LadyAngelika
Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
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Well first and most importantly, I'm glad to hear that your are getting healthy again. Your year might have been rough but it looks like you are ending it on a good note!
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ORIGINAL: Missykink
It's been a tiresome year this year but still a good one. I had some surgery earlier this year and needed a lot of emotional support from my partner (my boy). Whilst we have had the odd moments of kinky sexual play we really haven't fulfilled our D/s needs in nearly a year.
This is a simple matter of perspective. Kinky sex doesn't need to define D/s. I know that for some, it is limited to that, but it doesn't have to be. To each their own.
But I do agree that even if it's not the only element of D/s in your relationship, a healthy kinky sex life is important for a couple. It is your initmacy.
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This hasn't been an issue for us and we communicate really well so have talked through any issues that have come up about it all.
Seems like you have a very understanding boy! Seems like you are also taking the right approach by communicating about it.
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I have just been thinking a lot this past few weeks about wanting to feel back in that head space. We are back at a point now where we have the time and the energy to concentrate on those desires and playing with them. I just can't seem to let go of some emotional stuff to get there.
He has looked after me so well and taken care of everything when I couldn't do anything including parents eveings for my um. I feel like I am letting him down almost because he has had to take charge of everything, something which I know he found very daunting. He amazed me that at 25 and having no kids and never having had long term girlfriend before he has managed to take on the running of the house, school runs, work full time and care for me.
I need to reverse the situation back. We entered our relationship to develope a D/s dynamic that meant I had that control. I know he misses it.
And these things take time. We all get to where we are on different paths. I find that when I've been single for a long time (now a year), when I get back involved with someone, I have this adaptation time where I need to get reaquainted with my Domina. Now this is highly because I'm with a new boy and I'm discovering him.
What if you were to view this as something new. I mean this whole experience has definitely made you both grow. He apparently has proven himself to be highly dependable and responsible. For that, you are incredibly lucky and I see this as such an amazing tribute and service he has done for you. Do you know how much a man has to love you to take care of all this for you? Wow! You are one lucky woman :-)
You have also changed, grown I'm sure, if not only by having developed more coping skills and more courage for going through what you did. You might have had moments of weakness. We all do. Even the strongest need to heal to become strong again.
What if you got reaquainted like the first time you met? It could be highly romantic. Re-explore him like a new boy. Let him see a different side of you. The situation doesn't have to go back. It can go forward, it can be new.
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Maybe I just need to find my inner bitch lol I see opportunities where I could do something or say something cruel that he would love to hear but I just can't say the words it's maddening.
How do I get my confidence back ?
That's a tough one because it's a very personal thing. It's a headspace you need to get into again, at your pace. Perhaps looking at this like something new might help, might take a little pressure off. If you like erotica, maybe a little can get you in the mood? Or maybe pick up a non-fiction book and try some of the scenarios?
One thing is for sure, you came to a good place for advice. I know you are going to get brilliant and creative responses from the Dominas here, and even from a few clever boys.
Until then, hope your holidays are safe and healthy!
- LA
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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove
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Getting back into the head space. - 
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