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RE: Domina Down - 12/20/2009 9:39:58 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		A lot of the problem has to do with the way men and women are wired, BDSM notwithstanding. Men are always thinking about sex. When life gets hectic, women tend to forget what the heck sex was all about. When a domme gets overwhelmed, she may have a tendency to fall back to vanilla thinking and behaviors. Sub men may get a little whiney and pouty when that happens, which makes the domme feel even less like the goddess of his dreams...and soon you got yourself a vicious circle. And there's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza.

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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 4:52:35 AM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal
A lot of the problem has to do with the way men and women are wired, BDSM notwithstanding. Men are always thinking about sex. When life gets hectic, women tend to forget what the heck sex was all about. When a domme gets overwhelmed, she may have a tendency to fall back to vanilla thinking and behaviors.


While that may be true in your experience and for many, it is not necessarily true in my experience.

- LA

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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 5:41:29 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		My contribution here is perhaps against the grain of the thread. I very much get what some people here are saying and I am perhaps not understanding what others are saying, including the op.

Down time sounds like a time when you don't have to dominate? a bit like having a day off work? We could equate it to having a break from the kids. It doesn't mean we don't care about them or love them any the less but sometimes we just need time out. On the other hand a susbmissive is not a child and should never be hard work. Surely a submissive within our life is someone we want to spend time with because they are the very people that make our lives easier.
I agree that some people need down time from a relationship. Personally I never would.
Perhaps I am misreading this but from what some of you are saying here, it sounds like it sometimes gets too much? sometimes is exhausting? and something you need a break from dominating?
I have had none sexual submissives that I needed a break from in the past. I needed a break because I got sick to the back teeth of living up to their expectations of me and without that loving and sexual relationship in place it had no place to go but Domina land and Domina land was never 100% of me and all my quirkiness.
I want my sub to be with me when I cry because Im sad about something and when I cook a meal for her or paint her nails for a change. I want my submissive to see all of my strengths and all of my weaknesses and accept me for me.

Maria


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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 5:54:38 AM   
Underumam


Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

My contribution here is perhaps against the grain of the thread. I very much get what some people here are saying and I am perhaps not understanding what others are saying, including the op.

Down time sounds like a time when you don't have to dominate? a bit like having a day off work? We could equate it to having a break from the kids. It doesn't mean we don't care about them or love them any the less but sometimes we just need time out. On the other hand a susbmissive is not a child and should never be hard work. Surely a submissive within our life is someone we want to spend time with because they are the very people that make our lives easier.
I agree that some people need down time from a relationship. Personally I never would.
Perhaps I am misreading this but from what some of you are saying here, it sounds like it sometimes gets too much? sometimes is exhausting? and something you need a break from dominating?
I have had none sexual submissives that I needed a break from in the past. I needed a break because I got sick to the back teeth of living up to their expectations of me and without that loving and sexual relationship in place it had no place to go but Domina land and Domina land was never 100% of me and all my quirkiness.
I want my sub to be with me when I cry because Im sad about something and when I cook a meal for her or paint her nails for a change. I want my submissive to see all of my strengths and all of my weaknesses and accept me for me. Maria


Sometimes even Dommes get so overwhelmed by sickness and fatigue they are quite simply, not able to function as a Domme anymore without being unreasonable and angry. This doesn't bode well for any subbies who should happen to depend on them for a place to live etc.

Maria, I'm feeling that you're referring to an amount of mental/emotional stability that never wavers due to hard situations in life. Is this correct? (Like the strength that one gets from sundancing)

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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 7:50:06 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		Hi Underumam, I guess what I am trying to say is that I absolutely refuse to be expected of because being expected off only ends with fulfilling someone elses needs. Everything we do together needs to be the most natural thing in the world.
There are times when I will take my submissive and be extremely hard, harsh, cruel, sadistic and dominant with but those times are reserved for what I call 'our special moments' the rest of the time I am just me in relaxed mode. I have been told that my relaxed mode is dominant but I never think of it that way. I refuse to feel guilty if I don't dominate for a day, a week, a month and neither will I think of it as taking a break from my dominance. If a submissive can't cope with the real me then to be honest I don't want her around.

I like my own time but I never think of my own time as time out from being dominant. I just think of it as my time.
Just as Steve is a very integral part of me, so is my submissve... the more I get of both of them the better.

