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Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 9:20:29 PM

KneelsANDYields

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2008
Status: offline

Hello, Lady Dominants. I have a series of questions for you about submissives sending you a note through CM. I have been looking for a Mistress through CM. I find an interesting Domme, read her profile, assess whether we may be a potential match or not, and then send a polite note. Many times, I don't receive a response back from the Domme, so my notes have changed in length from 3-4 short paragraphs to 1 paragraph. The Dommes do not even appear curious enough to view my profile. Here is an example of a note I sent:

Hello, Mistress ********************. I read Your profile and I love Your attitude. I feel we have many mutual interests and You say You are looking for male subs. I hope You will consider me as someone You can use, abuse, and bruise. Please let me know what I need to do to be considered for one of Your lucky male submissives. Thank you, Mistress ********************.

KneelsandYields

I don't receive many responses back, EVEN from the professional dommes. VERY few are even curious enough to view my profile. I just find it amazing that so many will write a profile, put "looking for male submissives" in their profile, many are professional making a living at this and yet very few dommes will take the time to even send a note saying, "Sorry, bad fit" or "Not interested." If someone takes the time to send me a note asking if I am looking, I ALWAYS send a polite note back saying whether there is interest on my side or not. What is going on here??? I cannot figure this out. I don't think it is my age, because most dommes don't even take the time to view my profile. I think I write an articulate, thoughtful note, albeit curt anymore. Thank you for your thoughts on this subject.

Post #: 1

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 9:26:43 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

I just answered you in the submissive section. You might focus on one thread because one might get deleted. You titled them differently, but they are the same post.

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(in reply to KneelsANDYields)

Post #: 2

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 9:34:14 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
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You'd end up in my trash bin if you sent me that, because that's an excellent example of a cut and paste mass email that I'm going to assume you probably sent to sixteen other dommes in my area within the last half hour. Unless I get a note that shows clearly that the writer took the time to read my profile, it's an instant deal breaker. More accurately, it's a big red flag that tells me something important about the person who wrote it.

It's way too common for male "submissives" to literally have blinders on. No one exists in his private fetish world but himself, his desires and his dick. Everyone else he interacts with is strictly a prop. Not only do their wishes, desires and interests not matter in the least to him, he isn't even thinking of the ladies he's writing to as real people. He isn't submissive at all. He truly does not care about me, about pleasing me, about what I want, or even about treating his prospective domme with the normal courtesy and consideration due another human being. He doesn't read profiles because he fundamentally doesn't care about what a domme has to say. He just emails us with cut and paste notes in the hopes that one of us will send him some wank material, or be his drive-through McDomme's and gratify his needs even though he doesn't care about ours.

And no, that's not somebody I'm going to waste my time talking to. That shouldn't be any great surprise.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to KneelsANDYields)

Post #: 3

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 9:49:29 PM

KneelsANDYields

Posts: 8
Joined: 11/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

You'd end up in my trash bin if you sent me that, because that's an excellent example of a cut and paste mass email that I'm going to assume you probably sent to sixteen other dommes in my area within the last half hour. Unless I get a note that shows clearly that the writer took the time to read my profile, it's an instant deal breaker. More accurately, it's a big red flag that tells me something important about the person who wrote it.

It's way too common for male "submissives" to literally have blinders on. No one exists in his private fetish world but himself, his desires and his dick. Everyone else he interacts with is strictly a prop. Not only do their wishes, desires and interests not matter in the least to him, he isn't even thinking of the ladies he's writing to as real people. He isn't submissive at all. He truly does not care about me, about pleasing me, about what I want, or even about treating his prospective domme with the normal courtesy and consideration due another human being. He doesn't read profiles because he fundamentally doesn't care about what a domme has to say. He just emails us with cut and paste notes in the hopes that one of us will send him some wank material, or be his drive-through McDomme's and gratify his needs even though he doesn't care about ours.

And no, that's not somebody I'm going to waste my time talking to. That shouldn't be any great surprise.

Sorry, but very wrong, LadyNTrainer. I put specific references to her profile in this note. The use, abuse, and bruise is a quote from her profile. The looking for male subs is a direct quote from her profile. I always take the time to read a profile and say things to reaffirm to the domme that I read her profile. Maybe there are many male submissives that think a domme is a prop. I am beginning to think most dommes have the same problem you spoke of. I thought the idea of BDSM was an alternative relationship that fulfills the needs of both parties. I am beginning to think it is best to find a domme in a phonebook and just pay her for a session every now and then. That would be more fulfilling than what I have found so far here at CM.

