17/2009 5:36:15 AM)
quote: Hello all, I have recently been told that I subconsciously "trained" a submissive person no one I was at all sexual with First of all, hello, and welcome to the forums....and i think all the books listed would be a great place to start, as well as searching out some sort of social network in your area to see if you think that sort of thing would be in line with what you were thinking of creating for yourself in your relationships..... That being said, the reason i highlighted that part of your post is....dont you just hate when that happens?[:D] Next thing you know, youll be putting people under consideration without them notifying you of the fact....beware of the invisible relationship....they are sneaky, slippery things![;)] peace perse

LordShadow -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (12/17/2009 11:17:44 AM)
Perhaps they mean that your personality and who you are brought out the submissive side of her.... As far as taking D/s beyond the sexual context...that is a wide open range of possibilities...can you elaborate some?

MasterJeff11 -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (12/31/2009 5:34:52 PM)
Welcome to the message boards first off. Secondly if you are starting out, and she has already approached you about wanting more, you can read which is always important. Though speaking opening about wants and desires and then evaluating about how you wish to proceed would be my advice. You have to start somewhere. Good luck with your journey

antipode -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (12/31/2009 8:57:17 PM)
quote: I was hoping I could get some information on how to do this You know, I read what you wrote three times, and I don't understand a word of it. You train subconsciously? And how can somebody you have a D/S relationship with ask you to have a D/S relationship? Outside of what?

osf -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (12/31/2009 9:34:45 PM)
if you have some one in a relationship get to know others in d/s relationships the best place i have ever found to learn from others was at MAST masters and slaves together) its a national with chapters all over, the dont hold parties or demonstrations all they do is discuss in a structured format the problems and daily lives of couples living the life http://www.mast.net/

Joseff -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (1/3/2010 4:32:38 PM)
It actually sounds like you're doing fairly well so far. Aside from the advice already given, (all good) I'd say find a master you respect (or 2, 3, whatever) and learn from them.

Knighthunter862 -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (1/4/2010 8:07:39 AM)
Go wyldhrt...great answer i have nothing to add.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (1/4/2010 9:43:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GhostInTheScene Hello all, I have recently been told that I subconsciously "trained" a submissive person no one I was at all sexual with. Now at the time when it was brought up someone I am currently with was there. She has recently asked me to have a D/S relationship something we already have sexually but she wishes to take it outside of that. I was hoping I could get some information on how to do this. Any and all help is appreciated thank you very much! Start with your compatible areas. First - discuss what you both NEED one from the other....start by focusing on what overlaps. Then - discuss what you both want, one from the other, and begin incorporating that which overlaps.. Once you have met your compatible needs and wants, begin expanding outward. Be capable of adapting, as not all of what we perceive as wants and needs bear the light of reality. Sometimes, fantasy doesn't always translate well into reality. Acknowledge what isn't working - as incompatibilities - NOT as any kind of failure on either individuals part. WinD

MasterAramis -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (1/5/2010 9:38:26 AM)
LOL! Me too! quote: You know, I read what you wrote three times, and I don't understand a word of it. You train subconsciously? And how can somebody you have a D/S relationship with ask you to have a D/S relationship?

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (1/5/2010 1:31:32 PM)
I just worked off the assumption that he meant he trained the other woman without having had the expressed intent of doing so. People are sometimes influential in our lives, without their having had the deliberate intent of being so. I can see how someone can be in a D/s relationship that did not extend outside of the bedroom. That she now wants to venture from the bedroom, into other aspects of their lives is not that uncommon really.

DarlingSavage -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (1/5/2010 1:38:09 PM)
quote: I have recently been told that I subconsciously "trained" a submissive person no one I was at all sexual with. Sounds to me like someone is pulling your leg.

Tamoko -> RE: New to the "Master" Thing (1/19/2010 11:55:42 AM)
As someone just starting off in this lifestyle (long time Dom, first time master) as well, I would agree that the most important thing to start is a conversation with your partner. What do they mean when they say they want a D/s relationship? what are their expectations and needs. If the need micromanagement of every aspect of their life and expect to move in with you and stop working, you need to know beforehand.

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