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Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 4:02:54 PM   
Llyren


Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
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I'm feeling the need for a bit of feedback on this.  I honestly don't think I'm going into sub frenzy, but at what point should one discuss meeting in person?   I can understand if the other person is a thousand miles away, that there are meeting in person issues.  But if it's only a hundred miles or so, then I'm thinking if he's comfortable enough to ask me about my nipples, he should be suggesting we get together for coffee or something.   Is it reasonable for me to think that if we're getting into this sort of discussion, then we should be at a point where we will consider meeting in person? 




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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 4:07:37 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Are you both seeking the same thing, i.e. a real-time relationship?  If so, it seems to be appropriate for you to ask to meet in person within a few weeks of talking, especially if you're not that far apart.  It's very hard to get a "true" sense of someone via phone and IM, no matter how much synergy you find there.

If he's pushing back on meeting in person, especially for an extended period of time, it could mean that he doesn't actually intend to meet, or that he's something other than what he portrays to you.  It also could simply mean that he's very busy with work.  Up to you how long you would like to wait and see, but it could be a red flag.

edited to add:  i don't necessarily see this as sub frenzy, unless it is your intent to jump his bones the second you see him.  Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you might want to at least have coffee first. 

Good luck!
julie

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 1/1/2010 4:08:40 PM >

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 4:11:53 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		There was a very good thread recently on whether submissive males experience sub frenzy.  The reason I'm mentioning it here is because there is a very good definition on what frenzy really is.  Link http://www.collarchat.com/m_2972524/tm.htm

What may be a more direct response to your question is, in My opinion, yes.  If he wants to start talking about sexual topics, it might be appropriate to meet face to face. 


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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 4:14:41 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren


I'm feeling the need for a bit of feedback on this.  I honestly don't think I'm going into sub frenzy, but at what point should one discuss meeting in person?   I can understand if the other person is a thousand miles away, that there are meeting in person issues.  But if it's only a hundred miles or so, then I'm thinking if he's comfortable enough to ask me about my nipples, he should be suggesting we get together for coffee or something.   Is it reasonable for me to think that if we're getting into this sort of discussion, then we should be at a point where we will consider meeting in person? 





in personal correspondence i refrain from discussing her body till she hints that it is desired, but somehow it really doesn't do all that much for me, i'm a hands on guy

so meeting to me is preferable, but not till i have an understanding of her motives, but i will say this, often subbies are the one in a hurry

not knowing the length of time here, i can't comment on that

< Message edited by osf -- 1/1/2010 4:15:33 PM >

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 4:26:22 PM   
slaveluci


Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren
I honestly don't think I'm going into sub frenzy, but at what point should one discuss meeting in person?   I can understand if the other person is a thousand miles away, that there are meeting in person issues.  But if it's only a hundred miles or so, then I'm thinking if he's comfortable enough to ask me about my nipples, he should be suggesting we get together for coffee or something.   Is it reasonable for me to think that if we're getting into this sort of discussion, then we should be at a point where we will consider meeting in person? 

You appear to be thinking and speaking very sensibly and logically. This would indicate you have a working brain and are capable of making wise choices of your own accord. Thus, I would TOTALLY agree with the highlighted sentence above. I can count on one or two fingers the number of people here who ever agree with me about "sub frenzy" but I think it's a made-up excuse for choosing to act like a brainless fool on occasion.

I agree with you that it's quite reasonable to meet someone if they're no further away than 100 miles or so, especially if things are getting so personal. You're thinking well. It ain't "frenzy!"

luci

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 4:47:32 PM   
Llyren


Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline
The reason I'm concerned is that we've exchanged a dozen or so cmails over the past two days.  Now we're edging into what kink interests you, and things like that.  To me this says it's time to discuss meeting in person, in a public place for coffee.  I'm not looking for cyber, or to provide casual wank fodder.  But I really, really feel like if there's a connection, then we should discuss extending it.  Otherwise, why continue chatting, if both parties are truly looking to meet someone for a relationship?  Again, I'm not talking about someone who lives in another state, or another country.  But am I being too pushy, even if it's still only in my head?  (and here, of course, since I'm sharing this with all of you)



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I'm not perving. I'm compensating for my myopia. So nyah.


Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

"Character is what you are in the dark."

- Lord John Whorfin

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:00:58 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		you've cmailed for just 2 days?

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all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:01:21 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		If you speak your truth respectfully, you're not being pushy.  In other words, saying "you know i'm really enjoying getting to know you, and i hope i get to meet you soon" is fine.  You're not asking for a specific time to meet, or saying anything beyond the truth.  Then you can see what he says from there.

