Female subs: How's my profile?

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Thortok2000 -> Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 6:54:42 AM)
I've made major changes to my profile in the last couple of days, I was wondering if I could get some feedback from my target audience (female submissives). It's really long, but that's the kind of person I am so I guess it's good to realize that up front? Anyway, feedback and critique would be appreciated. ^_^

Lucienne -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 9:12:25 AM)
Meh. Does nothing for me personally, but it's very thorough. I'm not sure I'd apologize at the start of your profile for it being long. I think you can prepare the reader for the fact that they're about to get a thorough description of who you are and what you want without assuming an apology is necessary. As you state, you want the woman who values that level of detail. So the apology isn't directed at the woman you want, it's directed at the impatient types. I don't think you need to apologize to them for not being what they want. That's all I got. That, and, you know, hot pictures always help... but I understand why people don't include them (I don't myself).

lucylucy -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 9:22:37 AM)
Your personality comes through, which is a good thing. Here are some specific suggestions: I don’t get the connection you’re making between giving massages, etc. and submissive qualities. Giving massages isn’t something only submissives do, and it’s confusing to me that you’re implying such. If I’m looking for a Dom, I don’t want a long-winded explanation of why you call yourself that instead of something else. Just call yourself that. Also, being shy is not a “marker” of submission. I’m submissive and not shy. So there. Maybe you could roll in the part about giving massages into wanting to be in control. You could say, “If I want to give you a massage, I will give you a massage.” The “precious treasure” part is too sickly sweet, but some women might go for that. Personally, the cliché about submission being a precious gift has no traction with me. I would also delete the references to stereotypes. Why ask others to stereotype you? I like the paragraph about looking for a partner and where kink fits in. I would consider moving that up so that all the stuff on kink comes after that (the sentence about where the kink fits in acting as a nice transition into what kind of kink you like and don’t like). Overall, I think you have an interesting profile. I like that you appreciate good grammar.  Good luck.

tsatske -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 9:32:29 AM)
I love your profile. I agree that you appologize a bit too much at the start of it. Stating that your profile is long and that is the kind of person you are and if you don't have patience to read it, we might not be a match, for instance. I kind of think it is a youth thing - the 'right' kind of Dominant (for me) is soft and gentle and loving - and sadistic as hell - and often see's himself as 'differant' from the Dominant pack. Younger men say, 'I'm kind of differant - i hope that's okay'. As you grow in maturity, it tends to change to 'I'm differant, and trust me, that's a good thing'. It's all about confidence. confidence is very sexy, and very dominant. I think your profile is awesome, I'd write you myself, but you pretty much say you're not lookig for a pain slut :) Good luck in your search.

Thortok2000 -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 10:15:26 AM)
Thanks for the feedback! I made slight changes based on these suggestions. (Still open to more feedback of course.) =D

wykkidesire2plsU -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 10:34:14 AM)
Hi: i agree that if i were You, i wouldnt apologise, you are what you are and this lifestyle comes in shades and someone will be on the same shade you are, not every sub is into pain. i would mention that you like handling your woman with massages, etc but take out the part that this doesnt make you sub. i might take out so much text about how much trouble you had meeting women and tieing them up to make them stay, change it to you discovered how much you liked bondage at an early age or something. Also and this comes from someone who is bit of a gamer and was married to a 60 hr a week gamer, ...if she is a gamer she might immediately wonder if you game so much you wont have time for relationship, i think i would say casual gamer or soemthing so it doesnt sound like it rules your life, (all gamers know people that it is all they do). i think your sense of fun and intelligence comes through and those are appealling qualities. That you are a communicator comes through and that is such a nice thing in any partner especially a Dom. Good luck!

sweetsub1957 -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 11:05:39 AM)
Long, but wonderful. [:D]

Thortok2000 -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 11:52:41 AM)
I kinda like the idea of the whole 'how I got into BDSM' thing as a more personal way to introduce myself. Simply saying I got into it at an early age is kinda boring and common, don't you think? I did add a new line about how I like women more than I like games, though. =P

