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Mild itch of the soul - 3/17/2006 10:26:07 AM

Hissweetshiv

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Okay. This is probably going to be clear as mud, but here goes anyway.
Master is a switch, while i identify primarily as a slave. We do trade roles from time to time, and i always enjoy these moments, but have no interest in being Dominant outside of pleasing him.
My issue is, (to use an example) when we're driving and he pulls out the gag for himself, i find myself having to supress jealousy. I'm not even entirely sure why, since it's still just us. Heck, we've involved others in our play a couple of times without any jealousy issues.
Am i crazy or what? lol Somebody please help me untangle this one.

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RE: Mild itch of the soul - 3/17/2006 10:44:34 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Hissweetshiv.
Am i crazy or what? lol Somebody please help me untangle this one.

It's simple (I think), you want that rush and feeling that he's getting. You can be jealous (or envious) AND truly happy for another person at the same time. As long as you let him know those are your feelings, shouldn't be a problem. You could, in fact, use that jealousy as a driving force in your dominance.

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RE: Mild itch of the soul - 3/17/2006 12:02:03 PM

fastlane

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I just think your crazy!

Next time you get jealous while he's driving down the road and he pulls out the gag for himself, take the Dominant role that he wants you to take.
Say quite firmly, "Give me the gag and here is your Blindfold....now, Drive!"

That'll teach the lil Rascal

Kevin

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RE: Mild itch of the soul - 3/17/2006 1:06:58 PM

slavejali

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Is it jealousy you're feeling or a little miffed for him taking your role away?

As i identify with my submissive(slave) nature in regards to my partner, as you say you do, i know that if i put myself into your position, i would be feeling really ripped off, confused and out of place. Those feelings would be mingling with my submissive feelings of needing to please my Master, so I would try my best to accomodate him Im sure, yet all the while totally being thrown for a loop. It would effect our Master/slave relationship as I cant just be this and that, like the changing breeze, one day this and one day that. The questions would arise within me, "How can he be my Dom/Master if at any given time he could just devalue our accepted roles by wanting to take mine?" The more I think about it, I really dont know how a switch type personality could successfully link up with someone who has no identification as such. Its like trying to force a square peg in a round hole, I cant work out how to fit it.

Anyways, maybe the reason you have played wtih others and no jealousy issues have cropped up is that you arent really a jealous person and this isnt a jealousy your feeling over this situation, rather a miffness.

When love comes, you accept all kinds of things in your partner that your mind would have made different if it was still in a position of choosing, this doesnt stop the mind saying "hey im not liking this" but love surmounts all, so best of everything to you and yours.

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RE: Mild itch of the soul - 3/17/2006 1:17:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavejali
"How can he be my Dom/Master if at any given time he could just devalue our accepted roles by wanting to take mine?" The more I think about it, I really dont know how a switch type personality could successfully link up with someone who has no identification as such. Its like trying to force a square peg in a round hole, I cant work out how to fit it.

The best analogy would be like a monogamous person asking a poly person "How can he be really true to me if he claims to also love her and have her as his slave and just devalues our accepted role by giving it to her also?"

For people who are doing it, that's not what's going on at all. You're still relating to eachother, you're still being together, it's just a shift in HOW you do it.

There's also tons of "levels" a person can switch with. A person could be just a switch in terms of play- they can top or bottom happily, but have a specific relationship orientation (vanilla, dom, sub, etc) that's completely independent of what position they happen to be during a scene. If the "level" that a person switches on is compatible with the "orientation" of the other person, then it works out fine.

And, like polyamory, it's not for everyone and people shouldn't feel bad because they can't switch or pressured into being in a switch relationship. It's just another way of being.

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RE: Mild itch of the soul - 3/17/2006 2:49:39 PM

Cloudz

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1st, Glad to see you back...it has been awhile. I hope you and yours are well.

2nd, To me the answer is simple...YOU want to wear the gag. Yes, as a submissive you will go the extra mile to please him, and on the level that you ARE pleasing him...you may have positve emotions.

It does not sound like there is any communication prior to the "switch" which he may well feel is his right as the Dominant..but as Kevin pointed out...once the PE happens - it becomes your rules. I wonder if you are letting him write the script and that you are giving him what he wants to experience as a submissive...and letting him choose the time..and letting him choose the place.

I would suggest finding a common ground for deciding when to switch. There may be times when you feel more able to Dominate, and times when it simply will not work for you. Yes, doing this takes the control away from him...but handing you a gag does the same thing.

Just my thoughts,

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RE: Mild itch of the soul - 3/18/2006 4:42:04 AM

MHOO314

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quote:

ORIGINAL: fastlane

I just think your crazy!

Next time you get jealous while he's driving down the road and he pulls out the gag for himself, take the Dominant role that he wants you to take.
Say quite firmly, "Give me the gag and here is your Blindfold....now, Drive!"

That'll teach the lil Rascal

Kevin

LMAO, priceless as always Bad Boy!

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RE: Mild itch of the soul - 3/18/2006 12:50:28 PM

starymists

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This is just a different perspective, having been there and done that in the past...

For me, switching *which I no longer do with Dominants, as for me it just goes too far against the grain and creates way too much confusion for me* pushed the 'edge' of my submission. I don't fundamentally like being in control with my Dominant, either via topping from the bottom or playing the top to his bottom when he switches. That being said, I've been in a number of relationships in the time I have been in the lifestyle. And in all cases, there were things that Dominants wanted me to do or not do that was not comfortable to me. I don't have to like what I am doing, but I do have to do what I'm told if I am going to stay in that relationship.

In my world *which is a weird place*, the ultimate service I can give is to do something that he wants me to do that I don't necessarily like doing. I still can be fulfilled and take comfort in my service. So you can let him script it out and serve him by following through to allow him his pleasure in submiting. That is just one way to handle it. The other way has been suggested here. Work out a communication signal that he can use to let you know he's giving up his control to you. Then feel free to do what ~you~ want. If you do not want him to wear the gag, he doesn't get to wear it till ~you~ say. There are other things that you can do to allow him to feel control.

Ultimately, I would tend to agree that it comes down to communication. Finding out what he needs in those submissive times from you, and what you need during the dominant times from him to make it work for both of you. But remember that Doms have limits just as submissives do. After such an exchange, sitting down and talking about what worked and what didnt *obviously after after care, and rest* is going to be a key in making this work for you both. Good luck!!

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RE: Mild itch of the soul - 3/19/2006 4:56:19 AM

Hissweetshiv

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Thank you all for the advice... we do talk about everything with each other, but sometimes i just don't know how to broach the subject. Now that this one is a little less "tangled up" for me, i have a better idea how to handle it.
Fastlane? I love your sense of humor lol... don't ever change.

~shiv

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RE: Mild itch of the soul - 3/19/2006 8:44:01 AM

luckyslaveboync

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lucky tends to agree with slavejali. Way back lucky did switch a little, mainly because it was so hard to find a loving Domme and being dom was preferable to being vanilla. However, lucky never really got a fraction of the feeling of "rightness" that came after finding a Domme for lucky's naturally submissive nature.

As a submissive, lucky would feel most comfortable with a woman who is naturally dominant all the time, not a switch. The reason is that a submissive wants to submit and be owned, not just play. Switching roles back and forth lucky experienced as play, not the deeper and more transformative D/s relationship.

Switching lucky sees as self-exploration. For many people, a period of exploration leads to finding one's natural role. Hopefully that natural role is not that of player (even in a good sense). For those who find permanent switching deeply satisfying, more power to them; this is just not lucky's nature and thus is hard to understand for this sub.

Best to all,
lucky

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