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LafayetteLady -> RE: Sex work, dating and jealously. I'm confused, (for once) (12/21/2009 1:16:21 PM)
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First of all, let me say this, she was not giving men any "real" sexual healing. She gave them an orgasm. She didn't resolve any sexual dysfunction. She is paid to get them off. I'm not saying this is right or wrong, I'm simply saying you shouldn't try to turn it into something that it isn't. She isn't a therapist who talks about their issues and ways to over come them. She relaxes them with a massage and then jerks them off. She is a prostitute, plain and simple. Before you say anything, I do believe that prostitution should be legal, so I'm not faulting her for her career choice. I'm simply saying you (and perhaps she) have attempted to glorify what she does to something it is not.
As to your question though....you are both right. I can see where she is saying that what she is doing is all business, and you say she is "playing." Did you really look at it from her point of view? She doesn't go and choose who she is or is not going to "play" with. They are paying customers. There is no chase, no dating. It isn't even a booty call. These men do not get her off, it is completely one sided. She saved that part of herself (presumably) for you. What you wanted to do did involve choice. It is like saying that she isn't enough for you, that you can't control yourself or restrain yourself during the week waiting for the weekend when the two of you were going to be together. To do what you wanted to do, you would have to actively seek out someone that appealed to you, there would be some "chase" involved (unless you intended to use prostitutes yourself) and some investment of your time and energy to get someone to "play" with.
How long before that person you were "playing" with wanted to be more than just a "fuck" for you? Were you going to only play with each woman once, and then toss her aside for the next? Doubtful. You would find one (or more) girls that you would get together with and meet during the week. Unlikely that you would call them, they would come to your door naked, do the deed and leave. There would be intimate conversations, friendships developed. All those things would chip away at the relationship you had with her. Why is it different? Because the men you think she is "playing" with are clients. They pay for her time. Sure they may tell her intimate things about their lives, but she probably didn't reciprocate. Even when she was giving them the "girlfriend experience," she was playing a game. She was paid to play a role that appealled to them. In her mind it IS just business. Sure if one of her regular clients were to drop dead, she would feel sadness, but it is the kind of sadness that comes from hearing an aquaintence or business colleague died. You don't grieve as you do for people you love.
For as much as you thought you were open and understanding of her career choice, you really aren't. I'm not saying for one minute that you didn't truly love this woman, I'm sure you did. But somewhere in your head was the idea that because of what she did for a job, it would make you having casual sex excusable and acceptable. It didn't, what a shocker. From your point of view, she was "playing" all week. She saw multiple men and sexual gratification was the result of those meetings. This was going on all week, while you, being the dutiful boyfriend took matters into your own hands when necessary. In your mind, this was a bit unbalanced. After a year of "saving" yourself all week to be with her on the weekends, you wanted to be able to "do your thing" with others during the week and couldn't for the life of you understand why she was not agreeable. As you can see from what I wrote above, there are some pretty good reasons why she wouldn't like it.
I haven't read your post on monogamy. I may read it, I may not. The point here though is that just because you date and fall in love with a prostitute, the idea that she would be ok with you having sexual intimacy with others is not a given. For her, what she did is her job. For what you wanted, you would be giving a part of yourself to these "playmates" that you had and even if she had agreed, the chances are your relationship would have suffered for it.
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