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Drifa -> RE: Over internalization? (12/30/2009 1:21:37 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Dominasola
I think that any internalization is inconsiderate.
Internalization is an unconscious process, and really can't be said to be considerate or inconsiderate.
Every time a child is read a story, or watches television, or observes the interactions of peers or adults, all sorts of messages are being transmitted and modeled for that child. The child absorbs what is seen, experienced, and observed, and those messages get internalized as the subconscious builds a world view and understanding from those messages. Adults do it too, but the deepest, most internalized messages we get very young.
The resulting internalized system of belief gives us our knee-jerk reactions to things. A good example of internalization is the message "girls shouldn't fight". Women in martial arts very frequently have to overcome a lot of conditioning internally about "girls don't fight", "getting hit means you have been bad", to "girls should nurture not hurt" and many others. Men, on the other hand, receive messages of approval about being "tough" and "manly" and "oh, he's just being a boy" when they engage in rough-and-tumble sports growing up. It's not unusual for a woman to tear up when hit during sparring from psychological processing internally involving these messages, and recognizing that the message is there and making the conscious choice to discard or replace the internalization. (A great book discussing these internalizations is Tobi Beck's The Armored Rose).
Internalized messages can be replaced, but usually this takes conscious effort, because you've integrated it at a deep psychological level.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dominasola
The definition of internalization suggests that through this process, the person is assuming an identity that is not their own; s/he is attempting to adopt the value structures of another person without truly believing it him/herself. This can lead to cognitive dissonance (having two conflicting beliefs/thoughts/potential courses of action) in a person.
If you are joining a church, or adapting to a new culture, a person learns the set of norms established by the church or culture, and then the person learns why that church or culture values those norms, until finally the person internalizes those norms, accepting the norm as their own viewpoint. This is a completely normal human process.
Joining a subculure, whether it's BDSM or the SCA, or being a hardcore raider in EverQuest 2, or becoming a Gardenerian Wiccan initiate, is really no different. If you are hanging out with people who have a set of norms associated with their culture, then you either adopt the norms or you end up being an outcast with that group.
The cognitive dissonance does happen anytime you are challenging your own internalized belief systems or messages, because you have to recognize the internalized message is there, and you have to decide to change your beliefs.
quote:
ORIGINAL: Dominasola
It is damaging in a relationship (specifically D/s), and will appear when the D-type may request or demand that the s-type do something. Since the s-type has internalized the D-type's view on D/s, s/he is more likely to do what s/he believes the D-type wants, even though the "true" part of him/her is screaming "no." In doing what the D wants, the s may feel guilty or distraught; s/he hasn't submitted because it is in his/her nature to do so - rather, s/he submitted because s/he wants to believe that s/he possesses the nature to submit.
I think this is a fallacious chain of reasoning.
In any relationship, vanilla or kink, D/s, M/s or even simply living with a college roommate, all individuals involved have to come to grips with interacting with a human being with beliefs and practices that are not identical to their own. One person can completely adopt the other's beliefs, the participants may find a common ground in which they each adopt some beliefs of the other, or participants may completely reject other beliefs.
If you don't find unity or middle ground, then the relationship can't be sustained. It's the rejection scenario where "worlds collide" and the relationship can't survive.
In a kink relationship, you really need a lot of communication, because to arrive at a place where the relationship works well, you both have to agree on who is submitting to whom, when and how much, and what exactly that submission will consist of. It's by communicating that you establish a new internalization for the "culture" of that particular relationship -- you have to understand what the norms for the relationship will be, you have to decide to adopt those norms, then ultimately over time you internalize those norms.
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