Need advice on Vanilla Wife (Full Version)

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divot051 -> Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 4:05:31 PM)

Dear Mistress,

my Wife and i have been married for 19 years. She is very vanilla and doesn't have an interest in bdsm. W/we experimented some a few years ago but for some reason stopped. Her health was a big part of it. How can i get Her to be my r/t Domme? Is there anyway i can slowly work Her into it? i am at a loss and will try anything. Thank You for Your time.




SomethingCatchy -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 4:10:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: divot051

Dear Mistress,

my Wife and i have been married for 19 years. She is very vanilla and doesn't have an interest in bdsm. W/we experimented some a few years ago but for some reason stopped. Her health was a big part of it. How can i get Her to be my r/t Domme? Is there anyway i can slowly work Her into it? i am at a loss and will try anything. Thank You for Your time.




You're already owned, or at least your profile says you are. Why don't you talk to Ms Toni and tell her you want your wife to be your owner, and could she help her out. I'm sure she could give some great first hand advice to get your wife going.



CherokeeRose2 -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 4:16:47 PM)

So you want to serve your wife by getting her to do what you want her to do?



Venatrix -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 4:45:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CherokeeRose2

So you want to serve your wife by getting her to do what you want her to do?


Don't they all?



Lockit -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 4:57:21 PM)

divot... it is difficult to take this seriously when you are talking about a wife and your profile talks of your dominant and slave number. Are we to assume your very vanilla wife doesn't know about your dominant? Then there is the fact that you are posting this and I wonder if your dominant knows.

Is your wife still ill? If she is and the things you did before and stopped mostly because of her illness, what has changed that makes you think she could do this? You mention being a Christian in your profile... is your wife a believer? If so, could this be a problem for her?

There are too many factors that we don't know and it is rather difficult to say much of anything especially when we might think that you are somehow cheating on your wife and could even go so far as to not want any part of the situation.



LadyPact -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 4:59:36 PM)

This question gets asked over and over and over.  Please use the search function to see the countless threads on the subject.  Many of us have written detailed responses to this question in the past.



vincentML -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 7:35:15 PM)

OP, looking at your profile shows that your interests are very intense and quite varied. I cannot imagine any vanilla woman "converting" over to the dark side sufficiently in her heart to satisfy all on your list. Really, why should she? What is the value to her life?

And you are serving and owned by a Mistress. Sorry, chum, the situation does not bode well for a marriage under those circumstances. Wonder why you ever married vanilla in the first place. Seems like marriage under false pretenses. Why would you do that to someone?

I apologize if my answer seems harsh or blunt. But truth is truth. You might wish to take a long hard look at the mirror of your marriage.



divot051 -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 7:36:54 PM)

Yes, i am owned and am in a wonderful online relationship, but it is strictly online. i would like r/t. i have talked about this with my online Domme. She and i both doubted that my wife would change. Just thought i'd ask for advice. Geeze, be careful what you ask for i guess.



Lockit -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 7:38:58 PM)

You might want to be more careful of what your wife might ask.



vincentML -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 7:45:51 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: divot051

Yes, i am owned and am in a wonderful online relationship, but it is strictly online. i would like r/t. i have talked about this with my online Domme. She and i both doubted that my wife would change. Just thought i'd ask for advice. Geeze, be careful what you ask for i guess.


OP, don't kid yourself. Online relationships can be very real. The people involved can be very real to each other. The emotions can be quite overwhelming because you are dealing with an idealized Domme whose human frailties and flaws are not visible to you. "Affairs of the Mind can be far more powerful than those of the body."

Do you not consider you are being unfaithful to your wife?



LadyPact -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 7:53:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: divot051

Yes, i am owned and am in a wonderful online relationship, but it is strictly online. i would like r/t. i have talked about this with my online Domme. She and i both doubted that my wife would change. Just thought i'd ask for advice. Geeze, be careful what you ask for i guess.


Sorry, OP.  I'm calling bullshit right here.

You did receive an answer.  The problem is that you do not want to do the research that I've told you to do on the subject.

