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What is the first step? - 3/17/2006 8:09:46 PM   
jennalynn


Posts: 67
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		i will keep this short and sweet.

What is the first step in moving on? Once a person submits to One completely and it ends for what ever reason it may have, how do they then move on?

Not a pity question, i am really needing to know.

jenna
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RE: What is the first step? - 3/17/2006 8:33:36 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Time of course.

Healing.

Reconnecting to yourself.

And more time.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to jennalynn)
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RE: What is the first step? - 3/17/2006 8:37:30 PM   
LadyNeets


Posts: 188
Joined: 11/8/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with lucky and one other thing is don't dewl on the past you need to look to the future and gather great friends around you or find a shoulder to cry on.

then have a Huge Drink and laugh .

I just ran this past the Bear and He agrees too.

Neets

_____________________________

I am not a bitch I am the Bitch and to you I am Mistress Bitch


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RE: What is the first step? - 3/17/2006 8:48:30 PM   
OscarHargraves


Posts: 693
Joined: 8/9/2005
Status: offline 		Remember the good things.

Re-evalute the bad things.

Figure out what you could have done better. (Not him; that's not your problem.)

Do NOT try to place blame on either party. You have to get past that ASAP.

NOW, go out and have yourself a 'pity party'. Drink, cry, scream, whatever works for you. Do this with close friends who understand and will take care of you until you get it all out of your system. The next day wake up to a new day and a new life. Actively search for at least TWO new friends and actively work at improving your relationship with at least TWO old friends. When you feel that you are too busy to do anything else, ( a week, amonth, maybe more....) consider looking for a new Dom. Be sure when you do that you have already cleared out the garbage and left it behind. Nothing spoils a relationship faster than money problems or 'old garbage'.

_____________________________

Never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly ! !

(in reply to jennalynn)
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RE: What is the first step? - 3/17/2006 9:37:16 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		To add to LA, Neets and Oscar's comments. In 99% of relationship disputes I heal with either personally or professionally I work on a No Blaim Platform.. It helps people move on and learn from mistakes. I have never seen any situation within a relationship (personal or social) where just one person was 100% to blame). People who enjoy doing postmortem after postmortem after postmortem on the failed relationship. and each time shift a portion of the blame to the other person are in need of some serious counselling and reajustments... I had to learn to stop taking too much of the blame on my shoulders early on in life and recognise that shit does indeed happen and that I am not a god but one simple human being.... I can still stand and accept what is my share of blame and accept responsibilities for my actions with out becoming unglued.. (JW will understand what I am talking about). That to is part of being an adult.

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/17/2006 9:45:59 PM   
Lordandmaster


Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Throw out anything you shared together, or anything that had a special meaning during your relationship.

But it's hard. Yes, even the thick-skinned Lordandmaster has been in love, and even though I knew afterwards that the people I thought I loved didn't deserve my love, it was still hard to re-adjust.

quote:

ORIGINAL: jennalynn

What is the first step in moving on? Once a person submits to One completely and it ends for what ever reason it may have, how do they then move on?


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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 12:48:15 AM   
dincubus


Posts: 231
Joined: 10/22/2005
From: South Dakota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jennalynn

i will keep this short and sweet.

What is the first step in moving on? Once a person submits to One completely and it ends for what ever reason it may have, how do they then move on?

Not a pity question, i am really needing to know.

jenna


I would say the first step is coming to terms with what has happened. then take time to look inside and see yourself. i would not dare suggest to look in one's self and see if there was anything different that could have been done, but that is kind of the thought driving that previous statement. then i would take time to heal, to fix the wounds and make sure that things are repaired. then i would evaluate what i want in life and make the steps to get what ya want.

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 5:12:50 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		What many have said.....time. And kindness to yourself. Do you have a routine in place for you? I've recently started some rituals in my life that have helped me in general, they include blogging and meditating. The best thing to remember is that one relationship does not totally define you and tomorrow *is* a new day.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 6:35:03 AM   
fyreredsub


Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline 		after the good riddance and crying....purge emails, voicemails etc....(cleansing process) then look back and see if there isnt a lesson to be learned.

i'm a firm believer that people come into our lives for a reason and a time,sometimes its a growth thing, sometimes pure enjoyment....

you will find yourself again and be ready to go foward...

