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How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 3:48:52 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
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I did a quick search but didn't pull anything up with the keywords I used, so if I missed it, please post the links.

I've seen threads about 'are they real' but I want to know how to attract one. My interest in my kinks has dwindled due to some pretty stressful things going on in life, mostly an LDR involving the military. While there are things he can do to submit, it's not fun for me because I just don't tick that way. However, I have been, and still am, interested in a domestic submissive for a while. Someone who will do things for me around the house with a cheerful attitude. I'd also like it if this person were a companion, someone I could be around without being bored, wanting to strangle him, or just gag him so I could have some peace.

How do you attract a person like this? In my area it seems that the submissive men are all hell bent on getting their own kinks met, or if they say they're service oriented they live more than an hours drive away. Since I don't see the point in having two long distance relationships when I don't even like my primary being LDR, that's not something I'm open to.

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Post #: 1

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 3:50:37 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
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When you know, let us know.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 2

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 4:13:05 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'm not sure if I would be the best one to help you.

The service submissives that I tend to attract tend to be more interested in structure, rather than the laid back type. It's not the laid back situation that I think you are aiming for. (I could be wrong, that's why I'm posting.) Usually, these are folks that are serving because they want to receive the fulfillment of an environment that allows them to explore protocol, service, direction, and authority. They aren't the type of folks who are just in it for the companionship.

I'm sorry if I'm unable to help.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RealSub58)

Post #: 3

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 4:27:05 PM

QueenRah

Posts: 380
Joined: 6/3/2005
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Catchy, I've read your profile and I think I may be able to give you an idea how to attract service submissives local to you: spell out to them on your profile exactly what you are seeking. If you are specific, sure you may eliminate the greater portion of "submissives" (who really aren't) - and won't that be better than getting responses by those who don't qualify on any level? It may take longer to find your prospectives, but, you are more likely to be approached by those closer to your "ideal."

Best of luck!

QR

_____________________________

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(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 4

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 5:30:27 PM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
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I've found that if I go in too deep I get messages like 'Why don't you just hire a maid or clean your nasty house yourself, you fat cunt.' I don't have any expectations of finding the person I'm looking for online, but I don't have any idea of how to find that in real life, either.

I found Tink online, on this website, and I'm of the firm belief that lightening doesn't strike twice.

Protocol, structure, all that has a place, but it wears me down and I start feeling like I'm playing a game. When that happens, I want someone who will grab some ice cream with me and entertain me, all while being respectful and knowing his place. I have a friend who would be perfect for the role, but of course he lives over 500 miles away. Isn't that how it always goes?

< Message edited by SomethingCatchy -- 12/31/2009 5:31:34 PM >

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to QueenRah)

Post #: 5

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 7:54:52 PM

omkfY

Posts: 104
Joined: 7/7/2009
From: State of Jefferson
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SomethingCatchy

I've found that if I go in too deep I get messages like 'Why don't you just hire a maid or clean your nasty house yourself

That should make it easy to quickly spot who You do not want ;)

From Your pronoun use here, it seems like You are looking for a male, yet Your profile is actively seeking only female submissives and friends. Not listing male submissives under "actively seeking" may weed out many of the time wasting BS messages from people who clearly aren't compatible, it also is likely to weed out most of those who may in fact be a good match (I know that Dommes who aren't actively seeking male subs don't show up on my list -- and I'm probably not alone).

Aside from that, I agree with QueenRah: the more specific You are in Your profile, the better. If You are looking for a male service submissive companion for a low protocol relationship -- say so. And from Your first post, I get the feeling like right now You do not want a sexual component to the relationship (and if that assumption is true, I might even recommend removing the kinks from Your profile to prevent subs from getting the idea that they can eventually get what You're not in a place to give).

If doing this results in the occasional flaming message, then fine -- as it also prevents misunderstandings from otherwise "good" male subs who would be attracted to what You wrote and not what You actually meant/want.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 6

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 8:12:05 PM

chiaThePet

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http://www.smashinggadgets.com/2009/09/10-most-expensive-kitchen-gadgets/

chia* (the pet)

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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

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RE: How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 8:56:32 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

Hm....when I wanted someone strictly houseboy oriented, the first thing I did was create and alternate profile here, stating such. I also made it clear that I had a main profile as well. Transparency is good. Next, I opened myself up to sissyboys...I find they often LOVE to clean and be companions. Beyond that, I can't help much. You have to state what you seek up front, be realistic and attuned.

I am the type who doesn't want a maid, per se, I want someone who's going to do my bidding, regardless, but is always very appreciative of the fact that I, 9 times out of 10, will be right there with him cleaning. (Cept laundry...I HATE to do laundry).

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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Post #: 8

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 9:02:49 PM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: earthycouple

Hm....when I wanted someone strictly houseboy oriented, the first thing I did was create and alternate profile here, stating such. I also made it clear that I had a main profile as well. Transparency is good. Next, I opened myself up to sissyboys...I find they often LOVE to clean and be companions. Beyond that, I can't help much. You have to state what you seek up front, be realistic and attuned.