HisSweetElysium -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 2:22:01 PM)
Hi there, no offense, but it is too long. A lot of what you're saying should come out in subsequent conversation. On MANY points you are flexible, and willing to accommodate your partners needs, so why go on about it? I think that's great, but reading it the way it is currently written, I would think you were inexperienced and didn't really know what you want. For example, in the rules section, you don't need to list all those things about grammar in typing, or getting a promotion, etc etc. If someone wants to talk about that, they'll ask you about it, and THEN you can use those examples. Pretty much every example you give, I would suggest taking out. It's just not necessary, and kills a conversation starter at the outset because well, you already explained it. There's so little opportunity given what you've written for someone to say "hey I was curious about what you meant by ______ can you elaborate?" That's a good way to start a conversation. If I wanted to message you, basically I would have to say "I liked what you said about" Hard to format in a question, thus less of a conversation starter. From my perspective, I liked profiles that were well written and thoughtful like yours, and thank GOD you spelled everything correctly and used proper grammar. I don't think you need to include though where all your dominant feelings came from, put that in a journal entry. Let people get to the meat of your profile, i.e. what sort of relationship you're looking for, and your interests. I tend to be pretty wordy myself, but remember in this such as this sometimes the truly important messages can get lost in a sea of unrelated things. You seem like a good guy, and I wish you all the best!

DesFIP -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/20/2009 5:10:27 PM)
I'd remove paragraphs 2, 3, 4 and 5 except for the line about bondage which shows your interests. Remove the line about the doormat. One person's doormat is another's perfect sub. And you've got a whole paragraph about stuff you don't even know if you'll want. Remove that. If you won't negotiate on her walking three steps behind you, say that. Anything you aren't positive about doesn't need to be there. About school/work, unless you can teach her to do better in school which means you are an expert in every possible major how do you propose to make her get better grades? You graduate summa cum laude and can teach superb study habits? Same with a promotion. Unless you know her field better than she does, and can guarantee in this market that openings will occur, you shouldn't put that kind of pressure on. Beyond that, if you propose to take control of her life away from you, that means you bear the responsibility if you fuck up and she loses her job and health care. In which case are you offering to provide her a salary and living expenses and health care until she finds a new one? Think less about your rights and more about your responsibilities. And despite everything she isn't always going to be aroused and enthusiastic, how do you propose to deal with that? Or are you going to punish her for not being in the mood?

Owlet -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 3:32:47 AM)
The Japanese smilies and the word "huggle" personally make me cringe a little... Of course these may be the signs the little otaku of your dreams will use to identify her compatibility with you, and you guys can glomp and huggle forever and ever, the end! Seriously though, I also agree that the parts of your profile that seem to be negotiable with your potential sub are probably best left to actual conversation. I wouldn't cut too much though, since you're just a wordy guy, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. The amount of information you share seems to suggest you're open and know what you want, which is always a plus. And A+ for nerdy Doms!

AquaticSub -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 6:56:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Owlet And A+ for nerdy Doms! A nerdy dom? goes off to inspect Edited to add: Damn non-poly doms. I need more doms in my life to play video games with! [:D][:D][:D] On a serious note, the profile looks good. I kinda question the whole "life story" cause I'd rather get to know that through the course of talking to you but that's an entirely personal thing.

CalifChick -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 11:09:46 AM)
Okay, I'll admit I started skimming at some point, so you may have this buried in there somewhere, but do you have any experience at all? Statements like this made me stop and wonder: I can cause larger amounts of pain (when appropriate and consensual) because it is necessary for consensual training. *For instance, flogging, wax play, electric play, and even whips are all something I would dabble in. I've actually gotten some practice at flogging.* This part is definitely creepy... it's the way stalkers think: The thought that came to mind was, "If I could only make a woman experience how good I could make her feel, I know she'd want to stay with me." The idea of using bondage on a woman so she could not escape what I did to arouse her followed naturally from there. And the rest, as they say, is history. This part just isn't realistic: When I want to cuddle, we cuddle. When I want to give a massage, I will. I don't want to be pushed away when I go to kiss my woman, I want it to be enthusiastically returned, and quite often initiated by her as well. I can see the "don't push me away" part... but you cannot realistically expect enthusiasm ALL of the time. Cali

