Leonidas
Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
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Online BDSM communities always wrestle with this question. On the one hand, "outing" those who prey on the unsuspecting ought to make for a safer and less dramatic environment. On the other hand, it has proven very difficult to provide a mechanism for doing so online. The problem is that wherever you have a warning mechanism to alert the community about the bad actors, there is the potential for that mechanism to be abused by those who, for whatever reason, want to "get even" with someone. I have seen the scenario repeat itself many times. After a while, nobody knows what to believe anymore, and so legitimate warnings get dismissed along with all the airing of dirty lauindry in public and accusations that are either exaggerated, or just plain false.
Even if the online community is highly structured, and actively tosses out those who won't play by community standards, it's very hard to exclude someone. Screen names, e-mail addresses, and ISPs are easily changed by someone who wants to get back in. The community would have to publish the personal information of the excluded somewhere, which opens up all kinds of legal liability questions.
The best solution at hand is the one that has worked both online and off for a long time; common sense and safety education. The safest course of action is only to play with folks who are well known and estabilshed in a community where people know their real names, where they live, and something of their history and reputation in the scene. The safest course of action is to meet potential partners at a public event of some kind before meeting them one-on-one. The safest course of action is to get references, and check them.
Will you always follow the safest course of action? Probably not. You might meet someone online, develop a rapport, and decide that you want to take it further. He or she may not have any references to offer you. They might not be part of an established scene. You're taking a risk. It's part of being an adult. You should certainly mitigate the risk as much as you can (insisting on a public meeting first, getting personal identification and information, safe calls, etc), but its still a risk. The less you know about the person that you are meeting, the more risk you are taking. Not necessarily risk that he or she are going to hurt you, but certainly risk that they aren't exactly who or what they claim to be, may be attached and not telling you, etc. If you choose for your own reasons to take these kinds of risks, you have to be ready to accept the consequences.
If you have the feeling that the choice you're about to make is a poor one, it probably is. Take a step back. Sort out what's troubling you. Seek some mentoring if you need to. The bottom line answer to the question that you posed is that it's probably better to help newcommers to the scene make better decisions for themselves, rather than trying to post the lowdown and dirty about something that someone might or might not have done for public consumption. For yourself. Think about some of what I've said here, and how you'll do it better next time. Then get on with enjoying life. It's short enough.
Take care of yourself,
Leonidas
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