I am the type who doesn't want a maid, per se, I want someone who's going to do my bidding, regardless, but is always very appreciative of the fact that I, 9 times out of 10, will be right there with him cleaning. (Cept laundry...I HATE to do laundry).

You should never have to do laundry my Queen. I'll do it for you........and cook, and warm your car, and wash the bathrooms, and clean the kitchen, and walk the dog, and hang out with you beautiful daughters, cook, sweep the floors, fix your car, do some of the shopping......Then my unemployments runs out and I have to go back to work lke everyone else..lol. *KISS*

_____________________________

Proud and devoted collared servant of D~

(in reply to earthycouple)

Post #: 9

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 12/31/2009 9:22:28 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

I'm mostly a service submissive, but to be honest, it's been really hard actually finding someone searching for that. I guess the problem is that I'm not just a service submissive, meaning that I am really not interested in a relationship where I let myself in a back door, clean the place and leave without ever interacting with the potential dominant. But for some reason, that seems to be what so many who contact me seem to desire. I've never really understood it. It's almost like service submissive equates in the minds of some people to "free labor" and nothing else.

I know it doesn't mean that to everyone, but goddess, I lost count of how many times it seemed to be exactly that.

I think what I'm going to do in the future is just look for a houseboy situation. Who knows? Maybe Michigan will bring good luck this time around.

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(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 10

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 5:33:19 AM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn

I'm mostly a service submissive, but to be honest, it's been really hard actually finding someone searching for that. I guess the problem is that I'm not just a service submissive, meaning that I am really not interested in a relationship where I let myself in a back door, clean the place and leave without ever interacting with the potential dominant. But for some reason, that seems to be what so many who contact me seem to desire. I've never really understood it. It's almost like service submissive equates in the minds of some people to "free labor" and nothing else.

I know it doesn't mean that to everyone, but goddess, I lost count of how many times it seemed to be exactly that.

I think what I'm going to do in the future is just look for a houseboy situation. Who knows? Maybe Michigan will bring good luck this time around.

I hear you littlesarbonn, I've been approached numerous times by Dommes who were either to busy or too lazy to clean their own homes. All they wanted me for was slave labor and I refused them. I do a lot of work for my Domina right now, but she works her ass off, and really needs help with things.

I'm fortunate enough to collect unemployment so I have the time to assist her in this way. I really enjoy the opportunity to serve such a woman. Best of luck finding yours!

_____________________________

Proud and devoted collared servant of D~

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 11

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 6:08:48 AM

Drifa

Posts: 547
Joined: 7/27/2007
From: Rural Texas
Status: offline

I would expect that there should be needs met on both sides of the relationship here. If there's not sex, there should be protocol or control or chastity or something going on -- the service sub should be getting his/her needs met too!

To the OP, I would suggest you consider what you intend to provide on your end of the deal. If you're not up for sex, would you be up for some sensation play after the sub is done cleaning house? How about a session of verbal humiliation and foot worship? Etc. Figure out what kinds of kink on the sub's side you would be willing to give them for when they've been good!

In your profile, outline exactly what you want the sub to do, and what exactly you plan to offer in return. Be clear that you have a primary sub who is away, and what the prospective sub can expect in terms of both short-term and long-term submission opportunities.

(in reply to Underumam)

Post #: 12

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 6:37:30 AM

Lucienne

Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
Status: offline

I'm increasingly intrigued by the notion of house boys. I dipped my toe in the waters by doing a journal entry describing an NSA housework scenario. Made it clear that first timers would be held strictly to the NSA standard. Then I did a search for every sub/switch man in a two-state area who listed Housework or NSA Housework as an interest in his profile. And I looked at their profiles. I didn't even contact them directly. Just showed up on their "who's viewing me" page. They all, in turn, looked at my profile. And several of them contacted me. Two of them responded specifically to the housework journal entry. I corresponded with these two, figured one wasn't going to work and have made arrangements with the other to meet after the holidays.

I think the idea of a house boy does have enormous surface appeal in terms of free labor. I know after I did my journal entry I got quite a few funny emails from people saying "hey, if you actually find someone to do that, pass along the name!" For me, it has more to do with the fact that I've long found satisfaction in performing services for others (outside of a BDSM context) and I've reached a point in my life where I feel more comfortable, and I suppose worthy, of having services performed for me. I also love to play with men's asses, so I've got plenty to offer in the kink quid pro quo department, but I'm not stressing or leading with that because I am more interested in men who are genuinely interested in nurturing their attentiveness to detail and mindfulness of the needs of others. I'm also interested in the training aspect, to share what I've learned about service so that others may experience the same sense of satisfaction that I've had.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 13

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 6:49:08 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

I met housebitch when I was in Boca Raton. I can verify that he really has a service-for-erotic-but-nonsexual-humiliation kink. You might find it useful to search his posts, to get a sense of how to "handle" a service sub.

One example:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2631984/mpage_3/key_/tm.htm#2634740

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Lucienne)

Post #: 14

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 7:26:29 AM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Drifa

I would expect that there should be needs met on both sides of the relationship here. If there's not sex, there should be protocol or control or chastity or something going on -- the service sub should be getting his/her needs met too!