.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 12/21/2009 7:58:09 AM >

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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 7:55:58 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Doms, subs, any non extrovert needs down time. Introverts recharge their batteries being alone, extroverts get charged up being with others.

But holiday stress is a killer, and snowstorms don't help. However if he's tired and just wants to sit on the couch and cuddle I don't view that as him taking a break from being dominant. I know if a real emergency came up he would handle it and in the meantime we nap in front of the fire.

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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 7:57:37 AM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Hi Underumam, I guess what I am trying to say is that I absolutely refuse to be expected of because being expected off only ends with fulfilling someone elses needs. Everything we do together needs to be the most natural thing in the world.
There are times when I will take my submissive and be extremely hard, harsh, cruel, sadistic and dominant with but those times are reserved for what I call 'our special moments' the rest of the time I am just me in relaxed mode. I have been told that my relaxed mode is dominant but I never think of it that way. I refuse to feel guilty if I don't dominate for a day, a week, a month and neither will I think of it as taking a break from my dominance. If a submissive can't cope with the real me then to be honest I don't want her around.
I like my own time but I never think of my own time as time out from being dominant. I just think of it as my time.


Thank you for basically expressing how I feel.
I was born a Dominant woman and I will die a Dominant woman.
This is who I am, this is not a role I play.
If I decide to lay in bed for 5 months, if I decide to NEVER take on a submissive, I will always
be a Dominant woman.
If there is a submissive in MY life, than when I am not feeling well, it is his job to take care of me.
I have a full time job that is demanding, and I have a very full and active life.
If having a "submissive" becomes a "job" or a "chore", than that is not the submissive for me.
My submissive is in my life to make it better for me, hell I don't need another job!
Now where is that submissive that should be cleaning this house, fixing dinner, finish wrapping Christmas gifts, shovel the snow, and then giving me a foot rub?
Aren't submissives supposed to serve?
The day I start serving submissives, you will see Professional Dominant in front of my name.
At that point, it might as well be a job I am compensated for.

*But let me add, we all "live" this "lifestyle" differently I am in this "lifestyle" for a service oriented submissive, that puts the "s" in service.**
Actually, make that slave.
I will be the first to admit, finding a strong and dedicated service oriented submissive is hard.
There are very few submissives that really live to "serve" their woman, but there are a few.
They would jump at the chance to serve you, and you can be down all you want!
I don't need a fair weather submissive, only looking to serve me when things are "fun" for him.
Again, I will not make excuses for taking all the damn down time I want.
I love "Down" time, and my submissive doing chores gives me more of it.

< Message edited by MzMia -- 12/21/2009 8:37:46 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 9:22:49 AM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz

Hi Underumam, I guess what I am trying to say is that I absolutely refuse to be expected of because being expected off only ends with fulfilling someone elses needs. Everything we do together needs to be the most natural thing in the world.
There are times when I will take my submissive and be extremely hard, harsh, cruel, sadistic and dominant with but those times are reserved for what I call 'our special moments' the rest of the time I am just me in relaxed mode. I have been told that my relaxed mode is dominant but I never think of it that way. I refuse to feel guilty if I don't dominate for a day, a week, a month and neither will I think of it as taking a break from my dominance. If a submissive can't cope with the real me then to be honest I don't want her around.
I like my own time but I never think of my own time as time out from being dominant. I just think of it as my time.


Thank you for basically expressing how I feel.
I was born a Dominant woman and I will die a Dominant woman.
This is who I am, this is not a role I play.
If I decide to lay in bed for 5 months, if I decide to NEVER take on a submissive, I will always
be a Dominant woman.
If there is a submissive in MY life, than when I am not feeling well, it is his job to take care of me.
I have a full time job that is demanding, and I have a very full and active life.
If having a "submissive" becomes a "job" or a "chore", than that is not the submissive for me.
My submissive is in my life to make it better for me, hell I don't need another job!
Now where is that submissive that should be cleaning this house, fixing dinner, finish wrapping Christmas gifts, shovel the snow, and then giving me a foot rub?
Aren't submissives supposed to serve?
The day I start serving submissives, you will see Professional Dominant in front of my name.
At that point, it might as well be a job I am compensated for.

