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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 4:15:25 PM

mstrslve4fun

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i don't know about other households, but i know in mine i have to make some decisions. We have children that need to be raised, and i know that my Master doesn't know squat about cooking, and doesn't want to know anything about it.

i let Him make the decisions about what he feels are important, money, time, etc. As far as household and the children, it's pretty much left up to me to do what i think is best. If there is something big, i'll wait on the decision until He comes home.

We have the help of having a vanilla marriage of almost 10 years behind us, however, so it is easy for me to know what decisions should be taken care of and what He doesn't need to be bothered with.

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 4:21:53 PM

mstrslve4fun

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

"being submissive is also quite relaxing - being in a position of making no decisions is pretty stress free".

I don't know if *I* said that, but I sure could have.

I get overwhelmed at the grocery store. Have you seen how many kinds of toothpaste there are? Pump, squeeze tubes, peppermint, cinnamon, strawberry, orange flavored. Big and little tubes medium tubes. Natural... whatever the non-natural ones are. Colgate, Crest, Arm and Hammer, Aqua Fresh, Rembrandt. Some on sale, some are not. I take in all this information and it overwhelms me. Because I don't really care (although I *don't* like Crest - the flavo... blech), I find myself doing a gazillion calculations in my head. How long will this last, can I travel with it? Will it open and squirt all over the place, how much does it cost per ounce. Is it in a flavor I can tolerate?

When I was told... "get me some Colgate" I knew it meant the squeezy tube. I knew it meant the big size. I knew price didn't matter.

Now I don't have this issue anymore (or at least I do only rarely)... but my whole life used to be like that. Making decisions had so many variables, and I didn't know how to weigh the different variables. It was stressful.

It's nice not to have to make the decision. It means I don't get the kudos for a good decision, but it also means I don't have to take responsibilty for the bad ones. I've mellowed a lot. I can choose toothpaste now with the best of 'em!

No offense, but you sound llike you have some serious OCD problems.

And to tell you the truth, i can't imagine my Master wanting to micromanage our household like that.

< Message edited by mstrslve4fun -- 12/22/2009 4:23:06 PM >

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 5:36:43 PM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrslve4fun

i don't know about other households, but i know in mine i have to make some decisions. We have children that need to be raised, and i know that my Master doesn't know squat about cooking, and doesn't want to know anything about it.

i let Him make the decisions about what he feels are important, money, time, etc. As far as household and the children, it's pretty much left up to me to do what i think is best. If there is something big, i'll wait on the decision until He comes home.

We have the help of having a vanilla marriage of almost 10 years behind us, however, so it is easy for me to know what decisions should be taken care of and what He doesn't need to be bothered with.

i understand this kind of arrangement, a lot of couples have it. my marriage of 26 years has always been what you describe, and hubby is as vanilla as the bean. i personally however, wouldn't fathom telling my Master what decisions He could and could not make. ymmv

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 5:57:51 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Stress free and relaxing? I somehow can not resolve this idea with my need to ...

...get up at 4 am and paint my house because people might be coming over.
...cook 3 pies so that I can choose the most perfect one to serve.
...try on outfit after outfit, while trying to anticipate which I think someone might like better.

I've seen a poster somewhere which states that if you are coming over to see the house, you need to give a lot of warning but if you're coming to see the people then you're always welcome.

The same for the rest of it. Your perfectionism is a problem. Because your guests won't care if the crust is crumbled slightly on an edge of the pie. And if they are the type who do care, then you need a better class of friends.

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 8:07:26 PM

Missokyst

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I am far from a perfectionist. lol if I were there would be fewer issues to handle when the unexpected occurs. But I am prone to worrying about presentation and whether or not my guests are comfortable in my home.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Stress free and relaxing? I somehow can not resolve this idea with my need to ...

...get up at 4 am and paint my house because people might be coming over.
...cook 3 pies so that I can choose the most perfect one to serve.
...try on outfit after outfit, while trying to anticipate which I think someone might like better.

I've seen a poster somewhere which states that if you are coming over to see the house, you need to give a lot of warning but if you're coming to see the people then you're always welcome.

The same for the rest of it. Your perfectionism is a problem. Because your guests won't care if the crust is crumbled slightly on an edge of the pie. And if they are the type who do care, then you need a better class of friends.

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/22/2009 9:44:01 PM

bondmaid123

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There's something inherently annoying about this concept to me. I guess I personally (and I should point out I'm not bagging on people who *do* engage in this sort of dynamic) am irritated beyond belief when it's assumed that submission/surrender of power is the same as shutting the brain down. I am ~quite~ capable of running a household. Do I like having the basic framework of a Master's preferences to work within? ABSOLUTELY. Do I need the level of micromanagement which would absolve me of all decisions? Uhm, no. In fact, for me, it's making those decisions based on that framework and doing a good job of creating contentment for my Master which makes me happy. Otherwise, I'm just a robot performing a list of preprogrammed tasks. Where's the joy in that?