To the OP, I would suggest you consider what you intend to provide on your end of the deal. If you're not up for sex, would you be up for some sensation play after the sub is done cleaning house? How about a session of verbal humiliation and foot worship? Etc. Figure out what kinds of kink on the sub's side you would be willing to give them for when they've been good!

In your profile, outline exactly what you want the sub to do, and what exactly you plan to offer in return. Be clear that you have a primary sub who is away, and what the prospective sub can expect in terms of both short-term and long-term submission opportunities.

Maybe I've been spoiled by Tink, since he doesn't ever seem to expect anything in return for his hard work except a smile, a hug, a kiss, or me telling him how much I appreciate him. I don't see the point in a submissive who does work just to be able to lick my boots clean. That completely turns me off and I don't want anyone like that anywhere near my house or myself.

If I were ok with someone who'd accept a paddle after being everything I wanted him to be, I wouldn't be here asking how to attract someone completely opposite! I don't have enough fingers and toes to count how many of those types have contacted me.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to Drifa)

Post #: 15

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 7:30:52 AM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

I met housebitch when I was in Boca Raton. I can verify that he really has a service-for-erotic-but-nonsexual-humiliation kink. You might find it useful to search his posts, to get a sense of how to "handle" a service sub.

One example:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2631984/mpage_3/key_/tm.htm#2634740

I read the first few sentences and all I could think of is 'if you're an honest to goodness SERVICE submissive, the service should be enough for you.' I know one person like that, but unfortunately his service to Miss Military comes first.

I'm not saying people are wrong to want more, but that's not what I'm looking for.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 16

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 7:37:36 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

You might be looking a long time then. The point of that thread -- and others -- is that idealized service subs don't really exist. Everyone needs something back. Your Tink, at the very least, knows he's your primary, and you clearly care about him deeply. It doesn't seem as though you're willing to provide that depth of emotional sustenance to whoever you're looking for now, so you've got less to offer than you did before.

I don't think housebitch will mind my posting that he's had better luck on seekingarrangement.com than on CollarMe, for finding women local to him who are willing to accept a few hours of housework and in return provide five minutes of humiliation. That didn't surprise me at all. To me, this seems a little like the male doms who complain about all the fake female subs who dare to have requirements of their own. In the world of nilla, people understand that there are quid pro quos.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 17

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 7:49:58 AM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

I can't tell you the number of platonic vanilla men friends who have pitched in to help me - and, in some cases, complete strangers - simply because it made them feel good. Yet, as we've seen on these boards, submissive men have no end of justifications for why they ought to get their kink satisfied in return for doing a chore for a woman with whom they supposedly have a relationship.

Venatrix said it best. Maybe I should be looking for an open minded vanilla man, someone who wouldn't be freaked out by the leather and chains in my closet, but is still willing to make me happy and enjoy it for what it is without demanding things in return to keep his 'interest'.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to SomethingCatchy)

Post #: 18

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 7:52:47 AM

Underumam

Posts: 485
Joined: 12/18/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You might be looking a long time then. The point of that thread -- and others -- is that idealized service subs don't really exist. Everyone needs something back. Your Tink, at the very least, knows he's your primary, and you clearly care about him deeply. It doesn't seem as though you're willing to provide that depth of emotional sustenance to whoever you're looking for now, so you've got less to offer than you did before.

I don't think housebitch will mind my posting that he's had better luck on seekingarrangement.com than on CollarMe, for finding women local to him who are willing to accept a few hours of housework and in return provide five minutes of humiliation. That didn't surprise me at all. To me, this seems a little like the male doms who complain about all the fake female subs who dare to have requirements of their own. In the world of nilla, people understand that there are quid pro quos.

I agree with you from my own personal experience. EVERYONE, subs included expect something in return for their efforts. I am a very experienced service type sub, and have had several offers from D's to do "no strings attatched housework" which I promptly refused. Why in the hell would I want to do that? My profile clearly stated(at the time) that I was looking for a relationship. lol.

_____________________________

Proud and devoted collared servant of D~

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 19

RE: How to attract a service submissive - 1/1/2010 8:11:28 AM

SomethingCatchy

Posts: 796
Joined: 7/29/2008
Status: offline

I am a dominant woman. If my personality, my charm, my sense of humor, what I stand for, and the way I am around submissives is not good enough for anyone, that's perfectly fine. I will not compromise my standards and morals to get something half assed.

Before we were an 'item' Tink did things for me, drove three hours one way to visit me on weekends, was always willing to lend a hand even if it meant personal or financial expense to him. If he can come over and help me clean the kitchen or bathroom (I actually remember him coming over to specifically clean my bedroom for me) without EVER once asking for anything in return except my companionship, my sense of humor, who I AM, then there is someone else like that out there.

If I never find that person, that's fine, but I'd like to.

Maybe I should look for religious Eagle Scouts lol The ones I've met (I've met more than one) were exactly the type to always be willing to help out another person without anything in return besides the satisfaction of a job well done.

_____________________________

I believe in Invisible Pink Unicorns

Everyone is gay for Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. Study hard. Be evil.

(in reply to Underumam)

Post #: 20

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