*But let me add, we all "live" this "lifestyle" differently I am in this "lifestyle" for a service oriented submissive, that puts the "s" in service.**
Actually, make that slave.
I will be the first to admit, finding a strong and dedicated service oriented submissive is hard.
There are very few submissives that really live to "serve" their woman, but there are a few.
They would jump at the chance to serve you, and you can be down all you want!
I don't need a fair weather submissive, only looking to serve me when things are "fun" for him.
Again, I will not make excuses for taking all the damn down time I want.
I love "Down" time, and my submissive doing chores gives me more of it.


Between you two I don't have much to add aside from this is simply who I am. Do I go for a massage or a spa day, of course, but I never stop being a Domme. It isn't a role I play or an act I put on. I am as Dominant in my flannel gnome pajamas and my moocow slippers as I am in full blown leather. I don't have to wield a riding crop or a whip. I am simply me and in doing so I am always and will always be a Dominant Woman. I don't accept submission when convenient...he is submissive period. It is an undercurrent that is there 24/7 365 days of the year.

I stop being a Domme the day I die.


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She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 10:43:39 AM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline 		On the other hand a susbmissive is not a child and should never be hard work. Surely a submissive within our life is someone we want to spend time with because they are the very people that make our lives easier.
 
Of course.  It seems a crying shame that this should even need to be stated.  A D/s relationship, to me, is at least 90% a relationship like any other between two people.  It just has a different hue, a different flavour, to vanilla relationships.  The two people involved should be supporting each other.  God almighty, I'm a sub who is looking for a partner, not a mother, any other kind of guardian, or some alternative to a government support agency (or indeed all three rolled into one). 

How hideous.  I don't expect a woman to have a stronger body than mine - why should I expect her to have a stronger mind, either? 

A D-type dominates because she or he has an urge to dominate.  An s-type submits because she or he has an urge to submit.  The more I read these forums, the more I think that anything else plonked on top of that simple formula is irrelevant dogma. 

 

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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 12:21:49 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		We do have to be understanding of each other. On the other hand, if a sub male becomes unhappy because he finds that his relationship is becoming more and more vanilla, he is not a complete villain. I like to think that if a Peeping Tom were looking in our window and saw nothing at all that suggested a femdom dynamic, maybe we aren't really into female dominance.

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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 12:28:10 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

We do have to be understanding of each other. On the other hand, if a sub male becomes unhappy because he finds that his relationship is becoming more and more vanilla, he is not a complete villain. I like to think that if a Peeping Tom were looking in our window and saw nothing at all that suggested a femdom dynamic, maybe we aren't really into female dominance.


A sub's "neediness" - more importantly, how he chooses to express it - can be a huge downfall in my personal life and relationships. It was the biggest stumbling block out of the gate when I discovered "subs" existed and went from topping vanilla guys (who did kink because I wanted/needed it) to sub guys who would sulk and complain if I wasn't showing enough "femdom energy" or vibe, or topping enough.

In my case, my femdom "lusts" (the desire to act out dominance in sensual, sexual ways - this has nothing to do with expecting to be served) are on their own clock.  I don't control it any more than he does.  If I am expected to dominate just because the sub is needy and in the mood, I am turned off for an additional week (as an example).  I don't dominate out of obligation and cannot be persuaded by guilt or manipulation.

Fortunately it's fairly predictable and consistent, but contrary to what some of the themes in this thread have been, I tend to be more likely to get very femdom-lusty at times of high pressure, high stress, lack of sleep and things like that.  the longest "downtimes" of my femdom urges have been when I get a great night's sleep many evenings in a row, have low stress at my job and very little to be worried about. 

Akasha


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Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 12:57:43 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I don't believe that a time out... or taking care of 'self' as a stepping out of anything other than taking a time for care. It isn't dominant or vanilla or anything but a time of caring for 'self'. Everyone needs to take care of themselves.

In my situation it is more often than other's maybe... but that doesn't mean that my rules... my dominance or anything else changes. If I don't feel like playing does that make me any less dominant? If I wish to lay around and watch chick flicks, have I gone vanilla? No. I am doing Lockit in different situations. Does it mean that my submissive would not have any dominance or would be negelcted to the point of harming him? Hell, if the truth be known... I have been turned down for play and sex far more than I have turned it down... as they worked harder than I did outside the home! lol

One thing I try to do is plan for my sick time. Creative lil games that I get to sit or lay and watch... word play... lil tools for play.  I may not be as active, but I am still there directing and sometimes moved to get more involved! Down time for me is total... leave me alone to nurse myself so that I can get back up and 'deal' again and it doesn't typically take me that long. I can joke and be playful, but want nothing serious at that time. When sick, that is a different story, but that might happen every couple of years.