But(i know ppl hate to hear this) it takes time............

be well and big hug

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 9:20:31 AM   
MasterBuckeye


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: OHIO
Status: offline 		WEll I agree with most here, the other thing I would do is reflect on the past and learn from it. We generally learn best from our mistakes. If this was a mistake, ask yourself, What did I learn from this? What could I have done different? What should I have expected from this? Did I ask the right questions from the onset? These are just my thoughts, but I think you'll answer alot of your saddness by tring to answer these questions. Best of luck to ya,
Master Buckeye

_____________________________

Master Buckeye

"IGNORANCE CAN BE CURED WITH EDUCATION; BUT STUPIDITY IS HOPELESS!"


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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 9:44:18 AM   
sweetpettjenny


Posts: 674
Joined: 11/7/2004
Status: offline 		jenna ...if you need a ct shoulder to cry on...let me know.

(in reply to jennalynn)
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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 11:58:19 AM   
Wildfleurs


Posts: 1650
Joined: 9/24/2004
From: Connecticut
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jennalynn

i will keep this short and sweet.

What is the first step in moving on? Once a person submits to One completely and it ends for what ever reason it may have, how do they then move on?

Not a pity question, i am really needing to know.

jenna


I'm a huge fan of developing your own autonomy. And I think the best way to do so is to conciously break a rule or two that were established. If you were supposed to go to bed by midnight, stay up until 2am. If you were supposed to shave, then let your hair grow so long that you could braid your own pubes.

Basically I think that the concious asserting of your will above whatever was established can help in moving on.

I also think time and space of course.

C~

_____________________________

"Just because you've always done it that way doesn't mean it's not incredibly stupid." -despair.com

~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The heart of it all - http://www.wildfleurs.com
~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 12:22:30 PM   
PenelopePitstop


Posts: 254
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: UK
Status: offline 		Loud angry music works wonders for me.



_____________________________

Wickedness is a myth created by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others ~ Oscar Wilde

"You had me at Goodbye"

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 2:43:13 PM   
fastlane


Posts: 2159
Joined: 5/26/2005
Status: offline 		How do you move on? Slowly, but confidently, knowing that behind every closed door is a new one that will open and that's where the real reward may be?

Don't take door number three though.....that one has burned me twice

Kevin

_____________________________

Just because it hurts, doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing.

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 3:31:37 PM   
sunshine333


Posts: 203
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		why hasn't anyone mentioned chocolate???

that has always helped me.

~sunshine

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 3:55:50 PM   
erebus


Posts: 169
Joined: 1/15/2004
Status: offline 		For me, breaking up and moving on is the start of a new segment of my life. I believe it is important to focus on yourself for a while. I'm a big believer in exercise, running, walking, bicycling, weight-lifting. The advantages are many - relieve stress, tone up body, lose weight, improve one's mind and one's outlook, aleviate depression. All good reasons to get out and move. And make it a regular habit.

I also think better while outdoors. The fresh air and exercise causes you to sleep better as well.

And, be good to yourself. Allow yourself time to accept the changes in your life.

Time does make a difference. The longer the relationship, the longer it takes to get over it.

(in reply to jennalynn)
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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 5:02:00 PM   
jennalynn


Posts: 67
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline 		i thank each and every person for their posts, such great ideas everyone has and yes, i believe time heals all wounds no matter how deep.

i am thoroughly enjoying this site and hope to be here for some time!!

again Thanks!
jenna

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 9:55:57 PM   
HoosierScorpio


Posts: 164
Status: offline 		Remember the path you may take will have a few pot holes along the way and you need time to repair them. Like every one who have posted with the same advice allow time to take it course for you need to go through the grieving process. Also you must brake the connected you had with them. So do not move on to the next one for you could end up with a relationship that is not right and it could make things worse. So many try to get back into a relationship as soon as the last one ended for hunger is so strong.

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 10:16:04 PM   
nslut4whtmaster


Posts: 40
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		i agree with what has been said here by most of the posters but i would like to add that when you are ready to begin again, do not bring the past into future relationships. It is hard not to do this especially when one has been hurt, however it is necessary to the health of your next relationship. Moving on is never easy but it is an inevitable reality when a relationship ends. i wish you luck the next time around.

ns

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RE: What is the first step? - 3/18/2006 10:53:39 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		My main experience of this is through losing a partner through death but I see it the same as if it was a break up, the person has died to you., either way.

I agree with the comment made here about throwing out or packing up anything that reminds you of them. Even change your furniture around. Don't dwell on things, fill your life with activities anything that will distract your mind.

Once you get stronger, you can process anything you need to process...but at the point of initial grief of losing someone (still alive or dead) your not in the right frame of mind to process anything healthily...you just need distraction.

To me, distraction is the first step.


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