What I have learned as a slave

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UniqueRaven -> What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 8:10:17 AM)
i wrote this years ago, after i had been an Owned (non-Gorean) slave for about 3 years living 24/7 with my Master in NYC. i'm posting it as i remembered it after replying to subtlebottomgirl's thread about getting past fears. i'm not posting it as the "ultimate" list, just my experience and what i learned. [:)] 1. Slavery is not all about you and what you want, nor what you fantasize it should be. It isn’t always fun, and sometimes is very, very difficult. Physical pain is the absolute least of the difficulties you will have to deal with. 2. No one, including your Master, will control you 24/7. The only 24/7 control that is possible is created in your mind. 3. The word “no” is not the worst thing you can say. The worst thing you can say is “WHY?” (*note: Saying “i don’t understand” is not the same as saying “Why?”) 4. No matter how much you may wish, there are no fairies or pixies that will come and clean your Master’s dirty clothes, scrub the toilets, make the beds, clean up the dust bunnies, pay the bills, do the taxes, take out the garbage, or ensure that there are always groceries in the refrigerator and a meal on the table. And no, these things will not be done for you, and no, they will not magically disappear, while you are being tied up, beaten, or fucked. 5. And no, asking your Master for a maid will not make number 4 go away either. 6. Being caged, fucked, tortured, tied up, and played with are pleasures and premiums that your Master will reward you with when he chooses. They will not be your daily life, no matter how much of a fantasy you may have in your mind about what being a slave means. 7. If you are a 24/7 slave without outside employment, the question “What do you do?” when asked by vanilla people in polite conversation is really difficult (and sometimes funny) to answer. 8. Your Master will find the way to motivate you to do what he wants – and no, it will not be the way that you want or enjoy either. Hiding the cane doesn’t work. Trust me on this. 9. The goal of slavery is not some mythical spiritual journey of elves and unicorns – it is learning to get over yourself, your inhibitions, your desires, your emotions, and your issues, and becoming what your Master actually wants you to be...even if you don’t like it and it is amazingly painful at first. 10. Just because you want it doesn’t mean it will happen. And trying to manipulate your Master into making it happen means that he will put it off even longer. 11. Number 10 includes sneaking him hints about diamond jewelry and a hot tub. 12. You will go where your Master wants to go, eat what he wants to eat, and listen to what he wants to listen to. If you’re a vegetarian, you will still go eat at steakhouses with him and eat whatever vegetables you can find on the menu - and endure the smirking waiter. If you’ve heard the same punk rock album 4 times in a row, you will still smile and act perky when he starts it for a fifth. 13. Always remember that the initial “rush” of being owned WILL** go away. And once it’s gone you will still be with the same Master – so choose wisely. 14. Being mindful is much more important and necessary than being mindless. There is nothing wrong with being smart and assertive as a slave - just always remember the respect required by your dynamic. The biggie: 15. The moment that will define your slavery is that first moment when he commands you to do something and you really, really, really, to the core of your being, DO NOT want to do that thing. What you do - at that moment - will determine what path you will continue down as a slave.

osf -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 8:19:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven i wrote this years ago, after i had been an Owned (non-Gorean) slave for about 3 years living 24/7 with my Master in NYC. i'm posting it as i remembered it after replying to subtlebottomgirl's thread about getting past fears. i'm not posting it as the "ultimate" list, just my experience and what i learned. [:)] 1. Slavery is not all about you and what you want, nor what you fantasize it should be. It isn’t always fun, and sometimes is very, very difficult. Physical pain is the absolute least of the difficulties you will have to deal with. 2. No one, including your Master, will control you 24/7. The only 24/7 control that is possible is created in your mind. 3. The word “no” is not the worst thing you can say. The worst thing you can say is “WHY?” (*note: Saying “i don’t understand” is not the same as saying “Why?”) 4. No matter how much you may wish, there are no fairies or pixies that will come and clean your Master’s dirty clothes, scrub the toilets, make the beds, clean up the dust bunnies, pay the bills, do the taxes, take out the garbage, or ensure that there are always groceries in the refrigerator and a meal on the table. And no, these things will not be done for you, and no, they will not magically disappear, while you are being tied up, beaten, or fucked. 5. And no, asking your Master for a maid will not make number 4 go away either. 6. Being caged, fucked, tortured, tied up, and played with are pleasures and premiums that your Master will reward you with when he chooses. They will not be your daily life, no matter how much of a fantasy you may have in your mind about what being a slave means. 7. If you are a 24/7 slave without outside employment, the question “What do you do?” when asked by vanilla people in polite conversation is really difficult (and sometimes funny) to answer. 8. Your Master will find the way to motivate you to do what he wants – and no, it will not be the way that you want or enjoy either. Hiding the cane doesn’t work. Trust me on this. 9. The goal of slavery is not some mythical spiritual journey of elves and unicorns – it is learning to get over yourself, your inhibitions, your desires, your emotions, and your issues, and becoming what your Master actually wants you to be...even if you don’t like it and it is amazingly painful at first. 10. Just because you want it doesn’t mean it will happen. And trying to manipulate your Master into making it happen means that he will put it off even longer. 11. Number 10 includes sneaking him hints about diamond jewelry and a hot tub. 12. You will go where your Master wants to go, eat what he wants to eat, and listen to what he wants to listen to. If you’re a vegetarian, you will still go eat at steakhouses with him and eat whatever vegetables you can find on the menu - and endure the smirking waiter. If you’ve heard the same punk rock album 4 times in a row, you will still smile and act perky when he starts it for a fifth. 13. Always remember that the initial “rush” of being owned WILL** go away. And once it’s gone you will still be with the same Master – so choose wisely. 14. Being mindful is much more important and necessary than being mindless. There is nothing wrong with being smart and assertive as a slave - just always remember the respect required by your dynamic. The biggie: 15. The moment that will define your slavery is that first moment when he commands you to do something and you really, really, really, to the core of your being, DO NOT want to do that thing. What you do - at that moment - will determine what path you will continue down as a slave. you're not gonna be liked around here a comment on the mind,, if you own the body, you own the mind, make good use of both