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 4

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 9:56:49 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
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From your attitude here and the cross post... you are proving to be one fine shinning star. lol

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(in reply to KneelsANDYields)

Post #: 5

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 9:58:23 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KneelsANDYields

Sorry, but very wrong, LadyNTrainer. I put specific references to her profile in this note. The use, abuse, and bruise is a quote from her profile.

If you quoted my profile to an extent that led me to believe you had seriously read it and thought about it enough to decide that what I was looking for and what you were looking for were the same thing, then I would indeed take the time to reply.

quote:

The looking for male subs is a direct quote from her profile.

Careful, there. It's quite possible to be looking for relationships, but not interested in guys who put the kink first and don't introduce themselves in a more personable, intelligent, polite manner.

quote:

I always take the time to read a profile and say things to reaffirm to the domme that I read her profile.

Good on ya. That is a tactic that should pay off.

quote:

I thought the idea of BDSM was an alternative relationship that fulfills the needs of both parties. I am beginning to think it is best to find a domme in a phonebook and just pay her for a session every now and then. That would be more fulfilling than what I have found so far here at CM.

That works, or go to your local Munches and BDSM events to meet people in person. The Internet is....well, it's the Internet. What did you expect?

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to KneelsANDYields)

Post #: 6

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 10:07:55 PM

GYPSYMAMBO

Posts: 660
Joined: 9/26/2009
Status: offline

yo..OP
I sent you a looooooooogn one over in the other thread..
GM

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(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 7

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 10:21:45 PM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

The short answer is, your message is about as bland as it can be, and it's entirely about kink. When I had an active profile, I used to get literally dozens of e-mails a week. The ones that stood out established a vanilla relationship first, and showed a sense of humour. Just because we're femdoms doesn't mean we're not women. Get to know us as people first, and let the d/s and kink flow from that.

< Message edited by Venatrix -- 12/16/2009 10:22:33 PM >

(in reply to KneelsANDYields)

Post #: 8

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 10:45:36 PM

UrMyboi

Posts: 49
Joined: 11/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venatrix

The short answer is, your message is about as bland as it can be, and it's entirely about kink. When I had an active profile, I used to get literally dozens of e-mails a week. The ones that stood out established a vanilla relationship first, and showed a sense of humour. Just because we're femdoms doesn't mean we're not women. Get to know us as people first, and let the d/s and kink flow from that.

YES

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Curious? Who me?

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 9

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 11:03:51 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

A few things off of the top of My head......

First, you really don't need much more than three or four sentences anyway. There are two keys to improving your chances for a response. One is reading her profile and making a direct comment on something that you found there. (By the way, that use and abuse example that you cited isn't the best one that I've ever heard from a Dominant female, so without being specifically informed, I wouldn't have thought it was a direct quote.) The other is attempting to start a dialog. That means ask a question that would prompt a response. For example, if she mentions in her profile that she enjoys going to munches, ask her which ones she might recommend.

Regarding what you had to say about ALWAYS writing a polite response when you receive a note, I have to tell you that it is much different in the reverse. Just for you, I did a little research. Today alone, I answered 32 emails just from this site. About one third of those were folks that I knew in real life or from the boards. (I happen to love those, btw. I should also mention that some of that third were situations where someone wrote more than once.) Out of the other two thirds, probably two or three actually read My profile. Now, if you spent twenty times a day typing out replies such as, "My profile is very specific and the word 'local' appears in it three times" I'd bet you would have a much different view regarding just how long you were going to keep up your response methods.

As to them reading your profile or you believing that your age isn't a factor because they don't reply, there are ways to view at least the beginning of the profile without it showing up on you who's viewing list. Also, your quick summary will appear, with your age included, even from them just reading whatever you sent. So, that may or may not be a factor. It could be that the profile only contains one paragraph and includes a term like "Goddess" that a lot of Dommes don't like. See what I mean?

One last thing. Since you've had more than one person between the two threads address the way you reply to those who have added their comments on the subject, you might want to take a look at this thread http://www.collarchat.com/m_2944509/tm.htm . That last one is just food for thought.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Venatrix)

Post #: 10

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/16/2009 11:12:47 PM

WyldHrt

Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

About one third of those were folks that I knew in real life or from the boards. (I happen to love those, btw. I should also mention that some of that third were situations where someone wrote more than once.)

Guilty on both counts

As I told the OP in his duplicate thread in Ask a Sub, one of the best ways to stand out here is to become an active member of the boards and let folks get to know you through your posts.
Whether that standing out is positive or negative depends on what you have to say.