Life isn't stress free. The decrease in stress, though, for me, comes in not having to fight the social constructs which declare me "defective" for embracing my personal perspective that a Male Dom/female sub dynamic is a natural and "right" one, and for being able to serve, vibrantly ~and~ intelligently, within that dynamic. To each their own, of course! :)

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/23/2009 5:23:06 AM

eyesopened

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t

This is part of a quote from another forum, "being submissive is also quite relaxing - being in a position of making no decisions is pretty stress free". Now, I'm not sure how much real-time experience this poster has, but I wanted to pose the question to this group.

As a submissive, do you make decisions? What about the submissive position is relaxing?

My role is to see to it that when my Master walks through the door...HIS life is stress free and relaxing. HIS confort, ease, pleasure and joy is paramount. My day is not relaxing, it is busy. But it is busy in a way that's joyful to me because I can present Him with the oasis from the world that He needs.

In order to provide this, I must make decisions. I make decisions based on our Relationship and His needs. I can say that I am stress-free because my role is defined, I do not need to guess, I do not have to worry, and nothing I do conflicts with my core nature. Relaxing, no. Stree-free, yes.

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/23/2009 6:50:00 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrslve4fun

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

"being submissive is also quite relaxing - being in a position of making no decisions is pretty stress free".

I don't know if *I* said that, but I sure could have.

I get overwhelmed at the grocery store. Have you seen how many kinds of toothpaste there are? Pump, squeeze tubes, peppermint, cinnamon, strawberry, orange flavored. Big and little tubes medium tubes. Natural... whatever the non-natural ones are. Colgate, Crest, Arm and Hammer, Aqua Fresh, Rembrandt. Some on sale, some are not. I take in all this information and it overwhelms me. Because I don't really care (although I *don't* like Crest - the flavo... blech), I find myself doing a gazillion calculations in my head. How long will this last, can I travel with it? Will it open and squirt all over the place, how much does it cost per ounce. Is it in a flavor I can tolerate?

When I was told... "get me some Colgate" I knew it meant the squeezy tube. I knew it meant the big size. I knew price didn't matter.

Now I don't have this issue anymore (or at least I do only rarely)... but my whole life used to be like that. Making decisions had so many variables, and I didn't know how to weigh the different variables. It was stressful.

It's nice not to have to make the decision. It means I don't get the kudos for a good decision, but it also means I don't have to take responsibilty for the bad ones. I've mellowed a lot. I can choose toothpaste now with the best of 'em!

No offense, but you sound llike you have some serious OCD problems.

And to tell you the truth, i can't imagine my Master wanting to micromanage our household like that.

Nope, not really... No OCD here. Sorry. You are new and therefore don't know me, so I'll be gentle.

It's more like... I was never taught how to do the simplest tasks. I also would go to the store, get the toothpaste and get the crap beaten out of me for bringing the "wrong" kind. What you see above was my attempt at salvation, saving myself from horrors. Trying to figure out how to keep from ending up in a really bad way. Years of that at a very impressionable age left me unable to think for myself, make decisions for myself.

Now I'm a pretty self sufficient gal, I'm not just a survivor, but I am a transcender. I have gone beyond the craziness I was brought up with to become an amazingly healthy and strong person, able to make decisions that would make other people cringe.I used that example (from about 20 years ago ... it really did happen... lol) because it was an extreme example.

Now, nah, no real problems with that. I do still feel a little bit bad when I get the wrong thing or disappoint, but I've come to realize that I am incredibly detail oriented. Anyone who is with me will know that. If he wants me to fold his socks, I will look in his drawers and see how he folds them (which is different from what *I* do for me) If he tells me to do it a different way, I'll shrug and do it a different way. And HE takes responsibility for not giving me enough direction, and *I* take responsibility if I don't ask the question.

And to me that is what this is about FOR ME. It gives me a structure in which I can relax. If I am feeling overwhelmed with details - and let's face it EVERYONE gets overwhelmed at some point! - I can bring my thinking to him, and he slows me down. I like that. It takes the stress away from me. I like not being the one to make all the decisions. I do tend to be overly detail oriented. Over time I've figured MOST stuff out... (Colgate, in case you were wondering *wink)

I am lucky. I have had both extremes - very dependent and very independent - in my adult relationships. I've found that generally speaking that micromanaging, while it seems relaxing to me, isn't.

In the end, though, it really is relaxing for me to let things go. I don't care if we go to a Chinese restaurant or Italian or Thai. I don't care which kind of music is played, as long as it's good music. It doesn't matter one iota to me, in regards to many things. In those things, I am not stressed at all. Where the stress comes in *for me* is when someone makes decisions for me if I know a lot more about the topic and am not permitted to speak. Then the decision is made without information. THAT I find stressful. Luckily, I've figured that out. That is what makes me a submissive to some degree. I can't let go of my own will in some things. And I don't want to ... it is something of a struggle in the beginnings of a relationship, finding that balance of what works and what doesn't. That struggle is a little stressful (exciting, thrilling, yes, but still stressful).