UniqueRaven -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 8:23:22 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: osf quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven i wrote this years ago, after i had been an Owned (non-Gorean) slave for about 3 years living 24/7 with my Master in NYC. i'm posting it as i remembered it after replying to subtlebottomgirl's thread about getting past fears. i'm not posting it as the "ultimate" list, just my experience and what i learned. [:)] you're not gonna be liked around here a comment on the mind,, if you own the body, you own the mind, make good use of both i don't mind, i don't claim to have the one true way. We're all just doing our best to live the lives we really want to live, is my viewpoint - if i can help someone with theirs, even better.

yellowroses -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 8:31:59 AM)
I very much understand this and appreciate the post. With few exceptions in the OP it is my life. I have chosen wisely in a Master and He chose wisely in me. I am very happy and content. We will be celebrating 9 years together in a few months so the initial "rush" has worn off. However, I still get that warm and fuzzy feeling everytime I greet Him at the door when He comes home from work. Thank you for the insightful post! kim

Underumam -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 8:38:38 AM)
Thank you Unique Raven...As one who is stepping into a new slave position, I can relate and appreciate your candor and frankness. I realize that your observations are primarily from a females slaves perspective, but the reality is almost identical from my point of view. Many begin this way of life with images of sexual slavery and all the crap that the internet shows us which are almost NEVER a big part of any slaves reality. Thanks again for this thread.......

UniqueRaven -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 8:45:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Underumam Thank you Unique Raven...As one who is stepping into a new slave position, I can relate and appreciate your candor and frankness. I realize that your observations are primarily from a females slaves perspective, but the reality is almost identical from my point of view. Many begin this way of life with images of sexual slavery and all the crap that the internet shows us which are almost NEVER a big part of any slaves reality. Thanks again for this thread....... i realized after i posted that i should have made it "gender neutral" but decided to not change it as my experience is as a female slave. My apologies, not intentionally leaving anyone out, for sure, and thank you - i love to hear your perspective as well, and good luck on your journey too. [:)]

LafayetteLady -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 8:53:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven 7. If you are a 24/7 slave without outside employment, the question “What do you do?” when asked by vanilla people in polite conversation is really difficult (and sometimes funny) to answer. This is really something that anyone who is a stay at home wife or mother has to deal with, it doesn't matter what "lifestyle" you are in.

osf -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 8:54:57 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven 7. If you are a 24/7 slave without outside employment, the question “What do you do?” when asked by vanilla people in polite conversation is really difficult (and sometimes funny) to answer. This is really something that anyone who is a stay at home wife or mother has to deal with, it doesn't matter what "lifestyle" you are in. just say you're special friends

UniqueRaven -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 8:58:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven 7. If you are a 24/7 slave without outside employment, the question “What do you do?” when asked by vanilla people in polite conversation is really difficult (and sometimes funny) to answer. This is really something that anyone who is a stay at home wife or mother has to deal with, it doesn't matter what "lifestyle" you are in. Yes, just those women can answer "I'm a stay at home Mom" or even "I'm a housewife" when asked. You generally can't say "I'm a slave" without getting some looks. I eventually did just say "I'm a housewife" and left it at that, just when I was traveling all the time on the plane, etc. (going home alone to TX to visit), I did get some looks (well if you're a housewife why aren't you at home?). Also many men figured it out anyway somehow, many men i think can just sense when you have that air of slavery and/or submission about you. Those were interesting conversations to tap dance around when confined next to a strange man for 3 hours on a plane, ha ha!

osf -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 9:00:58 AM)
quote: Also many men figured it out anyway somehow, many men i think can just sense when you have that air of slavery and/or submission about you. Those were interesting conversations to tap dance around when confined next to a strange man for 3 hours on a plane, ha ha! yea, they wonder where they can get one but for most it would be like a dog chasing a car and catching it, now what?