When I need down time and insist on it... is mostly in the mornings while I deal with many symptoms and pain. I do not want anything serious or chaotic going on then. That is my time to adjust to my day and symptoms and wake up. I will get angry with anyone who challenges this and makes it so I cannot have this down time if it happens too often. When I am ready, I will meet the day with all that needs to be done. If I push or someone pushes me too often at this time... I am not going to be a happy person and will consider that the person involved doesn't get it or me and might not be best for me.

If a man cannot accept that he is on his own and I require him to continue on as instructed... not cause mayham and can't carry on without my input and gets pouty because I need this and requires more direction and dominance in action... no thank you... we are not a good match.

As for family... they just see me going, year after year and sometimes forget that I am still ill. Just the other day my daughter needed to do an early shift after I watched the kids the night before. Her request was tempered with... if you can do this without it messing with you. We decided it was too much as I would only get a couple hours sleep. Talking about it brought about the thing most needed. Consideration for how I was doing at the time.

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RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 1:11:09 PM   
liks2plzlf


Posts: 390
Joined: 7/21/2005
Status: offline 		I would think a sub would go out of his way to make his dominant happy, or at least comfortable, what ever that would entail, including being her nurse, or even disappearing for a few days, or longer. I am sure a sub would have times when it might need some down time as well. Good to see Ms Joe back on the boards.

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 1:39:27 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I think this thread just goes back to show how many of us have different ways of doing things and handling matters in different ways.  My version of down time goes something like this:

My work situation before the move wasn't the most positive experience on the planet.  There were a lot of hours and a lot of stress.  I had a specific habit of coming home, having a diet pepsi, and then showering.  OK, a lot of Dominants out there have that as one of the services that their subs provide as bathing them and drying them afterward.  Now, I like that, too, but specifically showering after work was My time to relieve stress.  That to Me is more important than My boy's need to 'serve' at that particular moment.  Doing the reverse would be more a case of Me serving his wants, as Mia pointed out.

Des made a very good point about the difference between extroverts and introverts.  I'm more the extrovert type, so social opportunities rank pretty high in My book.  (My other half would put that as 'she goes stir crazy' if it's not happening.)  Going out for a good time can keep Me in a more positive mood for a week.  I'm not doing that to 'get away' from My submissive or to take time away from him.  I'm doing it for Me because I like to do it.  In addition, I lean more to thinking that it's positive thing to have other relationships such as friendships and those we have things in common with as well as having our SO or D/s in our lives.  The very same thing could be said for those who have hobbies that their s type isn't particularly interested in.

I was a little concerned about this comment:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
Sometimes even Dommes get so overwhelmed by sickness and fatigue they are quite simply, not able to function as a Domme anymore without being unreasonable and angry. This doesn't bode well for any subbies who should happen to depend on them for a place to live etc.


It kind of made Me wonder two things.  If the Dominant in question became ill, isn't he serving Me by taking care of Me until I get well again?  I won't speak for anybody else, but I can promise you if I get the flu, I'm not going to be Mary Sunshine.  I'm going to be a bit grouchier because I'm sick and not feeling up to par for the things that I want to do.  The males deal with it, just the same way I do when they aren't 100%.  We do this because we honestly care about each other and know that not being in perfect health is part of the human condition.

The other is, why is the s type "depending" on the Dominant for a place to live?  Is the s type not contributing to the household?  If the Dominant is the primary financial supporter of the household and became too ill to work, wouldn't it be the submissive's obligation if he was living there to take himself out to the workforce to pay the bills that were incurred due to the fact that he resides in the same home?

As peon said, we're no different than our non kinky counterparts in this.  A vanilla man who would leave his wife due to illness is no better than a sub doing so.  I certainly hope that wasn't the thinking behind the comment.  It would be a pretty selfish way of thinking if that was the intent.






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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 1:42:41 PM   
PeonForHer


Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

We do have to be understanding of each other. On the other hand, if a sub male becomes unhappy because he finds that his relationship is becoming more and more vanilla, he is not a complete villain. I like to think that if a Peeping Tom were looking in our window and saw nothing at all that suggested a femdom dynamic, maybe we aren't really into female dominance.


