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split personalities - 12/21/2009 7:50:34 AM

bipet123

Posts: 9
Joined: 11/12/2009
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I am just wondering if anyone else has this experience.

I have always known that I should have been born the opposite sex but I have always been too much of a coward to do anything about it.

I tend to live my life as a typical male but every so often the pressure builds up or if I am tired or unwell then my guard drops and I find myself crossdressing. Normally, I am quite a dominant person but during these times I become very submissive. But if I cum then I revert immediately back to my dominant persona, if I am denied release I become more submissive.

I always feel more relaxed though in my female persona but it annoys me that this should also be a submissive position. I thought that I would feel more empowered in a female role because it is my natural role. The only thing I can think of, is that I am not really that submissive but just normal in this role and that when I put on my male mask I am over-compensating the chauvenistic masculinity in order to hide my true self in an unaccepting society. Although another possibility when thinking about it more, could be that being submissive is also quite relaxing - being in a position of making no decisions is pretty stress free. If I am more relaxed in my female persona then maybe being submissive is merely adding to this relaxed state?

Certainly, my bdsm fantasies tend to be around being unmasculated - the tieing-up, humiliation, beatings and gradual feminisation finishing with a full sex change - the submissiveness is in the transfer state - almost like removing the male from me. If I were to act on my fantasies and reach the female climax would that then release the submissiveness too? BUT why is it that when I cum this all reverts back to the male mask? It is very annoying.

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RE: split personalities - 12/21/2009 8:02:12 AM

mnottertail

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Joined: 11/3/2004
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many people have your experience, I doubt the fantasy meets reality in the end of the full all out transformation, but many here are at that end of the road, and I still think most wouldnt trade it for anything, those having done it, but as always there are both rapturous and dismal stories out there, it is a personal journey, and not every one is alike.

Ron

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RE: split personalities - 12/21/2009 8:05:09 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Many male subs find their submissiveness disappears with orgasm. This is what is behind chastity.
You might find more responses on the Ask a Mistress board, simply because a lot of the male subs hang out there and not here.

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RE: split personalities - 12/21/2009 8:25:57 AM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
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Be under no illusion Bipet - changing gender is not a game but a serious and life threatening undertaking for which you need to be strong and assertive if you wish to progress and survive. Stronger and more assertive still if you wish to prosper.

Also be under no illusion that life as a woman is easier than life as a man. Actually its much more difficult as a woman in very many ways since despite the progress of the last century this is still a man's world in which women are looked at as lesser beings in general with any that aspire to anything more not often being viewed positively. Make no mistake - changing sex will not change the rest of your life - except to make it more difficult than it might be already despite that one thing being resolved.

I am one of the lucky ones Bipet, I'm still here and doing pretty well too thanks. The painful truth is that it is only because I pass pretty well. Even so I have to accept that I am and shall forever be alone. Imagine not passing well and the enormous problems that brings with it, alongside the sort of problems I have as one of the lucky few.

E

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RE: split personalities - 12/21/2009 8:42:45 AM

OttersSwim

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Joined: 9/1/2008
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So there is a joke that runs in our circles:

What is the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?

About three years...

It is a joke, but like many jokes, it contains a thread of truth in it - the truth of evolution.

This is a path to enlightenment just as sure as any other. It is the realization of self.

We are all on a journey. In experiencing any sort of gender conflict, society makes a valiant attempt to change our course by making it awkward, hard, and at times even dangerous for us to express our authentic selves.

But that is really where most end up anyway - at whatever your authentic self is - and how you express that self will vary individual to individual.

You can continue to repress that authenticity and deny it and you will continue to get the same results as you have thus far - maybe that is okay with you, maybe it is not.

The rush of denial, and "ick" you get after climax is common. People tend to associate it with the release of testosterone in the body.

I believe it is more your socialized programming reasserting itself and saying "No, this is not for you."

If you were able to embrace your authentic self, give it space and honor in your life and your person, then I have found (at least for me) that I no longer get that conflict upon climax. I simply am me, and that me is both male and female and that is just great. I have confirmed the removal of this sensation with several others who have done a lot of work to integrate their gender identity into themselves.

As to whether you ultimately remain more dominant or become more submissive, I cannot say. Being female does not mean being submissive.

Hope that helps.

< Message edited by OttersSwim -- 12/21/2009 8:44:01 AM >

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RE: split personalities - 12/21/2009 2:38:16 PM

LadyAngelika

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Joined: 7/4/2004
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quote:

Many male subs find their submissiveness disappears with orgasm. This is what is behind chastity.

From my perspective, this statement is completely innacurate.

- LA

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RE: split personalities - 12/21/2009 2:43:18 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

Certainly, my bdsm fantasies tend to be around being unmasculated - the tieing-up, humiliation, beatings and gradual feminisation finishing with a full sex change - the submissiveness is in the transfer state - almost like removing the male from me. If I were to act on my fantasies and reach the female climax would that then release the submissiveness too? BUT why is it that when I cum this all reverts back to the male mask? It is very annoying.

You've gotten some good advice here. One of the possibilities is that you might fetishize certain submissive roles rather than want to be them. But I don't know you nearly well enough to make such an ssumption. I'm just suggesting it might be one of many possibilities.

A friend of mine went through a gender identity crisis for a while, and as long as it was fun for her, she was ok with it. When it started eating away at her, that is when she went to get some professional help. You are lucky as today there are many resources to help you figure this out and give you options.

The most important thing you should know is that it doesn't have to be one or the other. You can chose your own identity. And you can also find a partner for whom your identity will be ideal.

- LA

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