wisdomtogive -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 10:51:43 AM)
Thank you unique raven for this well thought out post. I am entering my first M/s relationship 24/7 next month, and upon reading your list i kept saying to myself, hmmmmm. i never consider myself a slave let alone a submissive in my 29 year vanilla marriage, yet, excluding the 'playing' you described my marriage the whole time. i was there to serve him, and do as he wish. Late hubby always had that dominate persona, and was easy for me to abide by it. Thank you for pointing out that the elusive fairies and unicorns aren't real in bdsm or in a Ds or Ms relationship. i think i can pull on my life experience then in serving Sir. Thank you for shattering a myth, and bringing reality to it from a s-type view. It came at the right and perfect timing for me...and am grateful. wisdom

Mercnbeth -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 10:57:18 AM)
this slave has learned that: there is no One-True-Way of slavery, only what resonates as true for the individual slave. "real" slavery isn't limited to activites or relationships that are against one's will, contrary to one's natural inclination or by an act of force.

UniqueRaven -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 11:03:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth this slave has learned that: there is no One-True-Way of slavery, only what resonates as true for the individual slave. "real" slavery isn't limited to activites or relationships that are against one's will, contrary to one's natural inclination or by an act of force. Absolutely, and thank you for pointing that out. There are lots of fun and wonderful things about being a slave, and it isn't about being forced to do things all the time - one is motivated to serve, not forced to do so. These are just the things that i learned as realities vs. the fantasies that are so often portrayed, especially on the internet. Thank you for your comments, and i really enjoy what you both post as well.

rockspider -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 11:19:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: yellowroses However, I still get that warm and fuzzy feeling everytime I greet Him at the door when He comes home from work. kim Not something unik to a BDSM relationship. My aunt used those words at the party for their golden wedding aniversary and i doubt she even heard about BDSM in her life.

DesFIP -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 11:33:58 AM)
Actually Raven, I'll disagree on a lot of this. If this is more than a M/s relationship, if there is love and caring involved, then you are going to be able to discuss things and tweak them so both of you will be happy. Because if you don't, the relationship will not last. And if seeing a bloody piece of meat is that offensive, you should have had the sense to pick another vegetarian as a partner. The question why was used here constantly the first few years, less the next few years, and almost never now. He understood that for me to trust him sufficiently to turn over control not just sexually but in every arena, I had to know that he knew what he was doing - in every arena. Which meant him explaining his thought processes and plans sufficiently for me to gain that trust. There is no way I would have turned over any financial control and hoped he would prove competent. Or allowed him to take my car apart if he had not already proven his ability to fix cars. He had to prove his competence first by being able to answer questions since waiting for his car to break and need the same repair mine did would involve a lot of waiting.

UniqueRaven -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 11:54:30 AM)
Hi Celeste, i understand that you disagree. Our dynamic was very different than some, and yes, while it was M/s, there was lots of deep love and understanding. i wonder what you mean by saying "if it is more than" an M/s relationship? It is possible to be "just" M/s with lots of love and understanding. We went our separate ways for reasons that were more to do with just the issues of "life" than anything else. This was the relationship we chose, there was very little compromise with him as Master, and i was very happy to be exactly what i was, his owned slave. i would never claim to have the "one true way" - this is just what i learned. hugs, julie p.s. i'm not a vegetarian. [:)]

Underumam -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 12:05:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven quote: ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth this slave has learned that: there is no One-True-Way of slavery, only what resonates as true for the individual slave. "real" slavery isn't limited to activites or relationships that are against one's will, contrary to one's natural inclination or by an act of force. Absolutely, and thank you for pointing that out. There are lots of fun and wonderful things about being a slave, and it isn't about being forced to do things all the time - one is motivated to serve, not forced to do so. These are just the things that i learned as realities vs. the fantasies that are so often portrayed, especially on the internet. Thank you for your comments, and i really enjoy what you both post as well. I can soo relate. I WANT to serve and do anything I can for my Mistress. It makes me extremely happy, and Her extremely proud. Life's good this way..

kikiK -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 1:20:37 PM)
Thankyou for sharing this.

Surrenderwithin -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 1:39:27 PM)
As one who has been a slave in 24/7 relationship for the past ten years I can say that you are right on target. Your truths seem to parallel my own... however I did get the hot tub!!!

Mercnbeth -> RE: What I have learned as a slave (12/30/2009 1:51:15 PM)
quote: 7. If you are a 24/7 slave without outside employment, the question “What do you do?” when asked by vanilla people in polite conversation is really difficult (and sometimes funny) to answer. This happens all the time when we are out, often in a business setting. beth came up with a great answer to this - she says, gesturing to me; "My job is keeping him happy." Knowing it coming gives me the opportunity to look at the envy in the eyes of the men and sometimes disdain coming from the women. Although every so often she gets a "GOOD FOR YOU!"

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