Maybe we aren't really into female dominance at many given times, Kal.  Perhaps even at most given times.  Neither subs nor Dommes.  I see nothing necessary to worry about in that.  Maybe what's needed at such times is not the courage to dominate or submit, but the courage to be vanilla.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 2:01:30 PM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		For years I spent time with various male subs, at home and in clubs but it never felt complete. I did have long term female subs that I felt ultimately comfortable with but the males just kept getting me to a stage of boredom. I would then have time off... my time... down time.... get rid time! Having taken a break before coming back to it I have realized what was missing and that was a full on sexual relationship. Nearly all the time I enjoyed the domination but didn't feel sexually attracted to the man and because of this there was always a limit on how far the relationship could go. I realize now that these man knew very little about me apart from my dominance and I believe my dominance was not as sincere because without getting inside my head, we couldn't begin to connect on a real level.
I am not saying that Dominas should be having sex with their male subs but for me the true power came about from an intimate and unrestricted relationship.
I missed out for so long on sexual dominance but I needed sexual dominance to complete things.

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 3:25:25 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Fortunately it's fairly predictable and consistent, but contrary to what some of the themes in this thread have been, I tend to be more likely to get very femdom-lusty at times of high pressure, high stress, lack of sleep and things like that. the longest "downtimes" of my femdom urges have been when I get a great night's sleep many evenings in a row, have low stress at my job and very little to be worried about.


When I disagreed with slavekal earlier, this is a great deal of what I met. When I have adrenalyne running through my blood, I tend to play harder, to want more. It becomes a very visceral release, and I do get highly sexual too.

- LA

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 4:21:31 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		There are times when I NEED my down time. Where PLAYING is just not going to happen. That doesn't mean I am not going to be the domly one, it just means that we are not scratching ANYONE'S fetish itch until I am up for it again, and just STFU and bring me my cocoa!!

Sometimes, folks get sick, sometimes for long periods of time. Does a sick person really need to focus on someone else's need to be trampled at that moment?

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 5:48:38 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		~Fast reply~

I have been reading some of the comments on this thread...a topic that has struck a cord with me for very personal reasons...and I wanted to acknowledge a few points made.  These are just some random thoughts I've had about each thing I quoted and how I relate to them...nothing more/nothing less.

quote:

ORIGINAL:  Lockit
How important is it to you to have domina down time? When you do need this time, what do you expect from the people in your lives and what is reasonable or not to expect from you? And how protective of you are your domina down time?


As I've found myself moving further and further away from a submissive/bottom role and acknowledging and accepting the more dominant side of who I am ( switch and a gemini...how's that for duality!) I've had to address this very problem.  I have my moments where I need (not want but NEED) to take down time.  Many of the people in my life weren't willing to allowing me the time I needed to relax/renew/heal and because of that, I've released quite a few toxic people from my circle of friends/family of choice.  That's how important it is now for me to protect my down time.  I see this as having less to do with dominance and everything to do with self-respect and self-love.  I need to love and respect myself enough to take care of me.

quote:

ORIGINAL:  Lockit
It isn't rocket science to pay attention to those you love and see what they might need. Dominant or submissive.


Agreed! 

quote:

ORIGINAL:  slavekal
When a domme gets overwhelmed, she may have a tendency to fall back to vanilla thinking and behaviors. Sub men may get a little whiney and pouty when that happens, which makes the domme feel even less like the goddess of his dreams...and soon you got yourself a vicious circle.


If this was the case, I would question the motives behind the dynamics between the domme and sub. 

quote:

ORIGINAL:  allthatjaz
We could equate it to having a break from the kids. It doesn't mean we don't care about them or love them any the less but sometimes we just need time out. On the other hand a susbmissive is not a child and should never be hard work. Surely a submissive within our life is someone we want to spend time with because they are the very people that make our lives easier.


While it's true a sub isn't a child, I'm getting the impression they can be just as whiney and "stamping of feet" as any 3 yr old during a temper tantrum brought on by mommy not buying them a toy or sweet or play a game with them.  Of course, a child may not be able to fully comprehend why mommy needs a moment to lie down and rest for a bit.  It doesn't mean she's not in full mom-mode...but instead she's recharging herself so that she can be ready to run around and play games.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Underumam
Sometimes even Dommes get so overwhelmed by sickness and fatigue they are quite simply, not able to function as a Domme anymore without being unreasonable and angry. This doesn't bode well for any subbies who should happen to depend on them for a place to live etc.