I just realized the question is about making *no* decisions. Beyond the innane unrealistic stuff (yes, I decide if I take a deep breath or a shallow one, generally speaking *eye roll), there is a place where I don't want to make decisions - it is too difficult, I don't have the information, or I don't care. There is a place where I absolutely want to make the decisions - I have the expereince, knowledge, skill; it's a no brainer; or it means a lot to me. It's the grey area in the middle where I find stress.

Best,
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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/23/2009 10:37:18 AM

MarcEsadrian

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t
This is part of a quote from another forum, "being submissive is also quite relaxing - being in a position of making no decisions is pretty stress free". Now, I'm not sure how much real-time experience this poster has, but I wanted to pose the question to this group.

From a theoretical view, this makes sense to say, and it's partially true, ideally. The inevitable caveat with this wisdom is not all Keepers are alike. Some have it together, and some do not. Some take responsibility in ownership, while others may use it as an excuse to be lazy and absent in their own personal responsibility to a number of things, which causes what I call the Runaround Disease in the servant: a needlessly inefficient and stressful environment in which the burn-out factor is high. With that in mind, the quality of "relaxing and stress free" submission is directly correlative to the methods and personality type of the Master / Mistress.

As an aside, I wouldn't so much describe submission as "stress free". I would perhaps say that ideally speaking, submission should be fulfilling and effective.

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/23/2009 4:51:05 PM

alittleevil

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t

This is part of a quote from another forum, "being submissive is also quite relaxing - being in a position of making no decisions is pretty stress free".
As a submissive, do you make decisions? What about the submissive position is relaxing?

Relaxing? No. I work very hard.

Stress-free? No. Pleasing Master is not a stress-free life.

I do find slavery less stressful than freedom. But that does not have anything to do with decision-making.

Peace,
aj

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/23/2009 7:07:22 PM

sweetsub1957

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MarcEsadrian

quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t
This is part of a quote from another forum, "being submissive is also quite relaxing - being in a position of making no decisions is pretty stress free". Now, I'm not sure how much real-time experience this poster has, but I wanted to pose the question to this group.

From a theoretical view, this makes sense to say, and it's partially true, ideally. The inevitable caveat with this wisdom is not all Keepers are alike. Some have it together, and some do not. Some take responsibility in ownership, while others may use it as an excuse to be lazy and absent in their own personal responsibility to a number of things, which causes what I call the Runaround Disease in the servant: a needlessly inefficient and stressful environment in which the burn-out factor is high. With that in mind, the quality of "relaxing and stress free" submission is directly correlative to the methods and personality type of the Master / Mistress.

As an aside, I wouldn't so much describe submission as "stress free". I would perhaps say that ideally speaking, submission should be fulfilling and effective.

Good post!

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/25/2009 2:31:25 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t
As a submissive, do you make decisions? What about the submissive position is relaxing?

For Carol, it is relaxing in some ways and very stressful in others. It is relaxing because she is not a dominant personality who submits solely within the context of our marriage. So for her, submitting is just letting her hair down and being herself. On the other hand, as her dominant, I push her in a great many uncomfortable ways (and I'm talking life things here, not sex things). Of course when I do so, she finds it uncomfortable, stressful, sometimes terrifying. But growth is like that, neh?

Carol makes TONS of decisions. For instance, she decided what to make for Christmas dinner with only minor input from me. She has no problem making decisions, she just doesn't want to pit her desires against mine (or anyone else's really). Therefor, so long as I don't really have an opinion, she's perfectly fine with marching along on her own.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 12/25/2009 2:32:55 PM >

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/25/2009 3:05:54 PM

agirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SthrnCom4t

As a submissive, do you make decisions? What about the submissive position is relaxing?

Yes, I make decisions all day, everyday, just as most people do. There are a number of things that I wouldn't just *up and do* without asking him whether it was alright or not, but they are rather common sense things.

I'm not submissive but when I *give-in* it's rather a nice place to be, yes. Being owned has always been quite a challenge for me but at the same time, echoing SweetElysium, there's a marvelous simplicity in the fact that I can rest in the knowledge that if M wants something he'll ask for it, if he wants me to stop doing something he'll tell me. No time-consuming and messy guessing games. No sulking or being *disappointed* in me.

I don't think it's necessarily anything to do with *submission* or even the fact that we have an M/s relationship....He's just a very straightforward, considerate and thoughtful person and even when we were just friends, years ago he was the same toward me. The only difference now is that he has the authority to insist that I do as he asks.

I suppose the most relaxing thing is being with someone that is really rather compatable.

agirl

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RE: Submission - Stress-free and relaxing? - 12/25/2009 6:40:27 PM

tiemeupSir02

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i put in my input and Sir makes the final decision, or sometimes He will ask me. W/we do not live together so i make decisions on my own but when i am having a rough day or can not seem to make a decison on my own i will ask Him what i should do.

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