Search for My name and the key words "vanilla spouse" and "When Someone You Love Is Kinky" (the book I recommend in these situations).  You will find pages and pages of advice.



DarkSteven -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 8:18:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: divot051

Yes, i am owned and am in a wonderful online relationship, but it is strictly online. i would like r/t. i have talked about this with my online Domme. She and i both doubted that my wife would change. Just thought i'd ask for advice. Geeze, be careful what you ask for i guess.


Well, if you want more courtesy, try telling the whole story up front.

OP, do you really think that you have time for a vanilla wife, and online Mistress, and a RT Mistress?  Will they all know about each other?  With the tiny number of Dommes relative to male subs, do you really think that you'll be able to find one willing to play #3 behind Wife and Online Domme?

This situation just isn't going to end up cleanly.  The best option might be to get a Pro Domme.



tsatske -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/28/2009 8:28:08 PM)

i have never understood why this question gets asked over and over, when it seems so obvious to me.
Draw your wifes baths. Give your wife backrubs. rub her feet. Buy her gifts. Make her dinner. bring her breakfast in bed. bring her flowers. take her out to dinner. Make the bed. Light candles. Go rent a movie you know would be to her taste, pop popcorn and snuggle up on the couch. Clean the house. ask her if you can brush her hair.
when you draw her a bath, go all out. light candles. set out a glass of wine and a book, put on soft music. When you make the bed, go all out. sprinkle flowers on the sheets, light candles and play soft music. When you make dinner, go all out. set the table with good dishes, candles and flowers, play soft music.
when something you do as an act of service makes a little mess, make sure YOU clean up the mess - vacuum up the flower petals, clean the bathtub after her bubble bath, wash the dishes.
Do all this for several months, slowly increasing and being of more loving service to her. as she becomes used to you being of service, the time will become ripe to talk to her about your other needs. explain to her (only after several months of willing, cheerful, thoughtful service) that it does not all need to be physical, that she can have your service regardless of her health, that this is the way you are built and need to express your deep love for her.

does it not seem that she would be more amenable to hearing this, that way, once she sees that you mean it for six months are so?



Elizabeth666 -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/29/2009 2:03:13 AM)

FR

I'm not going to give you advice on what you can do. If she's not interested, she's not interested. Pushing her into something she has told you she doesn't isn't the right thing to do. She very well may end up angry and resentful. Did you ask her why she stopped with her initial interest? Maybe it was because it's something she doesn't like, but used an illness as the reason to spare your feelings.

None of us know you or your wife, so you're going to get different opinions here. I say, leave it be and try what Dark Steven said - Get yourself a ProDomme



vincentML -> RE: Need advice on Vanilla Wife (12/29/2009 5:41:56 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske

i have never understood why this question gets asked over and over, when it seems so obvious to me.
Draw your wifes baths. Give your wife backrubs. rub her feet. Buy her gifts. Make her dinner. bring her breakfast in bed. bring her flowers. take her out to dinner. Make the bed. Light candles. Go rent a movie you know would be to her taste, pop popcorn and snuggle up on the couch. Clean the house. ask her if you can brush her hair.
when you draw her a bath, go all out. light candles. set out a glass of wine and a book, put on soft music. When you make the bed, go all out. sprinkle flowers on the sheets, light candles and play soft music. When you make dinner, go all out. set the table with good dishes, candles and flowers, play soft music.
when something you do as an act of service makes a little mess, make sure YOU clean up the mess - vacuum up the flower petals, clean the bathtub after her bubble bath, wash the dishes.
Do all this for several months, slowly increasing and being of more loving service to her. as she becomes used to you being of service, the time will become ripe to talk to her about your other needs. explain to her (only after several months of willing, cheerful, thoughtful service) that it does not all need to be physical, that she can have your service regardless of her health, that this is the way you are built and need to express your deep love for her.

does it not seem that she would be more amenable to hearing this, that way, once she sees that you mean it for six months are so?


Wow, you are clever, tsatske. Probably not the way most men think and certainly not the OP. His is a more selfish whine, I believe.



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