< Message edited by WyldHrt -- 12/16/2009 11:13:40 PM >

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 11

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/17/2009 10:57:03 AM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

The best part about it, is you have to learn how to adapt and fend for yourself -- b/c anything that happens will be the reward of you own ingenuity achieved against great odds and a stacked deck.

(in reply to KneelsANDYields)

Post #: 12

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/17/2009 11:21:37 AM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

God... not to make light of the struggles of a male submissive... but damn, that poor, poor submissive guy thing is wearing thin. lol We all have our struggles in a place like this. An occassional blast of complaint is okay... but when it is repeated sour notes...

Stacked deck (?)... like we intentionally stack them against submissive types. lol

Funny... there are a number of male submissive's that seem to have few issues getting responses to their emails and getting the attention of the dominant's. I wonder why that is????????? lol

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to cloudboy)

Post #: 13

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/17/2009 11:27:25 AM

Venatrix

Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
Stacked deck (?)... like we intentionally stack them against submissive types. lol

The thing that I find amusing in an annoying sort of way is when they ask for advice, you give it to them, then they tell you you're wrong. Well, if someone really doesn't want to change anything and he or she wants to keep having the same crappy results, why bother everyone by asking for advice in the first place?

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/17/2009 5:31:53 PM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KneelsANDYields

Here is an example of a note I sent:

Hello, Mistress ********************. I read Your profile and I love Your attitude. I feel we have many mutual interests and You say You are looking for male subs. I hope You will consider me as someone You can use, abuse, and bruise. Please let me know what I need to do to be considered for one of Your lucky male submissives. Thank you, Mistress ********************.

KneelsandYields

Kneels,

That sort of sycophantic drivel never works. It doesn't matter how much a woman refers to herself as a Goddess and how much she maintains that men 'are born to serve Women', etc, etc, etc. It's a lot of baloney.

You have to connect with them as people. By this, I mean people who will worry about getting old, getting fat, having pimples and flabby arses. Since they're women, they'll worry about that sort of stuff ten times more than you ever will.

You have to get past your kink. You have, also, to get past anything they say that triggers your kink.

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(in reply to KneelsANDYields)

Post #: 15

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/17/2009 5:34:12 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Sigh.

I could get to really like you even more, Peon!! You make us crabby old beeeyotches proud!

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[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 16

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/17/2009 8:49:06 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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You might want to read the 10 Steps for Making a Good First Impression here: http://www.collarchat.com/m_30125/tm.htm

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to KneelsANDYields)

Post #: 17

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/26/2009 12:00:47 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

Hello, Mistress ********************. I read Your profile and I love Your attitude. I feel we have many mutual interests and You say You are looking for male subs. I hope You will consider me as someone You can use, abuse, and bruise. Please let me know what I need to do to be considered for one of Your lucky male submissives. Thank you, Mistress ********************.

KneelsandYields

I too would have read this as generic and I don't really like the slightly grovelling tone. And though I try to give a polite response to most if not all, I wouldn't have wanted to take this further than a "Thanks but no thanks". The phrase "use, abuse and bruise" is a total turn off to Me, so I would consider if that's the way you view WIITWD we are not compatible. Mention specific mutual interests if you really have them, and I agree with LP, ask a question to encourage Her to respond. Be positive but also remember you are talking to a WOMAN first who happens to also be a Domme.

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 18

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/27/2009 9:31:52 PM

joether

Posts: 5195
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline

I think what is missing from this, is two things.

A) Patience. Submissives would do well, to be patient on all things. It really is a hard virtue to have, given the nature/nurture of cultures, both in America and else where. When writing to a Domme, apart from all the other things you should do in ANY mail, is to be patient. They will take time to talk and chat with you, if your mutual kinks are related, and you come across as both mature and an adult. Bulk emails to 26 dommes within 50 miles of you, does not say being patient.

B) Be specific. Show you actually read her profile, and express interest. You dont have to give the details of your fetish or fantasy. Just say you would like to talk further on subjects, if she has time and likes the communication so far.

joether

ps: Lady Angelike, your image on your profile reminds me of the female version of the story "A Story of O".

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 19

RE: Answering notes from prospective male submissives. - 12/27/2009 10:00:13 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ps: Lady Angelika, your image on your profile reminds me of the female version of the story "A Story of O".

Thanks! Though the story of O is the female version, written by a woman, about a woman... to prove to her lover that a woman could write erotica. Definitely the female version!

I think you mean the Domina version ;-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to joether)

Post #: 20

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