Being pushy would be him saying "let's meet in two weeks" and instead of you saying "yes Sir (or whatever you call him)" you say "but, but, i want to see you sooner!  i can't wait two weeks!" or something along those lines.  That would be, for me, a bit "sub frenzy-ish."

And if he says "I'm not ready to meet you yet" then you say "Yes Sir" and you wait, and then respectfully ask again in a few days or so.

Does this make sense?  If he gets bent out of shape just for you expressing happiness in getting to know him and hopefully meeting him, then i would question what he would get bent out of shape over once you're actually a couple.  Would make me a little uneasy, for sure. 

***edited to fix a point. 


< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 1/1/2010 5:02:58 PM >

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:07:32 PM   
wykkidesire2plsU


Posts: 90
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline 		OP- i just went through something like this too. If i say let's meet, they say- my you are in a rush. If i chat forever, they turn out to not be real and i should have stuck with let's meet.

For me, if they are local more than a week's worth of chat before talking about meeting is enough. It should progress to phone and then meet for coffee or something pretty soon after that.

Will you wear your halo when you meet? you should, it is cute on you!



Edited to read as my opinion not advice, i am way too new and stumbling around myself to give anyone else advice :). Good luck with it and be safe.

< Message edited by wykkidesire2plsU -- 1/1/2010 5:15:23 PM >

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:07:56 PM   
Dominasola


Posts: 582
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Ottawa, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Llyren

Again, I'm not talking about someone who lives in another state, or another country.  But am I being too pushy, even if it's still only in my head?  (and here, of course, since I'm sharing this with all of you)



If you've brought up your desire to meet him for coffee in a reasonable way, shying away from it would indicate to me that there is something he wants to hide from you.  Especially since his proximity to you would welcome a meet in person. 

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:09:04 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		but 2 days?

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:17:08 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		So if you're ready to meet him in person, then ask him. Otherwise there is no timeline. After only two days you don't know anything about him, he knows nothing about you and I'm going to guess you really have no idea if he's searching for the same things in life that you are.

Just say "hey wanna meet for a coffee?".

His answer will probably tell you if he's just looking for wank fodder.

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:40:15 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		I don't see anything wrong in desiring a meet after 2 days - hell why not as long as its safe and public. i tend to like moving out from behind the pc and into reality pretty fast as no matter how much "spark" there is pc to pc I prefer to find out if that is there rl before I get too far in.

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:42:15 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		if you want to treat it as eharmeny, ok i guess

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to amaidiamond)
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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:45:37 PM   
Dominasola


Posts: 582
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Ottawa, Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

if you want to treat it as eharmeny, ok i guess


Once upon a time, meeting face to face was generally the first interaction two people engaged in.  But shh.  Don't tell anyone.

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:48:40 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		with the people on here, i don't know , i just have qualms about it

i prefer a few phone calls at least

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:52:25 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osf

with the people on here, i don't know , i just have qualms about it

i prefer a few phone calls at least


What's the worst that can happen?
They meet for coffee. One of them doesn't find the other desireable.
They drink their coffee, say goodbye and move on their merry ways.

The best that can happen?
They meet, they find each other desireable.
They continue to see each other and they are on their merry way together.

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:53:12 PM   
wykkidesire2plsU


Posts: 90
Joined: 12/9/2009
Status: offline
quote:

Once upon a time, meeting face to face was generally the first interaction two people engaged in. But shh. Don't tell anyone.


See that is how i thought of it. i meet new people all the time in real life at work, at events, it is no big deal.

i have had better luck talking briefly and then meeting than i have chatting for two and three weeks.

The only thing i want to add is after reading all the boards and getting good advice from alot of nice people, im definitely more cognizant of safe meetings now.

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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 5:57:10 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		i can think of and heard of worse

one of the other can have their feelings hurt because they expected more to come of it

you don't really have a feel for the others character

often in cases like this it's the woman that rushes things, i know an unpopular concept but i have been there, and he is at a loss

and just who the hell are you meeting

and i know people used to meet face to face but there wasn't the undertone that we have when meeting

i don't know , i guess it's all called qualms

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to littlewonder)
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RE: Sub Frenzy? - 1/1/2010 6:03:17 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		uumm..it's meeting for a coffee <confused as hell as to how it becomes more than that with people>
If you're feelings are getting  hurt from simply drinking coffee...I dunno..seriously..maybe there's something more you should be looking into than meeting people for coffee.


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