Do dommes want subs to speak their mind?

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Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/22/2009 6:32:39 PM

subpaul22

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/9/2006
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Hello,

I just got out of a vanilla relationship and I have a question concerning it. The bdsm lifestyle has been a big part of my life it's always been in the back of my mind since I was a teenager when I first stumble upon it. My personality is very laid back quiet type of person that keeps a lot bottle up inside me and I considered myself a submissive. I have a bit of problem when it comes to speaking my mind especially when it's something that I don't like that happens whether it's what someone said or how they acted. The girl I was with was a young girl and I was trying to give her a lot control over things. One of the things she told me was I don't stand up myself I just let people say whatever most of the time. My question am I to weak for a girl when I hold things in even though I'm trying not make the girl mad by saying the wrong thing or acting in the wrong way?

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/22/2009 6:59:55 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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Dominas, all women really, all humans actually aren't mind readers. If you don't speak your mind, we'll never know what's on it. It is importan that you do. With a Domina, it might be more in the way that you do, that is, respectfully. Well actually, you should be respectful to everyone.

- LA

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/22/2009 7:06:11 PM

CarrieO

Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subpaul22

Hello,

I just got out of a vanilla relationship and I have a question concerning it. The bdsm lifestyle has been a big part of my life it's always been in the back of my mind since I was a teenager when I first stumble upon it. My personality is very laid back quiet type of person that keeps a lot bottle up inside me and I considered myself a submissive. I have a bit of problem when it comes to speaking my mind especially when it's something that I don't like that happens whether it's what someone said or how they acted. The girl I was with was a young girl and I was trying to give her a lot control over things. One of the things she told me was I don't stand up myself I just let people say whatever most of the time. My question am I to weak for a girl when I hold things in even though I'm trying not make the girl mad by saying the wrong thing or acting in the wrong way?

I don't know the answer to your question because I don't know you. I can't speak directly to whether or not you're weak in this example, only in a general sense.

If you're asking is it seen as weak to not speak up for yourself and to allow people to "say whatever most of the time"...I would have to say, in my opinion, it's not a behavior I would assign to being submissive. You will find, if you choose to stay around on the forums, that most of the subs, both male and female, have no problem speaking their minds and standing up when needed.

Also, being "laid back and quiet" doesn't always mean a person keeps things "bottled up". If that's the case, I would take the time to figure out why you choose to hold back in this regard.

As far as giving control to a woman who may or may not want it or understand why you're choosing to give it to her, I would have to ask if you discussed with her your reasons for wanting her to take the lead. Was she even aware that you had an interest in taking a submissive role in the relationship? It sounds like a communication problem between you and the young lady.

Communication is very important in any relationship, kink or otherwise.

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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/24/2009 8:22:29 AM

gentlemanprince

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2008
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I don't know if they want it, but they will get it from me. I'm not shy about voicing my opinions. Yes, Virginia, male submissives do have opinions.

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/24/2009 12:50:08 PM

Underumam

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Joined: 12/18/2008
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Mine does........

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/24/2009 2:20:28 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Yes, clip gives Me his opinions. Just like I would want to hear other people's opinions if I'm gathering information on a subject. Why would I think he has nothing to say, just because he's a submissive? Especially if it's something regarding his feelings or thoughts.

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/24/2009 3:56:28 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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I want everyone around me to speak what is on their mind, regardless of relationship type. All I hope for is that they engage their brain before they open their mouth.

Edited to remove an errant s.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 12/24/2009 3:57:36 PM >

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/25/2009 2:27:48 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Yes, clip gives Me his opinions. Just like I would want to hear other people's opinions if I'm gathering information on a subject. Why would I think he has nothing to say, just because he's a submissive? Especially if it's something regarding his feelings or thoughts.

Yeah, this.

Carol is a bright, competent woman and has a great many worthwhile things to say. And she is, in fact, the worlds foremost authority on Carol. So on that topic, I pay a great deal of attention to her opinions.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/26/2009 8:22:37 AM

subpaul22

Posts: 3
Joined: 4/9/2006
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Thanks guys,

I haven't been in to many relationships in my life due to how quiet I get but the more I look back on the relationship the more I realize that communication was are biggest problem. They was a lot things she was saying and doing that I didn't like but didn't want to bring up because I didn't want any arguments. I guess I hold back because I don't want to say the wrong things or make people mad.

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/26/2009 9:32:44 AM

BlueHnS

Posts: 166
Joined: 9/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subpaul22

Hello,

I just got out of a vanilla relationship and I have a question concerning it. The bdsm lifestyle has been a big part of my life it's always been in the back of my mind since I was a teenager when I first stumble upon it. My personality is very laid back quiet type of person that keeps a lot bottle up inside me and I considered myself a submissive. I have a bit of problem when it comes to speaking my mind especially when it's something that I don't like that happens whether it's what someone said or how they acted. The girl I was with was a young girl and I was trying to give her a lot control over things. One of the things she told me was I don't stand up myself I just let people say whatever most of the time. My question am I to weak for a girl when I hold things in even though I'm trying not make the girl mad by saying the wrong thing or acting in the wrong way?

I've no idea what is "weak" or "strong", for that matter, in anothers view.

I do however believe that if a relationship isn't stable enough to handle an occasional disagreement or difference of opinion, then it probably isn't much of a relationship.

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Questions are dangerous, for they have answers. ~ Kushiel's Dart
I think I'm going to get off. ~ The Poet

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RE: Do dommes want subs to speak their mind? - 12/26/2009 3:32:10 PM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
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I like to know what my sub is thinking. As my telepathy is not reliable, I require him to articulate it.

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