Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group.

Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (Full Version)

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FelinePersuasion -> Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/17/2006 10:54:37 PM)
help:( The play party this sunday is preceeded by a 2 hour discussion group and I know myself 2 hours is simply to long for me to sit in those kind of envrioemtns and I am absolutely terrified that I'm gonna be bored out of my poor skull and be misreable. I know myself. I know my limitations, 2 hours is simply to long. And I started to spaz and I started to cry cause I was having an anxiety attack over the 2 hour discussion group and my friend felt bad I was spazzing. Hesugested we could go at 4 instead of three and I said ok I can try that And he wants to go and since he's driving I have to kinda go by his schedual And I emailed the host about my fears but I dunn wanna seem like a baby: and I know I do being unabl;e to handle a 2 hour group I am also afraid cat won't handle my concerns with finiess. I am worried she'll think less of me or like not help me work out my fears a little bit I have a very hard time being centered and still and quiet and I know that about myself and I told the hostess I'm just worried I'll be bored and won't enjoy myself and her reply was a little bit snarky, it felt like to me and I guess I'd just hoped to talk it out be reassured a little bit. She said there's more to life than enjoying something, and It's true it is. But I know that if I become bored I won't come away from the discussion with anything, but negative feelings. I just wanted a little bit of understanding and a chance maybe to be walked through some of my hang ups. I already have a bad start with this hostess due to making my ride wait 5 mins for me last time I was a play party, I just wanted a little understanding. I know myself I know I have a hard time being focused and still and I know I have a hard time paying attention. Sometimes I get impatient to say something because I fear I'll forget something if I can't say it right away. I know that's not mature please nobody lecture me on maturity. I'm proly making a giant concern out of something small but I've gone to discussion groups before, and yes I WAS bored. If I get bored and start tuning out which Ic an't help I do it when I am bored I don't take anything positive away with me from the groups. I KNOW I need to polish my skills it's why I want to go to groups and stuff but quite frankly I am a little socially immature about being able to fit in, I don't feel I fit in much of any place really, but the discussion groups and stuff just bring that anxiety and sense out 10 fold. I talk way to much Ic an't be still and silent and focused and i do make people uncomfy sometimes. I can't help it. It's a compulsion. It's like nervous energy or something sometimes. I need guidance in like controlling myself and reigning myself in And even a quit non mean hush works sometimes or like a hand sqeeze or something. I just want a safe talk about my anxiety and stuff and I don't want to be judged and I feel I will be.

onceburned -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/17/2006 11:46:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion I know myself I know I have a hard time being focused and still and I know I have a hard time paying attention. Sometimes I get impatient to say something because I fear I'll forget something if I can't say it right away. I know that's not mature please nobody lecture me on maturity. I don't think it has anything to do with maturity - absent-mindedness, perhaps, but aren't you kind of young to be having a senior moment? [;)] Feline, I used to worry about this same thing. But you know what? If I forgot what I was going to say, chances are it wasn't important. And if it was important, either someone else would say it or something they said would make me remember. quote: I'm proly making a giant concern out of something small but I've gone to discussion groups before, and yes I WAS bored. If I get bored and start tuning out which Ic an't help I do it when I am bored I don't take anything positive away with me from the groups. Sometimes just being there is making a positive contribution to the group. Your presence is supportive - you add to the community. Is there a reason why you can't come at 4 pm and skip the discussion altogether?

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/17/2006 11:52:44 PM)
Well The hostess might not like us coming in , in the middle. But if I can go in at 4 and not 3 That'd be great. I can't skip the whole thing because my escort wants to go and he's driving. It wouldn't be fair to make him miss the entire thing just cause I'd get bored.

IronBear -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/18/2006 4:23:06 AM)
Two things come to mind. First ~ Discuss with the Hostess about having a 10 to 15 minute break after the first hour. It allows people to attend the dunny, have a smoke (outside), have a drink and stretch their legs. I was informed by my father "The miond can absorb what the bottom can endure..." (In regards to running meetings..) Second ~ Explain to the Hostess that you need a break at the end of the firat hour because you suffer from panic attacks. If she gets annoyed just inform her that you wont attend and will let all members know why.....

swtnsparkling -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/18/2006 6:13:02 AM)
Not sure how these discussion groups work where you go but... at the club or private party I have gone to that have discussions/ demos and play time after ward there are always snacks and beverages placed out. If they do this where your going- see if you can do that while the discussion is going on. Go set up the table - make coffee- get things ready for when its over then you are not sitting there for the entire 2 hours