AquaticSub -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 12:30:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick This part is definitely creepy... it's the way stalkers think: The thought that came to mind was, "If I could only make a woman experience how good I could make her feel, I know she'd want to stay with me." The idea of using bondage on a woman so she could not escape what I did to arouse her followed naturally from there. And the rest, as they say, is history. Yeah I missed that. That is creepy as hell. Because she can actually escape if she safewords/tells you to stop. Right? I realize that in established dynamics that isn't always an option but if you are still in the "showing" her phrase, I think she should still be able to end the scene if only because she might be having issues that you need be made aware of and she needs to end the scene to do that. quote: This part just isn't realistic: When I want to cuddle, we cuddle. When I want to give a massage, I will. I don't want to be pushed away when I go to kiss my woman, I want it to be enthusiastically returned, and quite often initiated by her as well. I can see the "don't push me away" part... but you cannot realistically expect enthusiasm ALL of the time. Cali is right on that score. When I'm cramping or on the phone with my mother, I do my best but enthusiasm is hard to come by.

allthatjaz -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 3:44:01 PM)
You have asked for an honest critique... Well I found the profile far too long, very wishy washy, parts of it sounded as though you have trouble communicating with women which is always a worry. You say the words cuddle and massage far too much. You also give the impression that BDSM doesn't hold much importance to you. You say your dominance came about from imagining what you could do for a woman if she couldn't escape which would frighten the hell out of many women. You like computer games and Harry Potter which implies you live in a fantasy world. Also you have no picture and that probably eliminates about 70% of women on here even looking at you. The good points are that your nearly nilla which could well suit others on here. I think its right that your honest about that. You are also clear that you want a genuine and loving relationship which I am sure will appeal to some and your spelling is good and that's always a positive attribute on here.

AquaticSub -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 3:46:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz You like computer games and Harry Potter which implies you live in a fantasy world. How the hell do those things imply that he lives in a fantasy word? I love computer games and Lord of the Rings, comic books and cosplay. I feel I'm pretty well grounded in reality. [8\|]

Thortok2000 -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 4:35:13 PM)
Lots to think about. I'm gonna think and revise. But I definitely appreciate all the comments! In response to an earlier comment; I'm fine with poly, I'm just not bi. =P Regarding a picture, I want to get one, I know it'll help, but I don't take pictures very well. Or often. So I still haven't really settled on one that I want to use that I don't feel will cause more harm than good by having it posted. =P

AquaticSub -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 5:26:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Thortok2000 In response to an earlier comment; I'm fine with poly, I'm just not bi. =P Well that works cause you don't need to make out with my owner, just play video games with him while I'm tied up! [:D] (Actually that is a serious poly requirement for anyone who is a partner to only me. I insist that they be able to play video games with Valyraen. [:)]) quote: Regarding a picture, I want to get one, I know it'll help, but I don't take pictures very well. Or often. So I still haven't really settled on one that I want to use that I don't feel will cause more harm than good by having it posted. =P Anything will be better than nothing honestly. If nothing else, get a friend to come over and take some pics. If you don't want to tell them why, you can always say you are sending one to a friend to have it photoshopped. Then say they bailed on you for the photoshopping. [:)] Edited to add: Just say your sig! OMG LOTR quote = LOVE! Working my way through the books for the first time and I'm positively in love with them!