If a man is living with me, that means we've taken the time to get to know each other...good and bad.  That doesn't happen overnight and I don't think I would be comfortable with a man (sub or otherwise) who was relying on me for a place to live.  He would need to be able to support himself just as I'm able to support myself.
Part of getting to know a person is being able to embrace them wholly...warts and all.  Maybe that's a bit too mainstream 'nilla for a D/s relationship but so be it.

quote:

ORIGINAL:  allthatjaz
...I absolutely refuse to be expected of because being expected off only ends with fulfilling someone elses needs.


I actually like this quote.  It's too easy for anyone ( male/female...dom/me/sub) who has an ounce of nurturing or empathy to fall into the trap of giving till it hurts. 

quote:

ORIGINAL" MzMia
I don't need a fair weather submissive, only looking to serve me when things are "fun" for him.
Again, I will not make excuses for taking all the damn down time I want.


I was going to quote your whole post, MzMia, but I wanted to highlight this statement above.  What can I say...You Rock! 

quote:

ORIGINAL:  PeonForHer
A D-type dominates because she or he has an urge to dominate.  An s-type submits because she or he has an urge to submit.  The more I read these forums, the more I think that anything else plonked on top of that simple formula is irrelevant dogma. 


The bolded part says it all for me.  In all honesty, I wonder about half the stuff I read here. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit
If a man cannot accept that he is on his own and I require him to continue on as instructed... not cause mayham and can't carry on without my input and gets pouty because I need this and requires more direction and dominance in action... no thank you... we are not a good match.


This goes back to the idea of having a "submissive child" instead of a man.  Micromanaging is not my dynamic of choice...don't get me wrong, I'm good at it but it's not something I want to feel the need to maintain for extended periods. 

quote:

ORIGINAL:  LadyPact
If the Dominant in question became ill, isn't he serving Me by taking care of Me until I get well again?  I won't speak for anybody else, but I can promise you if I get the flu, I'm not going to be Mary Sunshine.  I'm going to be a bit grouchier because I'm sick and not feeling up to par for the things that I want to do.  The males deal with it, just the same way I do when they aren't 100%.  We do this because we honestly care about each other and know that not being in perfect health is part of the human condition.


It's the bolded part that I'm looking for.  I believe a relationship of any kind, D/s or mainstream (I'm getting a little tired of the word "vanilla"), is based on give and take.  Sometimes the giving and taking is equal and sometimes it isn't...all depends on the dynamics.  Any man I become involved with will need to understand there will be times when I take more than I give.  It doesn't mean I don't value him or care enough to meet his needs sexually or kink-wise just that reality has a way of happening.  Getting sick is reality...dealing with a chronic illness is reality...accepting the physical limitations that come with a chronic illness is reality...wanting to have a day to yourself to enjoy "A room of one's own" is reality for some people. 

Kind of like a car being serviced and getting a tune-up.  You may be inconvenienced for a day or so by not having your car but, when you get it back it runs like a dream and can go from 0 to 80 in 6 secs. flat!

quote:

ORIGINAL:  LadyHibiscus
...That doesn't mean I am not going to be the domly one, it just means that we are not scratching ANYONE'S fetish itch until I am up for it again, and just STFU and bring me my cocoa!!

Sometimes, folks get sick, sometimes for long periods of time. Does a sick person really need to focus on someone else's need to be trampled at that moment?


I love the cocoa line. 

___________________________________________________________________________________

I'm sorry for the length of this post but this thread has been bothering me all day and with every new post I have something else that I'm left to think about. 

I think there are lots of misconceptions of what it is to be a dominant woman and it was nice to read this thread and the responses of real women dealing with reality within a D/s dynamic. 

< Message edited by CarrieO -- 12/21/2009 5:53:58 PM >

_____________________________

"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Domina Down - 12/21/2009 6:21:36 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Who says that it all has to be "play"?  If a domme is tired and needs to recharge, isn't that a great time to be served?  It doesn't have to be all about the leather and toys all the time.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to CarrieO)
Profile   Post #: 40
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