Evanesce -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/18/2006 7:27:20 AM)
quote: I'm proly making a giant concern out of something small but I've gone to discussion groups before, and yes I WAS bored. If I get bored and start tuning out which Ic an't help I do it when I am bored I don't take anything positive away with me from the groups. I'm wondering why you've already decided you'll be bored when you've not even gone yet. If you think about it, you're setting yourself up before you even get there. If the subject is one you're not interested in, then yes, you'll get bored. The polite thing to do is to sit there and listen to everyone else, and not complain later about how bored you were. Even if you've tuned it all out and take nothing away from the discussion, the fact that you attended shows support for your group. You've gotten some helpful suggestions, and I would add to them that you take a look inside yourself and ask yourself why you feel the need to try to make others conform to your wishes. If I were the hostess and someone came to me and said they thought they'd be bored, my response would have been, "Then don't come." Sounds to me, also, like you need a lesson in self control. Discussion groups are a fine place to practice that art, because if you're rude and interrupting all the time, you won't be invited back. Think about that when you feel the urge to behave badly.

windy135 -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/18/2006 8:55:49 AM)
I'm kind of confused. Why are you worried and having panic attacks? Because you are affraid you will be bored? or Because you are affraid of having a panic attack or making a scene there?

krikket -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/18/2006 9:49:44 AM)
Because of physical limitations sitting an hour (or longer) is literally quite painful for me, and i've been known to hardly be able stand or to move once the even is over. While i don't like making a scene, if it's necessary for me to sit for long periods of time, i'll adjust my chair some, or i sit near the back where i can move around more, stand up, even slip out a back door. If it's a small group and i know my movements will be noticed and/or a distraction, i quietly explain to those around me. i know it can be distracting and annoying, so i try to minimize the impact it has on others. If the topic is boring, it's even worse..lol.. although i tend to let my mind wander off into my own little fantasies. <g> There's only been one time when my host was "snarky" and to be honest, i never went back when they were hosting the event. i just don't need the stress. As for not feeling socially mature, i can promise you that others there will feel the same way. They're better at hiding it maybe. There have been times, when i was feeling very insecure, that i "pretended" i didn't feel that way. i try to find someone at an event that i admire, watch how they're doing things, and to respond in kind. The only way to become more comfortable in social settings is to get out there and practice it. i wish you luck, send you hugs and please let us know how it goes.... cheers jimini

Sensualips -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/18/2006 9:51:15 AM)
If I am a hostess that has spent time and effort planning a discussion group someone calls me with a concern, then I am very open to that and want to hear the issue. But if someone who has never attended contacts me and says wow, two hours is so long I am afraid I will be bored and just not have fun -- well, my reply would be a little snarky as well. This is the event -- choose to come and experience it with an open mind, or choose not to attend. Were you expecting her to change the event to accomodate you? It is good that you recognize this is an issue for you and are looking for strategies to work with it. Perhaps you could ask if there will be breaks, is it an issue if you step out if you feel you need to, etc. Arrive in enough time to get a seat near an exit. That might be more helpful than saying "I might be bored." Talk with your escort about how he might help you focus through a touch, etc. IMO coming in the middle semi disruptive and probably not helpful for YOU. You interrupt the flow of the event AND you are not in the same place as everyone else so it makes it even harder to connect to the conversations. If you escort wants to go, you are doing him a disservice by creating a barrier that hampers his enjoyment. If you must, I would definitely make sure it is okay to come in late and then do it as unobtrusively as possible. Undoubtedly there will be breaks but they may not be exactly times to when you want to make an entrance. If you just want to go to the play party and skip discussion, find out if that is an option. Tell your escort you will meet him there, so that he can enjoy the event and not be distracted by worrying about you. You don't have to endure the imposition on your time, and he can discuss undistracted and still meet you later. Win win.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/18/2006 10:00:44 AM)
Sensual I've been to her events before 1 party and two munches, so I'm not like a stranger calling up lol. We do have history Cause my big fear is wanting to fit in and "behave right" and then doing something in advertantly to make myself look bad like being antsy or tuneing out. or maybe like making a sugesstion others thought was a crock of shit. I'm sensitive and I worry lol. It's like the puppy who's so happy lucky free going and then like someone doesn't like how energetic the puppy is, well the puppy can't help it. The poor dog doesn't know he's making a bad impression. I went to a tea group disucssion had tea ate talked it was fun I thought I behaved extrodinarly well didn't prattle on or smack or chew food with out open, or nothing, and later one of the hostess's told me her sister said I was so horrible I was pycho I needed mental help, I couldn't behave properly if my life depended on it. She says Her sister who said all this is a pychologist so she knows what she's talking about. I suspect she might of said that to be rude and bitchy cause we did have a disagreement on another group's issue. However that does play on the big fear that YOU think you're being polite and well behaved, however others don't. However quote: bored and just not have fun -- well, my reply would be a little snarky as well. This is