Thortok2000 -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 5:32:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HisSweetElysium Pretty much every example you give, I would suggest taking out. I don't think you need to include though where all your dominant feelings came from Agreed, I've made changes to that end. quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Remove the line about the doormat. One person's doormat is another's perfect sub. About school/work Think less about your rights and more about your responsibilities. And despite everything she isn't always going to be aroused and enthusiastic, how do you propose to deal with that? Or are you going to punish her for not being in the mood? Someone brought up the subject that 'not every question should be answered in the profile'...that last question goes in that category. (Answer being that I'm open minded and will not demand things that she's not physically or emotionally capable of.) I changed doormat to 'thoughtless obedience' and 'a lazy thinker' being turnoffs. But one person's perfect sub is my ticket to look elsewhere. I shouldn't hesitate to describe what I don't want just because someone else might...the doormat's welcome to go find another profile to read, she's not in the right place if she's reading mine. =P And about school/work, I took the section out because it was example giving, but you really read way too much into it. How does a parent help a child do better in school? Make them do their homework instead of slack off, most common example. A submissive who doesn't need this help, probably won't have doing better in school as one of her goals. When I think of helping a slave with her goals, I think of it as some sort of mix between parent and best friend...just general, good, advice giving. The Dominant aspect of it throws the power to enforce, as well. A best friend typically doesn't have the power to take away dessert until your homework's done, or to reward you with jewelry if you get high customer service ratings at work, etc. etc. You seriously, seriously read too much into that. I'm into obedience training, but why does obedience training have to be all about what the Dom wants? I'm more than happy to include what the sub wants and what's good for her, too. All consensual of course, if not even chosen and suggested by her in the first place. Everyone tends to have bad habits they may or may not be willing to try to break, I like to help break them. Should I put that in my profile? Be more descriptive of that aspect? That was another thing that was something that would come out during conversation. I know there's the category of what to put in profile and what to leave for later, but my difficulty is knowing what goes in which category, to achieve better results. One of the main things I came to this forum for advice on was that very aspect. quote: ORIGINAL: Owlet The Japanese smilies and the word "huggle" personally make me cringe a little... Of course these may be the signs the little otaku of your dreams will use to identify her compatibility with you, and you guys can glomp and huggle forever and ever, the end! I started to take out the smilies....but really, they're me. Either the girl likes them or doesn't. Removing them is something I'm not very submissive on. =P quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick do you have any experience at all? This part is definitely creepy... This part just isn't realistic: you cannot realistically expect enthusiasm ALL of the time. Cali I wasn't sure if including my experience should be in my actual profile or not. I've had several online roleplay relationships, the most recent of which, we did visit in real life and experiment, barely anything though, we were both very cautious and we didn't get to spend a lot of time together. My 'real' experience has been by being active in the local community practically since I found out it existed, since like December of 2008. I've gone to several parties but have only played a couple times, flogging (or 'florentining', which I took to quite naturally). I expect I'll be alright when it comes to scening, but I need the practice required to get better, and I haven't really had a chance to have that yet. It's something I'm working on over time. If not with a partner, then at the parties I go to. (I went ahead and tossed in most of that paragraph into the profile.) I took out the creepy part once I saw how creepy it was. o.o I mean, it's how I feel about how I got into it, but fantasy's fantasy and reality's reality, and it was fantasy that got me into the reality, if that makes sense. I figure that applies to most people in the lifestyle in the first place. =P And I tossed in a couple more words about the enthusiasm. I'm not gonna take out that I want it, but I can add being realistic. =P Thanks for all the comments! My next revision is now online. I really appreciate all the comments I've received, if there was a way to give thanks than beyond simply saying so, I'd do it. =P

Thortok2000 -> RE: Female subs: How's my profile? (12/21/2009 5:42:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Well that works cause you don't need to make out with my owner, just play video games with him while I'm tied up! [:D] (Actually that is a serious poly requirement for anyone who is a partner to only me. I insist that they be able to play video games with Valyraen. [:)]) Anything will be better than nothing honestly. If nothing else, get a friend to come over and take some pics. If you don't want to tell them why, you can always say you are sending one to a friend to have it photoshopped. Then say they bailed on you for the photoshopping. [:)] Edited to add: Just say your sig! OMG LOTR quote = LOVE! Working my way through the books for the first time and I'm positively in love with them! I've had fantasies like that, although in my fantasies it's "my" girl that's tied up while the friend's over for a gaming session. I would be more than happy to show off my girl to other guys in a 'look but don't touch' kind of way (or even in a 'touch but can't keep' kind of way). Practice makes perfect for being comfortable with being the non-owner in that situation, though. =P (I've had a little practice at some of the parties I've been to...but for now, it does kinda creep me out a bit.) I'm working on a picture. I plan on getting lasik start of next year so I'll feel more honest about having a picture without my glasses in it.

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