Sensualips -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/18/2006 8:05:44 PM)
quote: I've been to her events before 1 party and two munches, so I'm not like a stranger calling up This doesn't make the way it was handled any more or less inappropriate on your end. I am not questioning your intent. Just suggesting her snarkiness may have been prompted by the way you presented your concerns. Again, I do think it is great you recognize this is an issue for you and are working to deal with it in advance. quote: Cause my big fear is wanting to fit in and "behave right" and then doing something in advertantly to make myself look bad like being antsy or tuneing out. I understand. My suggestion would be to let the hostess know in advance you may need to excuse yourself. Sit somewhere unobtrusive. Frankly, tuning out is not the worse thing in the world. People tune out all the time and rarely does it leave a catastrophic impression. Calling a lot of attention to being bored would be worse. If you just aren't able to focus and connect and get something positive, just make efforts to get through it with grace. I still like the idea of working with your escort, asking him to periodically and silently check in with you in terms a touch on your leg, eye contact, squeezing your hand, etc. The other option is to go with the I-am-who-I-am attitude and let it all play out. quote: It's like the puppy who's so happy lucky free going and then like someone doesn't like how energetic the puppy is, well the puppy can't help it. The poor dog doesn't know he's making a bad impression. I get it. But how will the puppy learn if it is left unchecked? If people just watch while it jumps and chews and piddles on the floor and sniffs crotches? (Wait, that sounds a little like a scene I saw last week. Mmm.) quote: one of the hostess's told me her sister said I was so horrible I was pycho I needed mental help, I couldn't behave properly if my life depended on it. She says Her sister who said all this is a pychologist so she knows what she's talking about. If this was said it was clearly not neccessary to pass on and I can't think of any motivation beyond being hurtful. Unless, of course, it was her inept way of encouraging you to seek some counseling. And if acquaintances are kindly and sincerely suggesting you to work with a mental health professional, perhaps you should consider it. If they are just being bitchy, then I would choose some new acquaintances. Relax! And good luck.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/18/2006 9:56:05 PM)
Sensual I presented my concerns much betther than I will be bored and the hostess and I have worked something out.She's fine with me needing to get up once in a while and said I could offer to get someone something while I am up at a quiet moment. We've got a game plan in position:d

Saratov -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/19/2006 6:48:17 AM)
Great and if you're concerned about having a comment or question then forgetting it, take a pen/pencil and a small pad of paper. Write them down for the appropriate time. (might make the presenter pay more attention too[;)] ) If you do get bored, you can doodle on the paper too. [:)]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/19/2006 9:44:55 AM)
Every meeting or group event I've gone to that lasts more than an hour has at least one break time. Ask the moderator or other people who go to these events and ask them first. Secondly, no one will stop you from getting up and going to pee. Use that as your break out point. Finally, you could just skip the whole thing and show up as the meeting ends. I know as a kid I swore I'd never sit through long boring social events and never stay at someones house longer than I wanted- and while I learned I can't really follow through on that, I certainly try my hardest to avoid getting stuck in social situations that don't do me any good.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/19/2006 10:04:21 AM)
I'm looking forward to it a little more now I know I'll have someone in my corner who knows I have a hard time being still:)

candystripper -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/20/2006 8:06:38 AM)
feline, you get HUGE points for trying, for adapting, for still going. Sorry to play shrink, but sounds like a case of social anxiety disorder, which is a real illness and needs real medical attention. i urge you to give that some thought (and research) and i wish you every happiness. candystripper

IronBear -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/20/2006 8:22:10 AM)
Good work candy lovely lady, If Feline was one of my counselling clients, this is one approach we be investigatig together to see if that would help.... Feline, I'm happy you have made some progress it's good to see you trying to sort things out..

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/20/2006 1:11:42 PM)
The silly thing didn't even go 2 hours only like 10 people came so it was like 20 mins of discussion and early play time. LOL but it was a fun 20 mins of discussion.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/20/2006 1:14:21 PM)
I do definatly get anxious about social things, not so much every thing social but certain types where the groups much more judgier about you and if you'll be welcome again next time. Because like if you sent the wrong impression at a bdsm event the host has every right not to ask you back and to reject any rsvp's you may try to make.

JohnWarren -> RE: Anxiety over attending a 2 hour discussion group. (3/20/2006 2:17:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FelinePersuasion Because like if you sent the wrong impression at a bdsm event the host has every right not to ask you back and to reject any rsvp's you may try to make. You can't make an RSVP unless you are invited.

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